


Hero Worship - Peace

by KabiViolet



Series: Elizabeth Shepard [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: And then some fluff so you don't hate me too much, Angst, Comfort, Destroy Ending, Drama, Dream Sequences, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt, Love, M/M, Maybe a little more angst, More angst, Parenthood, Relationship Issues, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:56:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 124,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KabiViolet/pseuds/KabiViolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The relationship between Commander Elizabeth Shepard and Garrus Vakarian continues over time, distance, and space in a post-war story.</p><p>Post-Destroy ending, Shepard and Garrus have to find a way back to one another so they can finally have their "happily ever after". With the races of the galaxy united and the Reapers destroyed, all is well with the galaxy.</p><p>Or is it?....</p><p> </p><p>Part 4 - A post-war fix-it</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Digging the Wrong Way

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of "Hero Worship - Beginnings", "Hero Worship - Resurrection", and "Hero Worship - Destiny" in the Elizabeth Shepard Series.
> 
> Much of the story can stand alone, but some of the plot will be better understood if you have read the previous parts as they fill in much of the backstory for all characters involved. 
> 
> Speaking of characters, they belong to Bioware as well as the playground in which they live. 
> 
> Enjoy! And thanks for reading!

“Dammit, Shepard! Where are you?!”

She had no voice. Each breath she took felt like she was swallowing fire. She couldn’t take in enough air to call out to the voices she heard shouting her name.

“I know she’s here somewhere. I can smell her.”

 _Thank the Spirits for you, Wrex_ , was the first thought in Shepard’s mind as she again gasped for air, making another failed attempt at a yell.

“You can smell her through all this…this….stench?”

 _Miranda’s voice?_ , Shepard wondered. That thought was quickly followed by another. _Where am I?_

She still couldn’t see. Whatever had happened to her after the Crucible fired, after the red tube had exploded in her face, had either damaged her eyesight or blasted her to some pitch-black part of the Citadel. She wasn’t sure which, but it didn’t really matter. Either way, she was in the dark.

The voices were far away, but not so far away that she couldn’t understand them. They were…beneath her. Wherever her friends were, she was a level above them.

“Of course I can,” Wrex said in the distance, but Shepard could swear the voices were getting closer. “It helps that she reeks of Garrus. That’s how I know it’s her.”

If it didn’t hurt so much to breathe, Shepard would have laughed.

“Well, everyone spread out. She has to be here somewhere.” Miranda was clearly in charge of whatever operation was assigned to finding her body.

Pain was still the number one thought in Shepard’s mind, however. Extreme pain in every part of her body. She stopped and willed herself to put the pain aside. She had to find a way to let her friends know where she was. She had to get out of here.

 

 _“There’s too much for you to live for, Lizzie Baby. Go back. Find Garrus. Be happy._ Live _!”_

 

Some of her father’s last words to her before she woke up in her current predicament. Live – and she fully intended to do so.

Eve’s crystal was still tightly gripped between her fingers. She remembered the conversation when the krogan female had given her the small, sharp rock.

 

_“You’re locked in a cave for seven days with just enough food to last,” Eve said as she explained the rite she underwent to become a shaman. “On the eighth, you’ll starve.”_

_“What does that prove?” Shepard had asked._

_“Your resolve,” Eve said resolutely. “Every acolyte is given a chance: you either claw your way out through the rock with your bare hands, or you die.”_

_“How did you make it out alive?”_

_“I started digging the wrong way.”_

_Shepard had raised her eyebrows in surprise. Eve explained, “I was in complete darkness. Nothing other than my own heartbeat to sustain me.”_

_“What happened?”_

_“I found this.” The krogan female handed Shepard a small, but surprisingly sharp crystal. “A simple crystal. But it became my chisel.”_

_Shepard had gripped the crystal tightly in her palm and met Eve’s gaze._

_“Take it as a reminder, Commander. In the darkest hour, there is always a way out.”_

_A way out. There is always a way out_ , Shepard chanted to herself.

She felt around her in the darkness with her good arm. She was completely surrounded by heavy metal objects. She attempted to push up against one of them, but to no avail. Whatever had her crushed beneath its weight was entirely too large for her to move by herself and in her present condition.

Shepard began to lose hope. How was she going to get out of here? Fear gripped her heart as she wracked her brain for a solution to her predicament. Panic set in when she thought about how close the metal objects around her were, and the air that already burned her lungs suddenly became suffocating in the confined space.

“Shepard!” She heard Wrex calling for her again and tried to take a deep breath. That only resulted in a dry coughing fit that lanced the sensitive skin of her windpipe yet again.

But Wrex’s shout jolted her mind back to Eve and the small crystal she held in her hand.

 

_“I started digging the wrong way.”_

 

Suddenly, Shepard had an idea. 

Eyes wide in the darkness, she felt underneath and behind her body with trembling hands. She didn’t find another heavy metal object there. She felt rocks. No, not rocks…crushed pieces of rubble that had crumbled in the explosion from the red tube.

 

_“A simple crystal. But it became my chisel.”_

 

Heart pounding against her chest, Shepard grunted with pain as she reached behind with her good arm. With all her might, she scraped along the surface of the collapsing rocks.

To her relief, some of them moved, crumbling further beneath the sharp point of Eve's crystal.

But it wasn’t enough.

The pain was agonizing. Her arm was twisted beneath her in a way that would be difficult without all of her other injuries, but she knew that she had no other choice. She wasn’t sure she had much time left before her wounds bled out and it would be too late to rescue her.

Stroke after agonizing stroke, she chipped away at the material that supported her.

At last, she felt a gap beneath her fingers. It was a small hole, but it was a hole, nonetheless.

She closed her eyes and dropped the crystal through the hole. She heard it clink against a metal surface below her and she held her breath, hoping it was enough.

“Did you hear that?” Miranda said.

“It came from over there!” said a voice with an accent that sounded somehow familiar…

“Wrex, over here!” Miranda cried.

She heard them running toward her position, but for some reason, they were calling for her. They still couldn’t find her.

She had to do more.

Carefully, she positioned her hand just above the hole she had chiseled in the weak and disintegrating material.

In her mind’s eye, she summoned an image of Garrus, his blue eyes smiling at her. Next to him, she placed a vision of her father, his green eyes holding her up. The simple picture gave her strength. She could only hope it was enough strength to do what she needed to do.

Taking one more deep, painful breath, she concentrated with all her might and summoned what biotic ability she could. With all the power she could muster, she let out her breath and pushed down, letting her body collapse against her hand.

It was the worst pain she had felt yet. Her entire body was shaking and she was sure her lungs would collapse. Every bone in her body felt broken now.

More fire filled her lungs when light flooded into her eyes as she fell to the surface below.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“Your leg is completely healed. You can walk on it freely now.”

Garrus looked down at his leg in his civvies and then looked up at Dr. Chakwas. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“Of course, Garrus. Just doing my job.” She smiled at him.

“No. Thank you for…everything.”

The doctor’s smile faded and she nodded at him sadly.

“You know what else would be good for you, Garrus?” she said. He shook his head. “Get outside the ship for a few minutes. The sun here is warm and the air is breathable. Most of the crew has actually taken quite a liking to our _temporary_ home.”

He heard the emphasis Chakwas put on the word temporary and he grunted. Garrus knew she had said that on purpose to reassure him that she believed they would be on their way back to Earth soon.

He could only hope she was right.

“Most of the crew?” he asked as he stood up from the bed and stretched his leg.

“There are a few who…haven’t wanted to leave the ship. Much like you.”

Garrus had an idea who Chakwas meant, but he didn’t ask. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that, Doctor.”

“I think it would do you some good.” She turned her back on him and walked toward her normal seat at the computer. “And…you might take Joker outside with you. He’s barely left the pilot seat since … we crashed.”

 _I was right_ , he thought. _Joker and me…What’s the human saying? Two peas in a pod._

Garrus nodded and left the medbay on his own two feet for the first time since the attack on Earth. He had been lucky. His leg hadn’t actually broken, but it had been badly injured. Chakwas had been able to patch him up quickly since he was so willing to be sedated and rest while it healed. The muscles were still sore, but it felt good to be walking again.

He found himself standing next to the pilot’s chair before he knew it, his thoughts had distracted him all along the way.

“Joker.”

“Garrus. Good to see you up, big guy.” Joker’s usual lilting tone was muted and Garrus’s heart ached for him.

Garrus still had hope that his love was alive and out there somewhere.  Joker’s hope was gone.

“I hear you haven’t been out much,” Garrus said as he leaned against the chair.

“Don’t have anywhere to go until this ship is ready for sailing.”

Garrus cleared his throat. He wasn’t very good at this. This was always Shepard’s job – making rounds, checking on the crew, dealing with personal and emotional issues.

It had only been two days since they fled Earth, but he missed Shepard more than ever before. He could never take her place. He wasn’t even sure what to do without her.

“I’ve been told we landed in a tropical paradise,” he finally said, trying to hide the waver in his voice.

“I heard the same thing,” Joker muttered.

“I thought maybe we could both see if the masses are right.” Garrus said, looking up at the windows and noticing for the first time that Joker had closed the shutters.

The pilot spun around in his chair and studied Garrus. The two men’s eyes met and in that moment, Garrus knew they shared the same pain. Garrus longed for Shepard and Joker longed for EDI. Both of them parted from the women they loved and both of them not sure how to deal with the loss.

He could tell that Joker was ready to shoot him down, but when they shared glances, Garrus saw something change in Joker’s face.

“Yeah, alright,” he said quietly, pulling himself out of the chair and hobbling next to Garrus as they made their way to the airlock. Both of them avoided the sympathetic stares of different members of the crew as they looked up from the repairs they were making to the CIC. Joker avoided their eyes by looking down. Garrus avoided them by watching Joker.

The glare from outside was brighter than Garrus expected. He had almost forgotten how dark the lighting on the Normandy was. He watched as Joker took a tentative step outside the ship and looked around him. Garrus followed a few seconds later and the two men stood and looked over their new surroundings.

The scene was truly beautiful. The land was lush and green, teeming with wildlife. Garrus watched as a pair of birds flew overhead. He knew that the Normandy’s navigational systems were still damaged and they didn’t know where they were, but judging by the size of the orbs in the sky, he guessed they were actually on a moon and not a planet.

“Not bad, Joker,” Garrus said with a small smile. The pilot tossed him a wry glance. “If we were going to crash land somewhere,” Garrus explained, “I’m glad it’s someplace beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Joker shrugged. “I guess it could be worse.”

Garrus clapped the pilot on the shoulder and headed back inside the ship.

“You can stay out here as long as you like, Joker,” Garrus said just before he ducked under the airlock frame.

“Garrus, wait,” Joker said and took two steps toward him. Garrus turned to look at the other man and raised his browplates. “Give me something to do. Anything. Please.”

Garrus’s face softened. He knew exactly how the man felt.

He answered the request quickly.

“Help Tali get the navigational systems online ASAP. We need to know where we are.”

“Right. I can do that.” Joker almost smiled as he nodded and walked past Garrus on his way back inside the ship.

 _Now if only someone could give me something to do. It’s not like I can calibrate the damn gun right now._ With a sigh, Garrus shut the door to the airlock.

 _What would Shepard do?_ , he thought. He walked toward the elevator and saw Traynor shoot him a sad smile as he passed. The look on the comm specialist’s face had given him the answer to his question.

_She would check on the crew._

With a sigh, he straightened his shoulders and changed course, heading for Traynor instead of the elevator.

 _There’s no use hiding from it_ , he scolded himself. _Time to start acting like the Captain of the Normandy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning that this will story will build slowly. Happy feelies will come, but those of you who have read my other pieces know how fond I am of angst. Hopefully my helpful tags and this note will be sufficient as a full disclaimer for the angstiness (Yes, it's a word, I just made it up) of this fic. 
> 
> But there will be happy fluff cake eventually. I do love the happy fluff cake. With sprinkles. Rainbow sprinkles.


	2. From a Memory

Making rounds was so much more exhausting than Garrus had anticipated, and not for the reason he might have expected. He had expected rounds to be difficult, anticipated the emotional backlash of crewmembers suffering from the trauma of leaving Earth and fear and trepidation over their current predicament. What he hadn’t expected was that each member of the crew was more worried about him than they were about themselves. With every new conversation, he had to face down the sad looks and painful questions about how he was holding up, the shoulder claps and platitudes that sounded the same from everyone – even from those he was closest to like Liara and Tali.

It had taken him two standard hours, but the ordeal was finally finished. He had visited with every member of the Normandy’s crew. Well…every member but one. Garrus wasn’t ready to face Kaidan yet, but that time would come. Until then, he had another difficult task before him – one he was dreading even more than rounds.

Sleep.

His leg may be healed, but he could tell that Chakwas had souped him up on some strong pain medication. His body was physically and emotionally exhausted, and Garrus knew he needed to rest. The problem was _where_ he was going to rest. No place existed on the ship where Garrus could lay down without thoughts of Shepard. He thought of sleeping in the crew quarters on a spare bed, but he didn’t want to be surrounded by that many people, let alone that many sad glances, every time he entered the room. The Main Battery was also an option, but the combination of memories and one very uncomfortable cot near his workbench made Garrus’s heart ache.

The only option left was Shepard’s cabin – _their_ cabin. The room had perhaps more memories than any other place on the ship, but the bed was definitely comfortable and would allow him to rest. Or would it? Would he be able to enter that room that had been their private heaven without his Lizzie and do anything more than think of the empty space next to him in their bed?

The elevator doors opened to the loft faster than he would have expected.

But he couldn’t move. He stood there outside the door, staring at the green-lit panel, his breath caught in his chest.

After several minutes, his leg started to hurt. He either had to enter the cabin and sit to relieve his injured leg or head back down in the elevator to find another place to rest. Garrus still hoped to avoid making contact with the rest of the crew as much as possible, so he opted for the first option and pressed his hand to the panel.

The door slid open with a familiar hiss and Garrus stepped inside.

Everything was as it should be. Nothing had moved. Well…not much had moved anyway. The crash had clearly jostled a few of Shepard’s belongings, a few of his as well. His hands trembled as he walked past the bathroom door and straightened out a few loose items on the desk. A datapad here. A stray hairband there. Miraculously, Shepard’s impressive collection of model ships remained intact. Everything was just as he was used to seeing it – as if Shepard had never left. He half expected her to come charging out of the bathroom, towel-drying her hair and smiling at him as she always did when he caught her after a shower.

But she didn’t come. She wasn’t there.

Garrus moved slowly down the stairs and took stock of the remaining displaced items. Without thinking, he straightened up the few belongings she kept on the second desk and the coffee table. Painstakingly, he moved to the bed and reached the clock she kept on her bedside table. It had fallen to the floor but was unharmed. As he bent down to pick it up, something else caught his eye. Something he hadn’t thought about for a long time.

A small, green, metal box had slid out from underneath the bed. He had seen the box before. Shepard had even divulged its contents to him. In it, she kept some of her most prized possessions – letters from people important to her and real, printed pictures of those people.

 

_“Ok, well, I’m a sentimental sap, I guess,” she had told him. “I keep this box of real printouts of stuff – messages, pictures and the like. People would probably think I’m weird, but I don’t know…something about holding a picture or the words of someone you love in your hands – it’s different from a digital image somehow.”_

 

In a swift, decisive motion, Garrus grabbed the box and sat on the edge of the bed. He knew what he would find when he opened it. He wasn’t sure he was ready to look inside of it yet – the separation from Lizzie and his fear of what had happened to her was still too fresh, too raw. But something in him couldn’t resist a peek.

When he did open the box, he didn’t find what he expected. Shepard had added to the box’s contents since the last time she had shown him what was inside.

The first item on top of all the papers in the box was a picture of him – Garrus Vakarian – in his C-Sec uniform.

He almost laughed. He looked so young – young and naïve. He had no idea where she had found this picture of him, but he was definitely surprised that she had added this to her box of precious things.

No, surprised was the wrong word. Humbled? If his picture was on top of the pile, it was clearly the most recent addition, but humbled wasn’t quite the right description of his current state either. Whatever it was he was feeling, it brought a warmth back into his chest he hadn’t felt since the ramp door had closed and he had taken his last look at Shepard as she ran for the beam.

Garrus closed his eyes and winced at the memory.

 _Don’t think like that_ , he thought. _She’s alive. She has to be. I will find her…_

He put the picture in his hand to the side and looked at what was next. Garrus’s browplates rose when he found it was another picture of him. This time a snapshot from the party they held in Shepard’s apartment. He was dancing and laughing at something Tali was saying. Shepard must have snapped the shot on her omni-tool while she was doing her own horrible dance nearby, and he must have been laughing at her strange swaying too much to notice.

 

_“Has she always been like this?” Traynor asked._

_Tali defended her friend. “Shepard is saving the galaxy. You have to forgive a few…eccentricities.”_

_“It’s….very enthusiastic,” Traynor concluded._

_“It is impressive,” Samara added._

_“Hey! That’s my girlfriend you’re…” Garrus burst into laughter. “Ah, damn it, almost kept it straight. What_ is _she doing with her arms?”_

 

He smiled as he put the picture down and reached for the next piece of paper in the box. The third item he found was a print out of the group picture from the apartment party. There they all were – Tali, Vega, Joker, Kasumi, Zaeed, Jacob, Liara…

EDI…

And Shepard…There she was, her arm around his shoulder, looking into his face and smiling. He was staring back at her. He hadn’t really noticed at the time that he missed the shot – he had been too busy enjoying the view of those green eyes staring back at him.

Garrus looked back in the green box and, to his surprise, found that the next picture was almost the same photo. It wasn’t exactly the same, however. It was clearly the same shot from the party, but this version was cropped and zoomed. The picture he held in his hand was a close up view of Shepard sitting next to him on the couch, their eyes locked on each other with matching, happy grins.

He couldn’t look in the box anymore. In his hands, he held the proof of how much Lizzie Shepard loved him. She had added at least four items to her collection of keepsakes that revolved around him and their relationship. This last picture cut him to the core. He felt his heart beat harder with fear – not knowing where she was and if she was safe was a sting he felt physically, not just emotionally. But as he held this photo of the two of them together – perhaps the only photo of its kind in existence – he felt an odd sort of peace. A calm that came with the knowledge that the woman he loved, no matter where she was, loved him back.

Gently, he replaced the pictures he had removed from the green box and put the box back under the bed. He kept the close-up out, however, and positioned it on the bedside table near where he sat. On _his_ bedside table. _His_ side of _their_ bed.

He dispensed of his clothes quickly and dimmed the lights in the room. Crawling under the sheets, he rolled onto his side and let his eyes rest on the picture propped up next to him.

Lizzie Shepard was smiling at him.

Garrus smiled back.

With the soft glow of the fishtank lighting the picture in front of him, he felt his eyes grow heavy. The last image they saw was the green of his Lizzie’s eyes beaming at him from a memory.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

The fire had grown to a full-blown conflagration in her lungs. She could feel her pulse through the blood leaking out her side wound. A sharp pain jetted down both her legs. She was sure she had shattered any unbroken bones in her left arm if the throbbing pain there was any indication of its condition.

Shepard wasn’t sure she could take anymore.

The light had blinded her again, her eyes unadjusted to even the soft reddish-orange that had invaded her senses when she fell.

“My God! She’s alive!”

That voice again. That accent. How did she know that voice?

“Miranda! Move with that medi-gel. We’ve got to get her out of here quick!”

She heard feet running toward her, hands groping her. She winced and hissed as someone found the wound in her side.

“She’s injured badly. Stand back everyone! Let me help her!”

 _You put me back together once, Miranda_ , Shepard thought. _Let’s see if you can do it again._

She felt the cool of the medi-gel on her ribs and face. The fire on her chest and skin slowly started to dissipate as Miranda’s hands took control.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she tried to open her eyes.

When she did, she saw blue.

Light blue eyes. They floated above her, staring at her with a worried expression.

“Garrus?...” she whispered. The blaze in her lungs exploded again. A hacking cough overtook her and she felt herself double over.

“Shhh…Commander,” Miranda said somewhere near her. “We’ve got you. Try not to talk, but hold on. Just hold on.”

 _Hold on_ , she thought, eyes rolling back in her head as Miranda jabbed her with a sedative.

_Garrus is here. I can hold on…_


	3. Am I Alive or Am I Dreaming?

_“You did it.”_

Not the forest again, _she thought._ Why am I always dreaming about the fucking forest?

_But as she looked at her surroundings more closely, she realized this was not the Nightmare Forest. This was the forest where she had met Ashley – the one that was still alive with trees and birds and light._

_“Not even going to say hi?” The voice came again._

_Shepard spun around, looking for the source of the voice._

_“I don’t know where you are,” she said, confused._

_“Where I was the last time, Skipper.”_

By the sea?

_Shepard took a deep breath. She could smell it – the sea. She turned in the direction of the smell and a confirming breeze whistled past her ears._

_She pressed past the dense foliage, stumbling once or twice, but eventually she saw who she was looking for._

_“Ash,” she whispered._

_Ashley turned away from the picturesque view of the ocean beyond and smiled at Shepard as she approached._

_“I knew you could do it,” her former gunnery chief said._

_Shepard leaned her shoulder nonchalantly against the tree next to Ashley and grunted._

_“It would have been better if you were there to see it,” she mumbled._

_“Maybe. Maybe not. If I hadn’t done what_ I _did, who knows if you would have made it as far as_ you _did,” Ashley uncrossed her arms and leaned her head back against her own tree. “I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again. Stop marginalizing my sacrifice by saying you wish it hadn’t happened. I gave my life willingly so you could go on and do what had to be done. I would do it again if I could.”_

_Shepard was silent for a while. She didn’t mean to sideline Ashley’s sacrifice, or Thane’s, or Mordin’s – she simply wished she could have stopped the Reapers without losing her friends._

_“So you did it,” Ashley finally broke the silence._

_“I guess so,” she said. “I don’t really know. I haven’t been truly awake since it all happened. I’m not really sure what I did when I –Wait, I am alive right now, right?”_

_Ashley nodded. “Yeah, you’re alive, Skipper. That Miranda Lawson is pretty smart. She’s got you all hooked up to machines and is working on repairing the damage done to your cybernetics when the Crucible fired. You’re pretty lucky to have her around.”_

_“I don’t know that ‘luck’ is the word I would use for that.”_

_“Either way, she’s taking good care of you.”_

_“How do you know all of this anyway?”_

_“I’m part of your subconscious, remember? A vision you created to inform your conscious mind about all the stimuli that your senses take in, even if you’re not awake to know what’s going on. Although, thanks for making me look this good, Shep. Nice to know you remember me this way.”_

_“Uh…you’re welcome, I guess.”_

_The sun was setting over the ocean. Shepard’s heart sank when she remembered what that meant._

_“You still have to go when the sun is gone?” she asked, quietly._

_“Afraid so, Skipper,” Ashley sighed._

_“Will I get to see you again?”_

_“Probably. It’s your fucked up head, Shepard.”_

_“You can say that again.”_

_“It’s your fucked up –“_

_“Ash…”_

_“What?”_

_Shepard just smiled and shook her head, a small laugh escaping her lips._

_“So what happens now?” she asked._

_“You rest. Get healed up. And go back to kicking ass,” Ashley turned to face her as the last few lights glimmered over the ocean’s surface._

_“Whose ass do I have to kick? I thought I already took care of that.”_

_She had meant it as a joke, but her heart nearly stopped when Ashley’s eyes suddenly went wide in a panic. Shepard responded by standing up straight and grabbing her friend by the shoulders._

_“Don’t leave me yet, Ash. What’s wrong? What do I still have to do?”_

_The sun had disappeared below the horizon._

_“You’re not finished yet, Shepard. You’re not fini –“_

“She’s not finished yet!”

Her eyes flew open. Her ears were ringing with Ashley’s last words as she stared at the dim whiteness of the ceiling above her.

_Where am I?_

She struggled to sit up but felt strong hands push her back down onto a soft pillow.

“She’s not finished yet! Get Lawson in here now!”

That voice sounded familiar. Her eyes were unfocused, struggling to latch on to anything familiar in the haze that filled her field of vision.

A dark figure stood above her, holding her shoulders down on the bed. She knew that shape. She knew the slope of those shoulders. She knew those eyes.

“Anderson?” she gasped. The fire in her lungs was still there but it was weaker, less painful. She could breathe at least. “But you’re – you were…I shot –“

“Shepard, don’t talk. Try to relax.” Anderson’s voice, trying to soothe her.

_How is this possible?_

Her whole world was spinning.

“Where the hell is Lawson? I called for her five minutes ago and now Shepard’s waking up!” Anderson sounded angry.

_Don’t be angry, Anderson. I’m fine. I’m here. I’m fine…And you’re here. I must still be dreaming…_

“I’m here. How did she wake up? Did someone try to move her?” Miranda’s strong accent was at her other side now. Shepard’s eyes lidded with exhaustion as she felt something cold enter her arm.

_No. Please don’t put me under again. I need to know what’s going on. Anderson…please…_

She struggled to make out the words exchanged between Miranda and the vision of Anderson, but it was too difficult. Her brain was too fuzzy – nothing made sense.

_Am I alive or am I dreaming?_

“Shepard, everything’s ok.” A new voice – a different, softer voice came close to her ear just before she drifted off again. “Earth is safe. The Reapers are gone.”

 _Who is that?_ Her sleep-muddled brain tried to make sense of the rumbling in her ear, the thick accent so strange yet familiar. _How do I know you?_

“Please rest,” the voice pleaded. “We will wake you when you are healed. But you _have_ to rest – the galaxy still needs you.”

She gave in to the entreating tones of the mystery person beside her. Her last conscious feeling before giving into the sedative flowing through her veins was a strong, calloused hand gripping her own.

And just before all went dark, she thought she heard the unknown voice whisper.

_“I need you…”_

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“It opens,” he called over his shoulder.

Garrus straightened a little more in his seat as he heard the door slide open behind him. He had been dreading this conversation, but he could put it off no longer.

He spun around in Shepard’s chair, placed the datapad in his hand on the desk and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Kaidan,” he said, trying to hold back his subvocals as much as possible. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” Kaidan nodded and stood tall, his hands clasped behind his back. “I’m here to do whatever you need, sir.”

Garrus sighed and stood up, pressing two fingers to either side of his nose and closing his eyes.

“Kaidan, there’s no need to be so formal right now. I didn’t ask you here to –“ Garrus dropped his hand and looked into the eyes of the man in front of him. “Why don’t we both have a seat?”

He motioned to the couch and chairs in the lower level of the loft and Kaidan nodded. Garrus followed the Major down the steps and took a seat in a chair opposite him, his hands placed carefully on his thighs as he prepared to give the speech he had been practicing all morning.

But nothing came out as both Kaidan and Garrus sat in Shepard’s cabin, the fish in the tank oblivious to the tension in the room. Garrus didn’t miss how Kaidan’s eyes softened when the Major noticed the picture on Garrus’s bedside table.

“Please, Garrus,” Kaidan finally said, shuffling uncomfortably in his seat. “I really need to say something. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for –“

“No, Kaidan,” Garrus raised his hand to stop the apology from going further. “You don’t need to apologize. You did the right thing and if our roles had been reversed, I would have done the same. I should apologize to you. I let my emotions control my actions and you kept a level head. That’s the mark of a good soldier – one of the best. I respect you for that and I’m thankful that you made the choice I could not.”

Garrus didn’t believe a word of what he said, but he hoped Kaidan did. If they had any chance of getting the Normandy fixed and back to Earth, he needed to unite the team – like Shepard always did. A team united could do so much more than a team divided. He studied Kaidan closely and watched as the human’s demeanor completely changed.

 _I learned how to give speeches from the best_ , he chuckled inwardly and grinned.

“Can we put what happened behind us?” Garrus concluded. “We have a long road ahead of us if we are going to find a way back to Earth. We need to work together, and you are a part of this team.”

“Definitely,” Kaidan nodded enthusiastically. “I’m ready to work, just tell me what you need me to do.”

Garrus had to give the man credit. Kaidan Alenko was nothing if not a model soldier. In some ways, he was a better soldier than Garrus had ever been. He would never have pegged himself as the type to let his emotions get in the way of his work, but his relationship with Shepard and the disaster with Sidonis had showed him that even he, Garrus Vakarian, was vulnerable to pains of the heart. Kaidan’s only fault seemed to be a staunch and unwavering faith in and loyalty to the Alliance and his place within it. Garrus couldn’t fault him for that.

“I’m making you my second in command, Alenko,” Garrus said in a quick breath. “I hope you are willing to serve in that capacity. I need your knowledge and experience to help me get this ship back together. We are going to repair this bird and get back to Earth as quickly as possible.”

“I’d be honored, Garrus,” Kaidan said. “I’ve already been checking with the different departments of the Normandy. Everyone is doing what they can to repair the damage done by the crash. Tali has been working almost non-stop – as a matter of fact, if you can convince her to take a break, that would be a very good thing. I think she and Joker are close to getting the navigational systems back online. In her spare moments, she’s been trying to help Adams repair the damage done to the propulsion systems by Joker’s dash out of the Sol system."

Kaidan stood up and began to pace while Garrus watched. “Dr. Chakwas has taken full inventory of our medical supplies and scoured our new surroundings for local remedies so we can keep our limited supply of medi-gel as maxed out as possible. As for weapons – well, I could really use your help figuring out what our priorities are there, Garrus. You’re just as much an expert as I am. Together, I think we can make sure the ship is fully defensible for however long we are stuck here.”

Garrus nodded and listened as Kaidan gave him a full accounting of what he had been doing over the last three days. It was a little overwhelming and Garrus felt embarrassed that all he had done since fleeing Earth was lick his wounds.

It appeared that Kaidan was nearing the end of his report. He sat back down on the couch opposite Garrus and waited for his response.

“I’d be happy to give the weapons systems a look. I doubt we’ll have great need for the Thanix anytime soon, but we should definitely make sure we are prepared for whatever might happen,” Garrus stood up to signal that their time was at an end. Kaidan followed suit. “Shall I meet you down in the cargo hold at say…1300 hours?”

Alenko nodded and extended his hand, which Garrus took firmly in his own. The two men exchanged a wordless handshake and Kaidan turned to leave. Garrus turned in the opposite direction and began reaching for a discarded datapad on the desk.

“Hey, Garrus,” Kaidan said just before he reached the door, tentatively looking back down the stairs. “There’s uh…one more thing.”

“What’s that, Kaidan?”

“The crew…” he began, eyes darting to the side. “They want to hold a memorial for Shepard and Anderson. Nothing fancy, just…say a few words and add their names to the wall. Several of the crewmembers have asked me, but I told them it had to be cleared by you.”

Garrus’s mandibles pulled tight against his face. _They want to hold a memorial for Shepard?_ , he thought, trying to stifle the anger that rose in his throat. _We’ve only been gone three days. Do so many of them believe she is dead?_

He voiced his last concern out loud.

“We don’t even know that she’s dead,” he said, jaw clenched.

“I know that,” Kaidan added quickly. Perhaps a little too quickly. “And most of the crew wants to believe that she’s alive back on Earth. It’s just that….everyone respects her and misses her so much. I – I think they want to remember her, because it gives them hope that we can get out of this even if she’s not here – even without her here to lead us.”

Now that was something Garrus could agree with. He wasn’t entirely sure that Kaidan was telling him the truth. He got the feeling the human was hiding the crew’s true motivations so Garrus would agree to the service and let the crew have their moment, regardless of their reasons.

 _Smart move_ , _Alenko_ , he thought. _Very smart move._

Finally, Garrus let out a slow breath and said, “I’ll think about it.”

“Thanks, Garrus. I’ll see you in the cargo hold after the lunch hour.”

“See you then.”

Garrus sunk back down into his chair after the door slid shut. Leaning forward, he placed his head in his hands and breathed deeply.

 _A memorial?_ _Can I handle something like that? Do I even want to try?_

Sitting back up, he looked over at the picture of him with Shepard next to the bed. He walked toward it and picked it up gingerly with one gloved hand, careful not to bend the flimsy paper. His chest heaved with emotion as he stared at the lines and colors of the photo that was emblazoned in his memory, even when he wasn’t looking at it.

He couldn’t sit here in mourning forever. He needed to get himself out of this funk and move forward.

With new determination, he replaced the picture and strode quickly out of the quarters. He punched the button for the cargo hold and crossed his arms, impatiently tapping his foot as the elevator trudged downward.

When the door slid open, Garrus stepped forward and surveyed the cargo hold. There was Vega, attempting to repair a breach in the Normandy’s hull that had been smashed during the crash. The hulking marine looked up from his odd perch on the floor and raised his free arm in an awkward and surprised salute. Garrus returned the gesture, but Vega wasn’t who he was looking for. Turning to the right, he craned his neck at the sound of voices near the Kodiak. What he saw was unexpected.

There was Cortez standing with Kaidan, the latter leaning in close as the shuttle pilot wrapped his arms around him. Garrus couldn’t hear the exact words being spoken, but he could tell that Cortez was comforting the Major as best he could.

Garrus’s mandibles spread wide in surprise. _Well, that’s a new development_ , he thought and cleared his throat, not wanting to make his intrusion on the moment any more awkward than it already was.

“Officer Vakarian,” Cortez said, straightening up quickly and releasing Kaidan from his grasp. “It’s good to see you moving around again, sir.”

“It’s good to be walking again,” Garrus nodded at the two men. “Could you give us a moment, Cortez? I need to discuss something briefly with Major Alenko.”

“Of course. I’ll go help Vega with his repairs.” The shuttle pilot turned briefly to Kaidan and gave him a soft look. “That’s where I’ll be when you’re done here.”

Kaidan nodded at Cortez and turned his full attention to Garrus as soon as the pilot was out of earshot.

“Garrus. Sorry, I – I didn’t expect to see you again until later,” Kaidan said nervously.

“I know, Kaidan, and I’m sorry to, uh, interrupt. I simply made a decision about – well, about what we talked about earlier.” Kaidan’s eyebrows rose as Garrus continued. “I wanted to tell you so you could get the crew together after the dinner hour. I think a memorial would be a good idea. Hopefully it will help us band back together and raise some morale – we could all use a little of that, even me.”

Kaidan smiled gratefully and his shoulders relaxed. “I can do that. Shall we say 1900 hours?”

“That’s fine. We’ll meet by the Memorial Wall.”

Garrus spun on his heel and headed back to the elevator.

“Garrus, wait!” Kaidan called after him. Garrus turned to see Kaidan jogging behind him to catch up. “Thank you. I know this is hard for you. It’s hard on all of us, but especially for you. Thank you for doing this.”

Garrus could say nothing for fear his emotions would betray him, so he simply clapped the Major on the shoulder and turned back to the elevator without a word.


	4. Do Your Duty

It was quiet.

Garrus wasn’t sure what he had expected from this memorial exactly, but silence definitely wasn’t it.

After the dinner hour, he had retreated to his quarters, struggling to focus on reports from all the different departments of the Normandy, finding small amounts of hope and comfort in the progress that the crew was making in its repairs. Garrus was truly impressed with everyone’s work – it was clear that every person on the Normandy was hand-picked by the Alliance to serve on that ship because they were truly the best at what they did. In fact, Garrus felt mildly inferior to all the experts around him. He was good with a sniper rifle and calibrating really big guns, but other than that – what was he good for?

 

_“This isn’t about you,” Shepard said, a new tone of anger rising in her voice that surprised him. She stepped back from him and said, “This isn’t about me. This isn’t about us. This is about taking down the Collectors and saving the galaxy, or at least doing the best fucking job we can. This is so much bigger than your life, the crew’s lives, or…” she trailed off and her voice dropped back to a more normal register. “Or my life.”_

_He let her words roll over him before he responded, more patiently this time. “But why me, Lizzie? I can’t lead a team. I thought we both learned that the hard way on Omega…”_

_“Damn it, Garrus! You are so much more than you allow yourself to be!” Again, she had that frustrated note to her tone. His visor told him her pulse had raised dramatically and her chest heaved with weighted breaths. “I’m not going to let you live under my shadow anymore! You are the best man – best turian – I’ve ever known. The best living_ being _I’ve ever worked with. I don’t want to let you out of my sight any more than you want to let me out of yours, but this is the way it has to be. You will lead that team, and you will do a damn fine job of it, because leading is what you were born to do! You’ve just been stuck under my command too goddamn long!”_

_Her face softened and she stepped close to him again, this time reaching up with both hands and cupping his entire face, forcing him to look at her._

_“I want to live, Garrus. I want to be with you more than anything. And if there is any chance of us getting out of this mission alive, then you_ have _to lead that second team.”_

 

He had sighed and put the reports away.

Leading a team – Shepard seemed to think he could handle that task. She had made him do it in the Collector Base and again she had put her trust in him by making him the ship’s XO. He wasn’t sure she ever imagined that he would be in full command of the Normandy for an extended period of time, but whether she had envisioned it or not, he was.

Hardening his features, he had made his way down to the Memorial Wall when 1900 hours rolled around. He stood, leaning against the wall by the observation lounge, listening as members of the crew shared words or stories about Admiral Anderson or Commander Shepard – _his_ Commander Elizabeth Shepard. He had told Alenko to lead the memorial, since this was the Major’s pet project. Garrus was more than happy to remain out of sight, arms folded, one leg crossed over the other, as crewmembers stepped forward and spoke of those they had lost – or were afraid they had lost.

Each time a new crewmember emerged from the crowd, they saw him standing off to the side. It was clear that most of them didn’t know he was there until they stepped forward. His hidden position and the front row composed of ground team members blocked the view of him fairly well. The expressions when crewmembers saw him leaning against the wall were always surprised and a little sad, but each of them spoke reverently of the Admiral and Elizabeth Shepard.

And now they all stood in painful silence. It appeared that everyone had finished saying what they were going to say, but no one was leaving. Seconds turned into minutes, and Garrus remained still, hoping that soon someone would leave for their quarters or the night shift, signaling that the whole painful event was finished.

No one moved, until –

“Garrus?”

He looked up with a start when Kaidan said his name.

“Do you want to say anything?”

Wasn’t it enough that he was here? That he had allowed this overly depressing ordeal to happen in the first place? Couldn’t he be left in peace to his own thoughts?

_Apparently not_ , he sighed as he looked at the faces of the crew in front of him. He turned away from them and took a closer look at the Memorial Wall. Two new nameplates graced its surface. Near the bottom on the right side was a plaque that read “ADM DAVID ANDERSON” and in a corresponding slot on the left side was a matching plaque for “COMMANDER SHEPARD.”

_They couldn’t even use her first name_ , he thought. But his thoughts were interrupted by the nervous, shuffling feet of Kaidan who looked quite uncomfortable in the silence. Garrus had half a mind to leave him that way after the Major had put him on the spot in such an awkward manner, but he knew that Shepard wouldn’t want that.

Although, when he thought about it, Garrus figured this entire scene was something Shepard wouldn’t want.

Now _that_ was something he could say.

He stood up sharply at that thought and walked toward the wall, a sudden rush of emotion filling his chest.

“Today, you have placed the names of two of the galaxy’s greatest heroes among the dead of one of the greatest ships the galaxy has ever known,” he began. He traced his fingers along the plaque for Lizzie and abruptly turned around to face the crew, all of whom were watching him intently, some with furrowed brows, others with tears. But regardless, all eyes were on him.

“I refuse to accept what we have done here today,” he said with conviction. “We had to flee Earth. We have fought and many of us have died, but I refuse to live as if those we admire and care for most have already died without proof of their deaths.”

Garrus turned back to the Wall and slid the nameplates out of the slots where they were placed. He spun and handed Shepard’s name to Tali nearby. He held Anderson’s plate tightly and continued.

“We should reverence them. We should honor them. But we should not mourn them – not yet.”

Decisively, he turned around and placed Anderson’s plaque in a different holder – one in the center of the Wall.

“I refuse to place their names with those of the dead.” He walked back to Tali and took Shepard’s nameplate from her hands. He could hear her sniffling and as he took survey again of the faces in the room. Many of the formerly downtrodden looked hopeful while eyes that had been dry before were now wet.

Garrus looked down at the words “COMMANDER SHEPARD” he held in his hands. Lovingly, he repeated the tracing motion he had made earlier. He looked back up at the spot where he had placed Anderson’s name. His mandibles flared outward and he found himself frozen in place. He may have taken Shepard’s name off the list of the dead, but somehow, putting her name anywhere on that wall seemed too absolute.

He felt, rather than saw, Tali move next to him. She reached with her hand and grasped the plaque while holding onto one of his hands at the same time. Looking down at her, he thought he saw her glowing eyes upturned in a weak smile beneath her mask.

Together, they placed Shepard’s name on the wall, just above Admiral Anderson.

Tali retreated to her spot in the crowd as Garrus took a step back to admire their work.

“She wouldn’t want us to give up.” He took a deep breath and turned his back on the wall, facing the crew again. “I have been reviewing all your reports on the repairs. Only minutes prior to this gathering, I was marveling at the sheer brilliance and strength of each one of you – you are all masters of your respective crafts, hand-picked for this mission, for this ship. Let this memorial be a reminder to each of you that you deserve to serve on the Normandy. You deserve to be a member of Commander Shepard’s crew.”

Garrus paused briefly and took a step forward.

“Let’s all work together to make her proud, wherever she is, so that when we return to Earth – and we _will_ return to Earth – each of us can look her in the eye and show her that we earned her trust. You all have jobs to do. Do your duty, remember Shepard, and let’s go home.”

The crew parted for Garrus as he strode toward the elevator. He saw many of them nod at him with respect and he returned their gestures.

He punched the button for the loft and leaned his head back against the wall when the door closed.

_We will come back, Lizzie_ , he thought. _Just be alive when we get there._

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

_“I need you…I need you…I need you…”_

_The words echoed over and over in her mind. Shepard put her hands to her ears and shook her head, trying to rid herself of the constant refrain, but it refused to leave._

_Finally, she stood up straight and dropped her hands to her sides._

It’s not in my head _, she thought._ It’s coming from…where?...

_She looked around and started to despair._

Back to the Forest…and not the Ashley Forest…

_“I need you…I need you…”_

_She started to run in a way that was all too familiar. She felt as if she were running in deep sand dunes, her feet sinking down with each step. The Reapers were gone. The mystery voice during her brief moment of consciousness had told her so – then why was she still dreaming about this dark and dreary place?_

_Why were there still voices in her head?_

_Why couldn’t she wake up?_

_“I need you…I need you…”_

_The voice had changed. Now it sounded like Ashley and was quickly fading to her right. Shepard turned abruptly and ran with feet that felt as if they were stuck in mud. She pulled them up as high as she could with each step, hoping it would snap the force that was holding her to the ground, causing her to run at a snail’s pace, but it was to no avail._

_The voice changed again. This time it was Mordin._

_“Need you…Need you…Need you…”_

_Tears were streaming down her face when the voice changed again._

_“Child…You did good….I need you…I need you…”_

_“Siha…I need you…Siha…”_

_“Lizzie…My Delicia….I need you…I need you…”_

_The voices were all around her now, making her dizzy as she spun to find their creators._

Make it stop _, she cried out, but no words escaped her lips. Her tongue felt glued in place._ Please make it stop…

_“I need you…I need you…”_

_A new voice, but this one different from the rest. This was a voice she had never heard from an organic life form._

_It was coming from behind her. She strained her ears to listen and as she did, the other voices began to fade. She turned slowly and her heart nearly stopped._

_The boy. The Catalyst. Was he a boy?_

_She couldn’t make sense of what she was seeing._

_He ran from her, just as he always did. Shepard urged her legs to move, but they were stuck. She couldn’t chase him this time. Tears pelted the ground below her as the boy ran further and further away._

_“Stop!” she managed to call out, this time her words made it past her teeth. “Please! Tell me what you need!”_

_To her surprise, the boy did stop. He spun on one leg to face her, his face unreadable, his features bland and lifeless. As she watched, his form began to change from that of a human boy to the strange, see-through, holographic image she had encountered in the Citadel._

Not a boy _, she reminded herself._ Not a person. Not real.

_“Wake up!” he shouted._

_Startled, she winced as the sound hit her. She could almost feel the hot breath of the Catalyst on her face._

He doesn’t breathe _, she thought._ He doesn’t breathe…That’s not air…He’s not real.

_She closed her eyes and shook her head._

Tell me something real, Garrus. Tell me something real.

_“Wake up!” She heard the boy’s voice again. The sound penetrated her ears even as she raised her hands to cover them._

_Two simple notes, one higher pitched than the other. Two plain syllables, but something about the boy’s tone felt as if it were tearing her eardrums to bits._

_“Wake up!...Wake up!...Wake up!....”_


	5. So Where Are We?

Two simple notes, one higher pitched than the other.

Shepard was ready to stop feeling panicked. Whether she was awake or asleep, she felt as if she were running from one disaster to the next. Fighting Kai Leng, firing the Crucible, waking in the dark and digging her way out of the rubble, frenzied voices tending to her wounds, nightmarish dreams with hints of something underneath that she didn’t understand. She had not had a moment of rest since attacking the Illusive Man’s base.

And this moment was no different from the rest.

She just wanted everything to stop. She needed to rest – _really_ rest.

The two notes kept repeating but without syllables. Two wordless tones penetrated her ears and drove spikes into the back of her head.

Her eyes finally flashed open, and she saw the source of the noise – a small monitor next to her bed. The room was dark, but she could just make out the faint glow of an electronic screen facing her, reporting the vital signs that claimed she was alive.

 _“Wake up…Wake up…”_ it said, over and over again in its evenly spaced dual-tones.

She was sure she was going crazy. That monitor had to stop making that noise.

Shepard sat up with a start, but quickly lay flat on her back again when pain jolted through her entire body. She groaned in agony until she heard a voice she recognized.

The two tones sped up while the accented voice yelled, “Shit! Call Anderson and get Lawson back in here! Whatever dose she tried the last time still didn’t work! Shepard’s awake!”

She heard nothing more for several moments as pain wracked her body. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ , she thought as she felt her limbs begin to spasm. _Anderson…he said to call Anderson…_

“How long has she been like this?” Miranda’s voice.

_Please, make this stop, Miranda. Make it stop without putting me under again. I don’t want to dream anymore…_

“Not long. Only a minute or so.”

Another new voice. Was that….turian flange?

Shepard fought against the pain to open her eyes again. Her world was shaking as her body convulsed, but for the first time since her rescue from the rubble, she noticed another bed next to hers.

And there was a turian lying in it.

Grey plates. Blue markings.

“Garrus?...”

 “Just rest, Shepard,” the turian voice said.

Her throat screamed with the sudden burst of air that her attempt at speaking had forced out of her lungs. The spasms took over then, and she felt the cool liquid flowing into her arm as the monitor’s two-note interval slowed to a more reasonable pace.

If she could cry, she would have, but no tears came. That was definitely a turian in the bed next to her, but it wasn’t Garrus. Her senses might be playing with her mind, confusing her as she drifted between consciousness and a drug-induced sleep, but there was one sound she knew she would always recognize.

The sound of Garrus’s voice – and that was not the voice she had heard.

_Where is he? Why isn’t he here?_

“Trust us,” said the man with the accent on her other side. She felt the same strong, calloused hand from her last bout of consciousness on her forehead. “Rest and let Miranda do what she needs to do.”

Something about his voice calmed her as he had before. She let herself relax and breathe as the sedative took over, but her last thought was far distant from the place where her body lay.

_Garrus…I need you…I need you…_

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“As all of you know, many of the Normandy’s systems were damaged extensively when the pulse hit us. We have been unable to contact Earth – or anyone else, for that matter – via the comm buoys or the QEC.” Garrus took a step back and surveyed the crew surrounding the conference table near the War Room. “We lost more than friends when the Crucible fired – we lost much of the technology on which this ship depends. However, Tali and Joker have some good news for us. I will let them explain what has brought us here at this early hour.”

He had walled off the War Room and its adjoining conference room and sent messages to select members of the crew. Vega, Tali, Liara, Kaidan, and Javik were the first on his list. Garrus had almost embarrassed himself by speaking aloud to EDI so her mobile platform could be present as well, but he quickly remembered that EDI…wasn’t with them anymore. Whatever Shepard had done to stop the Reapers, had stopped EDI, too, and the crew was feeling the loss painfully. It was the first real casualty of "peace" that they had witnessed. No one spoke about it, but they all felt it.

Next on his list were other important members of the crew that helped determine the functionality of the ship – those he needed in the inner circle to help him do what had to be done. The second string included Joker, Chakwas, Adams, Traynor, and Cortez.

But now everyone was here, despite the fact that he had summoned them at 0530 hours. He could see the sleep still present in the eyes surrounding the table, but he couldn’t wait any longer to reveal what Tali had messaged him only one hour prior.

He turned the floor over to Tali. Garrus couldn’t see her face, but he could tell she was exhausted. She really had been working nonstop – her shoulders drooped a little lower and her hands shook when extended. But when all eyes focused on her, she stood up straight and spoke clearly.

“Joker and I have managed to get the navigational systems up and running.” A collective breath escaped from everyone around the table. Tali hurriedly continued, “We just finished testing them about an hour ago. We know where we are.”

Before anyone could speak, Garrus took charge of the conversation again. “I hope you all understand why I couldn’t wait to relay this news. With navigational systems functioning, we can make a concrete plan for the ship’s repairs and work on going _home_.”

After he said it, Garrus thought maybe his emphasis on the word “home” was misplaced. After all, Earth was not his home. He wasn’t human. It wasn’t home for many of the people in the room with him, but somehow they all understood his meaning.

Home for all of them right now was wherever Shepard was. Every last one of the team members surrounding the conference room table wanted to return to Earth and find their beloved leader, whatever her fate.

“So where are we?” Kaidan was the first to speak.

“In the Exodus Cluster,” Joker explained. “Well, the edge of it. When we…” Joker paused and rubbed the back of his neck before continuing. “When we left Earth, I managed to get us through the Charon Relay, but that was as far as we got. After arriving in the Exodus Cluster, I pushed this poor baby as hard as she would go, but sort of…burnt up the propulsion systems at the same time. Tali’s working on those next…”

“That is not what the Major asked,” Javik said, crossing his arms. “We all know how you managed to crash the ship. What he asked was where are we?”

“I’m getting there, Prothy,” Joker sighed, clearly still tired and not a little annoyed. “Whatever that red pulse was that followed us through the relay was too fast. I was focused so much on beating it, that I didn’t really, uh, pay attention to my direct coordinates, and then when it actually _hit_ us…well, let’s just say we spun a little out of control before we landed.”

“What do you mean by ‘out of control’?” Javik pressed.

“I _mean_ ,” Joker rolled his eyes. “That we ended up in an uncharted star system. We’re still in the Exodus Cluster, but we’re far enough out from the relay, or even the closest comm buoy, that none of the Council races have explored or colonized out here. Which would explain why we haven’t been able to send or receive any messages. We’re out of range.”

“So…” Vega piped up. “When you say ‘far enough out,’ what exactly does that mean?”

“It was a little harder to pinpoint our location without…without EDI’s help,” Traynor’s eyes flickered to Joker briefly before she continued. “But we are orbiting a star that the Normandy’s databases call ’19 Draconis A.’ It’s a middle class star with several planets. We are actually orbiting one of its gas giants on a moon about the same size as Earth, perhaps a little smaller. That would explain the similar makeup of the atmosphere and the wildlife.”

“Regardless of the details,” Garrus interjected, calling the meeting back to order, “the fact is that we are only a matter of hours from range of a comm buoy. We need to get this ship back online so we can establish communication with the Alliance or anyone else out there, find out what happened, and get back to Earth. I called this meeting so we can figure out the most efficient way to do that.”

“First, we need to get the drive core back up and running,” Adams said. Garrus noticed the engineer share a glance with Tali, but he wasn’t sure what it meant. _I’ll have to follow up on that later_ , he thought as he listened to the rest of Adams’s report. “Joker’s stunt did a significant amount of damage, but it’s not irreparable. However, it will take some time and we could use some extra hands, since Gabby and Ken are back on Earth…”

“You’ll get your manpower, Adams,” Garrus nodded. “The FTL core is top priority for now, so send me a list of your top picks and I will assign them to you.”

“Aye, aye.”

“We still have multiple breaches in the hull,” Vega added. “Esteban and I are doing the best we can with what we’ve got, but we have to patch up the damage before we can fly anywhere.”

“I’ll send any spare crew members to help you, Vega,” Garrus said before turning to Chakwas. “Doctor, how are we doing on medical and food supplies?”

“The Commander was very thorough,” Chakwas said. “She stocked up on all kinds of medical provisions and food stores she could whenever she had a chance. We even have a fair amount of dextro food for you and Tali – Commander Shepard picked up a large supply of dextro rations on one of her last surveys before…before we headed for Earth. We shouldn’t have any trouble feeding the crew comfortably for oh…several months if we ration carefully.”

“That’s good news.” Garrus was starting to feel hopeful.

“I have also surveyed the local flora and fauna and searched through my medical databases to collect a sampling of plants and animals that can serve as food or medical remedies should we run short,” the doctor continued. “Really, the only things we will need if the ship runs short on supplies are dextro rations, but I will keep searching for a solution to that problem. Like I said, we should be fine for several months.”

“So…what’s our time frame on all this?” Kaidan spoke, excitement clearly underlying his voice. “Do we have one?”

Garrus looked to Tali and Adams, who he noticed were exchanging another strange glance. Something about their expressions twisted Garrus’s stomach into a knot.

“If we have enough people,” Vega said, “the hull breaches shouldn’t take very long to repair. A few days at most.”

“The drive core damage is a problem. It will take more time than the hull repairs. It will not be easy, but we do have most of what we need in storage in the hold or other places on the ship,” Tali finally explained. “It’s clear the Alliance made sure the Normandy was prepared for a crash landing. However, because we are short-handed, it could take several weeks, perhaps six or eight, before the propulsion systems are fully online, especially without….” Tali stopped herself as Joker’s token ball cap dropped to hide his face.

A solemn hush fell over the crew. No one knew what to say at that and everyone’s thoughts had turned to EDI – their friend who had somehow been damaged when the red pulse overtook the ship. Beyond that, Garrus’s heart fell even more at the news that it could take six or eight weeks before they would be on their way back to Earth. When Tali had said the navigational systems were repaired, he had dared to hope, but –

“Hold on a minute,” Cortez said abruptly, placing both hands on the table in front of him. “So what you’re saying is, we’re close enough to a relay that if we get this bird flying again, we can be home in a matter of weeks?”

Tali nodded and answered slowly, “If everything goes according to plan, we should –“

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” Cortez said. “If there’s one thing I learned from Shepard, it’s to find things to hope for, even if it feels like there’s no light. She taught me that. When all I wanted to do was mourn Robert, Shepard reminded me that you have to find the good things in life, despite everything else, or you’re not really living.” He dropped his head for a second and Kaidan brought a hand up to grip Steve’s shoulder.

 _She taught me that, too_ , Garrus thought.

The shuttle pilot tossed Kaidan a smile and continued, “So what are we moping about? Six to eight weeks? That’s nothing. Shepard waited six months under house arrest for the Alliance to pull their heads out of their asses and listen to her. We can wait six weeks before we get off the ground, and when we do, we’re going home!”

The speech seemed to rouse everyone’s spirits. As Garrus looked at his friends, he smiled and decided to take the opportunity to end the meeting on a high note.

“Alright, everyone knows what they need to do,” he said. “Those who requested extra manpower, send me a list of your top names and I will reassign crew as efficiently as possible.”

The team filed out the door, some of them nodding at him as they left, others grasping his hand or his shoulder briefly. Liara wrapped him in a tight hug. Tali was the last to leave.

“Garrus,” she said softly once everyone was gone. Garrus watched Tali with a worried expression as she avoided his gaze.

_She looks so tired…_

“There’s something else you should know about the drive core.”

Garrus didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like it at all. _This must be what her glances at Adams were about_ , he thought. He wanted nothing more than to hear whatever it was she had to tell him, but Tali was exhausted. She needed to rest.

“Whatever it is, Tali, it can wait a few hours. Until then, you need some sleep.”

She tried to object, but Garrus raised a hand to stop her. “Don’t fight me on this, Tali.”

She dropped her hands at her sides in defeat.

“Why don’t you use my old cot in the battery for some quiet? I will be in the captain’s quarters when you wake up. We can talk about the engines then.”

Even though he knew she wasn’t happy about it, Garrus was relieved when Tali nodded her head in resignation and moved toward the door. Before she reached it, she turned around quickly and walked back to him, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“Don’t worry, Garrus,” she whispered. “We will get you back to Shepard. Somehow we will. I know she’s alive. I just _know_ it!”

Tali let him go and hurried out of the room. Garrus followed close behind, his step a little lighter at Tali’s positive reassurance, and headed to the CIC. To work. To doing _something_ – _anything_ that would help keep his mind off Shepard and get them _home._


	6. Will the Nightmare Ever End?

“I’m glad you really slept,” Garrus said as Tali entered the captain’s quarters. It was almost 2200 hours – nearly sixteen hours since he had dismissed Tali to the battery to get some rest. Garrus was ready to turn in, but he had waited when Tali sent him a message to say she was finally awake and coming to see him.

“I guess I was more tired than I wanted to believe,” she said, tilting her head down in embarrassment as she descended the stairs.

“Tali, you had been working almost non-stop since we crashed. No one can keep going like that forever.”

“Yes, well,” she sat opposite him on the couch. “You’re not the only one who wants to get back to Earth as quickly as possible. Besides, it helped keep my mind of Kal and Joker’s mind off EDI.”

“Speaking of EDI,” Garrus sat back in his chair and placed one ankle on his knee.  He was wary of broaching the subject of their decommissioned AI friend in front of the rest of the crew, but with Tali, he felt a little more comfortable. “Any idea what happened to her and if we can get her back online?”

“Honestly, Garrus, I have absolutely no idea what happened. Whatever the red pulse of energy was, it fried her circuits and a bit more. I’ve been concentrating on the ship itself, but once we have the Normandy up and running again, I can take a closer look at EDI and see if there’s anything I can do for her.”

Garrus nodded and studied Tali’s demeanor. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. Even through her mask, he could see that her eyes were darting from side to side as she spoke to him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her nervous posture, knowing she was here to tell him something about the drive core.

_Let’s just get this over with_ , he thought and said, “So, you wanted to tell me something?” He tried to mask the anxiousness in his voice, but even he could hear it as the dual-toned sound from his throat echoed off the glass of the fish tank.

“Yes, well… the Alliance was very prepared in case something should happen to the Normandy,” Tali began, her hands still wringing absent-mindedly. “From what I can tell of their protocols, it is standard to keep spare parts and supplies handy should a ship become stranded.”

“Turian military protocol is the same,” Garrus added.

“I guess I never considered the amount of preparation it would take for a ship to be stocked for emergencies. On the flotilla – we just had everything we needed at all times. It was never something we had to worry about. If we needed a spare part, we had it. Spare medical supplies and emergency food stores – well, of course. There was no way we would –“

“Tali,” Garrus interrupted. She was rambling in her uneasiness. “Just tell me what is wrong.”

“Right. I’m sorry.” Tali dropped her head and took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. “They thought of everything – well, almost everything. The problem may not be a problem at all, but I thought you should know – we are low on fuel.”

Fuel.

Tali was right. He hadn’t thought of that. Usually travel was as easy as jumping through a relay, but to travel within a star cluster or system, the ship needed fuel to power the thrusters. Without it, they would go nowhere, regardless of whether the drive core was repaired or not.

“How much do we have?”

“Shepard refueled often, but after attacking the Illusive Man’s base, she didn’t have time. We went straight to Earth without –“

“Tali. How much fuel do we have?”

Tali sat up straight and met Garrus’s piercing stare.

“Three days. We have enough fuel to power the Normandy for three days of travel on full FTL capacity.”

Garrus let out a breath and relaxed. _Three days? That’s more than enough!_

He almost chuckled before he said, “I guess I’m not seeing the problem here, Tali. The comm buoy isn’t that far away. Traynor has been sending me regular updates on our position as she extrapolates more data.”

Tali shook her head, silencing him.

“Let me explain. The Normandy’s usual fuel capacity is five or six days and we _never_ use that much. But, like I said earlier, the Alliance prepares for everything – even large fuel reserves for this type of situation.” Tali paused and shifted in her seat. “You’re right that the comm buoy should only be a few hours away. And the mass relay is only an hour or two past that. We should really only use about a half a day’s worth of fuel to get there. But what I’m worried about is what we’ll find when we get to the comm buoy, or to the mass relay itself.”

Garrus leaned forward in his seat. “I’m not sure I follow…”

“That red pulse of energy,” Tali was twiddling her fingers again. “It was powerful enough to…completely take EDI offline, damage the Normandy’s drive core, and kill the Reapers, if what we saw as we left the Sol system is what happened across the galaxy. I don’t see how the comm buoys and relays would remain unaffected by whatever that was…”

Now Garrus understood what Tali was saying, and he understood why she was so worried about telling him her fears. If her fears were founded at all, getting back to Shepard was going to be much more difficult than any of them anticipated.

“So what if they are damaged?” he tried to quip nonchalantly. “We have one of the fastest ships in the galaxy. Once the drive core is repaired, can’t we just use the FTL drive all the way back? You heard Joker and Traynor – even without the relay, we’re not that far from Earth. Joker only got us as far as the Exodus Cluster…”

“Honestly, Garrus, I haven’t looked at the data regarding our relative position to Earth that closely. How far are we exactly?”

Tali’s voice actually sounded hopeful in that moment, so Garrus hurriedly reached for the datapad he had discarded on the coffee table when she had entered the room. He scrolled to the information Traynor had sent him.

“We’re about 49 light years from Earth. The Normandy’s FTL speed is about 15 light years per day. That should only take us a little more than three days to get back to Earth at top speeds. Worst case scenario and the relays are damaged and unusable for some reason, three days of fuel should get us close enough to –“

He stopped when he saw Tali’s shoulders droop again.

“What?” he asked, his stomach fluttering and his own spirits falling.

“There’s more,” she said in a soft voice. “We can get the drive core up and running, but without some more eezo, we will be unable to completely restore the speed capacity of the FTL drive. The Normandy’s drive core has, in essence, shrunk – our previous store of eezo was significantly reduced in size when Joker burnt up some of the drive core. To be completely honest, Garrus, we’re lucky that the drive core didn’t discharge into the hull and kill us all. All that happened was that the drive core discharged prematurely when we hit the planet’s surface and destroyed a portion of the core itself.”

“So what you’re saying is….” Garrus couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“We won’t be able to travel at former top speeds. The best we can hope for is about 10 light years per day once she’s all put back together, and that’s if everything goes perfectly…”

Garrus could do the math on that without his omni-tool. 49 light years. 10 light years per day. Five days.

It would take them five days of full-speed FTL to make it back to Earth.

And they only had three days of fuel.

“Can’t we just push for the three days and hope we coast close enough to the Sol system that we can send a message to the Alliance and get picked up? Or maybe we can make it to Sol’s fuel depot.”

Garrus knew how desperate he sounded, but he didn’t care.

Tali’s voice was sad when she spoke again. “I thought about that,” she said. “Even if we could push that long – five days of FTL is more than the Normandy could handle even under the best of conditions. With a full-size drive core, it still needs to be discharged at least every 50 hours. We can’t go longer than about two days without being able to fully discharge the core.”

Garrus stood up in frustration and began to pace the room. “So we’ll find a planet’s magnetic field to discharge into along the way,” he said.

“We are in uncharted space. We don’t know what we’re going to find along the way. We don’t know if we will find planets at regular intervals to use as discharge points.”

“We’ll figure it out as we go.”

Finally, Tali had enough. She stood up and faced him, forcing him to stop pacing and look at her.

“Are you willing to sacrifice the lives of the crew just to see Shepard again?!?! Because that’s the last thing she would want! I miss her, too. We all do, but I’m not ready to throw away the lives of the entire crew to get back to Earth!”

Garrus froze and looked at Tali carefully. She was breathing hard, her hands clenched in fists at her sides.

And he knew she was right.

In defeat, he dropped down on the couch beside her. Tali slid next to him and reached for his hand.

“We will find a way, Garrus,” she said. “It’s just going to be harder than we thought.”

“Sometimes,” Garrus replied quietly, “I feel as if there’s some force out there intent on keeping us apart. I know that’s not really possible, but sometimes….sometimes it feels that way.”

Tali gripped his hand firmly and sat up straight, placing herself in his field of vision.

“You don’t even want to hear my suggestion?” she asked.

Garrus tossed her a weak smile and said, “By all means, what’s your suggestion?”

“I suggest that we continue with the repairs and try to make it to the comm buoy at least, perhaps the relay itself,” she explained. “Even if there is damage, we have enough fuel to get there and back if we have to. If the relays are fine, then we can get back to Earth and all of this worry was for nothing. If the relays are damaged, then we come back here and regroup. Find another solution.”

Now that was a plan that Garrus could get on board with. He nodded eagerly.

“Thank you, Tali. That’s a plan at least. Alert any essential personnel on a Need-To-Know basis. That would include Adams and Joker, but otherwise, check with me before telling anyone else. No need to send everyone into a panic.”

“I agree. I think it’s for the best for now.”

Tali must have sensed how tired he was, because she released her grasp on his hand and stood up, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I think that now you are the one who needs sleep, Garrus,” she said.

“Yeah. I do,” he replied.

He stared straight ahead at the picture by his bedside while Tali headed for the sliding door.

“Garrus?”

He turned to look at her standing at the entrance to the cabin.

“Don’t give up now,” she said. “I told you we would find a way to get you back to her and we will.”

Garrus nodded at his friend slowly and let out the air he had been holding in once he heard the door slide shut.

“I hope you’re right, Tali,” he said to the empty space. “I hope you’re right…”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

_A beam of light blinded her, but not just any beam of light – it was the beam that had brought her from Earth’s surface to the Citadel._

_Her heart sank as she realized where she was. She was back in the strange room where the boy…the Catalyst…had explained her three options._

I thought I already made a choice, _she thought, despairingly._ Will the nightmare ever end?

_“You have altered the variables.”_

_The boy was in front of her again. This dream was different from the others. There was no forest. There were no voices. There were no shadows._

_She was reliving a memory, not creating a nightmare. Although in this case, the two seemed very similar._

_“The paths are open,” the boy said, walking away. “But you have to choose.”_

_She felt the pain in her side again. It wasn’t as intense as before, but it was still there. A dull, throbbing ache in her gut accompanied by similar aches in her legs and arms._

_Looking at the three choices before her, Shepard considered again what she had done._

Did I make the right choice? _, she thought._ I sacrificed all synthetic life…Who knows what else has happened since the Crucible fired?

_She found herself moving toward the red tube again. She had no control over her feet and suddenly she felt herself in a panic._

Wait, what if I want to make a new choice?, _she cried wordlessly._ What if I was wrong?

_But the more she considered the choices, the more she knew she had done what she thought was best. Control would never work. No sapient species would willingly give over complete control to another living being – not without some ulterior motive. No – control had to have been a trick – a trick that would have ultimately placed her under the Reapers’ control, just as it did the Illusive Man._

_Synthesis – striving for “perfection through understanding.” That still sounded like propaganda – a cheap phrase used to make the motivations behind it seem laudible. But forcing a choice on all life in the galaxy, or at least a choice of that magnitude, still seemed wrong to her._

_The Reapers were simply battling for their own survival – attempting to make her a willing partner in their bastardized version of a procreative act._

She _was the_ true _Catalyst._

_She was still moving toward the red tube, unable to change direction or stop. Her arm was raised and then –_

_Then she saw him. Standing just in front of her and to the right._

_“You did good, child,” Anderson said as he smiled at her. Before she could reply, he dropped to the ground next to her, lifeless eyes staring up at her from the floor._

_She stifled a sob as her feet pushed her forward._

_“I could have controlled them.” The Illusive Man appeared on her other side now. “You were wrong, Shepard. I could have saved us all.”_

_But yet again, before she could utter a word, his motionless form dropped to the ground._

_“Does this unit have a soul?”_

_Tears were falling down her face again. She watched in agony as Legion fell next, powerful to stop whatever force insisted on pushing her forward._

_“The Reapers have destroyed thousands of civilizations,” EDI said to her left. “But they have never destroyed ours. Nor will they.”_

_Four bodies now lay unconscious on her path to the red tube. Step after painful step, Shepard pressed on._

_And then the last person she wanted to see dead appeared before her._

_“Lizzie…” he said._

No, not you, _she quailed._ Anyone but you!

_“It was the right choice,” the dual-toned voice said, mandibles flared in a smile that seemed out of place in the scene before her. Piercing blue eyes staring at her from grey faceplates and blue markings._

_She sobbed uncontrollably as she raised her arm in front of her, Garrus standing between the weapon in her hand and the red tube._

_But just before she pulled the trigger, the vision of her turian faded._

_The explosion was hot on her face again, just as it was the first time, and then all was dark._

_For the first time since attacking the Illusive Man’s base, the voices were quiet._


	7. Soulmate in a Warzone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is finally awake and some questions are answered...while others will not be so easy. :P

She was afraid to open her eyes.

For the first time since the attack on Earth had begun, Shepard felt warm and safe. A gentle heat kissed her skin and she could almost imagine that it was the sun shining down on her. Earth’s sun. The sun she had felt so few times as a child growing up on space ships, but it was a warmth she would never forget.

Slowly, and with slightly trembling eyelids, she willed her eyes to open. She almost couldn’t believe what she saw.

It _was_ the sun.

To her left, was a small window on a ground floor room of – hell, she didn’t know where she was. All she knew was that the sun, the _real_ sun was shining in a window and lighting on her face. She raised a hand and held it up to the light, startling the sunbeams that darted to and fro as she moved her fingers, casting shadows on her chest.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Shepard dropped her hand back onto the bed and turned to her right at the sound of the turian voice she recognized from her last moment of consciousness.

Grey plates. Blue markings.

Suddenly, she realized why she had thought the turian was Garrus. The turian in the bed next to her wasn’t Garrus, but it was close. She smiled when she recognized a familiar face.

“Solana?” she whispered, happy to find that it no longer hurt to speak or breathe.

“Hi, Commander Shepard.” Solana’s mandibles flared into a wide smile. “It’s good to see you awake and not in pain. You… _are_ feeling ok, aren’t you?”

Solana’s face suddenly looked concerned. Shepard nodded quickly.

“Please, just Shepard or Elizabeth is fine. And so far so good,” she replied with a grin. “At least, nothing seems to be hurting at the moment.”

Solana relaxed and lay back in her bed, staring out the window. “Well, that’s a relief. We’ve all been worried about you.”

There was so much Shepard wanted to ask. Her brain was racing from one confused thought to the next. But she didn’t have a chance to ask anything when Solana continued.

“The sun came out today,” Garrus’s sister said. “First time since the war ended. The sky has been hopelessly covered in dust and smoke, but slowly, it’s been clearing up. I was hoping that might be a good sign.”

“A sign of what?” Shepard asked.

“That you would wake up.” Solana smiled at her again. “I bet you have a million questions. Let me see if I can answer the big ones as quickly as possible.” The female turian turned slightly in her bed to face Shepard. “The war is over. Whatever you did when you armed the Crucible wiped out the Reapers, but it also wiped out all synthetic life – temporarily, at least. It sent out an energy pulse that we think has traversed the entire galaxy, but we have been unable to verify that fact. Most of the ships that joined in the fight here on Earth were unable to get far from the fight after the pulse and have returned to help with the extensive repairs on your planet and to the Citadel – as well as a few other, uh…things. The ship Dad and I were on was damaged during the fight, but we managed to land safely on Earth after the pulse hit. When we found out you were here and alive, we couldn’t have been happier. You should have seen the look on Dad’s face when –”

“But we won?” Shepard interrupted, almost breathless. She considered pinching herself to check if she was still dreaming, but she knew she wasn’t. She only dreamt in nightmares, but if what Solana said was true, this was a miracle.

The turian she hoped to call sister cocked her head to the side in a tender expression. “Yes, Shepard. We won. You beat the Reapers.”

“So…why are you here? Not that I’m complaining. It’s nice to wake up to a friendly face, but were you hurt?”

“You could say that, I guess.” For the first time since Shepard awoke, Solana’s mandibles pulled tighter to her face in a gesture that Shepard knew from Garrus meant she was upset about something.

“What happened to you?” Shepard was dying to ask Solana about Garrus, but it seemed out of place to ask about him when his sister was in a hospital bed next to her. Besides, Shepard was a little scared of what she might find out about the fate of her favorite turian…

“I sustained some…minor injuries during the assault on Earth. And I…I’m pregnant. You’re not the only person to find her soulmate in a warzone.” Solana looked up abruptly and smiled weakly at Shepard’s surprised expression. Shepard hadn’t thought to look at the rest of Solana’s figure, but when she finally did, she noticed the small bulge under the blanket where Solana’s exceptionally tiny waist should be. “Dad wants me to stay here on bed rest until the baby’s born. I told him the only way I would agree to that was if he let me be in your room and keep an eye on you. Miranda didn’t object – in fact, she was glad there would be someone here with you at all times. Someone who cared about you. I hope you don’t mind.”

Solana looked flustered and embarrassed. Shepard guessed that there was much more to her story, but this did not seem to be the time to press. She quickly reached across the space between their beds for Solana’s hand and grabbed it.

“Not at all. We’re sisters, aren’t we?” she said with a smile. Solana grinned back and nodded, squeezing Shepard’s hand in response.

“So….” Shepard sighed and smoothed out the blankets in her lap. She attempted to wiggle her legs and toes, happy to find that they worked, but not surprised that the muscles definitely felt tired and sore from lack of use. “How long have I been out?”

Solana didn’t hesitate to answer, but her face was serious as she spoke.

“Six weeks,” she said. Shepard’s eyes widened, and Solana added, “Six weeks and two days, to be exact.”

Shepard let her head fall back and hit the pillow.

 _Six weeks?_ , she thought. _Six_ weeks _? Not days…_ weeks!

“The Crucible pulse destroyed your cybernetics. Miranda worked around the clock to keep you together for the first few days,” Solana began. “I don’t understand most of what she did and I’m a tech expert! But I’m not a biology expert, and I’m definitely not a _human_ biology expert. Miranda managed to put you back together. From what I understand, the cybernetics were used to bring you back to life originally, but once you were alive, you didn’t need them to survive anymore. Your tissue was alive all on its own. She replaced your cybernetics with regular biotic implants. She says you won’t be as powerful a biotic as you were when Cerberus reconstructed you, but at least you’re alive, right?!”

Shepard could tell that Solana was worried about how she would take the news, but the truth was, Shepard _was_ relieved. She couldn’t give a rat’s ass about how powerful she was. It was good to be alive.

 

_“Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you…Come back alive….”_

There was just one thing missing…

“I’m not a scientist,” she began slowly, “so I’m just going to take your word and Miranda’s that I’m fixed, and I won’t worry about the ‘how.’ Honestly, Sol, there’s only one thing I want to know right now. Where is your brother? Where’s Garrus?”

She almost choked on her air when she said his name, afraid of what Solana’s answer would be. The expression on Solana’s face as she asked the question didn’t help Shepard feel any better, but just as her friend opened her mouth to speak, Shepard saw a familiar face darken the door.

“Shepard,” he said as he strode toward her. “She’s awake!” He called over his shoulder.

Admiral David Anderson took a seat in the chair next to her bed.

Shepard nearly burst with joy when she saw him.

“Anderson?”

He reached for her hand and she gripped it tightly.

“I’m here, Shepard. It’s so good to see you awake. How do you feel?” he asked with a smile.

“Ok, I guess. The pain is gone and I can wiggle my toes.” She tried to smile at him, but her shock was genuine. She was sure he could tell, but he only gripped her hand tighter.

“Miranda took you off the sedative a week ago. You always were a fighter, Shepard. Those implants Cerberus gave you made you powerful enough that she had to give you the maximum dose for a krogan, but eventually, she helped you sleep.”

“I had horrible dreams…” She was still so confused to see him in front of her, but that was all she could manage to say at the moment. He nodded at her in understanding.

“We could tell. The damage to your body from the cybernetics was so extensive, Miranda had to perform countless surgeries to replace them as well as repair the damage. Then you needed time to heal, but we couldn’t keep you under long enough to operate. I’m sure the large amount of sedatives and the pain you underwent caused you to have some powerful dreams. Eventually, we got the dosage right and you slept, but after being under for so long, Miranda wanted you to wake up naturally. All we could do was wait.”

An image briefly flashed through her mind of four dead bodies lined up on her forced march to the red tube, gun raised, Garrus’s smiling form in front of her. But then all had been silent.

 _That must have been when they finally got the dosage right_ , she thought. Shaking her head, she looked back at Anderson’s happy expression.

“I woke up to the sun,” Shepard whispered with a weak smile.

“I don’t believe in coincidences,” he said. “Today’s the first day it’s broken through the dust and smoke left from the war.”

“I was telling her that earlier,” Solana piped up.

Shepard was about to open her mouth to speak again, but more figures appeared in the doorway.

“Elizabeth!”

Tears sprung to Shepard’s eyes as the warm arms of her mother wrapped around her.

“Mom…you made it?”

“Yes, dear,” she said. “I did. And so did Steven. He couldn’t make it here today, but he sends his congratulations and well-wishes on your recovery. We’re all so proud of you, honey.”

“It’s wonderful to see you alive,” said another turian voice behind Hannah Shepard. More grey plates. More blue markings.

But not Garrus.

“Advisor Vakarian?”

“I believe we will have to change the way you address me from now on,” he said as he took a seat in the corner by Solana’s bed and gripped his daughter’s hand. Tavius Vakarian smiled at her from across the room as he continued, “Tavius will do.”

Shepard nodded at him, still stunned by everything around her. Her mother was alive and here. Solana was in a bed next to her. Garrus’s father, Tavius, was attending both of their bedsides. And Anderson….

“Anderson, I need to –“ But she stopped as two more people entered the room.

“Shepard.” A gruff, but jovial sounding voice resounded from the hall as a hulking form appeared in her room a few seconds later.

“Wrex,” Shepard said with a smile.

“The Reapers should have known better than to fuck with you.” Shepard winced as her krogan friend clapped her on the shoulder, perhaps a little too gruffly for her scarred and healing body.

“Damn straight,” she replied with a smile.

“Took you long enough,” said another voice in the room – the voice of the woman who had done the impossible for her twice.

“Miranda…I don’t know how to thank –“

“There’s no need, Shepard,” Miranda smiled as she checked the monitors next to Shepard’s bedside. “You gave me a family and a future. The least I could do was give you back to _your_ family. But I am glad you finally woke up on your own. I was getting a little worried.”

There was one more person to greet. She wasn’t sure when he had appeared, but there he stood – a lone, quiet figure, leaning against the doorway. She had seen him that way before…leaning against a wall of rubble – listening while she gave her final speech to her team on the ground in London…

 

_After establishing the forward operating base and contacting everyone on her team, Shepard had given one of her famous speeches. Somehow she found words to say – words that she didn’t believe but that she knew her team needed to hear._

_Behind her team, she saw one person who could tell she was lying. The Major she had met earlier with Anderson. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watching her. She could tell he knew that the words leaving her mouth were bullshit, but he said nothing._

 

“I know you…” Shepard said, almost in a whisper as she stared at the bright blue eyes beneath a shock of black hair, smiling at her from the entrance to her room.

“Commander Shepard,” he said, British accent thick with an emotion she couldn’t read. “It’s good to see you awake.”

“Major Coats hasn’t left the hospital since we recovered you,” Anderson said with a nod toward the mystery man. “He’s been my right hand since the war ended. He helped set up this makeshift infirmary for injured victims and refused to leave until you woke up.”

Shepard took stock of the dark haired man in the doorway. She gave him a slow, grateful nod, but still couldn’t read the neutral expression on his face.

 

_“I need you…”_

 

His voice still rang in her head – the strange voice that had comforted her in between nightmares.

As if he could read her mind, Coats stood up uncomfortably and reached in his pocket.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave,” he said with a genuine smile. “I truly am glad to see you on the path to recovery, Commander. We were all very worried about you. Anderson –“ Coats nodded at the Admiral in a brief salute, “I could use a smoke. You know where to find me when you are finished here.”

Anderson nodded and then turned back to Shepard after the Major left. Shepard felt herself let out a deep breath and wondered why she had felt so tense under Coats’s gaze.

But there were other things to worry about for now. Shaking that thought out of her head, she refocused on Anderson. _Enough with all these people_ , she thought. _I need to know –_

“Anderson, there are a million things I want to ask,” she began, feeling slightly out of breath at all the excitement around her. “But for starters…how are you alive? I watched you die.”

The room fell into a hushed silence. She looked around to find all eyes wide and trained on her face with expressions of concern and confusion.

“What do you mean?” Anderson cleared his throat.

“I mean that, on the Citadel, when we were both up there – before I armed the Crucible – I watched you fall at _my_ hand. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to witness.” She could feel herself trembling as she recalled the horrors of what had happened after taking the beam. “The Illusive Man…he made me do it. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to shoot you. I tried to fight it, He was just too strong…”

She felt herself collapsing. Maybe it was the forced six-week coma. Maybe it was the trauma of her dreams and everything surrounding them. But whatever it was, she had no control over her emotions in that moment. Even with her mother watching, she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed.

To her surprised, she felt her mother’s hand on her shoulder. The woman who had always told her not to cry – at least not in front of other soldiers – was comforting her as she sobbed. Shepard looked up briefly to see her mother smiling at her sadly. Then, Hannah did something she had never done before.

She wiped away her daughter’s tears.

But as she did so, Shepard didn’t miss the look of concern that Anderson and her mother shared over her head.

“Don’t worry about that for now, Shepard,” Anderson said. “You just woke up. So much has happened and you are …well, you’re _more_ than a hero. But even though we know you will be alright now, you still need rest.”

She shook her head in indignation.

“No, not until you answer me one more thing,” she said stubbornly.

“What’s that, dear?” Hannah said, drying Shepard’s tears one more time.

Shepard met the stares of all the people in the room, but in the end, she settled her gaze on Solana and Tavius to her right. She could tell they knew what she was going to ask before she opened her mouth, and she didn’t like the way their expressions changed.

“Where is the Normandy? Where’s Garrus?”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

 _“We are nearing the comm buoy, Garrus,”_ Joker said over the comm. Garrus looked at Tali and both of them headed straight for the elevator.

“Good. Tali and I are on our way,” he replied. His knees felt like jelly as he walked. Six weeks they had waited for the ship to be repaired. Garrus had successfully reassigned the crew in such a way that the minimum amount of time Tali had anticipated was all that was needed to repair the Normandy’s FTL drive core and thrusters. But now, the wait was over, and today was the day they would find out the fate of the nearest comm buoy and the relay beyond.

Tali said nothing as the elevator moved. He knew she must be feeling similar emotions as they waited impatiently for the doors to open. Finally, the hiss of the doors sounded and the pair began the long walk to the cockpit. Garrus was surprised to find Liara, Vega, Cortez, Kaidan, Traynor, Adams, and Chakwas already there. When they saw him, the crew parted ways to let him stand next to Joker.

But none of them spoke as the ship slowed to a stop. Garrus could almost hear their collective hearts fall at the sight before them.

The comm buoy was destroyed. Bits of metal floated where it should be. All that was left of the buoy was a skeleton of metal and some space junk.

It felt to Garrus as if hours had passed. But he knew he couldn’t stand there and despair forever. He had to say something. He had to _do_ something.

“Continue on to the relay, Joker,” he said, attempting to sound confident, but failing miserably. “Let me know when we are five minutes out.”

“Aye, aye,” the pilot said quietly.

No one moved as Garrus left the cockpit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internet cupcakes to DA who correctly guessed the mystery man!
> 
> Thanks again to everyone for reading and for all the comments, kudos, criticisms, etc. I appreciate the feedback and hope you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> And hopefully you're not too mad at me for the ending....At least you know there's more to come, right? ;)


	8. Her Power Had a Name

Garrus wasn’t sure he had ever felt as hopeless as he did in this moment. The same team that had surrounded the conference room table in high spirits six weeks ago now stood in silence around the same table, but the mood at this meeting was completely different.

“You knew?” Garrus cringed at the tone of betrayal in Liara’s voice. He couldn’t blame her really. He would probably have felt the same way if he was the one who just found out that the Normandy’s fuel reserves were not enough to get them back to Earth, especially if she had ordered the knowledge kept secret from him.

“It wasn’t just Garrus that knew,” Tali leaned forward. “He thought it would be best to keep everyone’s morale high and I agreed.”

“It was a logical decision,” Javik said. Garrus wasn’t sure he appreciated the support of their prothean crewmember at the moment. “The repairs on the ship were necessary and they would have taken much longer if the crew were hopeless.”

Hopeless. There was that word again. It had been playing over and over in his head since the relay had come into view, it’s spinning arms no longer spinning, its glowing eezo core depleted. Clearly, the energy pulse had done much more than deprive the Normandy of its AI.

Garrus waited for biting remarks and scathing criticisms from the crew, but no one said anything. They were all too hopeless to argue.

“So what do we do now?” Kaidan asked, his tone not quite as bitter as Liara’s. Garrus had decided that if he was really to treat Kaidan as second in command, he had to inform the Major about the situation. Kaidan had known and had also agreed that it was best to wait until they found out the fate of the relay, but they had not discussed what would come next should the worst happen.

Garrus took a deep breath and stepped forward, both hands resting on the table in front of him.

“When Tali and I decided to press forward with our plan, we knew this might ultimately be the situation. We determined that we should at least _try_ to get to the relay, but that getting here wouldn’t put us in danger. The fact is we have enough fuel to get back to the moon where we crashed. We don’t know the fate of the galaxy, nor do we officially know the fate of the Reapers.” Garrus was pacing now. He had pondered what they would do if the relay was damaged, but now that the worst scenario was reality, it was harder to give his prepared speech than he anticipated.

“So you want to go back to the moon?” Liara said, crossing her arms in frustration. “By the Goddess, why don’t we at least look for other groups of survivors, see if we can help them or if they can help us?!”

“Before joining the fleet in the Sol system,” Garrus continued firmly, “we knew the Reapers ravaged this sector. We have to assume that the planets nearby are still unsafe. It appears the enemy was destroyed, but we don’t know that for sure. Even if the Reapers are gone and the stations and planets here are safe, the inhabitants there may not be in any better shape than we are. In fact, if we consider that we have received no response to any of our broadcast hails, then we also have to consider that the planets and colonies in this cluster may be obliterated or have even fewer resources than we do. And we could waste what fuel we have left flying all over the sector looking for a safe place to land.”

That seemed to satisfy Liara temporarily. Garrus stopped pacing and placed both hands on the table. “The moon where we crashed was completely untouched by the Reapers and full of food, supplies, and life. Right now, we have enough fuel to return to that moon and still be able to return to the relay should we need to. We can return to the crash site and know we will be safe while figuring out what to do next.”

“And just what _do_ we do next?” Liara asked, indignation in her voice. She was clearly still very upset about being kept out of the loop. “You still haven’t answered the question.”

Garrus sighed and looked down at his hands. He wasn’t sure exactly what to tell her. Did they crouch in hiding for months? Years? Waiting for a rescue that might never come? Could they find enough of a viable fuel source to replenish their supply and attempt a return to Earth on FTL, praying to whatever gods would listen that they would find conveniently placed planets along the way to discharge the core?

But he couldn’t let the crew see his concerns, so he masked his emotions and looked back up at her, attempting to show a steely resolve.

“We continue to make repairs to the ship. We’re not finished fixing all that was damaged. We look for sources of fuel on that moon. We band together as a team like we used to and don’t give up hope of rescue.”

He could tell Liara didn’t like the answer, but for now, it satisfied her. It was all they had, and as Garrus surveyed the somber faces in the room, he knew the rest of the crew felt the same. But what were their options?

They stood there in silence for what felt like hours. In the end, it was Joker that broke the silence.

“I’ll set course for the moon.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“You said you followed me up,” Shepard explained to Anderson and the waiting audience in her hospital room. “I thought it was strange at the time, but that’s what you said. I sort of blacked out when the beam spit me out on the Citadel, so I just figured you came up while I was out.”

Propped up on pillows, she was attempting to remember all the details of what had happened the day the war ended.

No one had pressed her for answers for several days, simply letting her rest. They had told her of Garrus’s fate – that the Normandy was missing and the relays severely damaged. She had cried privately with only Solana to hear her at night, but she put on a face of resolve for everyone else when they visited her. Miranda had insisted she go outside for some fresh air and each time she did, she was accompanied by friends. Relearning how to walk was harder than she expected. When she woke up on a Cerberus table after her first resurrection, she had cybernetics to enliven her flesh. Without them, she had to teach her muscles how to move all over again.

But it was worth it.

With each step she took, she felt more alive. It was something that made her feel less hopeless. She had tried not to slip into despair at the news that the Normandy was missing and its crew had not been heard from in seven weeks. Shepard tried not to count the hours without her turian fiancé and many of her closest friends – people who were more like family than friends – but she found herself keeping track nonetheless.

And now, as she tried to recall the events of the day that ended the war, she was surrounded by people she cared for and respected – Anderson, her mother, Solana, Tavius, and Admiral Hackett, who had visited her frequently since waking. Miranda was listening attentively as well, insisting she was there to make sure Shepard’s vitals didn’t spike from the stress of recounting her story, but Shepard was sure she really just wanted to hear the details.

Major Coats was there too, his quiet figure leaning against the wall or doorframe as he often did. He always seemed to be around, hovering near her hospital room. Under any other circumstances, she might have thought it a little disturbing, but there was something about him that was the complete opposite…perhaps even comforting.

 

_“I need you…”_

 

“What happened next, Shepard?” Anderson said quietly, breaking into her thoughts.

Shepard cleared her head and continued, trying to remember all the details of that horrid day. She recounted as clearly as she could the conversation between Anderson and the Illusive Man, the loss of control over her own body, the suicide of the Illusive Man, and finally, the painful death of her father figure by her own hand. The corners of her eyes became wet as she described how she watched him die, sitting next to her, looking out over their home planet.

The most difficult part, however, was describing the Catalyst and the three choices placed before her. She felt her voice rising as she attempted to justify the choice she had made and watched as understanding washed over the eyes riveted on her as she spoke.

Everyone in the room seemed to know something she didn’t.

Shepard had expected anger, frustration, disbelief at her decision – the judgment that had destroyed all synthetic life in favor of preserving organic life – but that wasn’t what she saw. Heads bobbed in agreement with her at her choice.

Coats smiled tenderly at her from the corner.

Finally, she could take it no longer.

“Why are none of you upset?” she said, confusion evident in her tone. “I killed an entire race of living beings! Is that so easily forgivable?”

“Shepard,” Hackett stepped forward and placed himself directly next to her bed. “Things may not be as they seem.”

She blinked at him. She had one thought as he spoke and she voiced it immediately.

“With all due respect, sir, what the _fuck_ does that mean?!?!”

She heard a chuckle from Coats near the doorway. At first, she was infuriated. There was nothing funny about this situation – nothing funny at all. But when she met the gaze of those light blue eyes, she understood. He smiled and nodded at her with a look of pure respect – pure admiration. He was impressed with her. She was probably the first person he had ever heard speak that way to an Admiral and get away with it. Shepard found herself sitting a little taller in her hospital bed.

“Calm down and listen, soldier,” Hackett continued. “Most of what you told us is the way things really happened, but there are pieces you are missing.”

“What pieces?” she asked. “Just spit it out, Hackett. I deserve to know what you’re hinting at and I need to know it now!”

Miranda vacated her seat next to Shepard and allowed Hackett to sit in it.

“You _did_ make it to the beam,” he said. “It transported you to the Citadel, but you were the only one that made it.”

“But Ander –“

“Commander!” Hackett said forcefully. “You may have saved the galaxy, but I am still your commanding officer. You asked for an explanation. I’m giving it to you. Now sit back and listen, because I will only say this once.”

She opened and closed her mouth one more time, but eventually she sat back, keeping her spine straight as Hackett continued.

“As I was saying, you were the only one to make it to the Citadel. Anderson was not there, and as far as we know, neither was the Illusive Man – at least, we never found his body. You did manage to fire the Crucible, and the structure we found near where your body was discovered matches your description of what you saw near the beam. Most likely, this means that you really were given three options by the Catalyst. Whether the Catalyst really appeared in the form of a holographic image of a boy or not is something we will never know.”

Shepard wanted to ask what he meant by that, but she didn’t have to wait long before Hackett turned to Miranda.

“Do you want to explain the rest or should I?” Hackett asked her.

Miranda’s eyes flashed from Hackett to Shepard and back to Hackett again. Shepard had never seen the dark-haired woman look so conflicted and unsure of herself in all the time she had known her. In the end, Miranda stepped forward and picked up where Hackett left off.

“You see, Shepard,” she coughed and shifted her eyes to the side and back. “We believe that when you saw Anderson and the Illusive Man on the Citadel, you were really seeing…hallucinations of them – images if you will, placed in your mind by the Reapers themselves.”

Shepard’s jaw dropped. There were no words to describe how she felt as Miranda continued.

“It’s appalling that we never picked up on it before, but you were always so strong, so sure, so willing to do the right thing. But what we believe happened is that the Reapers had attempted to…indoctrinate you…for a very long time, in fact. You came in contact with multiple Reaper artifacts over a period of years. You were one of the most powerful forces of the resistance against them, of course they wanted to control you – to bring you to their side. Perhaps it was the prothean beacon that strengthened your mind, or perhaps you were always strong enough to resist them on your own. That would explain how you survived the beacon visions in the first place, but whatever it was that allowed you to resist, resist you did – until the end.”

“I still don’t understand,” Shepard tried to say more, but she couldn’t even voice her own thoughts.

“We’re not sure we understand it completely, either, but we have heard similar stories from others who have encountered Reaper artifacts – hallucinations, voices, shadows, nightmares. Everything you have described to us.” Miranda began speaking faster, seemingly excited by the new information. “The difference is, we know these things because those who were controlled by the Reapers before the war ended have come forward or been discovered and told us about them now that they are no longer under Reaper control. The doctors here have been studying the effects on those individuals and your account sounds eerily similar to those who were _truly_ indoctrinated. I have even compared your neural activity since we recovered you to those recovering from the effects of previous indoctrination. There are striking similarities. But somehow you –“ Miranda’s voice became quiet, almost awestruck.

“Somehow you resisted their control,” she whispered.

Shepard noticed that everyone in the room was very still. Even Coats’s smile was gone as he watched from the corner. Tavius and Solana sat straight up in their seats. Anderson and her mother watched her intently. Shepard trained her eyes back on Miranda’s face, struggling to take in all the information. Smiling at her briefly, Miranda continued, “In the Citadel, it appears that the Reapers tried to use two of the most powerful figures in your life to convince you, of your own supposed ‘free will and choice’, that you should attempt to control them or force evolution upon all of us – and who knows if that’s what would have happened even if they had convinced you. There’s no way to know that they were telling you the truth about anything – they lied about so many other things.”

Miranda shifted her stance and stared off to the right, clearly switching to scientist mode. “They’re quite ingenious in their methods really. They even used an image that drew sympathy from you – from a psychological perspective, making the Catalyst look like a small human boy was ingenious as a strategy to play with your emotions. As you relayed your story, it seems to make sense – they were still trying to indoctrinate you, Shepard, all the way to the end. They simply…. _failed_.”

There were no words.

 _Indoctrinated?_ , she thought. _I was indoctrinated? No…not really…I was_ almost _indoctrinated? What makes me different….if what Miranda says is true, how did I resist?_

In her mind, she was back on the Citadel – somewhere high above the crowds, the simulated wind at the top of the Presidium blowing through her hair.

 

_“I have loved you since that day, Garrus Vakarian. And I always will. So now you know the truth – the real power behind Commander Elizabeth Shepard has always been Garrus Vakarian. There is no Shepard without Vakarian. I would not be who I am today if you had not already been who you were thirteen years ago. I have had two heroes in my life. The first was and is my father.”_

_She paused and relaxed her hands at her sides._

_“The second is you.”_

 

She knew what had helped her withstand the power of the Reapers, their futile attempts at controlling the hero of the galaxy. Her power had a name.

Garrus Vakarian.

Shepard almost laughed out loud as she thought, _Could it really be that simple? It’s just too cliché…Could true love really conquer all?_

But her shoulders drooped as she remembered.

_He’s not here…_

“But what about the geth?” Shepard changed the subject to rid herself of the aching feeling in her chest. “Weren’t they destroyed by whatever blast came from the Crucible?”

“Not exactly,” Solana spoke up from her bed. She looked around the room, her face suddenly unsure as everyone turned to look at her.

“Why don’t you explain it to her, Sol,” Tavius said, clearing his throat and patting his daughter on the hand encouragingly. “You are the resident tech expert in the room. Perhaps you can find a way to simplify it for all of us.”

“From what we can tell, the pulse was targeted to destroy Reapers, not all synthetics.” Solana fidgeted in her lap as she began. “When it came to a piece of technology not derived entirely from Reaper tech, all the pulse did was destroy synthetic _hardware_ , but the essence of the geth is not in their hardware. The essence of each of them – their personalities and memories – are really just software. The memory banks for the geth collective can be extrapolated from damaged hardware and put into new hardware. The quarians are the foremost experts on the geth and have been hard at work placing preserved software platforms into new hardware. It is a slow process, but there is hope that many of the synthetic life forms temporarily out of commission from the blast can be…’rebooted’, for lack of a better term.”

Shepard looked around at the faces in the room to see if Solana’s fantastical explanation was really true. Although Tavius had encouraged Solana to explain, it was almost too far-fetched to believe. Hackett must have been able to read her thoughts, because he reassured her.

“It’s true, Shepard,” he nodded at her. “The pulse did real damage, but nothing is irreparable. It will take time, but everything can be repaired. In fact, hearing your story puts the missing piece in the puzzle. The Reapers used one last ditch effort at manipulating you – they tried to use your compassion against you. They didn’t think you would be willing to sacrifice an entire race of sapient beings to save the rest of us. They underestimated you, up until the very end.”

Relief flooded Shepard’s heart at the revelation. She hadn’t committed another genocide – a mass murder of innocent living beings, casually tossed to and fro in the throes of war.

Briefly, her thoughts turned to EDI. The Normandy was missing, but she had to believe that they were alive and out there….somewhere. She could only hope that wherever her crew was that they were putting this information to use with EDI – assuming that the pulse had affected her as well.

“This is all a lot to take in,” she finally whispered. Hannah was the first person to reach for her. Gratefully, she looked up at her mother as the two women’s hands met.

“We are all here for you, honey,” she said. “You are not alone. Miranda has been mending what we think are the observable effects of the Reapers’ attempt to take your mind. You may still have moments where things seem confusing, but those moments will become fewer and fewer. The others suffering from your…condition…have reported that time heals those scars. You’ve just had to sleep longer than they did before beginning your recovery.”

“But I _will_ recover?” Shepard didn’t like the hesitant tone of her own voice as it escaped her lips.

“Yes, Shepard,” Miranda said quickly, reassuring her with a firm nod of her head. Her friend placed a small pill bottle on the bedside table to her left. “If at any time you think you are seeing something that doesn’t seem….real, take one of these. Don’t swallow them, just let it melt onto your tongue. It should immediately stop whatever hallucinations you might still experience.”

“Can I take one now?” Shepard asked, almost laughing. “I want to make sure all of this is real.”

“Go ahead, Shepard,” Miranda smiled at her. Hands slightly trembling, Shepard reached for the pill bottle and emptied a tiny capsule into her hand.

Part of her was still afraid that if she closed her eyes, everyone in the room would disappear or she would find herself back in one of her nightmares.

After a taking one last look at those she was afraid would disappear in a few short moments, she finally took the plunge and dropped her eyelids. Placing the pill gently on her tongue, she counted as the tasteless drug dissolved.

_One…two…three…_

With trepidation, she opened her eyes.

“Everyone’s still here,” she finally whispered.

“The images and confusion will…fade…with time,” Miranda said. “Until then, we are all here for you.”

_I would heal faster if Garrus was here…_

“I think I’d like some time alone,” she said. “Solana can stay, of course. You don’t have to wheel her bed out of here or anything. I’m just…tired, I guess.”

Each person in the room bid her a hasty goodbye. Anderson patted her gently on the shoulder. Hackett nodded at her before turning for the door. Her mother gave her a kiss on the forehead. Tavius mirrored the human gesture with a brief press of his forehead to hers.

“Rest easy, my daughter,” he whispered to her before flaring his mandibles. “We will not leave you alone in this.”

Shepard smiled thankfully as they all left the room. The last person to exit, surprisingly, was Coats, who simply tipped his head in a gesture of respect and…something she couldn’t read. She assumed the pained look was sympathy for her, but she still wasn’t sure what to make of the Major.

“Shepard,” said the only remaining voice in the room. Shepard turned to look at Solana.

“Please, Solana,” she replied. “Call me Elizabeth.”

“Right…Elizabeth,” Solana said. “Thank you.”

That was a surprise to Shepard. “Thank you?” she asked. “For what?”

“For loving my brother,” Solana said with a smile. “I already approved of his choice of you, but after hearing what you’ve been through…” Solana’s head lowered briefly before meeting Shepard’s gaze again. “I don’t believe there’s a better person in the entire galaxy than you. I hope he understands how lucky he is to have you.”

Shepard gave her a sad smile as she thought of her turian – lost somewhere in space. Somewhere beyond the damaged relays.

Just before Shepard shut her eyes, she said softly, “I hope he understands how lucky I am to have him.”


	9. This Is Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long, but Solana has a story to tell...

The pounding of her feet on the pavement helped Shepard count the seconds, each footfall perfectly in rhythm with the passage of time. Each second that passed was another second without Garrus. Each minute another minute that she wondered where he was.

Miranda had cleared her for running two days ago. It had been a long time since Shepard had lived or served in a place with room to run, but she took the opportunity to do so now. She loved the feeling of the warm sun, wearing only a sports bra and a pair of shorts to feel the realness of it all on her skin. The air burned in her lungs, but not in the way it had after her rescue. The explosion from the red tube had charred the skin on her face and chest as well as her airways, which had explained why it had hurt so much to breathe when she was found. But Miranda, along with the Alliance’s best medical staff still left on Earth, had worked her magic. Skin grafts and multiple surgeries had repaired her injuries the first few weeks she was sedated. The flesh was still a little tender to heat or cold, but unless someone knew what had happened to her, they weren’t visible.

The apathy in her muscles was another story. The first few days of simple walks had been excruciatingly painful, but Shepard pushed herself to do it, even when she thought her legs would collapse under her. Slowly, she rebuilt muscle that hadn’t been used for over two months.

It was now nine weeks since the Reaper War ended and Shepard had graduated to morning jogs. She couldn’t really call them “runs” yet. She didn’t go very far or very fast, but each day she moved a little more confidently and jogged a little farther.

“You just missed Major Coats,” Solana said as she returned to the hospital room. “He was making his usual rounds at the hospital and came to check on me.”

“Oh, really?” Shepard panted as she bent over and placed her hands on her knees, attempting to regain her breath. Coats had been coming by frequently. He often visited many of the patients in the infirmary. She made a mental note to ask Anderson if there was a reason for that. “I’m sure he will come by later.”

“Yes, I’m sure he will,” Tavius said, looking up briefly from the datapad in his hands to raise one eyebrow plate at her.

“Be nice, Dad,” Solana said, reaching over and lightly punching her father in the arm. “He’s always kind to me when he visits. I like him. I don’t get many visitors, but he’s one of the few that sits and talks with me even when Elizabeth’s not here.” She turned to look at Shepard with a mocking grin on her face. “That’s the real reason I wanted to be your roommate – for all the fantastic visitors and the inside scoop on galactic politics.”

Shepard was still panting embarrassingly hard as she found the chair next to Solana’s bed, opposite Tavius. Smiling, the bed-ridden turian turned to Shepard and leaned closer to her.

“Between you and me, I think Coats comes by so often because he likes you, but he’s too polite to be rude and ignore me,” Solana whispered with a giggle.

“He has to like me,” Shepard said with a grin. “I’m the goddamned hero of the galaxy. Who wouldn’t love all this?” She motioned to her torso as she finished the sentence. She was rewarded by an amused grunt from Tavius and a laugh from Solana. “But whether he does feel something more than respect for me is irrelevant. I’ve made promises to another…” Shepard trailed off, her voice softer than before. Tavius didn’t look up from his datapad, but she could see him smiling sadly as he pretended to be enraptured in whatever he was reading.

“How was the sun today?” Solana asked, changing the subject and reaching for Shepard’s hand.

Shepard gripped her hand in return and said, “Absolutely wonderful.”

“It’s good to see you able to be out and about,” Tavius said as he looked up to flick a brief smile at her. He was always busy with work, but he treated her almost as warmly as he did his own flesh and blood. The Primarch was stranded on Earth as well and Tavius was helping coordinate with any repair efforts he could. Occasionally, Victus visited her hospital room and exchanged a few brief words with Solana and Tavius, but most of the time, Tavius did his work alone next to Sol’s bedside. For Shepard, it wasn’t nearly as awkward as she would have thought. It almost felt like home to have Garrus’s family so close to her at all hours, even if she was in a hospital.

“I wish I could go with you,” Solana said wistfully.

“Hey, you’re due soon, aren’t you?” She smiled at Solana, trying to cheer her spirits. “You’ll pop that thing out in no time and then you and I can go running all you want. We can even spar if you like – Garrus told me that was a normal thing for turians to do. He and I used to –“

At the mention of Garrus’s name, Shepard froze. A shadow had suddenly appeared in the doorway of their hospital room. She was painfully aware of Tavius and Solana’s eyes watching her intently, but she couldn’t tear her own eyes away from what she saw.

_Garrus…_

He was standing there, just out of reach in the doorway. His mandibles were flared in a smile and he beckoned to her to follow him.

_No…Not real…._

Her hands were shaking as she reached for the pill bottle on the table next to her. Her hand was trembling so much that she knocked the bottle on the floor. A figure bent over near her to pick up the bottle. She almost punched it before she realized that Tavius had sprung to his feet to help her. He emptied the bottle into his hand and gave her one of the precious capsules that told her what was real.

Gratefully, she placed the small pill on her tongue and waited, watching the ghost in the door.

_“Lizzie…”_ it said. She waited for the pill to work its magic, and after a few seconds, the image of Garrus in front of her began to fade. _“There is no Shepard without Vakarian…”_ it said, still beckoning to her as it became transparent.

She felt a tear run down her cheek as the last outline of Garrus’s form winked out.

“What was it, Elizabeth?” Tavius asked in a soft voice, sitting next to her on the bed. “What did you see this time?”

This had happened several times since Miranda had explained the effects of the Reapers’ attempt at indoctrinating her. Each time it had been someone or something different. The Catalyst boy had appeared to her. EDI and Legion had made their presence known. Ashley had shown up in the flesh one morning and not in a dream. And each time, Shepard took her magic pill and the hallucination disappeared, leaving the dead with the dead and the living with her.

“Garrus,” she sputtered. “It was Garrus this time.”

Tavius’s eyebrow plates furrowed together.

“I think I should alert Miranda,” he said, clasping her on the shoulder affectionately before leaving the room.

“Are you going to be ok?” Solana said once her father had left.

Shepard shook her head and wiped the wetness from her cheek. “Yeah…some of them…the _hallucinations_ …are harder to deal with than others. I just…even with the medication…I’m not always sure how to tell what’s _real_ anymore. I used to know, but now…”

 

_“You wanted something real? I just killed 305,000 batarians. I can claim that I did it to stop a Reaper invasion. That’s a good enough reason, I guess. But the truth?”_

_Her knees suddenly felt weak. She slid down until she was sitting on the floor in front of the one being in the galaxy she had ever confided so much in and looked up into his blue eyes, still watching her. “The truth is I did it for my mother. So maybe, just maybe, she would forgive me for being alive instead of my father.”_

_And then she felt Garrus’ fingers. He had touched her forehead and was gently running his fingers through her short, messy hair, stroking gently. She looked up tentatively, scared of what she would see. But all she saw was a soft look of understanding on her turian’s face._

_“No, you didn’t, Lizzie.” His subvocals rumbled through her as he spoke softly, but she didn’t comprehend his meaning. She shook her head to demonstrate her confusion._

_“I know my girl,” he explained, continuing his soft strokes through her hair. “And I know you did what you did for the right reasons. You always do. You can make yourself feel guilty all you want, but that guilt isn’t real.” He stopped running his fingers through her hair then and cupped her chin in one of his strong hands._

_“You want to know what’s real, Lizzie?” he asked. All she could do was stare with astonishment into the eyes of her confessor, balking at his forgiveness. “This,” he gestured at the air in between them with his other hand. “This is real.”_

 

Shepard stifled a sob at the memory. She almost forgot Solana was still watching her until she heard the turian woman’s voice.

“Elizabeth, come over here.”

Shepard looked at Solana with an inquisitive glance, but she complied, standing next to Solana’s bedside and staring down at her friend.

“Give me your hand,” Solana said, holding out her own three-fingered one. Shepard placed her hand in Solana’s and watched as Solana positioned her hand on her abdomen – right on the bulge where a tiny life was growing.

“You want to know what’s real?” Solana said, looking up at her with a smile. “This…This is real.”

At that moment, she felt the baby kick.

She almost pulled her hand away in surprise, but Solana was holding it down. When the baby kicked again, Shepard laughed.

“Spirits, that’s amazing,” she whispered reverently.

“Yeah…” Solana nodded. “It is. And there’s no way that even in your fucked up head you could have imagined this.”

Finally, she let Shepard pull her hand back.

“You know, Sol, your brother comforted me with similar words before.”

“He and I are a lot alike,” Solana replied. “Tends to happen when people have the same parents, so I hear.”

Silence descended on the room again and Shepard studied Solana’s face.

“I haven’t really told you how I ended up in this mess yet, have I?” Solana said. Shepard shook her head in response. “Would you like to hear?”

“Of course, Sol. I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me.”

Solana leaned back in her bed and stared at the ceiling.

“Tarquin Victus,” she finally whispered, almost reverently. Shepard sat up in surprise. She knew that name. “I met him when Garrus was appointed as the Expert Reaper Advisor. Spirits, he was a paragon of turian masculinity, that Tarquin Victus.”

Shepard smiled as Solana spoke of the turian who had stolen her heart. _That would explain the frequent visits of the Primarch_ , Shepard thought. _I mean, he’s got business with Tavius, but he doesn’t need to be here every other day…_

“You might recognize the name,” Solana turned to look at her. “He’s the Primarch’s son.”

“I do recognize the name,” Shepard replied with a smile but divulging nothing more about her knowledge of Victus’s son.

“Well…we met at some defense meeting. Neither of us was actually invited, both of us just tagging along with our more important family members. Garrus and Dad and the Primarch – who was a General then – they were all there, of course, but Tarquin and I were left to entertain ourselves while the ‘big kids’ talked behind closed doors. We hit it off from the start. One thing led to another and…”

Solana closed her eyes for a moment. Shepard let her be, not wanting to disturb whatever memory she was replaying in her mind.

“When the Reapers hit and Tarquin’s father became Primarch, he sent Quin off on some top secret mission. Dad told me that he died, but I don’t know how. I never even got a chance to tell him –“

Suddenly, Solana went silent, her mandibles flickering against her face uncontrollably as she looked down.

“Hey,” Shepard said, grabbing Solana’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “You know what? I actually knew Tarquin.”

“You did?” Solana looked at her, eyes wide.

“Yes, and I was there when he died. Would you like to hear about it or would you rather –“

“Please tell me! Dad won’t say anything. Claims he doesn’t know.”

“He’s probably telling you the truth. It really was an extremely top secret mission,” Shepard said, shaking her head. As tactfully as she could, she recounted her meeting with the Primarch’s son on Tuchanka and his mission there. Her heart ached for Solana as she watched her friend’s expression change with each new development of the story.

“He died with honor,” Shepard concluded, sitting back in her chair.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Shepard respected that Solana didn’t want to talk at first, but eventually, Solana sat up and looked at her.

“Thank you,” she said. “It is better to know. And I’m grateful to know that my daughter had a worthy father.”

“Daughter?” Shepard smiled.

“Yes,” Solana smiled back. “The doctor says it’s a girl.”

“Have a name picked out yet?” Shepard asked.

“I was thinking of calling her Elizabeth.”

“Oh, fuck no.”

“Why not?”

“That’s not a very turian sounding name.”

“And that’s a stupid answer,” Solana grinned and Shepard smiled at the response. Solana could definitely dish it out as well as she could take it. “It’s one of the most popular names in the galaxy right now, I’m sure.”

“Well, shit, that’s a perfect reason to give her a different name.”

Solana chuckled at Shepard’s last comment, leaning back in her bed again, looking tired.

“So what name would _you_ propose?” she asked, turning to look at her human sister.

Shepard thought about that for a moment. She didn’t know many turian names and wasn’t sure how to respond. And then she remembered…

“What about Livia?” she asked quietly. Solana’s mandible flared in response.

“After my mother?” Solana said. Shepard nodded with a smile. The two women stared at each other for a few moments more before Solana finally said, “I’m surprised you remember. I think that’s perfect. Livia Elizabeth Vakarian.”

“Goddammit, Sol.”

The pair broke into a fit of laughter.

“It appears you are feeling better,” Tavius said as he reentered the room.

“Yes, much,” Shepard said with a grin. “Solana always cheers me up.”

“That’s good to hear,” the patriarch said. “Miranda will be by later to check on you.”

Shepard nodded and sat back on her bed. The room was quiet again and Shepard began to gather her things to head for the shower. Solana’s voice stopped her before she left.

“There’s a bit more I want to tell you,” she said, looking at her father briefly and then down at her hands.

“What’s that?”

“I…I’m not…that is…” Solana was fidgeting now. Tavius looked up from his datapad with one eyebrow plate raised as Shepard sat down next to Sol’s bed again. She reached across Solana’s lap and grabbed her hand to calm her. The gesture seemed to work as Solana looked back up and smiled weakly. “My pregnancy is not going well.”

“What do you mean?” Shepard said.

“When I said I sustained some minor injuries, that wasn’t exactly true.”

Shepard remembered that Garrus told her Solana had broken her leg while evacuating Palaven. He hadn’t said anything else about Sol’s injuries.

_Maybe he didn’t know_ , she thought. She made eye contact with Tavius who confirmed the truth of the statement with a nod.

“You didn’t tell Garrus, did you?” Shepard asked. Solana shook her head.

“We didn’t want him to worry. Spirits, Garrus doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. He was off saving the galaxy with you. We wanted him to be able to focus. It was one thing that Dad and I could agree on. Anyway…” Solana looked down at her hands again. “The baby seems to be doing better now, but it was touch and go for a while. However, my own body has been growing weaker since the injury. That’s the real reason I’m in this damn hospital.”

Shepard didn’t know what to say. It was a horrible response, but all she could come up with was, “I’m so sorry, Sol.”

“Will you take care of her?”

That question made Shepard sit up straight, eyes wide. Even Tavius seemed surprised at Solana’s question. He put his datapad down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, staring at his daughter’s face intently.

“What?!”

“I mean…” Solana looked nervous. “If…if something happens to me…if I don’t make it, will you take care of her for me? I know you would keep her safe. Without me, she won’t have any females in her life. She would be surrounded by men – my dad, Tarquin’s father…she needs a female, and a strong one at that.”

“You can’t think like that, Solana. You just –“

“I _have_ to think like that, Elizabeth!” Solana sounded desperate now. “Everything is so uncertain now. The Reapers are gone, but the galaxy is in shambles. I want to know that my daughter will be safe and cared for if I’m gone.”

Shepard felt as if the air in her lungs had been sucked right out of her. Tavius’s face looked less surprised than Shepard felt but just as sad.

_Me?_ , she thought. _Raising a baby? A_ turian _baby?_

But in the end, she knew there was nothing she could say other than what she ended up saying.

“I will take care of her.”

“You will raise her like your own?”

“I will raise her like my own.”

Without having any children of her own, Shepard wasn’t sure exactly how she could promise that, but she knew Solana needed to hear it. The relief that washed over her friend’s face was clearly evident. Even Garrus’s father’s face seemed to soften as Shepard granted Solana’s request.

“Thank you, Elizabeth. That means more to me than you know.”

“I make this promise on one condition,” Shepard said quickly.

Solana cocked her head. “What’s that?”

“You have to promise me not to give up. You have to fight.”

Solana just smiled and leaned back.

“Deal.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Rounds.

He dreaded them, but he still did them. After two weeks back on the moon that had become their home, Garrus was learning to dread the regular conversations with crewmembers at their stations more and more.

Because nothing ever changed.

The ship’s more superficial repairs were being taken care of. Chakwas had found a plethora of natural foods and remedies for the crew. Kaidan, Cortez, and Vega were using their repair crews to scour the land for new sources of fuel or ammunition. The latter was easy to come by, but unfortunately, no one had found any viable fuels they could use to power the Normandy’s thrusters. Liara was spending an inordinate amount of time with Javik. Their relationship seemed to be much more than food for Liara’s abiding interest in prothean culture. Allers and Traynor spent countless hours playing chess…and perhaps other things.

The fact was that the crew had settled into a routine.

But Garrus was developing cabin fever.

The only person he didn’t dread speaking with was Joker and that was because Joker didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Neither did Garrus. The two men understood each other without having to say a word. Sometimes they simply shared cups of coffee while sitting outside the ship and watching the sun set behind the planet above them. Other times, they cleaned up scratches in the hull or Joker reviewed the navigational logs while Garrus calibrated weapons systems. But no matter what they were doing, they had each developed a strong mutual respect for the other that came only from truly understanding the same pain.

Garrus sighed as the door to engineering swung open. Striding forward, he expected to see Tali and Adams working on the drive core, but the deck was empty.

_Strange_ , he thought. _Where are they?_

He scoured the ship from top to bottom. Tali and Adams were nowhere to be found.

_Cabin fever creates more relationships than I would have ever thought_. He chuckled a little at the idea of Tali and Adams, but it made sense in a way. The two had worked together closely for years. No wonder they had built up an attraction.

Eventually, he gave up and retired to the mess for a small meal. As he rounded the corner, he saw them – Tali and Adams sitting in a corner of the mess alone. He smiled knowingly to himself as he went to the kitchen cupboard to find his rationed meal.

“Garrus!” He heard Tali’s hushed, but excited whisper over the din of the rest of the crew at dinner time. “Garrus, we’ve been looking for you.”

Garrus walked toward Tali and Adams’ corner, a questioning look on his face.

“I’ve been looking for the two of _you_ ,” he said as he approached them.

“We may have…good news,” she said. Adams nodded in agreement. “But we don’t want to talk about it here.”

“Then where are we going?”

“Med bay,” she whispered. “Come with us.”

Garrus followed wordlessly, still confused as he followed Tali and Adams to the med bay. As soon as the med bay doors slid shut behind them, Tali dropped the shutters so the crew couldn’t see them through the windows.

“What’s this all about?” Garrus asked, crossing his arms.

“Adams and I have been working all day on a project,” Tali said, animated.

“What project is that?” Garrus continued, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“EDI.”

That was not what Garrus expected. Without another word, Tali turned toward the AI Core and unlocked the door.

“We may be able to fix her,” Tali concluded, her eyes shining brightly from under her mask.

Garrus didn’t know what to say, but he followed Tali into the room where EDI’s body was kept. When that door slid shut behind them, Adams picked up where Tali left off.

“We’ve done all we could for the drive core with the materials we have,” he said. “Tali hadn’t had time to really check out what happened to EDI because we were so focused on fixing the ship. But with repairs mostly complete, we took a closer look and –“

“Her hardware is damage, but her software is still intact!” Tali interrupted. “The pulse damaged any part of her mobile platform that was purely synthetic, but her memory banks are still in the ship’s computer. It will take some time and work, but we think we can get her up and running again, at least within the ship.”

“What about her mobile platform?” Garrus asked.

“That will be trickier,” Adams added. “We may have enough spare parts to be able to replace the damaged pieces. I don’t know if it will work, but we can try.”

“Do it,” Garrus said with a firm nod. “But don’t tell the crew yet.”

“We could use a few more tech experts on this project,” Adams said.

“You’ll get them, but again, I want this Need-To-Know only. I will also help in any way that I can. I’m not so bad with tech myself.”

“Not at all, Garrus,” Tali said. “With the three of us and a few more hands, I think we should be able to extrapolate EDI’s data and repair the mobile platform.”

“Let’s hope you’re right,” Garrus said. “We could all use some good news.”


	10. We Are Not Alone

The night cycle was always so quiet, but it was even quieter now that they were stranded.

Garrus allowed for fewer crewmembers to be assigned to night duty now that the Normandy had nowhere to go. There was no reason to keep a third of the crew awake during the night while they were parked on the ground of an uncharted moon with no Reapers or other enemies in sight.

Tonight, Garrus was patrolling the decks himself. Patrolling wasn’t quite the word for what he was doing, either. Wandering aimlessly was more like it. He had tried to sleep, but this was a night like so many others where sleep was hard to come by. Another week had passed. Another week where they had no leads on new fuel sources. Another week with no communication from the Alliance or any other ships in the sector.

Another night he had tried to sleep in the bed of his cabin alone.

A sigh escaped his lips as he reached for a familiar mug in the mess. He hoped a warm drink would help him get to sleep. It had always helped Lizzie – how she loved her hot chocolate before going to bed. On more than one occasion, he had surprised her by showing up in the loft with a mug specially made for her. She always tossed him a grateful smile and a kiss before turning back to the datapads and reports strewn about her desk. If he was lucky, they would have snagged some of those tiny marshmallows she loved on their last stop at the Citadel and he would get an especially happy Commander. And eventually, he would see her eyelids start to droop, her hands would rise to rub at the sleepiness in her eyes. She would smile at him again as he stared up at her from his own work somewhere else in the room, and she would descend the stairs to capture his mouth with hers before they fell into bed together.

The warm drink in his mug stared back at him as he sipped it in silence, alone in the mess.

Suddenly, he heard the elevator slide open and closed. Footsteps approached and slowed when the intruder saw him sitting alone.

“Turian,” Javik said, heading for the kitchen. “I did not expect to find you awake at this hour.”

“I didn’t expect to _be_ awake at this hour,” Garrus mumbled, taking another sip of his drink. Javik wasn’t his favorite member of the crew, but the prothean had definitely softened as his relationship with Liara blossomed.

“I am glad you are here,” Javik continued, sitting opposite him and chewing on a ration bar. “I have been meaning to speak with you, but could not find the right time.”

“What about?” Garrus asked over the rim of his mug, eyebrow plates raised as he sipped slowly.

“I have done some exploring. Nothing too far from the ship, of course. I have followed your orders.”

Garrus had allowed the crew to explore their new surroundings – within limits. Even though they were approaching three months of isolation, many of the human crewmembers were still enjoying the fact that they were stranded in a tropical paradise. There were glorious views from the mountains surrounding the crash site and warm lakes and rivers for swimming. Garrus didn’t quite understand the appeal of swimming, but the human crew definitely seemed to enjoy the activity. Regardless, the crew was having a surprisingly pleasant time for being stranded on the edge of the Exodus Cluster with no ETA for Earth.

“But I have…sensed something, from the moment we landed on this moon.” Javik’s four eyes locked with Garrus’s two in a serious expression.

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Garrus said slowly.

“We are not alone on this moon, Vakarian.” Garrus wasn’t sure what was more surprising – the information Javik revealed or the fact that the prothean used his name instead of his species’ name to address him. Either way, Garrus made sure he was paying attention.

“There is a sapient being or species watching us,” Javik continued. “I have felt its presence, but for some unknown reason, I am unable to read the echoes left by it on the objects I touch. However, I know for sure it is there.”

“Does it mean us harm?” Garrus asked.

“That remains to be seen. Whether this entity is peaceful or not, I do not know, but it would be wise to be on our guard.”

Garrus nodded solemnly. Javik’s news disconcerted him, but all he could do for now was speak with the crew in the morning and devise a stronger defense plan.

“Thank you for telling me,” Garrus finally responded. “I will deal with this new information in the morning.”

“Let us hope that this lifeform is a friend and not an enemy,” Javik concluded as he stood to leave.

“Let’s hope so,” Garrus agreed and followed Javik to the elevator, sure that sleep would be even harder to achieve now.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Sunny days were always the best. Shepard tried not to feel lost without Garrus and her crew. She resolved to make the best of the hand she had been dealt and spent every moment she could in the sun when it made an appearance. Ships and stations had been her entire life, and when she thought about it, this was the most time she had ever spent on Earth in one stay – well, at least while not under house arrest. She had never been this free to roam on her home planet’s surface for such an extended period of time. If nothing else, she was developing the first tanlines on her naturally pale skin under a sun that fought longer and harder each day to force its way through clouds, dust, and smoke. She fought along with the sun to keep her head above the dust and smoke that threatened to cloud her heart whenever she worried for her team, and especially worried for her love.

On top of everything, she loved meeting survivors on her daily runs. They helped her stay positive. The people still alive and cleaning up Earth – human or otherwise – were made of strong stuff, and they never failed to impress her. They always tried to shower her with thanks and admiration, but Shepard just waved them off and told them to hang on; that they would all make it out of this mess together.

Seasons. That was another new phenomenon for Shepard. The war had been over for ten weeks and the seasons were trying to change. It was supposedly spring time on the northern hemisphere of Earth, but because of the dust clouds, the warmer temperatures had to wait for the smoke to clear. But now, there was a marked difference in the overall climate of London.

And today, Shepard found her first hint of spring.

It was late – there was no doubt about that – but it was still there. A morning jog had taken Shepard to a sector of the city that had somehow remained relatively untouched. A flash of red had caught her eye as she ran past a row of barely preserved townhouses and in front of the crumbling buildings was the color that stopped her like a brick wall. In the morning sunrise, Shepard found something she had not seen in any other part of the city.

A single, red rose.

It took her breath away with its simple beauty. A solitary rose bush was in the corner of the townhouse plot, or what remained of it. The bush appeared sick and wilting from lack of sunshine and water, but somehow it had miraculously produced this solitary flower. She gently thumbed its petals and bent to take in its scent, the sweet aroma filling her nostrils and enlivening her heart with joy and hope.

She was reluctant to pluck the flower from its natural perch, but she longed to bring some cheer to her hospital roommate. Solana had been particularly downtrodden the last few days, feeling quite ill and worried about the baby. Shepard, Tavius, and Victus stayed with her at all times and did everything in their power to keep her in good spirits, but Solana’s failing health and stress seemed to be overpowering her. Shepard hoped this flower would lighten up more than just the gloomy color of the room.

Pricking her finger on a thorn, Shepard used the knife in her pocket to gently cut the rose from its bush and carried it gingerly as she walked back to the infirmary. A smile was on her lips as she approached the place that had become her makeshift home, carefully treading around the crowds of people that regularly thronged the hospital entrance, still searching for lost loved ones.

“It’s strange to find something so beautiful in a place like this,” a familiar voice surprised her as she rounded the corner. Looking up from the small glimmer of hope in her hands, Shepard saw Coats, leaning against the wall, flicking the ashes from the cigarette between his fingers, and taking another long drag as he watched her with a half-smile on his face.

“I thought the same thing,” she said with a smile, walking toward him. “I’m hoping this will cheer Solana up a bit.”

“I was almost worried,” he continued, dropping his cigarette and stamping it out with his boot, his blue eyes looking past long lashes to meet hers. “You aren’t usually gone this long on your morning runs. But I should know better. The great Commander Shepard can fend for herself.”

“Keeping tabs on me, Major?” she asked with teasing undertone. The man was always around, but Shepard was becoming accustomed to his presence. His voice still comforted her in a way she couldn’t describe, but even as she thought it, she reminded herself she didn’t know why.

“Just doing my job,” he grinned. “You’re not the only one, so don’t flatter yourself too much. I keep tabs on Anderson as well.”

“Ah, yes, so tell me, Major, how did you end up with such a prestigious position as Commander Shepard and Admiral Anderson’s babysitter?”

He laughed at her question – a genuine, warm laugh – while his blue eyes twinkled at her. She liked his laugh. It was…real.

“Just lucky, I guess. Right place, wrong time, something like that.”

“Well, Anderson is lucky to have someone like you at his side,” she said with a nod. “If half the things he says about you are true.”

“And just what does the Admiral have to say about me?” Coats shifted his stance to look at her squarely. He seemed honestly intrigued.

“He said that you were one of the bravest men he’s ever seen,” Shepard recalled, thinking back to a conversation she had recently with Anderson on just this subject. The man Shepard admired like a father seemed to esteem the dark-haired person in front of her with a respect that few people earned from the Admiral. That was something special in and of itself. “That you locked yourself in Big Ben for three days and shot at anything that moved – and survived. That you were an integral part of his fight to hold Earth and saved his ass quite a few times. For that, I owe you; Anderson means a lot to me...” Shepard looked down at the rose in her hands, feeling her cheeks match its color. “And from what I hear, I owe you for my life as well.”

She looked up to see him watching her intently, that same unreadable expression on his face. There was more – so much more – that Anderson had told her about Coats. Apparently the Major had not rested since the Reapers’ defeat. Shepard knew that Coats had single-handedly saved many of the people recovering in the hospital’s beds, digging people from the rubble the first few weeks after the war ended. He seemed to enjoy spending time with the soldiers and civilians he had rescued, not out of some sense of selfish pride, but because he genuinely cared for the people he strove to serve and protect.

What warmed her heart even more toward the man was that he often spent time checking on Solana when Shepard was gone for a walk or a run. Oftentimes, Shepard had returned to find Coats sitting by her turian friend, laughing about some story or joke. Somehow she knew he did it out of respect for her – she knew he could tell what Solana meant to her and because of that, he spent time comforting and cheering the turian woman. Solana teased Shepard mercilessly about Coats’s reasons for visiting her, but whatever his true reasons were, Shepard was still grateful. The simple gestures of kindness were unsolicited, but Shepard didn’t fail to notice or appreciate them.

“Not sure I follow,” he said, clearly uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

“Yes, you do,” Shepard said quietly. Anderson had ultimately revealed to her that it was Coats, not Miranda, who had led the search team for her after the Crucible fired. Shepard had been surprised at the revelation, but was grateful for the opportunity to thank him now. “You’re clearly just too modest to accept my thanks, but I’m giving it to you anyway. Thank you for insisting on searching for me, and thank you for responding so quickly once I was found. I don’t think I would have survived had you not found me when you did.”

“It was…I mean…” Shepard watched as the Major fidgeted, fumbling in his pocket for another cigarette. She grinned at him as he found it and lit it quickly, taking a long drag before speaking again. “You’re a hero – you saved all of us…an entire galaxy of people. The least we could do was look for you after everything you had done. I was just doing my duty, Commander.”

“Please, Shepard or Elizabeth is fine,” she replied. “We’re not on my ship and you’re not under my command.”

She was surprised at herself. She didn’t often allow people to call her by her first name. Shepard was usually sufficient, even for her closest friends on the crew, but something about Major Coats seemed…different. He was spoken of highly by Anderson and respected by Hackett. Even her mother and Solana seemed to like him.

And every time Shepard saw him, he gave her that same look – the one she didn’t understand, or refused to believe – a gentle smile with something underneath. The look that reminded her of a voice that comforted her in between nightmares.

 

_“I need you…”_

 

“Nicholas,” he said, startling her out of her thoughts. “The name’s Nicholas. But Coats works fine as well. Whatever you prefer, Comman – Shepard.”

She straightened her shoulders and nodded at him.

“Well, thank you, Nicholas,” she said. “I better go give this to Sol. Think it’ll cheer her up?”

He flashed his teeth at her briefly, a lock of his dark hair falling over his forehead. Shepard felt her cheeks redden when he met her eyes and said, “Something that lovely would definitely cheer me up. I’m sure Solana will love to see it.”

She nodded at him and began to duck into the hospital doorway. Coats – Nicholas – turned his back on her and took another drag from his cigarette. Shepard watched him, still puzzled by this new figure that had so abruptly entered their lives.

“You’ll drop by and see us later? Me and Sol, I mean?” she asked.

He turned around to look at her and smiled that smile of his.

“As you wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me I'm not the only one who thinks Major Coats is hot....  
> [Major Coats is a sexy beast](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4id3yIZkR1r0rw3ho3_500.jpg)  
> [ Or this one...](http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/majorcoats_4229.jpg)  
> [This person agrees with me at least...](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3s2jo0dY11r01gxlo1_500.png)
> 
> [Of course Garrus is sexier, but still....](http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/072/2/3/garrus_vakarian_by_taylderp-d5xz1wt.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, Coats's first name is unknown to me, so I stole it from his fantastic voice actor.  
> [Nicholas Boulton](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0099610/)


	11. Fresh, New Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious tissue warning.
> 
> Also, possible trigger warning - childbirth scene incoming...and you may not like me for it...

It started in the middle of the night. Twelve weeks to the day since the end of the Reaper War, and Shepard woke to the sound of Solana screaming.

“Get the doctor! And call Tavius right away!” Shepard yelled to a stunned nurse in the hall. “The baby’s coming!”

Shepard had no idea what to do. Without anyone to guide her, she stood by Solana’s bedside and gripped her sister’s hand, holding tight as Solana struggled to breathe. Shepard had faced down geth, Reapers, and even death itself, but somehow the scene before her scared her more than all of her other experiences combined.

“Elizabeth, is Dad on his way?” Solana gasped between pains.

“Yes, sweetie, they’ve called him,” Shepard reassured her.

“Spirits, this is harder than I thought it would be.”

“Just try to keep breathing, Sol. In and out. In and out. That’s a girl.”

It seemed like hours before the doctor arrived, but it was really only a matter of minutes. Shepard reluctantly released Solana’s hand as the room filled with medical professionals – a human, two asari, and one turian filed in quickly.

“How long since the pain started?” the turian asked.

“Only a few minutes, really,” Solana said, releasing another scream after she finished speaking.

“The baby’s coming too fast,” Shepard heard one of the asari nurses whisper to the human nurse. “They’re going to have to –“

“Solana!” Tavius ran into the room with Victus close behind. “How are you?”

“I’m having a fucking baby, Dad! How do you think I am?”

“So, fine then?”

Tavius’s response made Solana laugh as she tried to breathe.

“Thanks for getting here so quickly, Dad,” Sol said.

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t here earlier.”

Shepard watched the doctors and nurses work on Solana as Tavius and his daughter exchanged words. She walked to the corner to stand by Victus, trying to stay out of the way of the commotion.

“Congratulations are soon to be in order, I think” she whispered to him.

“Yes…Definitely a surprise, but not an unpleasant one after the war ended. Tarquin could not have chosen a better partner.”

“They were already registered then? From what Solana said, I didn’t think anyone knew.”

Victus gave Shepard a side-long glance. “I see you did some research on turian culture since last we served together.”

“A certain turian may have explained a few more…details to me at some point,” Shepard smiled fondly as she thought of Garrus, her own partner, or at least someone she hoped would be her partner…whenever he returned to her… or she found him somewhere across the wide galaxy.

“Yes, well, I was so busy with the war, I didn’t notice Tarquin’s request before I sent him off to…” Victus shook his head. “It didn’t even need approval. Their Hierarchy ranks are – were – the same. I suppose that’s why I was not alerted. I just wish he had told me before he – before he was gone.”

Both of their heads turned abruptly when Solana screamed again.

“We need to clear the room,” the turian doctor said to Shepard and Victus. “Her father may stay, but we need the rest of you out! Now!”

Shepard nodded and filed out with Victus. Victus sat quietly on a bench while Shepard paced, listening to the voices and screams from behind the now closed door.

“You should try and relax, Commander,” Victus said, arms crossed, voice slightly mocking.

“Relax? While listening to that?” Shepard motioned to the door when another shout filtered through.

“Babies come the same way every time,” Victus replied. “Pacing won’t change it or make it go any faster.”

“Well, it makes me feel better, all the same.”

“I see.”

Silence again in the hallway. Shepard could still feel Victus’s eyes following her, up and down, up and down as she walked. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes felt like hours.

“You know, Solana and Tarquin weren’t the only turians to place a surprise registry request in the middle of a galactic war.”

“Oh?” Shepard replied, still walking the hall.

“Not long before the final attack on Earth,” Victus continued, “I received a highly unusual request from Garrus Vakarian.”

“I may understand the basics of what you are getting at,” Shepard said, “but right now, in this moment, when my dear friend – sister – is in labor behind that door, I would appreciate if you would just spit it –“

Shepard stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the most agonizing scream of all escape the hospital room.

It was all she could do to stop herself from running into the room, but she waited, clenching and unclenching her fists while she stared at the closed door. When it finally opened and the asari doctor motioned her inside, she rushed past Victus, pushing her way back into the hospital room. What she saw before her wrenched her heart from her chest and brought tears to her eyes.

Tavius Vakarian stood next to Solana’s bed, a tiny naked bundle in his arms.

But Solana…

Shepard ran to her bedside and grasped the woman’s hand. She looked so weak and so very tired…

“Dad,” Solana whispered with pained breaths. “Let me hold my baby. Please…”

Tavius leaned over and positioned the tiny infant in Solana’s arms, careful to cover both of them with the blanket resting in Solana’s lap.

“She’s beautiful,” Shepard said, marveling at the sight before her. The infant was a tiny version of Solana herself. Her fringe was much shorter and looked soft and pliable, as opposed to sharp and tough like Sol’s, but Shepard figured that would change as she grew. Tarquin had grey plates, so the color of the baby was not ever in dispute, but the eyes...

A perfect Vakarian blue.

“She is,” Solana whispered, pain still clearly evident in her voice. “So beautiful. She’s perfect…” And then Solana looked up at Shepard with a look the human woman understood, but one that made her heart sink to the floor.

“Here,” the tired turian said, “I want you to hold her.”

Shepard reached down and grabbed the infant, cuddling the tiny thing to her chest. But then Solana said the words Shepard dreaded.

“She is yours, Lizzie,” Solana whispered painfully. “Remember your promise. Take good care of her. Tell her when she is older….how much I wanted her…how much I loved her.”

And with that, one of the brightest spirits Shepard had ever known left the room.

She closed her eyes and let the sorrow wash over her.  The feelings in Shepard’s chest fought for control of her heart. She felt a great despair at the passing of her friend – her sister. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and watched the last petal of the single rose she found on her run fall from its place and onto Sol’s bedside table. As if following suit, a single tear carved a path down Shepard’s cheek.

But at the same time, she felt a great amount of excitement and happiness, and perhaps fear…

As she looked down at the tiny infant in her arms, her heart surprisingly leapt with joy at the beautiful new life just beginning. It was all so confusing and fresh and Shepard felt completely overwhelmed.

The baby girl kicked and screamed in her arms – a healthy baby turian. Shepard looked up with tears in her eyes to meet the gaze of Tavius. The family patriarch looked up at her with perhaps the saddest eyes she had ever seen. In that moment, Shepard realized how much like his father Garrus looked and her heart nearly broke to see eyes so familiar looking so heartbroken. To her right, she felt Victus move in closer to take a look at the newest member of his family.

The asari doctor tapped her on the shoulder and handed her a blanket.

“Turian babies need to stay warm, warmer than you or I are used to,” she whispered. Shepard nodded and carefully wrapped the small bundle snugly with the cloth.

“I don’t even know what to call her,” Tavius said. And even though Shepard couldn’t understand exactly what his subvocals were saying, the emotion was plain beyond the language barrier. “Solana never said –“

Shepard didn’t hesitate to respond.

“Livia,” she said. Tavius’s mandibles flared in surprise as he met Shepard’s eyes again. She cleared her throat and continued. “She wanted to call her Livia.”

Tavius nodded and bent down to press his forehead to that of the infant. When his eyes opened, he looked to Shepard again.

 “I will never leave this child as long as I live,” he said, “but Solana wished you to care for her. She is yours to protect.”

Shepard’s eyes were wide with emotions she couldn’t identify as she felt the weight in her arms.

“But,” Shepard began, not sure what to say. “I can’t do this on my own.”

“You won’t have to,” Tavius said, watching as Shepard began to bounce to and fro, comforting the fresh, new life in her arms. “I will be with you. But Solana wanted this – she wanted her baby to have a mother. And she was right to want it. You will be a fitting guardian for this child. I could not hope for a better person to help raise my grandchild.”

“What is her name?” the turian doctor said after he finished covering up the body in the bed beside them, attempting to give Solana’s lifeless form some dignity.

Shepard let the tears fall down her cheeks as she looked around the room. First at Tavius, then at Victus, then back to the turian doctor.

“Livia,” she said softly as she pressed a kiss to the baby’s forehead.

“Livia Solana Vakarian.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“Keelah, Garrus, hold still. You are so distracting,” Tali turned over her shoulder to scold Garrus for pacing in the AI Core. This was the moment they had been waiting for, and Garrus found himself more antsy than he had expected. Embarrassed at his nervousness, he clasped his arms behind his back and leaned against the wall by the door, willing his feet to stop moving.

It felt like hours before Tali turned away from the terminal to look at him again.

“Ok, I think that’s it,” she said, stepping back. “Do you want to do the honors or should I?” she asked Adams, standing to her left.

“I think you should, Tali,” the engineer replied. “You’ve done most of the legwork on this. I’m just the moral support.”

“Alright,” Tali said slowly, taking a deep breath. Garrus stood up straight again, hands clenched and at his sides in anticipation. “Let’s give this a try…”

She typed a brief command into the terminal and then they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nothing happened. Garrus wasn’t sure what they were expecting exactly. Their efforts over the past two weeks had been mostly extrapolation of EDI’s memory banks. They were happy to find that she had put some precautionary measures in place for just this sort of thing, but the pulse had damaged certain parts of the raw storage capacity of the ship’s computer. Luckily, the three of them had found a way around most of the roadblocks. All the pieces were there. It _should_ work.

But for some reason, it wasn’t.

“Damn it,” Tali cursed under her breath. She leaned with both hands on the terminal. “I thought –“

“Tali’Zorah,” came a scolding voice from the room’s speaker. A voice that was familiar to everyone in the room but one that had not been heard in three months. “I would appreciate it if you would refrain from leaning on my terminal. It is not made to bear your weight.”

Garrus nearly fell over at the sound of EDI’s voice. Tali laughed out loud and Adams’s face broke into a smile.

“Are you calling me fat, EDI?”

“Not at all. Simply stating a fact. And please update my memory banks with the ship’s logs from the last time I was online as quickly as possible. I am still not at maximum functional capacity.”

“Keelah, EDI! Welcome back!” Tali furiously began typing commands into the terminal.

“EDI, it’s good to hear your voice again,” Garrus said, allowing himself to be happy for a moment.

“Likewise, Officer Vakarian,” EDI said. “But what happened to my mobile platform? I find being unable to move freely…disconcerting…after being able to do so for so long.”

“Hold on, EDI,” Adams joined in as he watched Tali’s movements. “Tali’s about to upload what you need to know.”

There was silence as Tali finished.

“I see,” EDI finally said. “It appears much has happened since I went offline. But it also appears that you need my help.”

“Very much so,” Garrus said, perhaps a little too eagerly.

“I can help immediately with finalizing the repairs to the Normandy,” EDI explained, “but to help with the search for a fuel source, I will need my mobile platform enabled. I can use recon data from others’ equipment in the field, but it will be more efficient if I am able to go where necessary myself.”

“We’re working on that as quickly as we can,” Adams nodded.

“I would like to thank each of you for working so hard to restore me,” EDI said. “However, I have one request.”

“Name it,” Garrus replied.

“I would like to speak with Jeff,” she said, a little quieter than before.

“Now _that_ is something I can handle,” Garrus smiled as he sent the pilot a message to meet them in the AI Core as quickly as possible. He looked forward to the reunion of Joker and EDI, even if that reunion was only with the AI’s voice for now. It would only be a matter of time before they could provide EDI with the mobility she needed to help them. And until then, Garrus could enjoy the simple fact that they had restored a life.

It gave him hope. Hope that he would have the life he wanted restored to him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little tragic, I know...ok, maybe a lot tragic.
> 
> But as my mom always says - It has to get worse before it gets better...


	12. So Much More to Live for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for the night....but hopefully it ends a little happier than the last. 
> 
> A little fluff for Shep and her new addition to make up for...you know...that last sad bit.

Just as Joker hardly left the pilot’s seat after the crash, he hardly left the AI Core now that EDI was revived. It had been two weeks since EDI’s voice had returned to the Normandy and the pilot refused to leave while Tali and Adams worked almost around the clock to repair EDI’s mobile platform. Even though he could talk to EDI from anywhere on the ship, Garrus understood Joker’s need to personally watch as his heart was repaired, piece by piece.

“How is this possible?” was the first thing Joker said when they first brought him to the AI Core, tears unabashedly flowing from his eyes when he heard EDI’s voice.

“The pulse acted like an EMP but for Reaper tech and synthetic hardware only,” EDI’s voice explained. “Tali, Garrus, and Engineer Adams have extrapolated my memory banks and have been working to restore my hardware. It will take some time to fix my mobile platform, and it will be even longer before I can go far from the ship, as I am sure my defense systems will be subpar for quite some time, but I will at least be able to move freely about the Normandy.”

“We wanted to tell you first, Joker,” Tali smiled after EDI finished speaking. “Actually, EDI wanted to tell you first.”

“Just because my mobile platform is unavailable does not mean I cannot assist you with certain…activities, Jeff,” EDI said. “My voice will be heard all over the ship, just as it was before I acquired Dr. Core’s body. While in your private quarters, we can engage in –“

“Alright, EDI, that’s enough,” Garrus said uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’re welcome to stay down here and watch Tali and Adams work, Joker, but don’t interfere.”

“Believe me, Garrus,” Joker said, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it. There’s no way I’m delaying this project.”

But now that EDI was restored, Garrus had work for her to help him with, and he didn’t want to waste any time. Javik’s revelation that there was someone or something on the planet watching them concerned him. While Tali and Adams were preoccupied with restoring EDI to her mobile platform, Garrus sent several recon scouts past the boundaries he had drawn for the majority of the crew. But two weeks of data had turned up nothing of particular significance.

“EDI,” Garrus said to the air of the loft as he poured through the data on Shepard’s – his – terminal.

“Officer Vakarian,” she replied. Garrus smiled at the familiar sound of EDI’s voice yet again.

“It’s still good to hear your voice on the ship again, EDI,” he said.

“Did you say my name just to hear me speak? You have heard my voice for two weeks now. That seems to be a waste of my running processes.”

“I see you also haven’t lost your blossoming sense of humor.”

“It is an ongoing course of study.”

“Well, you are welcome to continue studying humor, but I actually need your help with something in the meantime.”

“I have already begun work on the fuel problem with no possible solutions to date. What are you trying to find in this recon data, Officer Vakarian?”

Garrus should not have been surprised that EDI knew what he was looking at. She was back in the ship, after all, but three months without her presence meant that her sudden return took a little getting used to.

“Javik mentioned that he has felt the presence of some sort of lifeform on this moon,” Garrus said, sitting back in his chair and locking his fingers underneath his fringe. “I’ve sent scouts to discover anything they can through readings of the surrounding landscape.”

“You would like me to look for any sign of this lifeform he mentioned?” EDI asked.

“Precisely.”

“Processing data,” EDI said. Garrus only had to wait a few seconds before EDI continued, “Runtime complete. I have found nothing of significance in the data recorded by the scouts.”

“Hmmm…” Garrus mused. “Javik mentioned that the presence was strange, even to him. He said that for some reason, he couldn’t ‘read the echoes’ of the objects it has touched like he can with other species. Is there any way that you could find a correlation in the data with that information?”

“I do not know what to look for in that regard, but if you continue to send scouts, I will continue to compile and correlate data looking for any traces of sapient life. I suggest sending scouts to places to which lifeforms would generally gravitate – water, foraging grounds, and similar areas.”

“Already done,” Garrus said, “but what I think I will do is shake up _when_ I send crews. I’m not sure I like it, but sending crews at the same time during the day will allow the lifeform to avoid them. Perhaps if I send crews at night or at other odd times, they will have a better chance of catching whatever it is unaware.”

“Whatever data they recover,” EDI continued, “I will run through my systems and look for any clues regarding this lifeform.”

“That’s all I ask,” Garrus said, getting up to leave the room and make his rounds for the day.

“Officer Vakarian,” EDI said. “There is something else you should know.”

“What’s that, EDI?” he said as he headed for the door.

“The dextro rations are beginning to run low,” she said. “There are enough rations on board to feed you and Tali’Zorah comfortably for approximately one month.”

“Shit,” Garrus said, sitting back down in his chair. He had forgotten about the problem of food. Or was it that he had really lost track of how long they had been stranded on this moon? He remembered Chakwas saying they had several months of dextro rations. Had it really been that long already? Garrus counted quickly in his head.

Fourteen weeks. Three months and two weeks in standard time. He could hardly believe it had been that long. Fourteen weeks since the attack on Earth. Fourteen weeks since the red pulse chased them out of the Sol system.

Fourteen weeks since he had seen his Lizzie and held her in his arms. Fourteen weeks since he had known for sure that she was still alive.

“However, there may be good news,” EDI continued.

“Spit it out, EDI. I could use some of that right now.”

“I believe there may be dextro food sources nearby. The life on this planet is overwhelmingly levo, but I am finding trace readings of dextro life. It is…a very strange phenomenon and one I would like to explore further.”

“By all means,” Garrus said, again picking himself up out of his chair. “And let’s hope you find some food for me and Tali or Kaidan Alenko will be running this ship.”

“That would be an awful fate for all of us.”

“Still practicing your humor?”

“Am I improving?”

“Definitely.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“Anderson told me there is an apartment available for us in the city,” Shepard said nervously, cradling Livia in her arms and watching Tavius as he sat across from her in the hospital room. “It is large enough for me and Livia and one more occupant. I was hoping you would consider joining us there.”

She held her breath and waited for the Vakarian patriarch’s answer.

It had been a long two weeks. Throughout her life, Shepard had trained for all types of combat situations. She had earned top marks in school in almost all her subjects, learning science and mathematics as well as keeping herself in peak physical condition. Her N7 training had been more grueling than anything she had ever done up to that point – mentally, physically, and emotionally. She had gone on three suicide missions and come back from every one of them alive. She had even conquered death.

But nothing had prepared her for being a mother.

She was a quick study, but each time Livia cried or made a noise or movement that Shepard wasn’t prepared for, she found herself frozen. Tavius and the turian doctor had been a great help. Turian babies needed to be kept much warmer than human babies, but other than that, there were many similarities to human babies. Livia ate from a bottle – not filled with milk, but some sort of dextro paste that smelled awful to Shepard, but the baby girl seemed to love it.

Hannah Shepard had a few things to teach her daughter about babies as well. She showed Shepard basic ways to hold a human baby that seemed to correspond well with turian babies. The elder Shepard seemed to have a knack with Livia, always finding a way to calm the crying child in her arms. Shepard herself was doing better with holding the baby, following her mother’s lead. Turian babies were more angular, but they needed cuddling and love just as much as their softer human counterparts.

And even though it was perhaps the hardest thing she had ever done, Shepard loved every single minute of it. Her heart ached and missed Solana, but Shepard quickly fell in love with the child that she now called her own. And each time she looked into those perfect blue eyes, she couldn’t help but remember the eyes she had fallen in love with in a totally different way and longed to see again.

But now, on Livia’s two week birthday, Shepard was cleared for release from the hospital – her wounds completely healed. Miranda had teased her about keeping her body in one piece this time and Shepard had simply smiled at her while feeding Livia. When she found out she was free to leave the hospital, the first thing she wanted to do was work, but that was a difficult problem. There was no way she could return to active duty and be a full-time mom.

So she was turning for help to the one person she hoped would understand her.

But instead of responding to her question, Tavius Vakarian just stared at her with his unreadable mask.

“I understand if you are uncomfortable with the idea,” Shepard said nervously, but quietly so as to not wake the sleeping baby she rocked in her arms. “But the apartment is big enough for two. You would have your own bedroom and office space. You could be close to Livia at all times. She needs you around as much as possible. She needs her _real_ family to be –“

Tavius held up his hand and shook his head, stopping her mid-sentence.

“You misunderstand my silence, Elizabeth,” Tavius said with a grin. “I am grateful you have asked me to join you in your new space, and I will happily do so. I want to be as close to the child as possible and help teach her about her turian heritage as she grows. But about her family…”

Tavius trailed off as he stood and moved to stand by Shepard, leaning down to peer at the sleeping child in her arms.

“Elizabeth,” he whispered. Shepard noticed that Tavius shifted his feet beside her as she looked up into his face. “There is something you should know.”

Shepard simply stared in response, waiting for Tavius to continue.

“We are already family as far as I’m concerned. You have done more for both of my children than I could ever have hoped – from anyone. You owe me nothing, and I do not expect any more than what you have already done for us, but there is an option before you.”

Shepard had no idea what Tavius was talking about. “I don’t understand…” she began, but again Tavius cut her off, returning to his chair across from her.

“Of course you don’t. It’s clear Garrus didn’t explain all of this to you, or you would know,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he leaned back and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked directly at her and straightened his posture.

“Before the attack on Earth,” he began slowly, “Garrus filed a registry request with the Hierarchy – a request so the two of you could legally be partners. Married is the word I believe you humans use. The Hierarchy does not place great emphasis on ceremonies for these kinds of things. You may have one if you desire, but it is unnecessary. Once the request has been accepted or approved, all that is left is for both parties to acknowledge the relationship and it is officially in the registry.”

Shepard still wasn’t sure she followed, but she listened intently as Tavius concluded, “Garrus filed a request for you to be his partner. The Primarch approved it long ago – before the attack on Earth, even. If you would like to officially be a part of our family, all you need do is accept. You do not have to, of course. I know that Garrus has not yet returned, but whether or not he does is of little consequence to the relationship legally. You would be a _real_ member of our family, as you called it, and thus entitled to all the rights and privileges thereto.”

Shepard leaned back in her chair, almost forgetting the child in her arms as she let Tavius’s words sink in. She could bind herself to Garrus, as she had always hoped to do, without him even being there? Why hadn’t he told her before the attack? Their relationship could have been official before she left him to run to the beam?

Tavius interrupted her thoughts again, seemingly uncomfortable in her silence.

“Elizabeth, I will consider you my daughter regardless of your choice, but I would be honored if you would officially join our family.”

“What do I have to do?” she asked quietly, looking down to stare at the tiny sleeping bundle in her arms.

“Simply let Victus know that you accept,” Tavius said, a grin spreading across his face. “He can take care of the rest for you.”

Careful not to jostle Livia, she reached around the baby to turn on her omni-tool and typed a brief message.

 

_1930 ES: Victus, I accept Garrus Vakarian’s registry request and your approval of it._

 

She only had to wait a few seconds before the reply came.

 

_1931 AV: Duly noted, Commander. It is an honor to welcome you to the Hierarchy and to my own family as well. With Solana and Tarquin already registered, although deceased, we are now family._

Of course. She hadn’t thought of that, but when she received the message, she chuckled. The sharp movement of her stomach bumped the baby. Livia stretched and yawned briefly, threatening to wake up before curling back against Shepard’s chest, her tiny three-fingered hand finding the neckline of Shepard’s shirt and gripping it tightly.

She turned back to Tavius with a smile and said, “It is done.”

He nodded at her and smiled in return.

“Now that I’m a member of the family,” she said, “there’s something Garrus always refused to tell me, but I think I have a right to know.”

“Anything,” Tavius replied with a sparkle in his eye.

“Just how far from the primacy are you? And Garrus as well?”

Tavius laughed good-naturedly. “He never told you?” Shepard shook her head. “He was always a little embarrassed about our status. Even more so after returning from the Collector mission with you, as it had improved in his absence.”

Tavius sat back in his chair before continuing. “Before I became Advisor to Primarch Fedorian, I was three ranks below the Primarch. However, as an Advisor, I moved up to first rank below the Primarch himself. The only turians standing between me and the primacy would have been any advisors who had served in that capacity longer than I have – seniority is the rule within ranks.”

“I see…” Shepard drawled slowly. “And how many advisors have seniority over you now?”

“None after the war.”

“And Garrus?”

“He attained the same rank when he was appointed Expert Reaper Advisor.”

“So I’m married to someone next in line to be Primarch of Palaven after any other senior advisors?”

“Precisely.”

“I can see why Garrus wouldn’t be fond of that information getting out.”

“You know my son very well.”

The pair smiled at each other, but kept their peace, listening to the steady breathing of the sleeping baby girl.

After several minutes, a pair of footfalls in the hallway caught Shepard’s attention. She looked up and smiled as Anderson and Hackett walked in the door.

“She’s asleep?” Anderson whispered.

“Yes, I’m getting better at this,” Shepard said.

“I can see that,” Anderson said. “Hello, Advisor Vakarian.”

“Admiral Anderson. Admiral Hackett,” Tavius replied with a nod to each of them.

“Actually, Shepard,” Hackett picked up the conversation, while Anderson pulled up a chair to sit near her. “Livia is part of the reason we came to speak with you.”

“Oh?” she raised her eyebrows.

“Yes, we…have an assignment for you, if you are willing to accept it.”

“Miranda cleared me for active duty, and tomorrow morning, Tavius and I will be setting up shop in the place you said you found for us. What kind of assignment did you have in mind?”

“The Alliance is in great need of your particular…talents,” Anderson said, his hands fidgeting in his lap. “You have proven yourself to be much more than a soldier – much more than an N7 special forces soldier at that. The first human Spectre, the hero of the galaxy, the first –“

“Gentlemen,” Shepard interrupted and looked at both of the men in turn. “Just tell me what you need.”

Anderson and Hackett looked at each other. Eventually, Hackett’s eyes met hers, his arms clasped behind his back, and his posture straightened before he said, “Anderson and I hope that you will accept the position as the next human Councilor.”

Shepard didn’t know how to respond. That was definitely not the request she expected to hear. She expected them to ask her to lead repair crews planetside or on the Citadel. She expected them to assign her troops to look for more wounded and lost. But asking her to lead the human race as its representative to the Council? That possibility had never entered her head.

“I am no politician…” she started to say.

“We don’t need another politician,” Anderson shook his head. “But you have served successfully as a powerful diplomat to other races. Somehow, you banded turians and krogans together to fight in the war. The asari and salarians came to our aid in the end. No one in the history of galactic civilization that we know of had the success you did in mending centuries old wounds between the races of the galaxy. There is no one more qualified than you to be the human Councilor. People _listen_ to you, Shepard. People _follow_ you.”

While Shepard loved Anderson as her own father, she found her gaze gravitating towards Tavius, her _new_ father, who was sitting with one ankle resting on his knee, a knowing smirk on his face. When her eyes met his, his expression dramatically changed to one of approval. He nodded at her as his mandibles flared in a smile.

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for a desk job,” Shepard continued to protest as she turned back to stare at Hackett and Anderson.

“Until the relays are repaired,” Hackett joined in, “the only missions available are repair and rescue. We have soldiers working round the clock in those ventures. But we don’t have a human Councilor. In fact, the Council is rather defunct at the moment. The galaxy still needs your leadership, Shepard, and we believe that you are the only person who can band us back together – like you did before.”

“You wouldn’t be alone in this,” Anderson added. “If you accept, Major Coats has agreed to serve as your first assistant. He would keep you in close contact with me and Hackett. Your own mother has agreed to serve as an assistant to you as well. In fact, she supported our choice of you. She wanted to be here when we asked her, but she is currently running a scientific repair mission on the Citadel. Your mother also thought we might persuade you to accept if we reminded you that you have…other duties now, besides those of a soldier.”

Shepard mulled the conversation over in her head. She felt Livia stir in her arms and she shifted the baby’s position so she rested against her chest on the opposite side. Lovingly, she tucked the blankets tightly around the baby and smiled as Livia’s breathing returned to its steady pace.

 _A desk job_ , she thought. _Never thought I’d have a desk job. Figured I would die before that happened…_

And that was when she realized she had to take the position.

Death. It had almost claimed her three times before. But now she had so much more to live for. She didn’t just have herself to take care of anymore.

She was a mother – legally and emotionally bound to the child in her arms. Being the human Councilor would have the benefit of allowing her to be home with the newest addition to her life as much as possible.

“I accept,” she said and watched as looks of surprise and relief washed over Hackett and Anderson’s faces. Tavius simply looked amused and intrigued by the whole exchange. It was a more fatherly look than the one Garrus gave her, but it was a look she recognized – he understood her choice and her reasons for it and he respected her all the more.

“We will have all the information you need sent to your terminal at your new apartment,” Anderson said, standing to leave. “Until then, thank you, Shepard. You have always put the galaxy first and this is just one more way you are serving all of us.”

Hackett nodded at her and Anderson clasped her shoulder briefly before the pair made their exit.

“So…” Shepard turned to Tavius who was still watching her with a grin. “Have I improved the Vakarian rank at all with my new appointment?”

Tavius huffed and said, “The rank does not change, but I think I can safely say that by aligning yourself with our family and accepting the human Councilor position, you have just made your match with Garrus the most powerful in all of the Hierarchy’s recorded history.”

She smiled and replied, “Good. Then we will have a great many positive surprises for a certain turian when he gets home to make up for –“ She choked slightly, unable to say Solana’s name. Looking back down at Livia, however, she couldn’t help but smile. “Something for Garrus to come home to…Isn’t that right, Livy? Now we just have to find a way to get Daddy home…”


	13. How to Roll Over

“Councilor Shepard, why were you willing to sacrifice synthetic life?”

“Is your recent turian marriage to Garrus Vakarian simply a political ploy to gain power within the Turian Hierarchy?”

“Is the turian child Vakarian’s?”

“Who is the mother of the child? Did Vakarian have another lover?”

The news of her appointment, her “marriage”, and her new motherhood had spread like wildfire, and although Shepard didn’t like the idea, she had agreed to the press conference in Council headquarters, now stationed in London.

The press conference had been a long time coming. Shepard had served as the human Councilor for an entire month before agreeing to finally address the public. In fact, she was starting to feel settled in her new positions as both a new mother and the new human Councilor. Before opening up for questions, she had given a brief acceptance speech and promised to do the best she could to represent humanity’s interests balanced with the needs of all life in the galaxy. After that, pandemonium had ensued.

Shepard sighed as she listened to the never-ending questions on anything but her goals as the new human Councilor. She cast a glance at Tavius, standing just below the platform to her right, who gave her a reassuring nod. She had begged him to come with her, somehow drawing strength from his quiet support, and Hannah had been more than willing to stay home with Livia.

To her left, she couldn’t help but notice the satisfied smirk of Councilor Sparatus, the indignant expression of Councilor Valern, and the haughty stare of Councilor Tevos. She was sure that all of them had come to mock and judge her first appearance to the masses as a bona fide political leader, but she didn’t care.

And she just happened to be looking at Sparatus when the most absurd question she had heard yet came from a young reporter in the front row.

“Isn’t it true you are really just a turian in disguise, Commander?”

_What. The. Fuck._

At the same time she had that thought, Sparatus laughed out loud. His gaze considerably softened at her after that, and she couldn’t help but grin back at him before turning to face the young upstart.

“I will answer the young man in front,” she said loudly. The entire room stopped buzzing and Shepard straightened her shoulders, making clear eye contact with the boy who had now shrunk considerably in size beneath her gaze. “Yes. I am indeed a turian in disguise. I’m not sure how you guessed. Perhaps it was my superior record with the _human_ Systems Alliance, or my Star of Terra awarded during the Skyllian Blitz. Maybe it was my appointment as the first _human_ Spectre, the spurs I keep painfully strapped to my legs under my armor at all times or the external mandible joints hanging from my chin. But you are absolutely correct and I thank you for uncovering my deepest secret. Now, if there are no further questions as well phrased as that one, I will end this conference on that note.”

“Wait! Commander!” came a familiar voice from the crowd. Khalisah al-Jilani. Shepard clenched her fists to stop from rolling her eyes impatiently. “Humanity is dying to know – where is the Normandy and what efforts is the Council putting forward to find our lost ships and families?”

Now that was a question Shepard could answer seriously.

“I can assure you, Ms. Al-Jilani, that we are doing everything we can to find a way to repair the relays as quickly as possible. As for the Normandy…” Shepard’s eyes glazed over for a brief moment, but she swiftly regained her composure. “The crewmembers of the Normandy are heroes and I can personally guarantee that we are doing all that we can to find them as well as other missing ships and crews.”

As she and Tavius passed Sparatus on their way to the skycar by the platform, the turian Councilor grabbed her arm briefly.

“I don’t believe I’ve had the chance to officially welcome you to the Council, Commander,” he said, extending his hand. “Or to the Hierarchy, so I will take the opportunity to do so now. When we first met, I did not truly expect you to survive long as a Spectre. You have proved me wrong – about a great many things. Vakarian chose well.”

While Shepard took slight affront at the manner in which he addressed her and the condescending tone to his voice, she could tell that Sparatus did mean his words to be a compliment. Instead of lashing at him, she accepted his offered hand and replied, “Thank you, Sparatus. It will be…interesting to work with you in this capacity.”

He grinned at her and released her arm. “Yes. I’m sure it will.”

The ride back to the apartment was quiet. Shepard was concerned about how her new father-in-law regarded her answer to the smart ass in the front row. Finally, she could take no more of the silence.

“I’m sorry, Tavius,” she said while staring out the window as the city flew by. “I lost it there.”

“Perhaps a little,” he replied.

“I find I have much less tolerance for bullshit since the war ended.”

“I did not say I disapproved of your response,” he said. Shepard looked at him in surprise. “A bullshit question deserves a bullshit response.”

She chuckled as she exited the skycar,  Tavius close behind as they made their way to their new home. Each day, her new father-in-law revealed something about himself that surprised and amused her and she was more than grateful for his support in all her endeavors. They were greeted by a welcoming party when the door opened.

“Shepard, we watched the news coverage,” Anderson said with a smirk as Shepard shook his hand. “I’m not sure that’s the answer I would have given, but it was entertaining to say the least.”

“I never promised to be well-behaved when I took this position,” she grunted. “Where’s Livy?”

“She’s down for a nap,” Hannah Shepard said as she entered from the bedroom just off the living room of the two-bedroom space. “She’s already trying to roll over. I can hardly believe it. Is that normal, Tavius?”

The Vakarian patriarch nodded as he walked toward his office. “Turian babies and children grow and mature much faster than humans. That’s why we require military service beginning at age fifteen – our children are full-grown adults by then.” He took a few more steps before turning to face the room. “I apologize for my hasty removal, but I have my own business with Victus to attend to. If you will excuse me.”

“Thank you again, Tavius,” Shepard said. “I appreciate your support today.”

“Of course, Elizabeth.” He grinned at her before shutting the door to his private space.

“I didn’t expect to find all of you here when I got home,” Shepard said. “Not that it’s not pleasant to see all of you.”

Anderson had taken a seat near Admiral Hackett on the couch. Her mother sat in a reclining chair near the couch. She noticed Coats was also in the room, his back turned to her until she made her last statement. He smiled at her briefly as she pulled a chair in from the kitchen, but other than that, he did not face her, continuing to stare out the window at the city.

“Your answer to the press today could not have been better timed if we had planned it, Shepard,” Hackett began. “The Alliance scientists have been working on just the problem that Ms. Al-Jilani posed to you today.”

“Which one?” Shepard said. “She asked me about a couple of things.”

“Both of them,” Hackett said. “The only advantage of having all those who contributed to the battle for Earth stranded here is that we have the combined forces of some of the greatest minds the galaxy can offer in one place. We think we have developed a solution that will repair the relays. Once the relays are repaired, we can do just what you said – search for the Normandy and reconnect families with those that are lost.”

Shepard sat back in her chair, her jaw hanging open with disbelief.

“That soon?” she thought. “I was afraid it would take us much longer to repair the relays.” She knew she was failing at hiding the excitement in her voice.

“There is a catch,” Anderson jumped in. “It will still take time to repair the relays because we are short on resources. Hannah, why don’t you explain it to her? You have been the foremost contact on this project.”

Hannah cleared her throat and sat forward in her chair. Shepard couldn’t help but smile as she watched her mother assume her “business” pose – the one she remembered from her childhood, but now in a much different light. Instead of seeing her mother as the austere officer of the Alliance, she recognized the position for what it was – It was simply Hannah Shepard’s way. The woman Shepard had always thought cold wasn’t really cold at all, but she _was_ horrible at showing her emotions. However, Livia’s presence in their lives had changed that dramatically. As Shepard thought of Livy, she had to resist the urge to jump up and retrieve the sleeping baby from her cradle to snuggle. Instead, she focused her attention on Hannah, who was about to tell her just _how_ they were going to find the Normandy and bring Livia’s adopted father home.

“From what our scientists can discern,” Hannah said, “the relays were damaged in much the same way as synthetic beings when they were hit with the Crucible’s energy pulse. Anything based off of Reaper tech was destroyed, but the rest is intact. The scientists on the relay project were perplexed for weeks until they made a simple observation.”

Hannah crossed her legs as she continued. “As you know, separate crews have been working on repairing the Citadel. No one paid much attention to the Keepers before, but with the greatest scientific minds of the galaxy forced to look for solutions, they started to watch and learn from the odd behavior of the Keepers. I am not sure how it is possible, but through their observation and study, my scientists assure me that they can create or imitate the compound the Keepers use to repair the Citadel. And remember, that’s the same material that composes the relays. The teams have already begun experimenting with new compounds and believe they are on the verge of a breakthrough, thanks to the Keepers. It will take time, but the relays will be repaired.”

Hackett picked up the conversation. “Once we repair the Charon relay,” he said, “we can use it to send ships to the next relay and repair each relay in turn. It will be a lengthy process, but it can be done.”

“Wait,” Shepard said. “I may be a soldier, but I understand some basic properties of the relays. How can we send a ship through a relay to the next relay if the second is not active? Don’t you need two active relays to travel between them?”

“Not exactly,” Hannah said. “We can use a relay to send a ship to a specific set of coordinates. It will not be as accurate as when the second relay is active, and the ship may have to travel back to where the next relay would be found, but it will be close enough to repair the relay. The ships sent through the relay will have to take the materials needed to repair that relay with them.”

“So what’s the problem?” Shepard said, finding it almost hard to breathe. _Garrus…we can find Garrus._ “All of this sounds too good to be true. What’s the catch?”

“Eezo,” Anderson said bluntly. “We don’t have enough of it. Not only do we need a massive amount of eezo to replace the core of each relay, but it appears that eezo is part of the compound used to create the structure of the Citadel and the relays.”

“What about the eezo Aria promised us?” Shepard asked.

“She included a fairly large shipment before we led the fleets to Earth,” Hackett explained, “but not enough. Most of the eezo she promised us is still on Omega. Once we can get there, we should have plenty of eezo to repair many of the relays, but until then, we have to make do with what we have. Once we have it, it will still take time for the scientists to create the compound needed for the relays.”

“This is where you come in,” Anderson said. “We need Council support for this project, Shepard.”

“And just what do you need me to get the Council to do?”

“We need them to get their respective races to donate any and all spare eezo they might have to this project. We can even extract eezo from drive cores, leaving the cores intact, simply limiting their FTL capacity. With the number of ships that are still trickling in each day, we believe we would have enough eezo to repair the Charon Relay and the next closest relay as well in the Exodus Cluster.”

“I will get you the support you need,” Shepard said eagerly. “I doubt I will get much resistance from the other Councilors on a project that could restore galactic travel.”

“There is another priority we should remember here,” Coats finally spoke up from his perch by the window. Shepard turned in her chair to face him.

“What’s that?”

“Galactic peace,” he said, spinning around to face her in turn. “We have a convergence of almost all the races of the galaxy here on this planet. We do not have the resources to feed all of them well and tensions are high. Once you have garnered Council support for the relay project, I suggest you turn some of your attention to that particular problem.”

“I have already been working on that exact issue, Major,” Shepard said, sitting back in her chair. “I intend to work on gathering support to invite more races to the Council. I am hopeful that the gesture will quell some of the building tensions and allow us to work together to find solutions to the problem of food and space until the relays are active.”

No one said a word. Humanity’s addition to the Council had been trying enough for the established Council leaders. Shepard was sure that there would be more than a little resistance to her current plan, but she could see no other way to stop another war from happening – this time between the races supposedly at peace with one another.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Coats asked quietly.

“Not at all,” she replied quickly. “But I amassed the races of the galaxy by treating them with respect and as equal partners in our fight. I can’t see another way to keep us united without doing the same thing.”

Silence filled the room again. No one moved. They all sat and stared at her, lost in their own thoughts.

 “Well, Shepard,” Anderson cleared his throat. “If anyone can bring the galaxy together for a second time, it’s you. That’s exactly why we needed you in this position.”

At that moment, Shepard heard a choked cry from the bedroom. Rising from her seat, she smiled and said, “There’s my other job calling. Unless there is anything more, I plan on spending the rest of my day with that little one, teaching her how to roll over.”

Her mother stood and smiled. Anderson nodded and Coats followed the Admirals to the door.

“If nothing else,” Shepard continued as she saw them to the door. “It’s good practice for teaching the entire galaxy how to roll over.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

When his father first taught him how to shoot, Garrus never imagined he would be using the skill to hunt for his own food. But as he lay crouched in cover, waiting for the mysterious beast that EDI told him he would find near these coordinates, he was grateful for Tavius Vakarian’s lessons.

EDI’s presence back on the Normandy had been the only good news the crew had since landing on the isolated moon. Everyone was happy to have EDI back, but her return had not improved their situation much. She had no leads on the fuel problem, and all she had found to help Garrus with the problem of dextro food was the possibility of some sort of predatory dextro-based beast. She had not found any dextro-based plants in the vicinity, only an apex predator like himself, but clearly less evolved, that lurked deep in the jungle of the moon.

Garrus wasn’t sure he believed the data EDI had given him, but it seemed to read properly. The waste left behind by some huge, unknown creature left clues as to the nature of its amino composition, but there were still so many unanswered questions. How did a dextro lifeform come to be on a levo planet? What evolutionary process had created this mutant on the tropical moon and how had it managed to survive here without dextro based food of its own?

Regardless, it was the only hope for a food source that Garrus and Tali had. The data the recon scouts sent back had led EDI to believe that the creature, whatever it was, regularly passed by the clearing where Garrus was hiding, as still as possible. Not only did he have a cramp in his left leg, but he was seriously unnerved by the feeling that he was the hunted, not the hunter.

 

_“We are not alone on this moon, Vakarian…”_

 

Javik’s words rang through his mind as the sun began to set. Garrus had decided to head back to the ship if he found nothing before dark.

 _Five more minutes_ , he thought. _We only have a few more days of food left. I have to find_ something _out here…_

And then he saw it.

A great, hulking creature the size of an elcor.

But with teeth.

And much greater mobility, judging by the size of its muscular thighs and double jointed legs.

Garrus knew that he would have to make a perfect headshot to kill the beast before it killed him. He lined up his sites, trying to be as silent as possible.

_Breathe in. Out. In. Out._

The shot echoed throughout the entire clearing and beyond as Garrus pulled the trigger. It was a marvelous shot.

But it wasn’t enough.

Too late, Garrus realized that the shot had failed to kill the beast. The huge creature had roared in anger and turned to face Garrus’s hidden position. From the front, Garrus had a much clearer picture of what it was he faced, but what he saw sent a shock of adrenaline through him.

It was a giant jungle cat. And it was charging him.

He knew he couldn’t escape. He reloaded his rifle as quickly as he could and fired another shot as the beast came running at him, but it was no use. He felt his heart pounding against his chest, his blood rushing in his ears. He dropped his rifle on the ground and turned to run at the fastest speed he could manage. All he could hope for now was that when the beast caught him, his armor and shields would hold long enough to allow him to use an Overload or some other distraction that would make the giant cat drop him.

But as soon as he started to run, he heard the most peculiar sound. He was afraid to stop running, but looked over his shoulder briefly. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks.

The cat had stopped chasing after him, its body now twisted on the jungle floor, an unnerving mewling escaping its throat.

As if that wasn’t strange enough, Garrus watched as a new presence appeared – a lithe form jumped down from the tree above the suffering monster. Struggling to regain his wits, Garrus crouched down behind a nearby bush and watched as the small figure crept towards the beast.

 _Spirits, what_ is _that?_

It had two legs and two arms. That much he could tell in the the eerie light of dusk. Its skin was pale and it appeared softer like a human or an asari, not rough, leathery skin like his own. Its body was covered with some type of animal skin and from what Garrus could see of the softer curves and lines of its figure, the being was definitely female.

But his eyes widened in horror when he saw what this small, two-legged creature did next.

The girl – woman – whatever it was, walked right up to the creature still maintaining its painful mewling sounds as it writhed on the ground. She bent down, gently stroking the fur of the jungle cat’s neck and whispering words that Garrus couldn’t hear from his position several yards away. As she spoke, the plaintive sounds from the beast stopped. He watched as she stood up, still staring down at the creature, but releasing it from her physical touch.

Then, right before his eyes, the neck of the monster snapped.

The light of life faded almost immediately from the beast’s eyes.

Garrus wasn’t sure he could believe what he had just seen. Did this new presence – this female – just kill the beast before him with words? Or had the creature submitted itself to her for some mysterious reason?

But even if the monster had succumbed to the woman before him, how could any animal snap its own neck?

In that moment, Garrus felt something he did not usually feel.

He was afraid.

Whatever this woman was, he knew that she was the lifeform that Javik had warned him about – the presence that could shield her very essence from the echoes that Javik so easily read with a touch of his hand.

And she killed monsters with words. Or thoughts. Or at least some power that he couldn’t see.

He was paralyzed, his feet rooted to the spot. Just as he realized the feeling in his gut was fear, the woman turned and looked straight at him with a piercing look, finding his eyes despite the cover he had tried to take.

Garrus stood up straight as the pale, ghostly figure began walking toward him slowly. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from her eyes – two brightly shining, yellow-green orbs staring at him in the darkness of the minutes just past twilight.

And then it spoke.

“Garrus Vakarian,” came a voice as sweet and gentle as a morning sunrise, it nearly took his breath away.

“I have been watching you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know...it's a horrible cliffhanger, but the chapter was too long to fit anymore.
> 
> I will post the next as soon as I can!


	14. Trust Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has become crazy again, so I may not be able to post as quickly as I was before. However, here's a new update! I hope you enjoy the new character and twist. :)

“Why are you afraid of me?”

That was not the question Garrus had expected to hear next from the foreign creature before him. He tried to gather his thoughts and focus on what had just occurred, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to think as the green-yellow eyes of the woman came closer to him. This creature – this woman – had stopped the ferocious beast that had charged him with no more than her words, and, Garrus presumed, she had killed it in the same manner.

He took stock of the woman as she took slow steps towards him, studying who or what she might be. She had a softer build like that of a human or an asari, but her skin did not match any of the shades of humans or asari he had seen in his lifetime. It was difficult to tell in the twilight, but her skin appeared to be a muted green-grey color that reminded him of Javik’s unusual skin tone. Her long, toned legs extended past a makeshift skirt made of skins and her chest was similarly covered, while her waist and stomach were bare.

He quickly counted the digits on her hands and found three fingers on each, like him, but at the same time, instead of hair like humans or fringe like turians, she had atop her head what looked more like asari cartilage crests. But it was only similar to asari cartilage in one way – there were three crests that sloped over her head in distinct directions, not six. As Garrus stared a bit longer, he noticed that the crests were not in the exact same shape as an asari’s either – the three crests branched outward as they sloped over her head in a shape that reminded Garrus of the peculiar outline of Javik’s carapace.

Despite the unusual features of the figure approaching him, Garrus also couldn’t help but notice that the female before him was extremely beautiful in her own strange way. Her waist was tapered almost as neatly as a turian’s and her breasts – while not visible and not a feature most turians would find attractive, but one Garrus had grown to be fond of because of Lizzie – appeared well-shaped beneath the skin covering them. Her hips flared temptingly out beneath her small waist and swung as she walked.

The situation felt completely unreal. Who was this new and strange creature that could control beasts with mere words?

But not only that, somehow she knew his name.

And she had been watching him.

But when the figure was only an arm length away from him, he had another disturbing thought which he found the courage to voice.

“How can I understand you?” he asked.

To his surprise, white, flat teeth split the grey-green face into a smile, the soft yellow eyes laughing at him.

“All the questions running through your mind,” she said, the soft voice mesmerizing him, “and that is the first thing you ask me?” She shook her head, widening her smile. “But I will answer it for you. I am speaking a language that your translator recognizes.”

Garrus’s eyebrow plates shot up in surprise. “What language is that?” he asked.

“ _I believe I can answer that, Officer Vakarian_ ,” EDI’s voice chimed in on his earpiece. “ _This woman is speaking prothean. I find this phenomenon fascinating and would like to continue listening and recording data, if you will allow it.”_

“That’s fine, EDI,” Garrus said. “Just…don’t tell anyone else on the Normandy about this for now. I don’t want them to worry about me.”

_“Acknowledged.”_

Garrus stood in silence for several moments, again trying to study the woman before him. Her smile had faded slightly, but she did not look angry or upset. Eventually, he realized something else.

“I can understand you because you are speaking a language my translator understands,” he began, “but how can you understand me?” There didn’t seem to be anything on Ezola’s person that resembled tech of any sort, unless she had an earpiece hidden in her ear. But from the way she was dressed, he didn’t think that was the case.

“I am the only being of my kind,” she said, a hint of sadness to her voice. But she quickly smiled again and explained, “Because of my unique…heritage… I have a special ability – I can sense and, in a way, _read_ other’s thoughts. While I hear your words, I am really sensing and reading your thoughts, not interpreting the oral sounds you make.”

“Is that how you know my name?” he asked. The woman nodded. “But I do not know yours.”

“Ezola,” she replied without hesitation and punctuated by a brief flicker of her eyelids. “I sense that you have many more questions to ask me. I am happy to answer any inquiries you have, but the first thing I will tell you is that this meat –“ She motioned to the dead beast behind her – “is for you to do with as you will. However, if you require more food of this kind, there is a much easier way to attain it. I stopped the creature from killing you, but I took no great pleasure in ending its life. The life of this moon is….precious to me.”

Ezola, as the woman called herself, began to walk away from him, deeper into the jungle and past the beast. Garrus still felt unable to move, no longer paralyzed by fear, but by a sense of disbelief and wonder at the bizarre turn of events.

“Will you not follow?” Ezola said, turning over her shoulder and flashing her teeth again. Wordlessly, Garrus trailed as Ezola continued, “Why don’t you send a message to your crew to pick up this animal before its flesh goes to waste. The jungle is not patient and will not wait before other scavengers will arrive to take this meal from you.”

Quickly, Garrus complied, punching in his nav point for EDI to feed to crewmembers who could pick up the meat and bring it back to the ship.

_“What should I tell those who come to pick up the animal?”_ EDI asked.

“Simply tell them it should be prepared and stored. I will meet with Chakwas and Tali later to determine the best way to make it last as long as possible,” he replied.

_“And what should I tell them about your whereabouts?”_

“Tell them nothing for now.”

He continued to follow Ezola, who seemed to know her way about the jungle without much effort. Eventually, the trees began to thin and Garrus noticed they were approaching a steep mound in an area that was surprisingly devoid of trees. The mound was high enough that Garrus was tempted to call it a very large hill and not just a knoll, but as he watched, Ezola led him around to the side of the protrusion, turning to motion him to follow.

“When you are in need of more food,” she said, her eyes sparkling at him in the moonlight. “You may come here and I will give you what you need.”

“How is this possible?” Garrus finally asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “How do you have a store of dextro based food on this moon? The wildlife here doesn’t seem to support that kind of…evolution. And how do you know that is what I need in the first place?”

“I know many things, Garrus Vakarian,” she replied, lowering her voice and her eyelids. “Things that perhaps even you would not understand, but I intend to show you some of them. However, you must make me a promise.”

Garrus did not answer, not wanting to commit himself before he knew what Ezola would ask of him. She turned to look at him fiercely.

“I am willing to show you my home and to share with you what you need to survive while on this moon. But I am not ready for your crew to know or understand my existence yet. You may permit your…AI to study what she finds, but I will not tolerate the knowledge of my being to be shared.”

The request made Garrus a little nervous. He still wasn’t sure what to make of this creature, who in some ways seemed not much more than a child, but also seemed to have a great amount of wisdom.

And she could read his mind.

And she could stop and kill things with her thoughts.

Thinking of those things, he nodded his agreement.

She smiled again and said, “Come.”

She turned back toward the hill and pushed aside a set of hanging vines that Garrus had not noticed before. Behind the vines was a tunnel entrance to – wherever it led, Garrus didn’t know, but Ezola quickly disappeared into the darkness.

Every instinct within him told him that following this strange creature into a dark, unknown tunnel alone was a bad idea, but there was something about her eyes – something in the way she looked at him – calm, patient, caring. Whatever it was, he felt she meant him no harm, and trusting those feelings, he pushed the vines aside and followed her into the dark.

He waited a few seconds for his eyes to adjust, but he still couldn’t see in front of him.

“Trust me,” came the newly familiar voice. “Take several steps forward. There will be light soon.”

Doing as he was bid, Garrus stepped forward carefully, feeling his way with his feet before placing them surely in front of him. Suddenly, a flash of light appeared before him. He shielded his eyes at the sudden assault on his senses, but quickly lowered his arm at what he saw. Ezola’s form was framed by light coming from a doorway that had begun to appear as light peeked around it. A door was sliding open before him, similar to all the doors he had seen on ships, the Citadel, his own home on Palaven. As his eyes adjusted further to the light, he saw Ezola smiling at him from the doorway.

“Come. I will show you the food,” she said, and disappeared further into the entranceway. Nervously, Garrus followed, careful not to touch anything as he went. When he stepped inside whatever the structure was, he was shocked to find similarities to architecture he had seen all over the galaxy. Ezola’s next words confirmed his new suspicions.

“It is prothean,” she nodded from in front of him. “You are correct. You have just entered a prothean ship. The local people of this moon look to this hill and its hidden contents as a shrine and I as its priestess. They are a foolish people, young and naïve, but they are harmless.”

“There are people on this moon?” Garrus asked, amazed that it was not just Ezola that had slipped under the Normandy’s scanners.

“Yes. I have shielded them from your crew to protect them. I did not know if you intended them harm and I have taken it upon myself to look out for these gentle creatures.”

“How is this possible?” he asked, amazed.

“As I said, there are many things that you do not know, but I will try to help you understand. This ship, now hidden by the mound of dirt and plants, was stranded here. It was much as your ship is now, many eons ago during the last Reaper cycle. But its mission was different from those of other prothean ships.”

“What was its mission then?” he said as he stared as the initial entranceway widened into what appeared to be the main control center of the ancient relic.

“Science,” Ezola said with a smile and guided him around the deck. Garrus followed Ezola as she led him to an elevator, pushing a button and waiting as the machine jolted with movement. When the door slid open again, Garrus could hardly believe what he saw.

Before him was a wide, cavernous expanse, much larger than the cargo hold of the Normandy. In aisles and rows were different cases and tanks, all containing different species of animals or plants. Ezola emitted a throaty chuckle at his reaction and left the elevator, motioning for him to continue to follow.

“When the Reapers arrived in the last cycle, the protheans made many preparations to preserve life for the next cycle. This was another one of their efforts,” she said. Garrus nearly jumped as a creature in a tank nearby pawed at the glass separating them. He turned his attention back to Ezola as she continued. “They not only sought to preserve their own lives and culture, but many of the species of life they had encountered throughout the galaxy. The prothean in charge of this mission was given the unique task of continuing to study and protect the life stored on this ship.”

“But who are you?” Garrus asked as Ezola slowed her pace, stopping just in front of a set of storage lockers. “You are not prothean, yet you speak their language.”

She turned to look at him straightly, her brows knitted together in a serious expression.

“I am the daughter of the prothean Avatar of Discovery. It was his mission to protect and study these lifeforms. I am all that remains of his legacy and I carry it on in his stead.”

Stunned, Garrus looked on as Ezola opened the storage locker and reached inside.

_A daughter of a prothean?_ , he balked. _How is that possible? That would have been over 50,000 years ago…She can’t be that old._

After a few seconds, she pulled out two small metal boxes and handed them to him. He gripped them tightly as she explained.

“I understand that your amino composition is different from the majority of your crew,” she said. “I foster and cultivate many types of plant and animal life from all over the galaxy on this ship. The creature that almost killed you was one of my experiments. In my observations of your people, I have determined that you mean us no harm, so what I have I will share with you so that you and Tali’Zorah may survive and no more of my experiments or creations will suffer the fate of the beast you encountered today. But this secret is for you and you alone. I do not deem it necessary or desirable to share the knowledge of my existence with more than you for now, as I mentioned earlier.”

“I understand,” Garrus said gratefully as he strengthened his grasp on the precious food in his hands. He didn’t miss the fact that Ezola knew not only his name, but that she knew of Tali as well. He wondered briefly what else she had gleaned simply by observing the Normandy in silence and, perhaps disturbingly, probing his thoughts or those of the crew. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“There is no need,” Ezola said with a grin. “I was taught by my father to value life in all its forms and to learn from it. I find you in particular…” she looked him up and down with a soft glance of appraisal. “Very interesting, to say the least.”

As quickly as she had led him to the ship, she turned and passed him now, heading back the way they had come. In silence, Garrus followed her as they made their way to the elevator and back to the dark tunnel that exited the hidden ship.

When she finally led him back to the place where the jungle cat had been killed, Garrus found the body gone; the Normandy crew had already collected it.

“I should return to my ship right away,” Garrus said, “I’m sure Tali will be wondering where I am since the meat will have been brought back and stored by now.”

“I hope you will visit me again soon,” Ezola said, a wistful tone to her voice. “Needless to say, I do not have many people to speak to that…understand there is more out there. The people of this moon are warm and kind, but they are quite…primitive. I would enjoy talking with you again.”

“I would like that, too,” Garrus said. It was partly true. He was intrigued by this mysterious creature. He did want to learn more about her and why she was here. On the other hand, Ezola terrified him. She was deceivingly powerful – many extremely potent abilities wrapped up in her lissome and beautiful form. But part of him did want to see her again, although he wasn’t sure what that meant.

She seemed to know what he was saying, a half-smile crawling over her face.

“I will see you again, Garrus Vakarian,” she said, a warm, lilting sound escaping her throat. “Come to the ship whenever you like, and I will meet you there.”

As suddenly as she had appeared several hours before, Ezola disappeared into the dark of the jungle. Garrus walked quickly back to the ship, still attempting to make sense of what had happened to him this evening.

When he arrived back on the ship, Tali was the first to greet him.

“Garrus!” she said, gripping him in a tight hug. “We stored the meat you killed today, but when we couldn’t find you, I was very worried.”

“I was fine, Tali,” he said, reassuringly as he smiled down at her. “I found even more food.”

Holding out his hands, he let Tali take one of the small metal crates Ezola had given him. Tali opened it and peered at its contents, using her omni-tool to scan them.

“Where….How?...” she shook her head as she closed the box again. “What is all this, Garrus? How did you find all this food for us?”

“I can’t say,” he said, pulling his mandibles tight to his face. He didn’t like being unable to tell Tali where the food had come from, but he had no choice.  He had made a promise.

And he feared what Ezola would do if he broke his promise.

Even through her mask, Garrus could tell that Tali was frowning.

“But don’t worry, Tali,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as he led her to the elevator. “I have found a way to keep us fed for a long time, I think.”

“Yes, but…” she pulled herself out from under his arm. “You’ve never kept secrets from me before, Garrus.”

He stopped walking and looked at Tali sadly. Shifting uncomfortably, he said, “Please trust me, Tali.”

She stared at him in silence for several moments, but eventually shrugged her shoulders in defeat.

“Well, at least we have food. We won’t die of starvation on this dreadful moon,” she said, returning to their former pace.

But as they walked, Garrus couldn’t help but think of the yellow-green eyes smiling at him – eyes that knew his name. Eyes that had provided him with miraculous food. Eyes that had protected him from the jungle’s dangers.

Eyes that had been watching him.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Embarrassment was not quite the word that described Shepard’s feelings. Anxiousness, nervousness….shame, perhaps. But whatever it was she felt, this moment was definitely uncomfortable.

“Come on in, Shepard,” came the familiar voice of Miranda. “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting.”

Shepard followed her former crewmate into her office at the hospital and took a seat near the window. Miranda smiled at her while pulling up a chair.

“How have you been, Miranda?” Shepard tried to smile.

“I’ve been fine, Shepard,” Miranda said. “Fantastic, really. I think I’ve found my new calling.”

“What’s that?”

“The Alliance has put me to work here. There are plenty of doctors of all races, but there are plenty of wounded and injured to match. I have been assisting with the efforts here as much as I can. You’re not the only soldier I’ve put back together since the war ended.”

“Sounds like you’re happy here.”

“I am, Shepard. I really am.” Miranda flashed her a genuine smile before shifting in her seat, crossing her legs. “But I’m sure you’re not here to check up on me. You don’t have to do rounds anymore. The question is, what can I do for you?”

Now that the time had come to tell Miranda what she needed, she felt foolish and awkward. But Tavius and her mother had convinced her she had to visit her old friend and share with her what had been happening.

“I need something stronger,” she finally blurted, her hands fidgeting in her lap. “The visions….hallucinations…whatever the fuck you want to call them. They have been much more frequent the last few weeks. I’m having trouble keeping them under control even with the pills you gave me.”

Miranda’s brows furrowed as she said, “Any idea what could be causing them to escalate? Any new stimulus in your life that could be causing this to happen?”

Shepard thought about that for a moment. What had been going on the past few weeks? The press conference had been stressful, but it was a momentary stressor, not a permanent one. However, the past two weeks had been increasingly busy – meetings with her fellow Councilors to discuss her proposal to invite more races to the Council table, rations and lodgings for races stranded on Earth, garnering support for the Citadel and relay projects. Galactic politics was more difficult than even she had anticipated and the political unrest from various factions of the galaxy was beginning to be a lot to bear.

“There’s a lot of….pressure…in my new position,” she finally said. “The weight has been building, and I doubt it will life anytime soon. Could that have something to do with it?”

“Definitely,” Miranda nodded and punched a few commands into her omni-tool. When she was finished, she smiled up at Shepard again. “That should do it. Just stop by the pharmacy desk on your way out. They will have something ready for you. I have to say, Shepard…” Miranda shifted her legs again, crossing them the opposite direction before continuing. “It’s interesting that these visions are increasing instead of decreasing. It makes me wonder how you kept them at bay before.”

“I know how they were kept at bay,” she answered softly, trying to hold back the emotion in her voice. What she hadn’t told Miranda was that not only the frequency of her visions had increased, but that there were repeat characters now – two figures that made appearances multiple times a day – and those repeat characters corresponded to the two people in her life she loved the most.

And the two people in her life that were gone.

Adam Shepard and Garrus Vakarian.

She tried to be strong when they appeared, but sometimes she didn’t want to take the pill. Sometimes, she wondered how awful it would be if she just gave in to the hallucinations and ran away with Garrus in her mind – feeling his arms around her, his mouth on hers, his warm breath on her neck.

But she couldn’t. She knew it wasn’t real when he appeared, and she couldn’t allow herself to fall into her visions, losing all sense of real life.

She had a daughter to care for. She couldn’t just fall apart. Livia needed her.

Miranda cleared her throat in the awkward silence. Shepard looked back up at her and said, “Garrus.”

The other woman’s eyes flashed with understanding and sympathy.

“Garrus kept the demons at bay.”


	15. One Step at a Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In order to (mostly) avoid horribly awful cliffhangers, I will be attempting to post the next few chapters in groups that fit well together. 
> 
> Tonight, you get four chapters. Enjoy and thank you, everyone, for the feedback so far!

The Citadel was visible from the ground on a clear day, and now, six months since the end of the Reaper War, the clear days were becoming more and more frequent. Leaving her desk by the large window of her apartment in London, Shepard moved to stand in the sun’s warmth to get a better view. She couldn’t see the station in detail from the surface of the planet, but just knowing that the figure in the sky was a step toward galactic repair gave her hope.

The reports on the Citadel restoration were excellent. Shepard’s bid for eezo from the races of the galaxy had been an easy appeal. Sparatus was the first Councilor to back her decision and Tevos followed close behind, apparently having learned well from the asari’s mistake of refusing to trust Shepard’s judgment. Valern was more difficult to convince, but after a bit more pressure, he caved as well. All races were combining what eezo they could spare to the project, and the report from the scientists was that they were indeed able to imitate the compound used to create the Citadel and the mass relays.

But as with any step forward, there was always a step back, sometimes two. Even with all the eezo they had acquired, they still needed more. That problem was most likely to be resolved soon – more and more ships were donating what they could spare in the hopes the relays would be repaired and everyone could return to their home planets and begin mending efforts there. Most ships had trickled in since the Crucible pulse six months ago. Some were still missing, the Normandy among them. Those missing were presumed lost by most of the people on Earth, but each day, Shepard combed reports from the incoming ships, looking for the names of her friends to no avail.

The other hold up was time – the compound took time to refine. The process of creating the metal that formed the large structures that supported galactic life, travel, and communication was a slow one.

Patience. Patience was something Shepard was learning about slowly. Livia helped her as did her dealings with the Council, but some progress was happening. Surprisingly, the Council had almost overwhelmingly accepted her proposal that the krogans join the Council races with Wrex as their representative. The krogans’ efforts to assist other races in the Reaper War had not gone unnoticed and this time, were not unrewarded. Wrex had clapped her on the shoulder, almost painfully, when she gave him the news. The quarians bid for a spot on the Council was still in debate, but Shepard was hopeful that they would be accepted soon with their unique skills having been put to use restoring the technology of the planet, damaged ships, and the Citadel itself.

A noise behind her startled Shepard from her thoughts. Spinning around, she smiled when she saw Livia crawling toward her, tiny mandibles flared in a grin. Tavius had not exaggerated when he said turians mature faster than humans. Livia had learned how to crawl a week ago and had not stopped exploring the apartment on her own since that time. As the tiny turian reached her, she sat back and held up her arms to Shepard. Acquiescing to her daughter’s desire, Shepard bent down and picked up the child, tickling her belly and holding her close.

“Well, look who managed to crawl out of their bedroom and find me,” she teased. Livia just smiled back at her with a pleased expression, a low dual-toned purring emanating from her throat.

A ping at the door interrupted the pleasant moment. She unlocked the door on her omni-tool and smiled when Major Coats entered the room.

“I brought you some lunch,” he said with a smile, placing a take-out bag on the entryway table. “I figured, as usual, that you had forgotten to eat with the new reports that came in this morning.”

“You would be right,” Shepard replied, placing Livia in her playpen and walking toward the table to peer in the bag. “Chicken?”

“Something like it.” Coats shrugged. “It’s all the shops are able to serve with the mandatory rations at the moment. Doesn’t really matter – it all tastes the same anyway.”

Shepard chuckled as she reached for her share of the food in the bag.

“Thank you, Nicholas,” she said. “I appreciate the thought.”

“Of course.”

She took her food to the couch and motioned for him to join her. Grabbing his own food, he took the seat next to her and both of them ate in silence, watching Livia play contentedly with the toys in her pen.

“So…” the Major began, “I assume you read the reports.”

“I did,” Shepard said, wiping the corners of her mouth. “It’s mostly good news.”

“Mostly?” Coats said in disbelief. “I thought you would be ecstatic. The scientists predict the Citadel can be repaired within a matter of months. We thought years at first, but months –“ He shook his head and frowned. “I had hoped you would be happy to see the numbers.”

“Oh, I am happy,” she said, reassuring him with a weak smile. “I just wish we were beginning our efforts with the relays, not the Citadel.”

“You know the reasons we are doing it this way. I know you miss your crew and –“ Coats trailed off as he glanced at Livia and cleared his throat. “But we need to make sure the compound can be imitated and melded properly with the already existing material of the Citadel and the relays. Besides, there is the problem of –“

“The overcrowding of the planet and it would be helpful to have a place for many of our refugees to go. I know, Nicholas, I know.” Shepard sighed. “I understand all the implications. I just…wish things could be different.”

“Many of us wish for the same thing, Shepard – for things to be different than they are…”

She looked to her left and saw Nicholas staring down at his lap, his barely touched food in hand. His face looked hauntingly sad and Shepard longed to cheer him, but she wasn’t sure how. He looked up then, his blue eyes holding her gaze with their muted pain and the emotion she tried to deny was there.

“Then there’s still the problem of eezo – do you really think there will be enough?,” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“I do,” Coats nodded, a smile returning to his face. “The scientists assured me themselves that it will be enough once they get the full donations from the combined fleets on the planet, and I believe them.”

“It just feels like another setback…” She sighed and looked back out the window again, the shape of the Citadel taunting her from the sky.

Suddenly, she felt something warm on her knee. She looked down to find Coats’s hand gently placed just above the joint.

“We _will_ repair the Citadel,” he said, his eyes never wavering from her face. “Then we will repair the relays and find the Normandy. Don’t give up hope.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond, but the feeling of his hand on her leg made her extremely uncomfortable. He was kind to her. His presence comforted her. It was obvious that he cared for her, but this was not something she wanted. She wasn’t ready to give up on the Normandy and Garrus yet. She wasn’t sure she ever would.

Abruptly, she stood up and walked toward Livia’s playpen. The child, oblivious to the awkward moment, smiled brightly when she saw her mother’s face. Chuckling lightheartedly, Shepard picked the baby up again and turned back to face Coats.

“Well, thank you again for bringing lunch,” she said. “But I’m afraid it’s time for me to feed Livy and put her down for a nap. I don’t believe I have any more meetings on my calendar for the afternoon, so I will see you tomorrow at the Council meeting?”

Coats understood his cue and stood just as abruptly as she had.

“I will be there,” he nodded, his lips twitching before he turned to the door. Just before he left, he spun back around and said, “Please try not to be sad, Shepard. It pains those of us close to you to see you so…melancholy. Your mother, Anderson, Hackett…and me…well, we just want you to be happy. You deserve…” He broke eye contact and looked down at the floor to shake his head before looking at her again. “You deserve so much more for what you did and were willing to do for all of us.”

“I appreciate that, Nicholas,” Shepard said with a pursed smile. “I really do. I will see you in the morning.”

And with that, she was alone again.

Well, not completely alone. The baby in her arms yawned sleepily and smiled up at her, gripping Shepard’s hair tightly in her tiny fist.

“No, no,” Shepard said. “Eat first, then you can nap.”

When Livia finished eating and curled up in Shepard’s arms while she rocked the baby to sleep, Shepard couldn’t help but smile. She missed Solana. She missed Garrus more than she had ever missed anyone in her life – perhaps even her father. But she wasn’t completely unhappy or “melancholy”, as Coats had said.

She gently brushed her fingers over Solana’s forehead and cheeks, a loving smile on her face.

_I have this_ , she said. _I am happy…I will just be_ happier _when Garrus is home._

She felt herself drifting off in the chair as she rocked Livia. Before her mind went dark with sleep, a memory of a different time echoed through her head.

_When the war is over…we will be married on Palaven…_

 

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“You have found it.”

Routine had settled in. Garrus hadn’t liked it at first, but now he was resigned to life as it was. Forty-one weeks and two days – a little over ten months – but who was counting? More and more often, he settled into the Main Battery, back into his calibrations that soothed his mind and passed the time.

But Javik’s voice had disturbed his unique form of meditation. Spinning around, he watched the prothean enter the Battery.

“Found what?” Garrus asked.

“The lifeform,” Javik replied, leaning against the worktable near him. “But I still cannot read its echoes. I have touched the things you touch, spending time in this space when you are not present and still, I cannot sense what it is. How is this possible?”

Garrus didn’t know how to respond. He truly longed to share his new knowledge with the crew, but he feared Ezola’s wrath should he break his promise.

“It is no matter,” Javik sighed, standing and moving back toward the door. “All will be made clear in time, I am sure.”

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief after Javik left him alone again, but the conversation had reminded him to check the food stores. Bringing up the inventory on his omni-tool, he noticed they were running low.

At first, he hadn’t returned to the strange alien woman’s ship in the jungle for several weeks, managing to live off the meat from the beast she had killed and the stores she had given him in the metal crates, but every few weeks, he had to return for more. Each time, Ezola seemed happy to see him. Garrus felt sorry for her, sure that she was a lonely creature, but he was still not entirely sure he could trust her, her strange powers still quite frightening and unexplained.

Making his way through the jungle, he found himself outside the spot where the hanging vines led to the hidden ship, covered in eons of dirt and plantlife that obscured it and protected it from prying eyes. He waited patiently and then he heard it – the sound of the sliding door beneath the hill.

“Come,” came the now familiar, warm voice from inside. Pushing the vines aside, he stepped into the darkness, his eyes adjusting to the artificial light from the ship flooding into the tunnel.

“I have some new berries for you and Tali to try,” Ezola said excitedly as she led him to the lower decks of the ship. “I have been experimenting with some of the seeds since meeting you. I hope that you like them.”

“That’s very kind of you,” Garrus said with a smile as she reached for bags filled with food to put in the crates he had brought back with him.

“I enjoy the experiments,” she said with a grin when she was finished. “But really I enjoy your company. I wish you would come more often.”

Garrus shifted uncomfortably beneath her gaze. He still wasn’t sure what to think of this creature. Javik’s conversation had unnerved him – not only could she see people’s thoughts and kill with her mind, but she could shield her very essence from others with similar abilities?

“I see you are troubled,” she said, motioning for him to follow her. “I understand why. I am willing to tell you more if you would like to listen.” Garrus simply nodded in response, following Ezola as she led him back to the bright light of day.

“Put the crates down here,” she said as they left the hanging vines behind. “Come. I will show you one of my favorite places.”

Garrus dropped the crates, but when he did, Ezola reached inside and grabbed one of the bags she had placed in it earlier.

“Here,” she tossed it to him. “Something to eat when we get there.”

And then she began to climb. It wasn’t a hard climb. The hill that hid the ship wasn’t steep, but it was a long climb and Garrus found he was embarrassingly out of shape. Panting breaths filled his lungs by the time they reached the top. Ezola plopped down, crossing her legs underneath her much like Garrus had seen Shepard do on occasion. Still in his full armor, Garrus found it a little more difficult to sit on the top of the knoll, but he managed after positioning himself sideways down the hill.

“It is lovely here, is it not?” Ezola asked, surveying the land around him. Garrus had to admit the view was very picturesque. The high vantage point allowed him to see all the way to the large lake where many of the crewmembers enjoyed swimming. In another direction, he saw small mountains that he had not noticed, and would not have noticed without being able to see from this level.

“It is very lovely,” he agreed.

“Try the berries,” his friend said. Opening the satchel, Garrus peered inside and found many small, red berries the size of a pearl. He picked one up and placed it in his mouth, chewing slowly.

“Spirits, that’s some of the best food I’ve had since the last time I was on the Citadel.”

The woman beside him positively beamed at his praise of her work. Garrus grinned back at her.

“Thank you, Ezola. I don’t know why you do all this for us, but Tali and I really appreciate it.”

“It is nothing, really,” she replied and Garrus noticed a darker color rising up the back of her neck, the same way Shepard’s pale skin sometimes did when she was embarrassed. Stifling a chuckle, he reached back into the bag and popped another of the delicious berries in his mouth.

“I placed another present for you in the crates,” Ezola finally said when the color on her skin subsided. Garrus raised his eyebrow plates at her. She continued, “I would like to meet your friend EDI. I believe she would also like to meet me. I have included some tech I scavenged from certain parts of my ship that I think will help repair what you call her mobile platform. When she is repaired, bring her here.”

It wasn’t a request, it was a command – a command which made Garrus nervous. Why did Ezola want to meet EDI? What was her purpose and interest in the ship’s AI?

_“It is all right, Officer Vakarian,”_ EDI said in his ear. _“I would be happy to meet with Ezola if she will help me repair my mobile platform to full functionality.”_

Garrus nodded then and said, “I think we can manage that.”

Ezola’s face brightened and she stared back at the scenic view around them. “Thank you. Your ship is the first to come here in my lifetime. I…enjoy your company…” The dark color crept back up her neck again, but Ezola shook her head, ridding herself of the sign of her embarrassment. “And since EDI already knows of my existence, I would like to meet her as well.”

The sun was beginning to set, and Garrus had made a rule to not stay after dark since the first time he had come to this place. But Ezola was not moving, and Garrus still feared what would happen if he did something contrary to her wishes – images of the jungle cat’s neck broken before his eyes filled his mind.

“I will not hurt you, Garrus Vakarian,” she said, turning to look at him with her soft, yellow eyes. “I promise you that. Why don’t you ask me what you came to ask?”

A knowing smirk was on her face as she spoke. Garrus closed the bag in his hands and sighed.

“First of all, just Garrus is fine,” he began, trying to mask the awkwardness of the conversation and his underlying fear of the creature only a foot away from him. “And second, you already know what I am going to ask. Why don’t you just explain it to me?”

“Because it is polite for us to have a real conversation, is it not?”

“I suppose…” Garrus said. Ezola laughed then, throwing her head back before meeting his eyes again.

“The real reason is I like to hear your voice,” she said, color now on her cheeks. “So please, ask me what you came to ask.”

“We have a prothean on board,” Garrus began, clearing his throat. “Since you are prothean, then I’m sure you understand that he can read thoughts and impressions – ‘echoes’ he calls them – through touch. However, he claims he cannot read what you are though he knows you exist. How is that possible?”

“It is possible in the same way it was possible for me to protect the people of this moon and the location of my home,” Ezola said. “My abilities extend beyond reading thoughts. I can also shield my mind or the minds of others from the knowledge of those who could sense us as Javik can.”

She turned back to look at the setting sun before continuing. “I know that you wonder why Javik does not have these abilities since he is also prothean.”

Garrus looked at his companion wordlessly, waiting for her to continue.

“I am not completely prothean as he is. I am only half prothean. My father was prothean, my mother was not,” she said softly.

“Who was your mother?” Garrus asked, intrigued by this new development, but as he spoke, the sun winked out over the horizon.

“I believe that ends our afternoon together,” Ezola said, her glowing eyes turning to face him again. “I know of your rule. You should head back to your ship.”

She bounced up onto her feet and extended her hand to him. With a strength Garrus would not have expected in the tiny form, she helped him to his feet. The deception reminded him of another person who looked small, but was very powerful – someone he loved more than life itself, separated from him by 49 light years and a lack of fuel.

_Please be alive, Lizzie_ , he thought as they began the trek down the hill. _I will find a way back to you…_

As he thought it, he noticed Ezola’s pace quicken. Perplexed, he jogged after her, confused as to why it felt as if she were running away from him.

“Put the pieces I gave you to good use and bring EDI to me when she is finished,” were the last words Garrus heard as Ezola disappeared into her strange hideaway. Struck by the odd way the encounter had ended, Garrus headed back to the Normandy, food and tech in hand.

_One step at a time_ , he thought as the ship came into sight. _One step at a time will bring us home…_


	16. The Apex Race

Tali had given him one of those looks when he had returned to the ship.

Garrus couldn’t blame her. He didn’t like the secrecy, either, but his fear of Ezola kept his tongue bound. The frustration was quickly forgotten, however, when he showed Tali what he had brought her. She had been so excited that she didn’t trouble him again about where he had acquired the last few pieces needed to fix their beloved AI. It had taken nearly a week, but Tali and Adams lovingly repaired their friend, and after almost six days of nearly sleepless nights, EDI was a part of their team again.

He did not press EDI to leave with him right away. He left Joker and EDI to their moment – or night – of happiness when her mobile functionality was fully restored. The rest of the crew seemed almost as elated to have EDI back and Garrus himself felt a surge of hope at the good fortune of EDI’s full return.

_One step at a time_ , he thought with a smile.

But the next day, EDI accompanied him to the spot where Ezola lived. Joker had protested, not wanting to be separated from his love again and concerned about the secretive nature of her walkabout, but EDI had assured him all would be well – that she had a purpose for accompanying Garrus.

“Fascinating,” were the first words out of EDI’s mouth when Ezola appeared, this time not from inside the ship, but silently behind them from the surrounding jungle.

EDI had stood still while Ezola circled EDI, much as a predator stalks her prey. Garrus could not resist the urge to distance himself from the two women, the look in Ezola’s eyes one he had not seen before and one that definitely made him uncomfortable.

Eventually, Ezola crouched slightly, bending her knees. EDI cocked her head to the side with a curious expression as the alien woman with the yellow-green eyes lunged at her.

Garrus cried out and began to run back toward EDI to help her, but he quickly saw there was no need. EDI had easily deflected the lunge with an arm and now Ezola lay on the ground, her pride apparently wounded more than her body.

When Garrus reached EDI, she looked to him in confusion and said, “Why did she attack me?”

Garrus looked down at Ezola who was curled up in a ball beneath him, unsure how to respond to the inquiry. Fortunately, he didn’t have to as the alien stood up, brushing herself off and straightening her shoulders.

“I was angry with you,” Ezola said, looking down and dusting off the last of the dirt from her clothes of skins. “I am unable to read or control you.”

“Control?” Garrus blurted.

“Surely you have figured out that is one of the things I am able to do, Garrus,” Ezola said, a wry smile on her lips. “How else did you think I saved your life the day we met.”

It was true. He had thought of it, but since he had felt no efforts on Ezola’s part to control him, he had thought her abilities to do so were limited to lesser creatures or beasts. He had been wrong about that, but he had not been wrong about the fact that Ezola’s powers were limited.

“But you can’t control EDI?” he asked slowly.

Ezola shook her head sadly.

“I cannot,” she whispered, head drooping.

“But why would you want to control me?” EDI asked. “I meant you no harm.”

“Control is my only defense against those things I do not understand or know,” Ezola said. “I am not a great fighter. I have no weapons. My mind is my weapon and it is useless against you. I had to see for myself.”

“Because I am a synthetic?” EDI continued.

“I believe that is the reason.”

Garrus simply listened as the exchange took place – EDI peppering Ezola with questions while the latter answered them in kind.

“What are you?”

Garrus stood up straight to look at EDI as she so bluntly put the question he had been afraid to ask since meeting Ezola. Yellow eyes smiled at him, clearly reading his thoughts.

“You have wanted to ask me since we met, Garrus, but EDI has the courage to do so now,” Ezola said slowly. “I will explain. I am the next step in the evolutionary chain. I am prothean and _mouna_ – that is the word the local people use to describe themselves.”

Ezola turned her back on them and headed for the place Garrus knew well. EDI fell in step with him as they entered the prothean ship.

“Ezola,” EDI said, her voice echoing through the empty deck. “May I record this data? I will protect it from others if you do not want it shared, but I feel it should be kept for study.”

“You may,” Ezola said. “Of all people, I understand the need to study and learn. Record what you will, but do not share without my permission.”

“Thank you,” EDI nodded. Garrus followed as Ezola led them to a portion of the ship she had never taken him before. There were no tanks filled with plants and animals. The room was circular with a table and chairs in the middle. Ezola motioned for them to sit. She followed suit, and after making sure Garrus and EDI were paying attention, she continued her explanation.

“My father, Dekouvri, was the head scientist on this ship – the prothean Avatar of Discovery. As I told you before, he was tasked with preserving as many different species of plants and animals and insects as he could.” Ezola sat back and placed her hands in her lap. “But the Reapers found his ship and chased him through the relay you also raced through. The ship pushed itself too hard while attempting to outrun the Reapers and crash landed on this moon – it is not such a strange coincidence since this moon is on a direct course from the ejection vector of the relay. Its fuel source and drive core were damaged, and like you, my father’s ship was stranded here.”

Ezola’s posture changed as she continued to speak of her father. Garrus read mixed emotions of sadness and respect in her features as she related the story of the person who had given her life.

“For years, my father’s team worked and studied here, content with their mission, but when it was clear that no one was coming to the rescue and the Reapers would not be destroyed, the crew made a decision. Stasis pods had been installed on the ship for just this type of emergency and my father and his crew decided to put themselves in stasis – along with the life they had cultivated here – in the hopes that they could survive into the next cycle and continue their work.”

“This is similar to the stasis pods we discovered on Ilos and when we found Javik – another piece of evidence of the protheans’ efforts to preserve their culture and lives,” EDI said to Garrus. He nodded at her and motioned for Ezola to continue. Ezola nodded at EDI before she spoke again.

“You are right. My father’s people sought to preserve what they could in the hopes they could prevent what happened to them from happening in this cycle. But the plan did not work. The ship became hidden and overgrown here on this planet. The stasis pods could no longer support all the members of the crew and the live cultures they sought to protect. One by one, stasis pods were shut down. My father’s was the last, but instead of dying, his stasis pod was programmed to wake him so he could determine the state of the projects left undone and determine how best to preserve their work.”

Ezola stood up and began to pace. Something in her story was beginning to trouble her. Garrus’s browplates furrowed as he watched the troubled expression on the alien’s face.

“My father was devastated when he awoke and found himself to be the only one alive, but he busied himself with his work. Then, one day, he decided to venture out of the ship, the confines of it driving him mad. He longed to see the sun and feel the real air on his face. While on a walk around the mound, he met a woman of the local _mouna_. She was so beautiful, he could not speak when he saw her.” Ezola smiled tenderly. “My prothean father loved the woman and I am their daughter.”

“How long ago was this?” Garrus spoke up. “When did the pod awaken your father?”

“A little more than 212 of your standard years ago. I was born five years later,” Ezola said, straight-faced.

“You are 207 years old? But how –“

“I believe you have several races in your cycle that live for hundreds of years, do you not?” Garrus nodded as Ezola continued. “My mother’s race is also one of those. They evolved on this moon in a similar fashion to your asari. In fact, they have a similar ability to share thoughts and memories through a joining process.”

“So that is where your own powers come from?” EDI asked. “A combination of the genetics of your prothean father and your _mouna_ mother?”

Ezola nodded and said, “Yes. Although, my father at first was surprised that his genetic code was compatible with my mother’s. But as your asari may mate with creatures not of their race by assimilating aspects of the father’s genetic code, so can my mother’s people. Thus, I was born, but not as your asari do – I do not automatically assume the race of my mother. I am a true combination of my father and mother, literally prothean and _mouna_ , with powers of both and on a heightened scale. The combination of those two powerful races has given me the power to read thoughts, shield myself and others, and control organic beings. My father called me the ‘apex race.’”

Garrus sat back in his chair, unable to form words. The story was too fantastic to be believed, but it made sense in a way. Who knew how many ships or secret stations like Ilos the protheans had sent into space to preserve their way of life? Even Javik was unaware of most of them. The way to truly preserve something was to protect it with secrecy and this project clearly had been a secret.

“My father died when I was 32,” Ezola finally said. “But he taught me much while he was alive. I have tried to continue his work. He told me of what lies beyond this moon. I long to see it someday.”

“And your mother?” Garrus asked.

“She misses him,” Ezola’s eyes studied the table’s surface before continuing. “She is one of the reasons I so carefully guard her people from your ship’s prying scanners and eyes. She is alive and well. Like her, I will live to be several hundred years old before I die.”

There was a thought tugging at the back of Garrus’s mind. A distant memory that he couldn’t quite place.

_The apex race…where have I heard that before?....so familiar._

“I would like permission to meet with Ezola regularly, Officer Vakarian,” EDI said, turning to face him. “There is much to learn from her.”

“I think that’s a fine idea,” Garrus said while standing to leave. “As long as Ezola is comfortable with it.”

“I do not believe EDI will harm me,” Ezola said. “I am willing to share my knowledge with you, so long as you continue to swear to protect it.”

“That is something I can easily write into my programs,” EDI said, a gentle nod of her head. “However, we should return to the ship. I do not believe Tali’Zorah approves of your long visits away from the Normandy.” Turning to Ezola, EDI said, “I shall return soon to meet with you, Ezola.”

“I will look forward to it,” Ezola said, leading them out of the circular room.

Garrus couldn’t help but notice she was looking at him when she spoke and not at EDI.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“What do you think, Shepard?” Anderson asked with a smile. “Good as new?”

With Livy on her hip, Shepard entered the apartment she had thought never to see again. It was just as she remembered – the fireplace warm and inviting, the art in its proper place although the pictures were new and different. She could hear the slow trickle of water over the decorative wall down the hallway.

And the piano. The piano was in the corner by the window, a single red rose in a vase on its surface.

“It’s perfect,” she said with a smile, putting Livy down on the floor to let her wander. The little tyke took off with a start, giggling all through the apartment as she explored their new surroundings. Just shy of nine months, and Livia was now walking and climbing. Her first word had been “pop pop” – her imitation of the turian word for her grandfather, and Shepard was waiting for when the baby girl would learn to call her “mama.”

But those thoughts had to wait as she took in the surroundings.

“I can’t believe it’s really all repaired. And that we are in it!” she took a few steps into the apartment and lovingly caressed the piano with her hand.

Anderson laughed. “Well, it took a year, so it’s not like it happened over night, but I had hoped this would bring you some cheer.”

She looked at the Admiral standing near her, his warm eyes sad as they studied her face.

_Everyone is always so worried about me_ , she thought. _Do I really look so depressed all the time?_

To reassure him, she walked back toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He chuckled at first, surprised, but then he gripped her back tightly.

“Sorry to interrupt,” came a dual-toned voice from the doorway. Shepard released Anderson from her hug to see Tavius standing near them. “This is a lovely place. Where would you like me to set up?”

“There’s a bedroom just around the corner with your name on it,” she smiled at him. “I figured I would take the upstairs bedroom, because there are two rooms upstairs. That way I can be closer to Livy when she wakes up in the night.”

Tavius nodded and walked down the hall. She knew Tavius had not felt entirely comfortable continuing to be in her space, but she liked him there and tried to show him how much she enjoyed his company and support. He made her feel not so alone, and she knew that was one of the reasons he continued to stay with her. The other reason was the baby turian they were raising together.

After Tavius walked past, Anderson turned back to Shepard and said, “Well, I have some business to attend to, so I will leave you to finish moving in.”

“I really can’t believe you are still giving me this place, sir,” Shepard said, shaking her head. “You and Kahlee should have it now that –“

Anderson raised a hand to stop her mid-sentence. “Shepard, you have a family now. Kahlee and I are happy to be reunited, but a family is something we will not be able to have. You are the closest to a family that we can get. We want you to have this.”

Shepard rewarded him with another smile and a hug before he bid her good-bye again and the door shut behind him. Turning with her hands on her hips, she called out.

“Livia! I’m going to find you!”

The tiny turian popped her head out from behind a corner at the end of the hall, a mischievous grin on her face.

“There you are!” Shepard said, beginning a mock chase. “I’m gonna get you!”

Livia shrieked and ducked behind the corner. Shepard ran the other direction to catch the toddler as she rounded the far corner. When she picked Livy up in her arms, the girl collapsed into giggles in her mother’s arms.

“So, how do you like our new place?” she said to the child. “Think we can be happy here?”

Livia simply leaned into Shepard’s chest and gripped the neckline of her shirt as she always did when Shepard held her. Smiling, she found a couch near the fireplace and nuzzled the neck of the baby who seemed suddenly tired after traveling up to the repaired Citadel and running in circles around the new apartment.

As Livy’s eyes started to droop, Shepard’s thoughts turned to Garrus and the last time she had been here.

“You know what we’ll do, Livy?” she whispered into her daughter’s ear. “We’ll put pictures of Daddy up everywhere, so when he comes home, you will know it’s him.”

She wasn’t sure Livia understood what she was saying, but the girl hummed in content as she snuggled into Shepard’s chest. Without thinking, Shepard began to hum a melody – something she hadn’t thought of for a long time, but something that had suddenly come to the forefront of her mind as she cuddled her turian daughter in an apartment full of memories.

“Where did you learn that song?” Tavius’s hushed voice came from the hall. Shepard turned slightly, careful not to disturb Livia as she grew closer and closer to sleep. The turian walked toward her, taking a seat in the chair near the couch.

“I –“ Shepard began with a whisper, but shook her head as she started over. “When a friend of ours died…Mordin…I was pretty beat up about it. Garrus, he – he sang to me. I don’t know the words, but his voice and the melody helped me sleep.”

“It is a lullaby,” Tavius said with a sad smile. “One his mother used to sing.”

Shepard felt tears spring to her eyes as she thought of her love and his beloved mother. Suddenly, she had a thought.

“Tavius,” she said hesitantly, “Will you teach me the words?”

The elder Vakarian’s browplates relaxed and he sat back in his chair, a pleased smile playing on his face.

“Of course. You still miss him very much, don’t you?”

Shepard nodded, unable to find her words. Tavius stood up and walked toward her, finding a seat next to her on the couch and began to slowly stroke the head of the baby in Shepard’s arms.

And then he began to sing – a strange, dual-toned melody that made Shepard’s heart ache for her turian.

But a melody that put Livia to sleep.


	17. Another Six Months

“It is enough, Shepard.”

Her heart leapt in her chest as Coats handed her the newest report.

“We can repair the Charon relay. We have enough to get the relay operational again.”

Words still did not come as Shepard struggled to control her emotions. She had put Livy to bed and asked Tavius to join her when Coats called at a late hour, claiming he had news for her. She was nervous about what news the Major would bring, knowing the scientists were reaching a crucial point of their work. She had paced in her Citadel apartment living room, Tavius watching her with legs crossed in a chair. She still had been unable to sit when she admitted Coats to the apartment. An update had been expected for days, and now it had come.

And it was wonderful.

She finally fell back into a chair and said, “There has to be a catch. There’s always a catch.”

To her chagrin, the bright smile faded from Nicholas’s face.

“There is a …slight problem,” he said quietly.

“Spit it out, Coats,” Shepard said, more of a bite to her tone than she intended.

“There is not enough yet for the second relay to be repaired.  It took the scientists six months to amass enough eezo for this relay. They anticipate another six months before there is enough to repair the second relay.”

Another six months.

She had already waited a year and a half. Shepard wasn’t sure she could wait any longer than that. Miranda had already had to strengthen the dose of her medication three additional times to keep the hallucinations from haunting her day and night.

“There is a possible solution…” Coats said warily. Shepard’s eyes flashed at him, urging him to go on. “We could send teams through the relay and hope they can scour enough eezo in that system to repair the relay on the other end. While there they could at least repair comm buoys in the Exodus Cluster and make contact with any survivors there.”

Her heart fell. That was not a solution. She longed to get a comm buoy up in the Exodus Cluster. Her heart yearned to make every effort to have contact with Garrus and the Normandy if they were out there somewhere, but the risk was too great.

“I can’t do that, Nicholas, and you know it.”

“You asked for possible solutions, Commander,” he said. “I am giving you one.”

“And I appreciate you offering it to me, but I will not…I cannot take it.” She sighed as she looked at Tavius. “I’m sorry, Tavius. I don’t just answer to the Alliance or my own whims now. I can’t risk the lives of those scientists. I can’t send people through a relay when they may not be able to make the repairs on the other end.”

Tavius just smiled at her sadly, leaning forward in his seat.

“It is the right choice, Elizabeth. You should not put your own desires ahead of those you serve.”

But somehow, her heart still ached.

Turning to Coats, she said, “Tell the team to open up the relay, but don’t send a team through it yet. We can at least verify that our process works and that the science team has indeed succeeded in this feat.”

With a mournful look, Coats nodded and stood to go.

“For what it’s worth, Shepard, I am sorry the news is not better,” he said.

She smiled at him as he exited the apartment.

“Me, too,” she whispered as Tavius moved to sit next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she leaned against him, letting the tears fall. “Me, too.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Going for food had become a ritual. Every couple of weeks, Garrus went to Ezola’s “shrine” and she gave him new victuals to try. Her face always lit up when he appeared. She had begun greeting him with hugs. Although he was unsure of what her newer signs of affection meant, he accepted them. Ezola might be 207, almost 208, years old, but in many ways, she was still very much like a child – naïve of the ways of the galaxy.

But when she asked him for a special favor, he was unprepared for her question.

“Would you come with me to meet my mother?” she asked out of the blue, her yellow eyes shining with something like nervousness. “I have told her much about you, and she would like to meet you.”

Garrus stood still for several moments, blinking at her. For over a year, Ezola had protested that she would not let him meet her people, that she was protecting them from the Normandy crew. He had understood that. He did not think any of his crewmembers would do anything untoward, but he respected Ezola’s desire to keep her people separate from his.

Finally, he nodded and said, “I would be honored.”

She had jumped and given him another tight hug around the neck, her hands lingering a little longer than they ever had before she released him. They had planned a day and time he would come and now the day had arrived.

Ezola had taken him by the hand when he appeared at the hanging vines, leading him in a direction and on a path he had never taken before. Deeper and deeper into the jungle they went until finally, the trees thinned again and he found they were near a riverbed. For several minutes they followed the banks of a rushing river that emptied into a calm and pristine lake. It was much smaller than the one the crew used to bathe in, but large enough to feed a small population of villagers.

And on the other side of the lake, he saw what Ezola had brought him to see – a small group of thatched huts with fires lit in front of them.

Turning to gauge his expression, Ezola gripped his hand tighter and led him around the edges of the lake, excitement clear in her voice and countenance.

“My mother’s name is Linnea,” she said hurriedly. “You may call her by that name. But wait –“

She stopped suddenly and looked at him again, concern etched on her face. “What would you prefer that I tell her to call you?”

“Garrus,” he said as Ezola continued her fast pace toward the thatched huts.

Apparently, Ezola’s mother had earned some sort of status with the villagers by mating with the prothean from another world. Her hut was set on a hill and was much larger than all the others in the village.

“When my father’s ship crashed here, these people were just beginning to evolve into their current form. Their culture was still primitive when my father met my mother. He did not want to interfere with their natural progression and did not give them much more than what they have. That is why they think I am some sort of priestess – because they do not understand genetics or how I came to be, except that I am my mother’s daughter.”

Garrus tried to follow along, but he couldn’t help watching as curious faces peered out at him from hut doorways and from behind trees that lined the village.

The faces looked familiar. The race looked like some sort of strange evolution that was not quite human and not quite asari. The skin tones seemed to match those of the race from which his Lizzie came while each head had crests like that of an asari. But even then, he could tell just how much prothean Ezola had in her – her unique skin tone and the number of digits on her hands and feet made her stand out among her mother’s people.

“They all knew you were coming,” Ezola said as they approached Linnea’s door. “But they are still curious about you. You do look….very strange to them.”

“I’m sure I do,” he chuckled, trying to stave off his nerves. Garrus wasn’t sure why he was nervous, but with all the eyes of the village on him, he couldn’t help the butterflies in his stomach. Ezola sensed his nervousness and gripped his hand tighter in her own.

“They are harmless,” she said. “Besides, I would never let them hurt you.”

He looked at her then and she avoided his gaze, pulling him into the doorway of the largest hut where her mother lived.

There, sitting on a makeshift bench of animal skins and logs was a woman of the _mouna_ race. Garrus could tell instantly why Doukevri had fallen for her so quickly. Even though she was much older than her daughter, her figure was still immaculate – a tapered waist beneath full breasts and hips that flared into well-shaped, toned legs. He skin tone was a darker shade than Shepard’s, but her eyes…her eyes were what truly caught Garrus’s attention.

Green. Bright, beautiful green.

His heart clenched in his chest. It had been so long since he had seen eyes that green.

He could sense Ezola watching him, her teeth gritted in a frown. He knew she could read his thoughts, but he was puzzled as to why his thoughts of Lizzie’s green eyes upset her so visibly.

She released his hand then and went to join her mother. Speaking in a language he didn’t understand, he watched as Ezola conversed with her mother. Finally, the elder woman stood up and moved toward him with a smile. She spoke to him in the same language Ezola had used. He turned to look at the woman he knew.

Ezola served as translator and said, “She would like to welcome you to her home. She thanks you for being a friend to me.”

The elder woman flashed flat, white teeth at him and her face softened into a warm expression. Garrus flared his mandibles in a return gesture and said, “Tell her that it is an honor to meet her and that she has a very intelligent and talented daughter.”

Garrus watched as the color rose in Ezola’s cheeks as she translated the phrase back to her mother. Linnea looked at Ezola, then at Garrus, then back at Ezola again. She reached forward and gripped his hand with her left hand and Ezola’s with her right hand, placing them together and patting them with her own on top of their linked hands. Garrus looked to Ezola for guidance, but his friend was listening as Linnea said something further. Ezola seemed pleased with what her mother said, but embarrassed again as she shifted her eyes to avoid his stare.

“What did she say that time?” he asked as Linnea led them out of the hut.

“She said…” Ezola paused as the light from outside struck them. “She simply said she likes you.”

Garrus knew Ezola was not telling him the truth, but he did not press her further. Ezola had been a friend to him and his ship. She had given them food when they needed it to survive and she had donated the parts they needed to fix EDI. The least he could do was be polite to her mother.

The rest of the evening was quite pleasant albeit strange. The villagers finally stopped being so nervous although their curiosity seemed endless. Eventually, he found himself the center of some sort of celebration as the villagers danced around the circle in front of Linnea’s hut. Ezola’s mother seemed to have prepared some sort of feast for his visit as the pot over the fire fed all who came to meet him, while Garrus ate some of the specially made dextro food Ezola had brought for him from the ship. He was presented with gifts from many people, flowers and shells and stones that appeared unique or special in some way. Garrus tried to be polite, but he was really at a loss during most of whatever type of celebration this was.

He found he was enjoying himself immensely until the sun began to set. Ezola looked at him, knowing that he wished to return to the ship before nightfall. After making a loud noise with her throat, the people surrounding Linnea’s hut stopped speaking and dancing and eating while Ezola said something to them in their own tongue.

“I told them you have to leave them now,” she turned to him and explained. “They will bid their farewells and I will take you back to the ship.”

But farewells were more than what Garrus received. The gesture Linnea had made when she placed his hand in Ezola’s and patted their joined digits was repeated by all the _mouna_ present. As he met their eyes and studied the looks they gave him and Ezola in turn, Garrus had a sneaking suspicion what this ceremony was about.

And he couldn’t leave fast enough.

Ezola seemed to be distracted enough by all the people flowering attention on her that she didn’t notice Garrus’s distress. When the last person bid him goodnight, Linnea came up to him again, grasped his hand in both of hers and met his eyes. She said something to him and Garrus looked to Ezola for a translation.

Again, Ezola avoided his gaze as she said, “She simply wants to thank you for coming.”

Now there was no distraction, so Garrus knew that Ezola could read his thoughts.

And he knew she was lying to him.

He could not get back to the Normandy fast enough.

When they reached the hanging vines and Garrus bid Ezola goodnight, there was a sad look in her eyes.

“I’m sorry if my people made you uncomfortable,” she said. “They mean well.”

“I’m sure they did,” he said with furrowed brows. “But I still get the feeling you haven’t told me everything about what just happened out there.”

Ezola was silent at that, her yellow eyes glowing in the dusk. She neither confirmed nor denied his accusation.

“Good night,” was all she said before ducking behind the vines. “Thank you for coming.” Her voice echoed from the dark tunnel beyond. He stomped back to the Normandy as fast as he could, hoping that his fast-paced march would shake the eerie feeling from him that something significant had just happened to him in that village.

And somehow, it all made him feel…disloyal…to someone he loved more than life itself.

When Garrus reached his quarters and threw off his clothes, climbing into bed in a set of loose civvie bottoms, he left the lights dimmed and stared at the picture that had not moved from his bedside since his first visit to the loft after crashing on the jungle moon.

Lizzie Shepard. A bright smile on her face to match the happy green eyes that stared back at him.

His Lizzie Shepard was the last image in his mind before sleep overtook him.


	18. You Should Not Be Alone Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for the night. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> <3 Kabi
> 
> P.S. Bordeline dubcon situation inc.

The first thing that woke him was the stabbing pain in the back of his head. Before Garrus even opened his eyes, he could feel that somehow he had ended up in a precarious position, sleeping on his back. His half-conscious mind reflected on the fact that that was very strange – because of his fringe, he rarely even rolled onto his back, finding it very uncomfortable without a careful positioning of pillows.

But even worse than the pain was the fear that gripped him as he realized he couldn’t move.

He struggled to roll over, his arms pinned to his sides, his legs stretched out beneath him, but he was frozen.

Paralyzed.

And the feeling he felt when he watched Ezola kill the jungle cat with her mind by snapping its neck returned.

Fear.

Opening his eyes did nothing to alleviate his distress.

The lights in the cabin were dark, only the familiar blue of the fish tank lit up the room.

And on the stairs, he saw a dark figure silhouetted in the blue light. A figure that in his barely awake mind, he knew, but knowing who it was only gripped his heart with more horror.

“I asked you once why you were afraid of me?” Ezola said in her soft, painfully sweet voice. “And you are still afraid of me. Why?”

He still couldn’t move. He couldn’t even move his tongue or mouth to answer her. She had never done this to him before, but he knew without a doubt what was going on.

For the first time since meeting Ezola, she was controlling _him_.

And he feared what she planned to do.

He watched in terror as she began to descend the stairs, her face becoming clearer in the flickering light of the fish tank, her teeth spread in a thin grin, her glowing yellow-green eyes looking at him past lowered lids.

“I will not hurt you, Garrus,” she said. “I would never hurt you. Never.”

He wanted to shout that she was hurting him now, but he knew it would do no good. Garrus knew Ezola could already read his thoughts. She knew he was scared and angry and in pain.

But clearly, whatever she wanted was more important than any of his emotions.

His eyes widened at what the alien woman did next. Before his eyes, she reached for the animal skin that covered her chest and slowly pulled it over her head, baring her chest to him. He tried to close his eyes, but now she controlled even that. She wouldn’t let him look away as she continued to undress, dropping the skirt that covered her hips and sex with a thump on the floor that seemed to echo in his ears.

Five years ago, ten years ago – any time before he met Lizzie – he might have enjoyed a fantasy like this. A woman who clearly wanted him so much that she took control of him and bent him to her will, but this….

No. This was not something he would have enjoyed then and he definitely didn’t enjoy it now. This feeling of helplessness. The feeling of being taken advantage of. The fear that something would be taken from him that he didn’t want.

He couldn’t even whimper as she crawled onto the bed, straddling his legs as she shimmied up his body.

“I know you find me attractive,” she whispered as she perched above him, pressing her naked breasts against his bare chest, rubbing them against his leathery skin. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want this. But his body couldn’t help reacting to the stimulus above him.

She _was_ beautiful – exquisitely so. Her body was perfect by human or asari standards and Garrus’s love for Lizzie had made it so he found her features unavoidably attractive.

But this….this was a violation.

“When your ship crashed,” she said, running her fingers over his face plates gently, probing the soft skin under his mandibles and fringe, eliciting involuntary purrs from his voice box. “I was afraid at first, but I sensed something different about you. So I watched you.”

She bent down then, her hot breath on his neck and placed a soft kiss on the leathery skin there.

“You were fierce but gentle. Driven but kind. But you were heartbroken. You miss her –“ Garrus watched Ezola’s eyes flit to the picture on his bedside, a flash of anger gracing her face. She left him for a brief moment to turn the picture down. “I vowed to take your pain away. I saved you. I have fed you. I have…loved you, Garrus.”

Her fingers were tracing lower now. His eyes hurt, unable to blink. His limbs ached as he fought to move them to no avail.

 _Please, Ezola_ , he pleaded in his mind. _Please don’t do this._

“It will make you happy,” she said, her lips tracing his neck, her fingers massaging the sensitive skin of his waist, causing involuntary reactions in places he hoped she would never reach with her fingers or any other part of her. “Don’t fight me. I have read your thoughts. I know how she…pleases you.”

He wanted to scream. Her hands were fumbling with the clasps of his pants now.

 _Please_ , was all he could beg. _Please don’t…_

But she didn’t stop, unhooking the clasps and exposing him to the air. He watched in dismay as she took in the sight before her.

“I can do what she does,” Ezola said. “I can be what she is to you, if you will let me.”

She eyed him hungrily, positioning herself above him again, her sex hoveringly close, dangerously close to coming down on top of him. Her hands roamed over his waist, hips, and thighs, teasing and massaging any exposed flesh she could find. And his body, to his own dismay, reacted involuntarily to the stimulus he was forced to observe and feel.

He wanted to close his eyes. He didn’t want to watch. He wanted to pretend this wasn’t happening.

And suddenly, he found he could.

Miraculously, something in Ezola’s concentration must have broken, because he could squeeze his eyes shut. In his mind, he pictured the last time he had seen Shepard. His Lizzie…before the beam.

 

_“No matter what happens here,” she said, walking towards him, a waver in her voice, “you know I love you. I always will.”_

_He saw those green eyes, the ones he had looked into less than a day before as they had shared their last intimate moments in the quarters that had been their makeshift sanctuary from the war._

_He saw a future with the woman he loved – a future that was slowly disappearing as he looked into his Lizzie’s eyes and knew that he couldn’t stop her._

_He didn’t know how he could let her go, but part of him knew that he had to. Part of him knew that this was always the way it was supposed to happen – that it was their destiny. Her destiny._

_“Shepard, I…” He didn’t want to say the words. It made the whole surreal scene before him seem too tangible. Too final. “I love you, too.”_

_She smiled._

_It was his smile. The one she saved for him. The one he loved more than any other image in the galaxy._

_The pain in his chest gripped him with agonizing fear as she stepped away from him, her blonde waves flying around her pale skin and framing those bright green eyes._

Spirits, don’t let this be the last time I see her.

 

In a flash, he opened his eyes again. He saw a matching look on Ezola’s face as she had placed her hands on both of his hips to steady herself before descending onto him. But he felt a surge within his chest – a surge of a feeling that no one – not the Reapers and not this creature on top of him – could erase.

He let out a guttural yell and used all the force he could muster to wrest himself from Ezola’s control, flinging her across the room as he did so.

Without stopping to look at her, he quickly pulled his pants back over his exposure. Gasping and panting as he sat on the edge of the bed, the exertion of fighting Ezola’s mind overwhelmingly exhausting.

Then he heard it.

She was crying – a soft, plaintive cry from the corner by the staircase. He looked at her, her small, pitiful, naked form curled up in a ball, her eyes shielded from him.

With a sigh, he stood up and found the shirt he had discarded earlier on the couch. Quickly pulling it on after feeling so awkwardly exposed, he walked slowly to the crying woman – more like a child in that moment than a woman. She shied away from him as he approached.

“Don’t touch me!” she cried. “What are you going to do to me?!”

There was fear in her voice. That was something he didn’t expect. She was the one who had been controlling him. She was the one who had nearly…raped him. Shouldn’t he be the one who was afraid?

“Nothing,” he said. “Except tell you to never do that again.”

She stopped sobbing and looked up at him. “You….aren’t going to hurt me?”

“No, Ezola, I won’t hurt you,” he reached down to her with his hand, pulling her to her feet. With a weak smile, he continued, “Why don’t you put your clothes on and we can talk about what just happened as long as you promise to not try any mind controlling tricks again.”

She nodded and wiped her tears from her face, fumbling to put her small articles of clothing back on. While she dressed, Garrus sat in a chair facing away from her, his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. Almost noiselessly, Ezola took a seat opposite him on the couch.

“How did you get on the ship?” was the first thing Garrus asked without looking up.

“I…” Ezola began, fidgeting. “I controlled some of your nightcrew. They let me on while I shielded my presence from them.”

“And why did you come?”

“You know why I came.”

“I want you to have to hear yourself say it.” In some ways, Garrus felt like he was talking to a child – forcing her to learn from her mistakes instead of spelling them out and making it easy for her.

“I came…because I wanted you. I have never been denied something I want.”

“Well, I am denying you now,” he said, finally sitting up to look at her. “You cannot have that from me. Is that clear?”

“Yes.” Tears filled her eyes and her lower lip trembled as her left eye overflowed. “Garrus?”

“What?” he said with not a little annoyance.

“How did you resist me?”

Garrus thought about that question for a minute. How had he resisted her?

“I thought your concentration broke,” he said, shaking his head. “Didn’t it?”

She shook her head in the negative. “I have been able to do this for over 200 years, Garrus. My concentration does not break.”

Garrus’s thoughts shifted to the memory that he had played in his mind when he had been able to shut his eyes. Unconsciously, his gaze turned to focus on the picture Ezola had turned down by his bedside. Rising from his seat, he retrieved the print out picture and brought it to the woman seated opposite him.

“This,” he said as he handed it to her. “This is the woman I love, Ezola. I love her more than I can explain. More than I even understand myself. I was thinking of her when I resisted you.”

“You love her that much?” Ezola whimpered as she stroked the image of Lizzie in her hand.

Garrus’s voice softened as he said, “Yes. I do. And I _will_ find her again. When I do, I want to be able to tell her I was true, in all meanings of the word.”

Ezola held the picture for a few more moments, studying the faces in the picture. Eventually, she handed it back to him and turned away, looking down at the floor.

“But _I_ love you, Garrus,” she said. “What about me?”

Garrus replaced the picture on the bedside table and returned to his seat.

“I don’t know, Ezola, but you cannot have me. Not my body or my heart.”

Another tear trickled from her eye as she sat silently staring at the ground. Garrus watched in silence and marveled at what had just occurred.

 _Love_ , he thought. _Who would have thought that love would help me overcome a force so powerful._

With a sudden movement, Ezola looked back up at him, her yellow eyes still wet and shamed.

“Tell me about her,” she said.

“What?” Garrus asked in surprise.

“I am…sorry that I hurt you,” she said. “I thought if I could show you that I could do the things she does to you, the things I see in your head, that I could make you love me like you love her. But…I was wrong.” Her lip trembled as she continued. “Clearly, there is more to your love than I thought. The woman who captured your heart must be…very special…as you are special to me.”

Garrus couldn’t help but smile at the way Ezola described Shepard.

“She is very special,” he said. “If you truly want to hear about her, I will tell you.”

“I do,” she nodded, a sad look still plastered on her face.

It was then that Garrus felt sorry for Ezola. She did love him – as much as she knew how. And the man she loved did not love her back. He thought how much he had ached when he thought Shepard had loved Kaidan. How much it had pained his heart and he understood the pain before him.

“Are you sure this won’t make you feel worse?” he asked.

She cocked her head at him. “It may not feel good,” she said, “but I still want to know. I want to…understand…what it is to love someone so much – as much as you love her.”

Garrus sat back and relaxed in his chair. He let a sigh escape his mouth before he began.

“The story of my love for Elizabeth Shepard begins before most people know – you know of the Citadel…Well, I used to work there when Lizzie and I were both much younger…”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

It was always just out of reach.

Each time a report came, there was something else to stall the project.

21 months. Almost two years. Two years since the Reapers had been conquered. Two years since the relays had been functional.

Two years since she had seen Garrus alive.

The Charon relay was now repaired. The scientists hard work had paid off and there was one functional relay in the galaxy. The greatest triumph was that they knew it could be done. Cheers and parades had broken out both planet-side and on the Citadel when the news hit that the relay was repaired.

The task now was making enough of the compound necessary to move out of the Sol system and to the Exodus Cluster to begin the long and painstakingly slow process of repairing the rest.

“There are several eezo-rich planets in the Exodus Cluster, Shepard,” Coats said. “I say we stop delaying. There are already people lining up to volunteer for the teams that go forward. You are stopping people from doing what they _want_ to do. You would not be sending unwilling victims to be stranded in the Exodus Cluster. These people _want_ to serve.”

“Whether they want to or not, I can’t live with the risk to their lives. I won’t waste precious lives after everything we have been through in the war,” Shepard said as she continued to face out the glass walls of her apartment, watching the skycars fly past in the red light form the alley.

“Sweetheart, this is the right choice,” Hannah Shepard piped in.

“I agree, Shepard,” Anderson said. “I know Coats is eager to repair galactic travel and communication, but your feelings of responsibility for the galaxy are right. Just because people volunteer to go on a suicide mission doesn’t mean they should be sent on one.”

Shepard grunted at the irony of that statement.

_The Alliance had no problem sending me on multiple suicide missions…_

“We have enough food to feed people now that the crops are being replanted. The synthetically grown dextro rations are keeping the turians and quarians alive,” she said, still staring out the window. “I appreciate your support for the project, Coats, but we can’t risk lives needlessly.”

Coats kept his peace and the room fell into an awkward sentence.

“That doesn’t mean I will balk when we have enough of what we need,” she continued, finally turning to face the party in her living room. “The _minute_ that the scientist team claims we have enough, I want to be notified and I want teams standing ready. We will send them _immediately_ , but not a minute before that happens. Now, if all of you wouldn’t mind, I would appreciate some time alone.”

She turned her back on all of them, briefly gripping her mother’s hand when it clasped her shoulder. When the door slid shut behind the last of them, she placed her hand on the glass of the window in front of her and half-sighed, half-sobbed. She knew she had just turned down the opportunity to send teams that could bring Garrus home, but it wasn’t fair to force people to leave the safety and security of _life_ when there was no guarantee they would survive the mission.

The Alliance may have done that to her, but she was not them. She could not in good conscience do what had been done to her.

“Shepard.”

She spun around at the voice.

“Nicholas,” she said, surprised. “I thought you left with my mother and Anderson.”

“I…have something to say.” He looked nervous. Shepard eyed him carefully. She really did want some time alone, so she put on her best sympathetic face and said, “Go ahead. Tell me what it is.” Hoping he would leave sooner rather than later and she could cuddle Livia, forgetting her troubles for the evening.

“You are an amazing woman, Shepard,” he said. “I thought so before the war was over and even more so as I’ve had the chance to serve with you.” He was walking toward her now, that look on his face. The one that she knew meant – “And even now, when what you personally want is so close and available, you are willing to put the needs of others before your own. I just wanted to say that…I admire you more than words can say for that.”

“Thank you, Nicholas,” she said, straightening her back and trying to maintain some professionalism in the conversation, afraid of where it was heading. Briefly, she watched Coats’s gaze survey the pictures in the room. True to her word to Livia, she had surrounded them with pictures of Garrus. Tavius had helped her acquire some of them, but many of them were pictures of Garrus on the Normandy.

Coats’s eyes rested on a particular photo, one sitting on a coffee table near the couch – the one of Garrus and Shepard looking at each other on that same couch at her party. The one she stared at herself so frequently – his piercing blue eyes melting her heart, even from the picture.

“I still support the idea of sending teams now, Shepard,” Coats said, standing up straight to look at her again. “A woman as incredible as you should not be alone forever.”

He left her then, the door sliding shut behind him, and Shepard was left to ponder what he meant by that statement.


	19. Lizzie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to be cruel, but edits just came back on this.
> 
> Fluff, fluff, and lots of fluff....and maybe a little smut. ;) If you have made it this far, your patience is about to be rewarded!
> 
> Thank you for sticking it out with me to this point.
> 
> Shakarian reunion INC!!!!!

“Send the team immediately.”

Shepard’s heart was pounding loudly in her chest. She could hardly control her excitement, and she could tell that neither could the people gathered in the private office of her apartment. The looks of happiness on the faces of Anderson, Hackett, Coats, Tavius, and Hannah were the ones that mattered most to her, but she had also invited Sparatus, Tevos, Wrex, and Valern to hear the news.

It was a joyous occasion.

“How long will it take before the relay will be repaired?” she asked with baited breath.

Coats smiled at her and said, “The long part of the process is creating the compound used. Installing the rings and core should happen within a matter of days.”

“Days?!?” Shepard gasped. “I should have paid better attention when we repaired the last one. Was it really that fast?”

Coats just smiled and nodded.

“I am going to headquarters,” Hackett chimed in. “I am not leaving that station until we hear from ships stranded in that sector. While teams work on the relay, there will be a separate team repairing the comm buoy. I want to be the voice on the end of that communication.”

Shepard laughed and broke into a true smile.

“Sounds like a plan,” she said.

Hackett’s words were the cue that the meeting was over. Shepard bid goodbye to all who had joined her for the news and the decision. Her mother gripped her tightly, eyes smiling before exiting.

Coats was the last to leave. She escorted him to the door, but before he exited, he turned slowly.

She didn’t like the look on his face.

“Shepard…Elizabeth,” he said nervously, using her name for the first time. “Before I go…Look, I don’t know how to do this.” He looked down and back up again. “We are all hoping the Normandy is found with all its crew intact, especially….” Shepard watched as the man struggled with words. “Especially Vakarian.”

Shepard was shocked, Coats had never said the name of her turian partner out loud before. He always avoided actually voicing it.

But in this moment, as he stood there looking at her with a pained expression, he had finally used Garrus’s name.

“But, if we do not find him,” the man continued. “I…I am in love with you, Shepard. I have been in love with you since the moment I met you before the war. I watched you speak to your team and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you! You were so beautiful – like that rose you found in the city for Sol – a rare thing in something so dark and dismal. I will do anything just to be near you, but I know how much you love Vakarian.”

He took a step toward her and reached for her hands.

“Just know that if he were not to be found, you would not be alone. You would _never_ be alone.”

He released her, color flushing his cheeks and made for the door quickly.

When it slid shut behind him, Shepard collapsed on the couch, trying not to think about what had just happened. She would process that bit of information later. For now, her thoughts turned to Garrus.

There was nothing more to do but wait.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

There was absolutely no way he could go back to the way things were. And besides the horrid nightmare of the night Ezola had descended upon him in his sleep, a nightmare he relived each time he awoke in the dark of the cabin, Garrus had a new worry. Without Ezola’s help, how would they eat?

He had escorted her off the ship after their awkward talk. She had complied quietly, shielding her presence from any crewmembers they met. She had given them enough to live on for quite some time. He didn’t explain why to Tali or Chakwas, but he told them they would have to ration in smaller pieces while he figured out something else to feed them. He could hope that Ezola would release more of her experiments on the jungle and he could kill something on his own, but he doubted his abilities after the first time he nearly got himself killed.

On this day, two years exactly since the Reapers were defeated, Garrus's first concern was food.

Two years since he had seen Shepard. Two years since they had fled the Crucible blast. Two years he had held out hope for repairing the ship, finding fuel, or that someone...anyone...would rescue them. Two years of survival, and now the dextro food stores were completely depleted.

He put on his armor that morning, expecting a long, fruitless day of hunting for random dextro beasts in the jungle. He couldn’t look Tali in the eye. He felt as if he had failed them all, but especially her.

No one had expected to be here this long, but he didn’t know how to get them off this damn moon. And now, he couldn’t even find food for himself or one of his closest friends.

The sun was setting when Joker’s voice came on the comm.

 _“Holy shit, Garrus! You’ve got to get back to the Normandy now!”_ the pilot said.

“What’s wrong, Joker?” Garrus began to run as soon as he heard the pilot’s exclamation.

_“It’s Hackett! We've got an incoming message from an Alliance ship in range, hold on! I’ll put you through!”_

Garrus’s breath caught in his throat and he nearly tripped as he ran as fast as he could back to the ship. It couldn’t be. Hackett? The comm buoy was up? He cried out with happiness as the comm crackled in his ear.

 _“Vakarian! Vakarian, come in!”_ came the voice in his earpiece.

“I’m here, sir!”

_“You’re alive! That’s the best news we’ve had in two years! Get that ship to the relay, soldier!”_

“Aye, aye, sir. But Hackett, what about Shepard? Did she –”

_“She’s alive, Garrus. She’s very much alive and waiting for you. Do you want me to tell her –“_

“No,” Garrus said, his mandibles flaring into a smile. “I want to tell her myself. Say nothing.”

_“Very well. Hackett out.”_

Garrus didn’t have to be told twice. He sent an emergency message to the crew and within the hour, they were in the air and on their way to the relay. Ezola was completely forgotten in his joy at the sound of Hackett’s voice.

The sight before his eyes now was one he at times had thought he might never see again.

They had exited the relay in the Sol system and proceeded to Earth. Even with the Normandy’s FTL drive depleted, the ship made good time. It was only a matter of hours before Garrus stood next to Joker, Earth in sight and four of the Citadel’s arms completely repaired.

“Spirits, we made it,” he said, unable to control his excitement.

“We sure did, Big Guy,” Joker smiled at EDI beside him. “We sure as hell did.”

The skycar on the Citadel couldn’t get him there fast enough. Hackett and Anderson had told him immediately where Shepard was, and in the dim light of the Citadel’s night cycle, Garrus was rushing as fast as he could, back to the apartment he thought he would never see again.

His hands were shaking when he saw the apartment door. He dropped the simple bag of amenities he had brought with him and raised his hand. But then he stopped. He heard something from inside.

The piano.

He listened and relished the moment, savoring every feeling, every thought. Lizzie was just past those doors. He had waited two long years and been on the brink of starvation, but he was here now.

And she was just beyond the door, playing a melody he recognized.

He pressed for entrance and the door slid open.

She didn’t see him at first. She must not have heard him enter. Her back was slightly turned to him as she sat at the piano, playing a song he knew.

It was his mother’s song. The one he had sung to her when Mordin died.

She had remembered it. She sat alone, playing it now.

Her hair was much longer than it was when she ran for the beam. It trailed in loose waves down her back. Her shoulders were hunched slightly as she bent over the keys, but he knew it was her. He would know her anywhere.

And then, suddenly, she stopped. She looked forward. At first, he wasn’t sure what she was looking at, and then he realized she had seen him. But not really him – she was looking at his reflection in the window in front of her.

The look on her face was not what he had expected. Her eyes widened in something like…fear. Not happiness or elation like he felt at seeing his love again, but real, true fear.

Her hands began to fumble in the pocket of the jacket she was wearing. He heard her mumbling something to herself.

“No…no…not now…” she was saying, over and over again.

Finally, she found what she was looking for – a tiny pill bottle. Shaking hands emptied its contents, some of them into her hand and some on the floor. Garrus watched as his Lizzie placed one of the pills in her mouth and closed her eyes.

“One…two…three…” she said before opening them again. The look on her face when his reflection was still before her was something that gripped his heart with a sadness he didn’t know until that moment.

He could take it no longer.

“Lizzie…” he said quietly.

She spun around, knocking the piano bench on the floor and meeting his eyes.

“Garrus, you’re –“ she pointed at him with a look of disbelief. “You’re…really here. You didn’t go away when…”

“Yes, Lizzie. I’m really here.”

A huge smile broke out on her face then. She ran to him, taking long steps across the living room of the apartment. When she reached him, she leapt into his arms and started to sob. Garrus caught her, but just barely. The force of her jump nearly knocked him over, but he held her in his arms, closing his eyes and taking in the feel or her skin, the smell of her long hair, the pressure of her body against his own.

“Elizabeth,” came a voice from the hall. “Is everything al –“

Lizzie stood up on her own and wiped the tears from her face. Garrus turned in surprise to see who the source of the voice was.

“Garrus,” said Tavius in a hushed whisper. “You’re alive, my son.”

“Dad.” Garrus ran to his father and clasped him by the shoulders, bringing his forehead to touch his father’s in a gesture they knew very well. “ _You’re_ alive. I was so worried about you and Sol!”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Tavius said. Garrus noticed a look pass between Lizzie and his father, but he was so overjoyed in that moment that he didn’t think much of it. “Your Elizabeth has quite adopted me into her family,” Tavius said with a smile.

“I’m glad,” Garrus said. “We are family anyway, aren’t we?”

“Very much so,” Lizzie said from behind him. Garrus couldn’t stand to be away from her. Leaving his father standing alone, he walked toward her quickly. Her eyes twinkled with something like…mischief. “A certain turian never explained the Hierarchy registry to me and that he had made a certain request.”

Garrus scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“Well, I wasn’t –“

“Oh, Garrus, hush!” Shepard said, wrapping her arms around his neck again. Garrus chuckled and sighed at the warmness of her again. The absolute warmness of her body and the warmness of his heart as he held her in his arms after so long. “I accepted, you bosh’tet!”

He pulled back to look at her.

“You did?” he asked.

“Of course I did! Did you really think I wouldn’t? After everything we’ve been through?”

“Well, I –“

She stopped him then, halting his words when her lips met his mouth plates. Garrus nearly lost his standing, his knees weak at the contact he had longed for two years.

Two years.

But he was home now.

A cough and a chuckle from behind them broke the kiss.

“I will, uh…leave you two alone,” Tavius said, turning to go back to his bedroom down the hall. “Elizabeth, I will do my best to make sure you are….um, not disturbed…for as long as I can manage in the morning.”

“Thank you,” Lizzie said.

As soon as Tavius disappeared behind the closed door of his bedroom, Garrus could take it no longer. He needed Lizzie Shepard. He needed her like he needed air.

He scooped her up in his arms and headed for the stairs.

“I’m assuming our bedroom is the same,” he grumbled, nuzzling her neck and loving the gasping sighs escaping her mouth.

“Yes,” she whispered, nuzzling him back and stroking beneath his fringe.

The door to the bedroom closed behind them. He put Lizzie down, just in front of the bed and stood back to look at her.

Her eyes looked sadder than he remembered, but they were smiling at him now. Her shoulders looked tired and worn from burdens placed on her. But she was still his Lizzie Shepard.

Standing in front of him. In the flesh.

Slowly, he began to undress her. Taking each piece of her clothing off and placing it on the floor beside her. She didn’t take her eyes off him, simply letting him treat her gently. When her skin was fully exposed to him, he ran his talons down her neck and over her shoulders, watching her shiver with pleasure at his touch.

This was so different from the experience with Ezola only a few weeks prior. It was love and pure and something he _wanted_.

Shepard didn’t push him. She smiled at him with absolute adoration in her eyes.

How he had missed those green eyes. He found himself purring as he ran his hands over her body, taking in the moment with his senses.

Shepard stopped him and stroked his face with her hands.

“My turn,” she said. “My turn to know you are real.”

Garrus wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but he complied, lowering his hands to his sides, letting Shepard undo the clasps of his armor. Feeling her warm fingers as they ran down his neck, over his carapace, stroking his waist.

He tried not to close his eyes. He wanted to watch her. He wanted to see her while she touched him.

As his excitement grew, he gripped her hips and pulled her to him in a deep kiss. The feeling of her naked body against him was… _right!_ Not some perverted form of lust or a naïve sense of love as Ezola’s had been.

He had almost forgotten how it felt to touch and be touched by someone he truly loved.

He sat her on the bed and knelt in front of her, his eyes boring into her as much as they could. He loved everything about her. Her smile. Her tears of happiness as they trailed down her cheeks. The smell of her skin, her hair, her…

He stole his eyes away to gently, ever so gently, pull her legs apart. He bent his head down and extended his tongue, tasting something he had missed for two years.

Shepard threw her head back and fell onto her elbows.

“Spirits, Garrus,” she said. “I have missed you so much.”

He adored her with his tongue, licking between her folds with patience, loving the glorious sounds that came from her mouth. She called his name, she groaned, she gasped.

He brought her to the edge when he used a finger with a blunted talon and entered her. She gripped his shoulders tightly and cried out wordlessly as she clenched around his digit.

Her breathing slowed and he looked up to find her smiling at him. She scooted back on the bed and motioned with her finger for him to follow her. He did as he was bid, his own need painfully engorged and ready for her.

When he slipped inside her for the first time in two years, he thought he would explode immediately. He had almost forgotten how tight and warm she was – how absolutely wonderful she felt as she pulsed around him. They moved together as one, their hips pressed against each other in a dance of ecstasy.

He didn’t stop looking into her eyes. Those bright green eyes that he had loved for so long.

And they were his.

And he was with her now.

He would never, _never_ , let her out of his sight again.

When the world erupted around him, he didn’t scream. He didn’t yell. He shook inwardly and whispered the name of the human woman he had loved with all his being, no matter where he had been or what troubles had beset him.

“Lizzie….”


	20. A Moment of Absolute Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. The fluff. It's...sooooo much fluff. Fluff cake. Frosting, sprinkles, and more sprinkles.
> 
> But you have all earned it. Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, internet cupcakes and hugs to those who catch the Easter eggs from Parts 1-3 I threw in here.

His first thought as pinpricks of light began to force their way past his eyelids was panic.

Garrus could tell that the room was still mostly dark but for whatever light it was that was startling him back to consciousness. But in addition to the light, he heard quiet shuffling – as if someone were trying not to disturb him. In the moment between sleep and wakefulness, he stiffened, waiting for the sound of a sickeningly sweet voice in the room, a dark silhouette in front of the fish tank in his cabin, the inability to move…

But then he realized he could open his eyes.

He could move his fingers, his toes, he stretched his arm slowly.

_Thank the Spirits_ , he thought, remembering finally where he was and that the figure he saw in the dim light of the room was not Ezola, but his Lizzie, dressing quietly in the half light from the bathroom.

Not wanting to let her know that he was awake yet, he sighed silently as he recalled the perfect night they had before drifting off to sleep. Neither of them could seem to get enough of each other, making love four…no, five times before they collapsed in each other’s arms from exhaustion. Even now, he felt how much he had missed her and longed to feel her beneath him again.

He watched in silent wonder as she pulled on her underclothes, latching her bra in place. Her pants were next and Garrus stifled a chuckle as Shepard almost tripped when her right leg got stuck and a whispered curse escaped her warm lips. Just after she snapped her belt in place and reached for a T-shirt to pull on over her head, he broke his silence and said, “Oh, don’t cover those up.”

Lizzie turned around with a grin, taking two steps and bending at the waist to catch his mouth briefly in a kiss.

“Well, I already covered up the good parts,” she replied with a wink. Garrus reached for her waist before she got too far away and pulled her back onto the bed with him. She huffed in mock resistance as he planted soft kisses along her neck, relishing the warm moans she made as he did so.

“You’re up early,” he said. “It’s not even 0700 yet. I remember a woman who could sleep much longer than that.”

“Oh, well,” Shepard stood up hastily, removing herself from his grasp. She quickly pulled the shirt over her head and tossed her hair as it caught in the neckline. “I’ve…got a busy day ahead. Lots to do.”

“Like what?” Garrus asked, teasing, but something about Shepard’s manner made him worry. _She seems nervous_ , he thought. _But about what?_ “What could be more important than spending the day rolling around naked in this bed with me?” She chuckled at him, but turned away with a slight frown.

“Do you have any regular clothes with you?” she asked as she headed for the door. Garrus pulled his mandibles close to his face in a frown. Why was she in such a hurry?

“Yes, in the bag I brought with me,” he nodded, “but I left that outside the apartment door last night, I think. I forgot all about it once I saw you.”

She turned to look at him then, a loving smile on her face – a smile that showed him in one second that she really had missed him as much as he had missed her.

_But then what’s the problem?_  he still wondered.

“Great,” she said, turning back to the door. Placing her hand to unlock it, she turned back to him and said, “I’ll just go grab it for –“

It was then that Garrus saw something he would never have imagined in his wildest dreams. The door had opened just before Shepard started speaking and the pitter-patter of little feet had invaded the bedroom. Garrus’s eyes widened as he saw what it was that entered the privacy of the room.

A little turian girl.

She looked to be two or three years old. Grey plates. Striking blue eyes.

And not only that, the little turian girl interrupted Shepard with words.

“Mama!” she cried as she leapt toward Shepard. The smile on Shepard’s face widened when she turned to the little girl and scooped her up in her arms as the child jumped.

The little girl spoke again after hugging Shepard tightly.

“Mama! Grandpa said I had to wait until the light was green. So I waited,” the little girl collapsed into Shepard’s arms again and it was then that she saw Garrus, half-sitting, half-leaning back in the bed. He was grateful in that moment that his naked lower half was still covered by the sheets.

The little girl’s eyes grew wide when she saw him. As quickly as she had entered the room, she turned to Shepard and whispered something in her ear. Shepard quietly whispered something in the child’s ear in return.

Then another figure appeared in the doorway.

“I’m sorry, Elizabeth,” Tavius said, panting slightly after running up the stairs. “I told her she had to wait, but she is not used to being unable to find you in the morning.” Garrus’s father turned to look at him then and said, “Good morning, Son.”

Garrus couldn’t speak, so he simply nodded, utterly bewildered by what was taking place in front of him.

“It’s alright,” Lizzie said, putting the toddler back on the ground. “She has an assignment to keep her busy for a little bit, don’t you, dear?”

The child nodded at her with a smile before letting go of Shepard’s hand and grasping Tavius’s.

“Come on, Grandpa! I have a job!”

And with that, his father and the turian girl were gone, and Garrus’s breath went with them.

He didn’t move. He simply waited and watched as Shepard turned slowly from the door and locked it again. Her shoulders rose and fell in a deep breath before she walked over to him and sat by him on the side of the bed.

“I was hoping to explain things to you before that happened, but…” she shook her head and looked down at her hands. “That didn’t quite work out the way I had hoped.”

Garrus still didn’t know what to say. Whose child was that? Why did she call Shepard “Mama”? Had Shepard found another turian lover while he was gone and…agreed to raise his child?

No, that didn’t sound right.

_What the hell is going on?_

He blinked, hard, several times and finally sat up, crossing his arms over his chest, waiting for an explanation.

“Her name is Livia,” Shepard said. “We named her after your mother.”

Of course Garrus recognized the name, but who was this “we” she mentioned?

“Under turian and human law, she is legally my daughter now,” Shepard said, sighing and looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t really know how to tell you this, Garrus…”

Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. The sight made Garrus’s heart soften. Reaching out for her, he stroked her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She tossed him a wan smile.

“Just tell me, Lizzie,” Garrus said. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear whatever it was Shepard needed to saw, but he knew he _needed_ to hear it. So he kissed her gently on her temple to urge her onward.

“She is Solana’s daughter,” Lizzie said, a tear spilling over her cheek. “Solana was pregnant when the war ended. She didn’t tell you because she didn’t want to distract you from the mission. She was able to give birth, but she only lasted a few minutes after that. She’s gone, Garrus. I’m sorry. Livia is all we have left of her. That and our memories.”

Garrus felt the air leave his lungs and his chest collapse. He strengthened his grasp on Lizzie’s shoulder, not realizing for several moments that he might be hurting her. When he finally did, he let go and said, “I’m sorry…I –Sol is –“

“Gone. I know. It’s been hard for all of us,” she said, reaching up to stroke his face with her hand. “I knew this would be hard to tell you. I’ve been dreading it since you got home last night. But she is your niece by blood and your daughter by law – we are officially partners already, so my daughter is really _our_ daughter. She’s almost two years old now. She walks and talks…a little too much sometimes.” Shepard stopped to laugh lightly, her soft waves bouncing around her face. “I’ve had your father teacher her how to talk so she speaks turian. She says a few human words, but mainly, she speaks turian. You’d be amazed at the tiny translators they make these days, so she can understand me, too. I wish –”

“Her name is Livia…” Garrus felt his voice catch in his throat as he stopped her nervous rambling. Lizzie smiled at him, a warm, gentle smile that touched his heart with a feeling he had never felt before. Shepard wasn’t just his partner – his “wife” by human terms. She wasn’t just the love of his life.

Now she was a mother as well, and not just any mother.

The mother of Solana’s baby girl.

The mother of _his_ baby girl.

“Yes. Livia,” Shepard continued. “Livia Solana Vakarian. After her grandmother _and_ her mother, so she will know who it is that loved her before she was even born.”

There was so much Garrus wanted to ask. Who was the father of the child? What other family did the child have? How did Shepard come to be the adopted parent of the little girl – _his_ little girl?

But there would be time enough to answer all those questions. At that moment, they were interrupted again by one very excited little turian girl.

“Mama! Look!” She toddled in on her tiny legs and Shepard’s face brightened when she wiped the tears from her face. Livia handed Lizzie a piece of paper with indistinguishable scribbles on it – some grey, some peach, some yellow, some blue, some green. Garrus stared in wonder at the child who had run to Shepard’s lap and now perched herself on top of it. Tavius appeared in the doorway again and leaned against it, a smile on his face as he took in the view of Livia on Shepard’s lap while Shepard sat next to Garrus, still covered by the sheets. Garrus looked up at his father in disbelief and Tavius’s mandibles only flared wider in a look of pure joy.

Returning his attention to the little girl in front of him, he looked closer at the picture.

“What is it?” he asked softly, making eye contact with Livia, who he was very aware had not taken her eyes off of him since showing Shepard her paper. She didn’t answer at first, looking to her mother for confirmation.

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” Lizzie said. “Show him what you drew.”

The little girl’s mandibles fluttered nervously against her face as she slipped off Shepard’s lap and crawled onto the bed closer to Garrus. She thrust the picture in front of him and Garrus took it in his hands, trying to make sense of it.

“Livy, tell him what it is,” Shepard coaxed with a smile.

“This is me,” Livia said, pointing to a small set of grey scribbles in the middle of the page. “That’s Mama.” Her tiny talon moved to point to the peach and yellow scribbles nearby.

Then she looked up at him with piercing blue eyes – eyes that unequivocally spoke of her lineage.

“And that’s you, Papa…” she whispered, a nervous look crossing her face.

Garrus smiled at Livia, and then averted his gaze to raise eyebrow plates at Shepard.

“We…put pictures of you up all over the apartment,” Lizzie said. “So she would know you…when you came home.”

He thought his heart might explode. He looked over at Tavius, who seemed to understand perfectly how he felt in that moment – the moment he became a father.

Garrus turned back to the little girl in front of him and put the picture on the bedside table next to him. He scooped the little girl off the edge of the bed and cradled her in his lap.

“It’s beautiful,” he said to her, his mandibles wide in the happiest smile ever to cross his face. “Thank you.”

“Welcome home, Papa,” Livia said and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck in a hug. For all his rough exterior, Garrus felt his insides completely melt as he returned the embrace, nuzzling the top of the girls head with his left mandible. She didn’t let go of him for several moments and Garrus was glad. He wanted to feel the way he felt in this moment forever.

Holding his daughter, eyes locked with his life partner, in a moment of absolute peace.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“Thank you for coming to honor a group of heroes. Without their efforts on our behalf, we would not be standing here today – not a one of us.”

Shepard absolutely hated public engagements, but this was one she was happy to attend.

And speeches…she hated them, too, but she was happy to give this one.

Her crew – all of her beloved friends from the Normandy – had been returned to her. She had spent a glorious week visiting with them, inviting them to her apartment, catching up on all of the time they had lost. It didn’t make up for the separation, but the happiness she felt at being reunited with her friends – her family – was something she couldn’t describe. They had laughed, they had cried, they had drunk, they had talked late into the night after Livia went to sleep.

Her heart had nearly exploded with joy at the sight of Garrus holding Livia his first morning at home, in _their_ home. The home they would make together. But it was even more complete when she learned that not a single member of the Normandy had been lost on their race from the Crucible blast.

Now, they all stood before her as she tried to find words to describe their accomplishments.

“These soldiers, some human, some asari, krogan, turian, quarian, and even prothean helped us defeat the greatest threat the galaxy has ever known. Each one of these brave souls before you was willing to give their lives if necessary to save the rest of us. Today, I have the distinct honor and privilege to bestow what tokens of appreciation that both the human Systems Alliance and the Citadel Council can bestow upon those who sacrificed so much in the line of duty.”

She met eyes with each of her friends one by one. They were all here – all those who were alive at least. Her mind trailed briefly to thoughts of Ashley and Thane, but she knew they would not have wanted her to be sad. This was a happy day – a joyous day – not a day to forget those who were gone, but to honor those who weren’t.

But the one she loved looking at the most was Garrus. There were moments in the last week that she still couldn’t believe he was alive and real, that he went to bed with her each night and woke up next to her in the morning. That never again would they be separated.

“To the crew of the Normandy as a whole, I award the highest honor that can be awarded to a military unit, the Galactic Unit Citation. It is generally given to those who lose their lives in battle for the sake of the galaxy, but we as a Council found it an appropriate honor to bestow upon this crew who were so willing to give their lives, and almost did give their lives multiple times, for the cause.”

She was so proud of all of them. She loved each of them. Shepard struggled to control her emotions as she continued.

“And to each individual member of the Normandy crew, I have the great privilege to bestow an unprecedented honor. Each crewmember will be awarded the Star of Terra by the human Systems Alliance. Never before has such an award been given to any soldiers of non-human descent, but due to the unique nature of the Normandy’s crew and mission, on behalf of the Alliance and as the human Councilor to the Citadel Council, I am proud to award this rare distinction to the crewmembers of the Normandy.”

She looked at her team again, each of them beaming up at her from where they stood just below. Garrus’s strong and clear gaze made her blush slightly before she added.

“To the members of _my_ crew.”

The crowd burst into cheers and applause then. Shepard stepped down from the podium where she had been flanked by the other Councilors. Her mother walked up to her with a box, inside of which the awards she had explained in words to the crowd waited, shining in the simulated light of the Presidium. She walked to each of her friends and handed them the corresponding awards from both the Council and the Alliance, hugging each of them in turn.

She had saved Garrus for last. It was no secret that they were bound. The entire galaxy knew it and if the crowd’s reaction could be gauged accurately from the way the noise level increased when she reached him, the galaxy had decided it approved.

Commander Shepard and her turian officer. Together at last.

_It’s a better love story than fucking Romeo and Juliet_ , she thought with a smile as she gave Garrus his awards.

_And this one has a happy ending._

She raised her eyebrows at him when she was finished, asking his permission to do what she wanted to next. The noise of the crowd had encouraged her.

He smiled and nodded at her, understanding her without words.

She took his hand and led him back to the podium with her. When both of them turned to face the crowd, hand in hand, she cleared her throat and spoke again.

“The awards have been given, but I have one further announcement to make before this celebration is concluded.”

A movement to her right caught her eye. At the edge of the crowd gathered in the Presidium, she saw someone she knew well stamping out a cigarette with his boot. She hadn’t seen him for two weeks now. Since Coats had confessed his true feelings for her, he had made himself scarce. He still kept her apprised of all his work, but he didn’t visit her. He didn’t speak to her other than in messages and reports.

His sad eyes caught her gaze briefly for a moment before ducking into the corridor behind him.

“As many of you know, Garrus Vakarian and I are partners under turian law, but we have not been joined under human tradition. I’m not usually one to stand on ceremony, but a celebration is something I believe we could all use now that we finally have peace!”

The crowd erupted into cheers again. Shepard sighed, exasperated, as she turned to Garrus. He just chuckled and shrugged his shoulders at her annoyance with the crowd.

“They love you, Lizzie,” he bent and whispered in her ear. “But not as much as I do.”

She smiled and raised her hand to the crowd, longing to finish this ordeal and take the turian next to her back to their apartment for some quality alone time.

“Now that the war is over and the relays are being repaired, Garrus and I are pleased to announce that as soon as the relay to Apien Crest has been restored, we will be married on Palaven!”

The din was overwhelming. Shepard had to resist the urge to cover her ears. She would never have guessed that her announcement would cause such a ruckus.

But all the noise was forgotten when Garrus tugged on her hand, pulling her closer to him and whispering in her ear again.

“We wouldn’t want to disappoint them, would we?” he asked. She wasn’t sure what he meant until he placed his hand on her back in a gesture she remembered from years ago. The one time in her life that she had been able to dance.

With the right partner.

In front of the galaxy, he dipped her in his arms.

And kissed her.

If she thought the noise was overwhelming before, there was no way to describe it now. When he finally released her, she felt her cheeks flush and looked over the crowd, still in an uproar.

“Can we go home now?” she asked Garrus with a short breath.

“Anything for you, Lizzie.”


	21. Safe and Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Livia turns two.
> 
> Joker is caught in an awkward situation.
> 
> And Shep and Garrus try to make up for lost time...

“I don’t know how I would have managed this without the two of you.”

Shepard smiled with gratitude at Tali and Liara, who had been helping her in the kitchen all day.

“It takes a village…” Liara said as she pulled the next batch of cupcakes out of the oven. “Isn’t that what the humans say?”

Shepard smiled back at her friends, valiantly slaving away with her. She was not the domestic type, not in the slightest, but with all of her friends home, Shepard decided that Livia’s birthday was the perfect excuse to gather everyone together in one place again. She wiped her forehead with the back of her arm, careful not to get any of the mess that covered her hands on her face. From the living room, she could hear Livy playing with the guests gathered in the apartment.

“You can’t catch me, Uncle Wrex!”

“Yes, I can, Livia. Just you wait!”

“No, Uncle Wrex, you said it wrong!”

“Uh…right. Yes, I can, _turian_. You better run!”

Shepard couldn’t stop the laughter from exiting her own chest at the sound of Livia’s screeches and giggles. Turning to watch, she wiped the frosting off her fingers and peered around the corner to see Livia running at full speed to a waiting Garrus with arms spread wide to catch her. Close behind, but pretending not to be able to keep up, was Wrex, who feigned disappointment when Livy jumped into Garrus’s waiting arms and pulled her tight into a hug.

“You can’t get me! Papa saved me!” Livia said, turning to point her finger accusingly at Wrex.

“That’s right,” Garrus said, turning with a look of mock superiority to Wrex. “Papa saved her. Now run along, _krogan_ , before Papa gets angry.”

“Yeah,” Livy said, cuddling into Garrus’s neck. “You better watch out, Uncle Wrex! Pape will get you!”

But when Wrex made a sad face and turned his back on Livy in Garrus’s arms, the tiny turian turned to her father and whispered loud enough for all to hear, “Wait, Papa, put me down. Uncle Wrex is sad. I know how to make him feel better.”

Wrex winked at Shepard as she watched the spectacle, and Garrus smiled at his daughter and nodded, putting her back on the ground. The toddler ran across the floor and jumped on Wrex’s back with a laugh.

“I got you, Uncle Wrex!”

Wrex turned around with a laugh and said, “I give up. You got me, turian.” But then he scooped the little one up in his arms and tickled her stomach. When Livia collapsed into giggles, the krogan turned to Garrus and said, “You know, Garrus, if I had known that turian stomachs were this sensitive a long time ago, I could have exploited a great weakness…”

“And that, my friend,” Garrus said as he walked over and clapped Wrex on the shoulder, “is one of the reasons I always wore my armor.”

“Alright, bosh’tets!” Tali called from the kitchen, interrupting the moment. “The menu is all you can eat. Dextro to the right. Levo to the left. Get your fill and no complaining! And happy birthday, Livia!”

The crowd waiting in the living room and the bar nearby quickly descended on the kitchen. Wrex kept Livia in his arms as he moved to get both the birthday girl and himself a plate.

“Thanks for the help, Wrex,” Shepard said as she moved out of the way of the people crowding the kitchen. “I’m sorry Bakara couldn’t make it.”

“She’s busy with our own little ones,” Wrex said. “She will come by later and let Livia play with Mordin.”

“Mordin’s coming?” Livia perked up at the name of Wrex’s first born, a child not much younger than Shepard’s, but one that Livia called “her baby.” Proudly walking around as the baby krogan learned to crawl and taking all the credit for everything the child only a few months younger than her, but not of a race that developed as quickly as her, did.

“Yep. Aunt Bakara will bring him by later when she can get away.”

Livy seemed excited about the prospect of seeing “her baby,” but her short attention span was soon snatched away when she saw the plate of dextro cupcakes on the counter. Shepard took that chance to steal away, finding Garrus standing at the back of the living room, leaning against the fireplace, smiling at her.

 _Hot damn, he’s mine…_ , she thought as she walked toward him.

“Nice party,” he said as she approached.

“No one can say that Commander Fucking Shepard doesn’t know how to throw a party,” she said as she leaned into his shoulder, letting him wrap his arm around her. “I just can’t wait until it’s time to put the little one to bed and pop open a few beers. I could use one after …cooking…Spirits, that’s a challenge I will never master. Killing Reapers. Check. Saving the galaxy…three times? Check. But cooking?...ugh…”

Garrus’s rumbling chuckle shook through her ribcage and she found herself cozying up to him as close as she could.

“You know,” he whispered in her ear, his hot breath on her neck making her hair stand on end. “Everyone’s distracted right now…”

He didn’t say anything else, simply pulled her with him and ducked behind the wall that separated the living room and the bar, blocking the kitchen where the entire party was scrambling for food.

Fifteen years she had loved this turian. And he still took her breath away.

He had shoved her up against the wall, out of sight of everyone else, his mouth capturing hers in a deep, passionate kiss, his hands on her waist, slowly inching her shirt up. Shepard groaned quietly as their tongues met and she felt the tell-tale sign of her want pooling in her groin. Slowly, one of Garrus’s hands slipped up under her shirt, gripping her left breast tightly. Shepard nearly cried out in surprise, but bit her lip to stifle the sound.

“Shit, it’s your damn apartment, can’t you two find a room?” she heard Joker say from the bar. “Or at least look out for unsuspecting bystanders before you feel each other up in public.”

“It shouldn’t be that surprising, Joker,” Shepard quipped with a grin. “All that Fornax you buy…”

“It’s not as appealing when it’s…you know, _you_ …and fucking _Garrus_ …and in that sentence, ‘fucking’ was a poor choice of adjective. Shit. The poor cripple caught unawares and unable to run fast enough to…”

Garrus just laughed as they both watched Joker hobble away from them and toward the kitchen, still mumbling at them as he left.

“Should I stop?” he asked with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Spirits, no,” she said. “Oh my –“

Her words caught in her throat as his leg pressed between her thighs. She sighed and ground down on the pressure, leaning her head back as Garrus lipped and nicked down the sensitive skin on her neck.

This was amazing.

Garrus Vakarian. Former C-Sec Officer turned vigilante. Archangel of Omega. All around turian bad boy and dispenser of justice in an unjust galaxy. A fellow hero of the Citadel and of the galaxy itself.

Feeling her up like they were both in high school. Dry humping in the corner.

She gripped both his shoulders when she came silently, ignoring Garrus’s smirk at the power he had over her.

“Oh, you’re evil,” she said when she could finally speak again. “And I absolutely love you for it.”

“Good timing,” he whispered. “Looks like people have their food now. Shall we?” He held out his arm to her.

“You go ahead,” she gasped. “I need to…clean up a bit.”

He huffed at her and bent down to press his forehead to hers. But just before he walked away and towards the crowd of people gathered, she reached out and gripped his arm.

“I’ll get you for that,” she said with a wicked grin. “Later.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

Shepard turned the opposite direction, passing through the bar to get to her office as she shut the door. She slapped her cheeks a few times to clear her head, sighing as she leaned back against the wall again.

Life couldn’t get much better than this.

Just as she felt ready to turn back to the party, she noticed her terminal was flashing. She almost ignored it, figuring the message could wait for later, but there were a few RSVP’s she had been waiting for.

 _I’ll just take a second_ , she thought as she sat down in her desk chair and opened the message.

 

_Shepard,_

_I apologize for being unable to make it to Livia’s birthday party today. I received some new reports and decided to attend to those immediately. There are some…interesting stories coming from the Normandy crew regarding their time on the moon where they were stranded as well as some missing data in the ship’s computers. If you have time, you might peruse them yourself, although for now, I know it is enough to simply have everyone home._

_I did send a present which hopefully will arrive in time for the celebration. Tell Livia that I will visit her soon._

_Nicholas_

 

She shut down the terminal and leaned back in her chair, mulling over the message. Coats still avoided her, and part of her was grateful. It was entirely awkward now that she knew without a doubt how he felt about her. But there were other implications in his message – things that she only picked up on because she knew the Major so well.

Something had happened on the jungle moon, and Coats thought she should know about it.

The door to her office slid open and a beaming turian girl ran in.

“Mama! Come on! Papa says I have to wait for you to open presents! I want to open them now!”

Garrus appeared just behind their daughter in the doorway, a smug, knowing smile baring his teeth just slightly. Forgetting all about the strange message for now, Shepard gripped her daughter’s hand and headed back to the celebration.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

The darkness played behind Garrus’s eyes, taunting him as he dozed off sleepily.

All the guests had finally left after Livia refused to go to bed until the last person was gone, thanking everyone with hugs and laughter for their presence at her party. Garrus had collapsed in a heap on the couch, one arm thrown over the back while the other clutched a cold beer he had popped as soon as Livy showed signs of sleepiness. Shepard had taken the first chance she could to pick up the baby girl and drag her to the bedroom, despite Livia’s protests.

The day could not have been better. He loved Elizabeth Shepard more than he had words to describe. His life felt…complete, as cliché as that sounded. Turian-human babies were never really a possibility for them, but they had their own makeshift heaven.

And now he was safe.

Safe and warm.

Warm.

He felt warm. Warmness in his stomach, his legs, his…

That wasn’t just the happiness of alcohol and sleep that he felt. There was someone…touching him…

The fear he felt in the dark overcame him again and he sat up with a start. Sure enough, there was someone touching him. His pants were unclasped as he sat on the couch and there was a figure below him on the floor.

In the dark and with sleep still heavy in his eyes, Garrus tightly gripped the shoulders of the person kneeling between his legs, stroking the seam there.

“Fuck, Garrus, what’s wrong?!?”

“Lizzie…” he sighed in relief as his eyes widened, waking up and recognizing the form of his wife in front of him.

“Shit, I put the baby to sleep, come out here to find you passed out on the couch, decide to pay back the favor from earlier and…” Her eyes looked up at him sadly before continuing. “Is everything alright?”

Garrus pulled his mandibles tight against his face and looked back down at her. Spirits, he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to explain to her what a horror that moon had been. He wanted to tell her about Ezola and –

“Everything’s fine,” he said, stroking her hair with his fingers. “You just startled me, that’s all.” He smiled at her and she gave him a half-smile in return.

“Well, good,” she said with lowered lids, “because I have a few things in mind now that everyone’s gone…”

“Oh yeah?” he said, leaning back against the couch with a grin, giving her the advantage of a full view of what she had already bared in his brief nap. “What’s that?”

“Thought I’d show you…”

She didn’t say anything more, simply returning her attention to the seam between his legs, stroking it slowly with her fingers as Garrus let a purr escape his throat. Now that the fear was gone, now that he knew this was his Lizzie and not some strange alien creature attempting to control him, he let himself relax and enjoy whatever it was Shepard had in mind.

They had so much time to make up for.

He felt his plates loosening, but Lizzie threw him a wicked glance as she pressed against him with her hand, holding him in place. Garrus tried to protest, but she raised a finger to his mouth to silence him.

“Trust me,” she said. Then, she lowered her mouth and slowly licked along his seam, up one side and down the other.

Garrus threw his head back in pleasure, letting the sensations roll through him. She treated him with her tongue for a couple minutes, and although the pressure building behind his plates was slightly painful, the pain was worth it as Shepard’s warm tongue treated him to desires unimaginable until he decided on a human companion.

When she finally let him come free of his confinement, Garrus said breathily, “Shouldn’t we take this to the bedroom?”

Again, the wicked stare back at him as she slowly began to stroke his length with her nimble fingers.

“Your father’s asleep and so is the baby,” she said. “Besides…the thrill of getting caught…doesn’t that make it more exciting?”

“I haven’t really had the ‘thrill of getting caught’ by my father since I was about 14…”

“All the more reason to enjoy it now.”

She didn’t let him speak again as she finally placed the tip of him in her mouth, her tiny tongue flicking over the sensitive end, causing him to groan out loud. The attentions of her tongue and the steady stroking of her hands on his length was almost enough on its own to bring him to the edge. When she took all of him in her mouth, Garrus released his hold on the couch and gently fisted her hair, his vision blurry from the excitement within him.

His breath was heavy as Shepard moaned against him herself, her deep, throaty voice vibrating against his already painfully engorged member. But what finally pushed him over the edge was what he saw when his vision temporarily cleared.

He wasn’t the only one enjoying himself. Shepard had snuck a free hand down inside her own pants and he could only imagine her fingers plying between the sensitive wet folds. Just knowing that Commander Elizabeth Shepard, the hero of the galaxy, was pleasuring herself while kneeling between his legs and sucking on his cock was enough to send him to the brink.

He tried to pull away from her when he came, but she wouldn’t let him, pulling her hand away from herself and pushing both his hips down with the deceptive strength she had within her. Garrus couldn’t resist her as he released inside of her tiny, hot mouth, doing all he could to stifle his cries to not wake the sleeping members of the household.

“Spirits…” he said when he could catch his breath. “That was…amazing.”

Shepard grinned and pulled herself off the floor, straddling him and wrapping her arms around his neck as he gently stroked slow circles on her back. Wordlessly, she caught him in a deep kiss. She trailed her warm mouth down his mandibles, sucking on them lightly before stroking and sucking on the sensitive skin of his neck.

“Ready for another round?” she asked.

“Yes –“ he gasped as he felt himself rising to meet her body pressed against him. With trembling hands, he reached for the zipper of the jacket she wore, struggling to pull it down and reveal the supple breasts he longed to hold, but she jumped up.

“ _Now_ we can move to the bedroom.” She took off with a start, and Garrus fought to stand, his legs a little wobbly from the treat he had just received. He heard her laugh as he stumbled up the stairs, and when he finally caught up to her, he had to stop and stare.

Not only had she beat him to the bedroom, but she had managed to shed her clothes along the way.

“You know,” he said, walking towards her, “My father or Livia is going to find your clothing in the morning, strewn all over the stairs.”

“Garrus, it’s not like your father doesn’t know what we _do_ when we’re alone,” she said. “And I just don’t give a fuck anyway. Now strip, soldier.”

Garrus complied, but stopped short of following Shepard when he saw where she was headed.

“The hot tub?” he asked as she stood just outside the door to the Jacuzzi attached to their bedroom. “You know I don’t like…”

“Swimming? Yes, I know you don’t swim,” she said. Garrus couldn’t help taking a few steps toward her when she looked at him like that, however, so in a few brief moments, he found himself standing on the edge of the hot tub looking down at her as she slowly descended into its bubbling water. “But this isn’t swimming, Garrus. You’ll like it. Trust me. It’s _hot_ and you are always complaining about being cold.”

“We can get warm in other ways,” he mumbled.

“Oh shut up, Vakarian, and get in the water.”

With a sigh, he put a tentative foot in the hot water. To his surprise, it did feel good. He slowly put in his other leg and lowered himself gently, inch by inch, until he found a seat and set himself in for whatever it was his Lizzie had planned for him.

“Now where were we?” she said in a low voice and she swirled in front of him in the water. “Oh yes, I remember…”

She straddled him then and he felt his cock twitch as her naked chest pressed against his, her nipples hard with excitement. When her tongue invaded his mouth, Garrus moaned her name and let his hands fall down her back to grip her delightfully round ass, pinching and stroking the skin he loved so well. He bent his head to run his tongue in circles around her taut nipples and Shepard broke the kiss, throwing her head back and panting as he contacted the tight, red circles. When he nipped at one lightly with his teeth, she grunted with pleasure and dug her nails into his shoulder.

He was ready. He wanted her again. He gripped her hips and started pulling her down on top of him, but then Shepard’s eyes flew open and she challenged him.

“That’s not exactly what I had in mind,” she said. He raised his eyebrow plates at her and they rose even higher when she stood up from him, sloshing water against his neck. With a wink and a grin, she turned around slowly, gripping the side of the hot tub so she wouldn’t slip, and straddled him again, but this time with her back to him.

When she started to come down against him, he felt her ass push against his sensitive stomach and dipped his head into the crook of her neck. He absolutely loved this position. He had taken her from behind before – many times in fact – but always when she was bent over a desk or on the bed. Never while sitting up. The sharp angles of his pelvis and the curve of her rear just didn’t work quite right.

“The water makes some positions…easier…” she said over her shoulder, and Garrus agreed. Reaching around her while he licked along her collarbone from behind, he found her breasts, precariously perched near the top of the water, their buoyancy holding them up. He rubbed them in slow circles as he ran kisses up and down her neck and across her back.

And each time she said his name, his insides melted with complete happiness.

Finally, she let him pull her down on top of him and as he slipped inside her, he felt her warmness clench around him. It was all so wonderful – the water swirling tight between them, her entrance closing him in, a different feeling with all the water surrounding them. And as she moved up and down over him, Garrus freed one hand from her right breast and trailed it through the water to find the precious nub facing away from him.

He remembered the first time he had learned what to do with her breasts. He had been so awkward then. He almost laughed as he recalled it, but look at him now – one hand massaging her left breast in slow circles, his thumb and forefinger pinching and twisting the nipple he found there, his other hand teasing open the folds in front of him as Lizzie slowly raised herself up and down, gasping with pleasure as he penetrated her over and over again.

He felt his hips begin to thrust in time with hers as her moans became louder, his name falling from her lips more frequently and he pushed into her, finding an entirely new spot inside her with the position they had never been able to reach before.

She came first, falling back into his arms as he used his left arm to pull her to him, feeling the delicious pressure of her orgasm around him. Now completely in control, he used his strength and the swirling waters around them to move her body over him, finding his own release as they gasped and panted in each other’s arms.

They finished at just the right time, because Garrus watched Shepard’s eyes widen at a sound that startled them both.

“Mama…” came a voice outside the locked bedroom door along with a plaintive and tired, repetitive knocking against the metal. “Mama…I had a bad dream…”

Shepard caught him in a kiss quickly before they both leapt out of the hot tub, towel-dried as quickly as they could and pulled on some pajama like civvies. Garrus still loved the look of his Lizzie in her comfortable clothes. They hadn’t changed in all the time he had known her – loose, black pants and a tight, black tank top.

When she finally opened the door, Livia came pouring in, grasping her mother’s legs tightly.

“Mama, can I sleep with you tonight?”

Shepard turned to look at Garrus. He just shrugged and smiled.

“Of course, baby girl,” she said. “Come on.”

It was a tight fit, but somehow they made it work. Garrus looked over Livia’s head to catch Shepard’s eye as the turian girl curled up in her mother’s arms between them.

“Mama…” Livy said in a sleepy voice.

“Yes, sweetheart,” Shepard said, stroking the girl’s face.

“There’s not as much room in here now that Papa’s home.”

Lizzie laughed and looked at him, locking her fingers with his over the pillows and Livy’s head.

“You’re right,” she said. “There’s not as much room, but what would you rather have? More room in the bed or Papa home?”

Livy popped her head up for a brief moment and looked at Shepard, then at Garrus, then back at Shepard again.

“I would rather have Papa home.”

Then, instead of curling back up against Shepard, Livia turned over and wrapped her arms around Garrus’s neck, her tiny body warm against his carapace and chest. Garrus used the hand not holding Shepard’s to stroke her back as she softly breathed against him. When she finally fell asleep, Garrus looked to his love and sighed.

Who would ever have thought this would happen? Garrus Vakarian. Former C-Sec Officer turned vigilante. Archangel of Omega. All around turian bad boy and dispenser of justice in an unjust galaxy. A hero of the Citadel and of the galaxy itself.

Completely melted when his daughter curled up next to him in bed.

Shepard smiled at him and moved closer, placing her own arm over his waist as she slowly drifted off beside him moments later.

Garrus lay awake for a while on his own, contemplating life, the universe, and…everything.

This was right. No matter what evil had befallen him before. No matter what lay ahead of them. Nothing in the galaxy could take this moment from him.

Nothing.


	22. Can't Things Be as They Were?

“Garrus, please come in.”

Victus’s voice sounded much lighter than it had the remainder of the time Garrus had known the turian Primarch. When they met on Palaven, the former General had always had an air of seriousness about him. That solemnity of presence had only increased when the Reapers attacked and the General assumed his position as Primarch.

But now, Garrus saluted an entirely different turian.

Adrien Victus still carried a mantle of authority and respect, but now that mantle spoke of victory and hope rather than tension, stress, and at times, despair.

It was the same change Garrus had noticed in everyone he’d been reunited with since returning to civilization. It was the same change he saw in himself. Now that he was home. Now that he was with Shepard where he belonged.

Where he had _always_ belonged.

“Thank you for coming. Have a seat,” Victus motioned to one of the chairs in front of his desk. Garrus nodded, assuming the position Victus had offered him.

“How is your family?” Victus said, leaning forward with his hands on the desk as he sat in his own chair behind it.

Garrus couldn’t help but smile at the thought of _his_ family. That image used to be one that included his mother and father and sister. While two of the people he loved in that reflection were gone, the happier picture in his mind was of Livia pressing her forehead to his before he left the apartment thirty minutes earlier and asking him when he would be home. And of course, Shepard was there, standing behind their daughter with a grin and a kiss for him before he had left for this meeting.

“They’re wonderful,” Garrus finally replied, his subvocals communicating what his words did not. He revealed a bit more to the Primarch than he would to a stranger with those two words, but in truth, the Primarch was part of the family picture now, too.

Victus smiled in response, nodding his head in understanding.

“Yes, I believe the most fulfilling thing in this life is family – that’s why we fight so hard to survive, isn’t it? So we can see them again…” the Primarch mused, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other. Garrus didn’t respond, lost in his own thoughts, recalling his own instincts to survive. He tried not to think of the awful two years he had spent on the jungle moon in the Exodus Cluster, the horrible loneliness, the clutch at his heart when he feared that Shepard was gone forever, the awfulness of a night alone in his cabin and a dark figure pinning him in place.

He shook his head and shifted in his seat, crossing his own legs. As he moved, he noticed Victus studying him intensely.

“How is Livia?” Victus said. “I have been meaning to come by and visit with her sometime in the next few days. That party your partner threw for her birthday was…quite elaborate for a two year old.”

Garrus just laughed. “I think the party was more of an excuse to get our friends together than anything else,” he said. “Now that everyone is back and safe, Shepard enjoys the company. And of course Livy enjoys her multitudinous aunts and uncles visiting her frequently.”

“Yes, your daughter will grow up with quite the interesting view of the galaxy,” Victus said. “And I’m glad for it.”

“She will definitely not have any of the prejudices that our generations had, that’s for sure,” Garrus agreed. “Being surrounded by people who love her and all look so very different will hopefully keep that from happening.”

“Shepard is capable of many great things. It appears being a mother is just another title she can check off her list.”

“To be honest, I think she feels overwhelmed with that calling the most sometimes. But together, she and I will manage.”

“Well, Garrus, I am proud to count you among my own family now. I doubt that Tarquin could have found a better partner than your sister.”

At that, Garrus sat up a little straighter. The mention of Solana and Tarquin had brought a fervent tone to the conversation. The Primarch’s face and subvocals confirmed that he was earnest in what he said, but it was the first time the elder turian had brought up the relationship of their two deceased family members.

“If only I had known…” Victus looked down and shook his head as he continued. “I wish I could have told him so. So many things I wish I had had time to tell him before…”

The sadness in Victus’s tone was beginning to be overwhelming. Garrus wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew he had to say _something_.

“I feel the same way sometimes,” he finally coughed. “I didn’t know anything about their relationship or Sol’s pregnancy until I came home and found a bounding little girl in my home. But I’m glad that you were able to spend some time with my sister at least, before she left us. And I am especially glad now that I was with Tarquin near the end. He was an honorable turian and should be remembered well. I would have been proud to call him my brother.”

Victus’s face softened at that, his mandibles flaring briefly into a small grin.

“Yes, well, your sister was a remarkable female turian to match, but I could have guessed that even if I had not had the time with her that I did. The Vakarian clan has always been full of strong females – whether by blood or by choice, all of them are examples of the best our species has had to offer for generations. Your mother. Your sister. I don’t know how well you remember her, but your father’s mother was quite a spitfire in her day as well. And now, you get to count among them one of the best the human species has ever had to offer.”

Garrus’s chest puffed slightly with pride at Victus’s compliment. He crossed the opposite leg in his lap in a futile attempt to hide the smile that broke over his face.

“Thank you, sir,” was all he said out loud.

“Please, Garrus,” Victus said, waving his arm in the air between them dismissively. “After all this talk of family, dispense with the formalities. Call me Adrien.”

Garrus just nodded and waited for the Primarch to continue. While the conversation had been pleasant so far, he was sure that he had not been invited to this meeting simply to exchange pleasantries and reminisce about those family members they both missed. After a few more awkward moments of silence, Adrien acknowledged Garrus was correct.

“Well, there is plenty of time to discuss our families at another date. I do intend to come by very soon and spend some time with my granddaughter – perhaps, you and Shepard will even let me borrow her for a day and the two of you can have some much needed time alone, I’m sure. However, I asked you to meet me for a purpose unrelated to your family,” Adrien said, assuming a business-like posture again.

“I figured as much,” Garrus replied, inclining his head. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s more about what I can do for you,” Adrien replied. “Have you thought of what you want to do now that things are settling down for you here?”

If he was honest with himself, he had thought about what he wanted to do quite a bit. Garrus loved the chance to relax and enjoy the time he had with his new daughter, his father, and his beautiful partner. But there were times that he longed for a mission of his own, a job, a directive. Hell, he just wanted something to _do_.

“I’ve had a few ideas,” Garrus finally said. “I have thought of returning to C-Sec. It would be easy enough, I’m sure, to convince Bailey to give me a position. Perhaps I could even get back into training for a Spectre position. It’s no secret that’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”

Adrien nodded at him as he rambled on, but Garrus could see that the Primarch clearly had something else in mind.

“All of those are worthy endeavors,” Victus said, “but I had an idea for you myself, and I would like you to consider it carefully. And I thoroughly hope you will accept.”

Garrus said nothing, waiting for Adrien to explain.

“Unfortunately, we lost many good turians in the final battle for Earth. Among them was Trivian Palark.”

Garrus remembered Palark. He remembered him very well. He was one of the few Advisors to the Primarch who had been willing to pick up a weapon and fight. Strangely enough, he was one of the few turians who had met Commander Shepard face to face before she became the hero of the Citadel. Palark had been part of the team within the Hierarchy that approved Nihlus’s support for Shepard’s Spectre candidacy and the former Advisor had once mentioned to Garrus how impressed he was with the human woman.

 

_“It’s strange,” Palark had said as he and Garrus and Victus tried to catch a few winks of rest between shifts on Menae. “I’ve had this recurring thought since the Reapers attacked that if we had Commander Shepard with us, we might actually hope to survive against these monsters.”_

_Garrus didn’t even think before muttering, “That makes two of us, Palark.”_

 

“That’s a terrible loss. He was a great asset and a strong soldier,” Garrus responded, pulling himself from the memory.

“Yes, he was,” Adrien said. Then he leaned forward and locked his fingers together on the desk while simultaneously locking eyes with Garrus. “I would like you to assume his former position.”

Garrus wasn’t stupid. He had known where the conversation was going as soon as Adrien mentioned the former Advisor’s name. While the conversation played in real time in front of him, his mind had mulled over the implications of what he knew the Primarch was going to ask of him.

Palark had not just been any other Advisor to the Primarch. He had been the _Chief_ Advisor. One of those directly in line to become Primarch should the Primarch retire or pass on. Victus’s rise to the Primacy had been a sideways line, but not one without precedent. During wartime, Generals surpassed Advisors in rank to lead the people out of conflict and back to peace, hence, Victus’s placement as Primarch after the Reapers hit. But now that there was peace again…

If Garrus accepted this position, he would be the next Primarch of Palaven should anything happen to Victus.

But what was more interesting to Garrus was what Victus’s subvocal communication was saying.

_I trust you_ , was what the Primarch’s words didn’t say. _More than anyone else._

Could Garrus accept that trust? Was it something he wanted?

He had never pictured himself at a desk job, but then again, his life now was not as he would ever have pictured it before. A human partner. A two year old daughter. An aging father. A galaxy in repair. Krogans and quarians on the Council and other races applying for Council status, most likely moving toward approval.

Also in the back of his mind were recent conversations he had with his Lizzie. Conversations about the life they wanted to live. Where they would go when the galaxy was finally traversable. Palaven? Earth? None of that really mattered to either of them. But what _did_ matter was being there for Livia. Garrus knew that Shepard had specifically accepted a political desk job so she could be home with Livia as much as possible.

Parenthood had changed both of them. Fatherhood had changed _him_.

“I would like to talk this over with Shepard, but I doubt she will have any objections,” Garrus said.

“That is all I ask,” Adrien said. “Just please inform me as soon as you make a decision.”

“Of course,” Garrus nodded and stood up, signaling that he was ready to go. Ready to be home. Ready to see his family. Ready to more firmly solidify his future with those he loved.

“May I come by tomorrow?” Adrien asked. “We don’t have to talk shop. I would like to spend some time with my granddaughter.”

“She will be excited to see you,” Garrus said as he moved for the door.

“And I, her,” Adrien smiled as the door slid open in front of Garrus. “Until then, Garrus.”

“Until then,” he nodded, listening as the door slid shut behind him decisively.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

These were the types of nights she had fought for. These were the types of nights she had almost given her life for – and on one occasion, she _had_ given her life for them. These were the types of nights that made all of the anguish and pain worth it.

Shepard couldn’t say that she was becoming a master of dextro cuisine. Passable at best…maybe. Livia and Garrus never complained – one because she didn’t know any better and the other because he _did_ know better. But Garrus, on the other hand, was becoming a true chef of both dextro and levo meals. After a satisfying dinner served by the turian who still managed to surprise her with new talents every day, Shepard sat on the couch in her typical black shorts and black tank top, one arm slung over the back and legs tucked beneath her as she watched the after dinner entertainment.

“Papa! You’re going too fast!” Livia giggled as she clung to Garrus’s carapace as tightly as she could with her tiny fingers. “I’m going to fall off!”

“You think _I’m_ going too fast,” Garrus said as he crawled around the living room with Livy on his back. “You better hope you never have to ride something when your mother is driving.”

“Oh, man up, Vakarian,” Shepard teased from her perch and laughed. “You weren’t complaining when I was driving last night.”

“You are silly, Mama!” Livia said, completely oblivious to the looks that passed between her parents, but responding to Garrus’s resonating chuckle at Shepard’s comment. Just at that moment, there was a ping at the door. Shepard sighed, uncurling her legs as she unlocked the door on her omni-tool and walked away from the happy moment on the living room floor.

“Ten more minutes and then it’s bed time,” she said over her shoulder as she approached the entryway. She heard both Livy and Garrus groan at her and chuckled to herself as the door opened. Her laugh quickly faded when she saw who was there.

“Nicholas,” she said, unable to mask her surprise. “I – Should I have been expecting you at this hour?”

Major Coats looked as nervous and awkward as she felt. “No, I…I came to make an in person delivery for Livia. Honestly, I didn’t think you would be here, Shepard. The event on the Presidium began thirty minutes ago…”

“Oh, I completely forgot,” she mumbled. It was true. She _had_ completely forgotten about the awards ceremony being held tonight for many of the Citadel repair workers. “I was so caught up with…” she glanced over her shoulder at Garrus and Livy who were now walking toward the door to greet their visitor, the smaller turian in the arms of the grown one.

“I understand,” Coats said, nodding. “You have many responsibilities now. I…well, there was a bit more to Livy’s present that just arrived today. I had to order them special – they’re hard to find these days. I wanted to drop it by for her.”

“Major Coats!” came an excited little voice in Garrus’s arms as she recognized who it was at the door. “You haven’t come to play with me in _years_!”

Shepard chuckled as Livia wiggled free of Garrus’s grasp and ran toward her old friend.

“Kids’ concept of time is a little…different,” she said as Coats scooped the tiny girl up into his arms. He just nodded and smiled as Livia gave him a hug.

“Hello, Livy,” Nicholas said with a smile. “I’m sorry I missed your party. I’ve been…very busy.”

“I got your present,” she smiled at him. “I loved it! Mama says that someday when all the relays are fixed, we will travel in that ship to see Palaland!”

“Palaven, sweetheart,” Shepard said, stroking Livy’s back and grinning. Coats’s present to Livia had been a toy replica of the Normandy. Not a model ship like the ones Shepard collected and loved putting together – Livia was still too young for that. But a more durable version that could stand being tossed and stepped on and thrown. Apparently, toy Normandy’s were all the rage with the 2-10 year old crowd on the Citadel and on Earth, and it had been a huge hit with Livia.

“Well, she’s right,” Garrus chimed in, a smile on his face. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.” Shepard watched as her turian extended his hand in a human gesture. Coats, surprised, let go of Livy in his arms with one arm and shook it enthusiastically.

“I’m Major Coats,” he said. “Nicholas Coats.”

“Ah, yes,” Garrus said, grinning as he released the Major’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Shepard and Anderson. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

Small talk was exchanged for a few more moments and Shepard worked to steady her breathing. Coats was the only other person in the doorway who understood how truly awkward this moment was and she refused to meet his eyes. She willed herself to stare at Garrus, trying to gauge his reaction to the intrusion on their evening. She had told Garrus about Coats, of course – or at least the business side of Coats. Garrus had appreciated what he heard about Coats’s role in finding Shepard’s body and how he had visited those he saved in the infirmary on a daily basis, including Solana. Livy had told her father about the Major as well, since he had been one of her favorite visitors before Garrus’s return.

But there was one aspect of Coats’s story that Shepard had not told her turian, and she had no intention of doing so. She knew the Major had been in love with her, but part of her secretly hoped he would forget her or move on. His absence since Garrus’s homecoming had made the awkwardness of the situation easy for her to forget, but now that Coats stood in her doorway, holding her daughter, it was a little harder to put the memory of Coats’s confession at the back of her mind.

“Is that Papa? That looks like the thing he wears on his head!”

Shepard looked at what Coats had handed Livia while she was lost in her own thoughts.

Tiny action figures – just like the ones that she and Garrus had gotten each other years ago.

One Commander Shepard action figure and one Garrus Vakarian action figure.

Garrus laughed heartily when he saw what it was that Coats had brought to complete his birthday present to Livia.

“Yep. That’s me alright. And that one is your Mama.” Garrus grabbed the Commander Shepard out of Livia’s open hand and turned it over, chuckling as he met Shepard’s eyes, memories passing between the two of them with a warm smile.

“Really, Mama?” Livia was fascinated by the little figures.

“Yes, dear,” Shepard said. “They go with your ship. How about you go put them next to your bed now. It’s bedtime anyway and Papa can tuck you in and tell you all about one of our adventures long before you were born. A G-rated one.” She gave Garrus a look he understood well as he reached to take Livia out of Coats’s grasp.

“Not sure I know any of those, Shepard…” he teased as she swatted him on the arm. Garrus just laughed her off.

“But, Mama, Major Coats just came to play,” Livia protested.

“How about I come by tomorrow, Livy?” Nicholas said, releasing the girl to her father’s arms. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy.”

“Promise?” Livia said as she relaxed into Garrus’s arms, clutching her two new toys in both fists.

“I promise,” he said.

“It was very nice to meet you, Major,” Garrus said as he turned away from the door. “I hope we see you again soon. Clearly, Livia looks forward to your next visit.”

“Yes, it’s truly an honor to finally meet you, Officer Vakarian,” Coats said respectfully.

Garrus just laughed over his shoulder as he carried Livy away. “Just Garrus, please. Nothing so formal in this house.”

Shepard didn’t move from the doorway as Garrus and Livia disappeared up the stairs.

“Would you like to come in for a drink?” she said nervously. “Garrus will be down in just a few minutes.” She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous. Nicholas had been a friend. A great friend – not just to her, but to Solana and then to Livia. She cared about the man, just not the way he wanted her to.

The man – the turian – she truly cared about and loved was putting her child to bed.

But at that last thought, a twinge of sadness gripped her. She knew that Coats would probably love to be the one putting Livia to bed as well.

But long ago, before she even knew his name, Shepard had chosen Garrus. And she had never regretted that choice.

“I should go,” he said. “I really am sorry. I thought I would just drop this off while you were gone and –“

“Nicholas,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t have to avoid me. Can’t things be as they were?”

Coats’s light blue eyes met hers briefly. He had avoided even looking at her directly since she had answered the door, but now she could clearly see his answer in his face. And she understood it without him saying a word.

But he said it anyway.

“No, Elizabeth,” he said softly. “No, they can’t.”

And with that, he was gone.

When she watched his form disappear beyond the corner that led to the strip, she shivered, suddenly realizing then that she was still in a skimpy pair of shorts and a tank top, the cold metal of the hallway chilling her bare feet. Turning back inside, she found a smiling Garrus coming down the stairs.

“Has the Major left already?” her turian asked. “I was hoping to speak with him more and thank him again for how kind he was to Sol. Dad told me that the Major spent many hours keeping her company.”

Shepard walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck, hoping to forget about the whole encounter as quickly as possible.

“Yes, he’s gone,” she said. “But he promised Livy that he would come play with her tomorrow. I’m sure you can speak with him then.”

“Well, I will actually have to clear my calendar,” Garrus grinned as he bent down to nibble along her neck. “Since I have a new job now.”

“Ah yes, _Chief_ Advisor Vakarian,” she shuddered as Garrus’s hot breath found its way over her shoulder and down her back. “By the way, what does your father think of you outranking him now?”

“I really don’t want to think about my rank. And I _definitely_ don’t want to think about my father right now, Lizzie…” Garrus muttered hotly as his arms reached around her, picking her feet off the ground and looping her arm over his shoulders as he headed toward the stairs.

“Hmm…neither do I…” Shepard whispered as he carried her to their bedroom. _I don’t want to think about your father_ or _Coats right now…._

“Neither do I.”


	23. The "Whens" Were Becoming "Nows"

She didn’t often work in the office reserved for her in the Embassy Wing of the Citadel, but the Normandy reports were something Shepard didn’t want to review at home. Home had become a true sanctuary for her and for her family. The last thing she wanted was to taint that sacred place with thoughts of Reapers or nightmares about Garrus’s struggle to return to her from the jungle moon that held him prisoner for two years. She knew that whatever had happened there still haunted him from time to time. She could see it in his eyes. She refused to be the cause of bringing those thoughts into her home.

But within the safe confines of her office, it felt different. Here, whatever she found would not contaminate the refuge of their apartment, their private heaven. Whatever she read in her Citadel office would stay there and not follow her home.

She took a deep breath and turned on her terminal, not sure exactly what she would find and not really sure how to prepare herself for what she didn’t know.

The first report prepared for her was from EDI. Well, not really _from_ EDI, but it was EDI’s logs. The team that had worked to repair the damage done to the drive core upon the Normandy’s return had transferred the logs to Alliance Command. No one had paid much attention to them at first. But when a repairman tried to search the logs for any evidence of what the Crucible pulse really was in EDI’s databanks, he stumbled upon something he did not expect.

The Crucible and its power were still a mystery to the scientists of the galaxy. Even though they had somehow managed to imitate the compound that made up the relays and the Citadel, even though they had gathered enough eezo to repair a large portion of the relays in the sector of the galaxy closest to Earth, even with the amazing scientific strides the combined races of the galaxy had made since the end of the Reaper war, one thing evaded them.

What was the Crucible and how had it worked?

Even after all this time, they still didn’t know.

The scientists had tried studying any data from the time the synthetics went offline, taking apart the hardware that had been destroyed, scavenging data banks from countless geth. But nothing conclusive had turned up. EDI’s databanks presented a new opportunity to find answers, but to the scientists’ dismay, they showed nothing of consequence just as the geth’s memories had been wiped at the precise moment the blast hit each hardware unit.

The long period of darkness and memory loss over the next few months was not a surprise as teams poured over EDI’s programs. What _was_ a surprise were the intermittent periods of wiped data later on – after she was repaired.

Beginning not long after EDI’s mobile platform was restored, and even a couple of times before she was truly mobile, EDI’s logs were completely scrubbed, no trace of anything other than her regular runtimes on the ship. But her own thoughts, impressions, and anything else along those lines were something that the scientists at least could not get access to. And when questioned, EDI claimed ignorance and spouted some line about how she had still been struggling with basic runtimes after her repair, occasionally performing routine system maintenance which could block some of her more advanced programs for brief periods of time.

This had apparently sparked Coats’s interest and he had looked into it further. The next report Shepard read was his. What he had found was…troubling, but Shepard tried not to let it bother her as much as it seemed to bother Coats. However, she would agree with him on one thing – something was definitely missing from the picture.

Reports from the crew and stories from Tali and Karin coincided with EDI’s memory loss. Around the same period of time that EDI’s memory banks routinely were “wiped”, Garrus mysteriously returned with new stores of dextro food for himself and Tali to eat with no apparent explanation. Coats had sought Tali out for more detailed answers, but the new quarian Councilor had nothing to add. She simply shrugged when pressed and said that Garrus had returned with food each time, claiming that he had found it in the jungle. She didn’t ask him any more about it; she was simply grateful each time he came back that they would not starve.

The last recorded memory loss and corresponding food shortage had only been a matter of weeks before the relay was repaired and the Normandy came home.

Shepard sighed as she read through Coats’s summary of the mystery of the Normandy and its dextro food stores. She wanted answers, but for whatever reason, Garrus hadn’t brought up the subject. She wasn’t even sure he knew that she had seen these reports.

But the main reason she didn’t worry about it was that she trusted Garrus. Their relationship was deeper than a normal love. It was based on a history of trust, and Shepard knew that if there was something she should know about Garrus’s time away from her, that he would tell her when he felt the time was right. And she was perfectly ok with that.

_This was a waste of time_ , she told herself, standing up to leave. But just as she had finished gathering the few items she brought with her, the door to her office pinged.

Surprised, she said, “Enter.”

A wide grin broke out on her face when Liara stepped through the doorway. Although it had been months since the Normandy had returned, Shepard was still overjoyed at the sight of each of her friends returned to her – safe and sound.

“Shepard,” Liara smiled in return and grasped Shepard in a warm embrace. “I was hoping to catch you here. Garrus said you actually came to your office to work and I thought I would take the opportunity to speak with you alone.”

“Alone?” Shepard said with one eyebrow raised. Motioning to the chairs in front of her desk, she said, “Take a seat. What’s on your mind?”

Liara grinned happily as she assumed a seat next to Shepard.

“I…have a proposal to make. And before I do, please know that I will not be offended if you are uninterested, but Shepard,” Liara paused and looked down at her hands before meeting Shepard’s gaze again. “You are the closest friend I’ve ever had. I care so deeply for you…and for Garrus…I have been searching for something I could do to repay all that you have done for me.”

“Liara, there’s no need to repay me for anything. I care about you, too. You know that.”

Liara bobbed her head in acknowledgement. “I do, Shepard, but please, allow me to make my offer.”

Shepard sat back and watched her friend with a wary smile. “Alright…hit me…”

With quick fingers, Liara punched in a brief command into her omni-tool which resulted in an almost instantaneous ping on Shepard’s omni-tool. While giving Liara a sideways glance, Shepard half-smiled as she turned on her messages and pulled up the image Liara had just sent her. But projecting the image holographically in the air did nothing to satisfy Shepard’s curiosity about her friend’s suspicious visit.

Hanging in the air above her arm was a picture of a dress, cut in asari style. Although it was merely a digital image, the gown looked stunning. Floor length, flowing out from the knees, but not so far that the person wearing it would look like she had fins. It would fit hips and waist snugly, while its sharp bodice traced upwards in straight, regal lines, coming to a stop at shortly cropped sleeves that would protrude just barely past the wearer’s shoulders. Despite the sharpness of the angles extending directly up from the waist, the neckline plunged in a deep “V” to accentuate the curves of whatever woman or asari wore it.

“It’s a beautiful dress, Liara,” Shepard said as she stared at the floating picture. “But I’m not sure why you are showing it to me…”

“It is my understanding,” Liara began, “that humans wear elegant dresses when they are married, just as we asari do when we are joined with our bondmates. This was my mother’s gown. It is very old, but it is preserved well. I know you are very busy and may not have time to think of yourself, but when you _do_ marry Garrus on Palaven according to human tradition, I would be honored if you would like to wear this gown.”

The words took Shepard’s breath away. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t realize what Liara was offering as soon as she opened the picture image. Perhaps because she still wasn’t accustomed to people doing things for her – Shepard was usually the one doing things for other people. This type of gesture was not one Shepard received often, but it was one she was more grateful for than words could say.

“Liara, I can’t even tell you how honored I would be to wear this dress,” she finally said softly.

Liara’s face broke into a true smile then. “I’m glad I could contribute in some way to your happiness, my friend,” the asari said. “I discovered that human dresses are usually white for such occasions, but in your situation…I thought this color might be more…appropriate. Or perhaps ‘fitting’ is the right word.”

Shepard smiled as she looked back at the gorgeous gown still hanging in the air.

The color of her partner’s clan. The color of his eyes. The color of their daughter’s eyes.

A perfect, Vakarian blue.

“I think that ‘perfect’ is a better word,” she said reverently, pondering the conversation and what it meant for her future.

A blue wedding dress.

A wedding.

A life.

As a teenager, Shepard had always been more interested in military tactics and biotic studies than she was in things that other teenage girls worried about. But even she could not say that she hadn’t imagined a wedding day for herself in the future, especially after she had been with Thad for so long. And while her life now was not anything like she had planned as a naïve eighteen-year-old in love with her first marine boyfriend, it was a good life. In fact, her life was better now than she could have ever imagined.

If she had been told at any point before the end of the Reaper War, or perhaps before Garrus’s return to Earth, that she would be planning a blue wedding on Palaven to the turian she had loved without a name since she was eighteen years old, she would have died of laughter. But now, it was all happening.

Slowly, but surely, the “ifs” had become “whens” and the “whens” were becoming “nows.”

And suddenly, the problems of the galaxy and the mystery of the Normandy’s databanks just didn’t seem that important anymore.

In that moment, Shepard made a decision. She had sacrificed enough for the galaxy. She had done everything that had been asked of her – giving her life once and nearly giving her life two other times.

For this, it was ok to be selfish. It was ok to let the cares of everyone else be put on hold while she took a few moments for herself – a few moments to be happy in the life she was living. A life she lived with her friends, her daughter, and her love.

“ _When_ Garrus and I are married on Palaven,” she finally whispered as Liara leaned back in her chair with a pleased expression, “I will wear this dress and I will enjoy every minute of it.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“Grandpa! Look what I got!” Livia took off running as soon as they entered the apartment. Garrus had taken a break from work to play with his daughter in one of the Citadel parks nearby. While there, Livy had been unable to tear her eyes away from an interesting human making animals from balloons. Fascinated, she had asked the strange man to make her a starship with his balloons instead of an animal. Miraculously, the man had smiled and been able to satisfy Livia’s request. Even better than that, the man had seemed to recognize Garrus, nodding at him with respect, as he fashioned a balloon ship that looked eerily similar to the Normandy.

Livy couldn’t be happier.

“If you’re not careful, Garrus,” Tavius said with a sly grin, “your daughter is going to run off on spaceships forever at the first chance she gets. She’s certainly obsessed with them.”

“Ah, well, her parents might have something to do with that,” Garrus said as Livy ran off to her room to grab more of her toy ships and figures to play with.  “Biological and otherwise,” he added when the small girl was out of earshot.

Garrus laughed as Livy’s voice continued to float down the stairs.

“I’m going to put this with my toy Normandy from Major Coats. And then mini-Mama and mini-Papa can ride in the balloon Normandy. And then we can all fly to Palaland and Mama and Papa can bring me home a little brother and…”

Garrus couldn’t hear anymore after that as Livy disappeared into her bedroom, but he turned to his father in surprise at Livy’s last absent-minded ramble.

“She’s been talking about wanting a little brother for a while now,” Tavius chuckled as he turned back to his own office. “It might have something to do with all the time she spends with Wrex’s Mordin. She adores that baby krogan.”

“I see…well, maybe Shepard and I will have to work on that,” Garrus laughed.

Tavius huffed loudly and said, “Well, Son, I don’t think I could be any more proud of you than I am now even if you managed to conquer biology’s limits and create a turian-human baby.”

With a soft look that Garrus was still growing accustomed to, Tavius clapped his son on the shoulder and made his way down the hall to his room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the room was empty, Garrus realized that he heard other voices in the apartment. One of them was Shepard’s floating to him from her office in the opposite corner of the apartment. But the other voice was one he didn’t recognize. Listening carefully, he could hear Livy singing to herself in her room as she played with her toys, seemingly content for the moment, and he walked down the hall to Shepard’s office, catching bits of a conversation as he came closer to the door. When he was finally within full earshot, he paused, not wanting to interrupt what he heard as he realized the second voice was Major Coats.

“Shepard, there’s more to the story. I don’t know what it is about the data, but something strikes me as horribly wrong,” the Major said.

“Nicholas,” Shepard said, causing Garrus to raise his eyebrow plates slowly. _Didn’t know they were on a first name basis_. “I reviewed your report. I’m just not concerned about it right now.”

“How can you not be concerned?” The Major’s voice was raised slightly. “There are days of data missing from the Normandy’s logs. I mean no disrespect, but Officer Vakarian’s activity during those times was suspicious. What if there was something on that planet that wanted to keep its presence hidden from us? What if something happened to your crew there that will spring up in the least likely but most dangerous way in the future? What if –“

“What if! That’s all you have! What if’s! That’s nothing to go on. And I don’t like the way you speak about him. You have no right to –“

Garrus cringed as he listened to Lizzie defend him. She deserved to know. He wanted to tell her. He just…couldn’t. He still wasn’t sure why. Ezola wasn’t here. She couldn’t hurt him anymore. She couldn’t hurt any of them, but for some reason, he still felt the need to keep her existence a secret.

He still felt the need to protect her.

Even to Garrus, that urge seemed strange, but it was true. Something about the lonely and sad creature he had abandoned on the jungle moon made him feel as if he needed to protect her. From what, he wasn’t sure, but the feeling was there all the same.

“I know, Shepard. I’m sorry. I truly am. I’m just…concerned. We don’t have a complete picture of what happened to your crew – your _friends_! I know you care about them. How can you just let this go?”

“Because it’s not important anymore!” Shepard yelled. “They are home where they belong and that is all that matters! I don’t want to speak about this again. If there is something I should know, then Garrus will tell me.”

Silence. Garrus could just picture the scene now. A standoff. Shepard was good at those. Who would flinch first?

They would never know, because it was at that moment that Garrus decided to make his presence known.

“Lizzie!” he called from the hall, pretending to have just come in the door. “We’re home. Thought we might head out to sushi for –“

As he finally let himself round the corner into the office, the scene before him was what he had expected. His Lizzie was leaning against her desk, both hands in front of her, bracing her against its sharp edge. Major Coats was in the middle of the office, pacing uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry,” Garrus said, feigning ignorance. “Did I interrupt something important?”

“Not at all,” Shepard sighed, smiling at him with a look of relief as she pushed off the desk and stood up straight. “The Major was just leaving.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. Wouldn’t want to keep the family from dinner. Good night, Shepard. Vakarian.”

And just like that, the Major was gone. Garrus watched a sigh visibly escape Shepard’s lungs as her chest collapsed in relief.

“Everything ok with the Major?” he asked as he approached her. Lizzie’s eyelashes flitted up at him, a weak smile on her face.

“Yes, everything’s…fine,” she said, shaking her head and relaxing into Garrus’s grasp as he pulled her to him in a loose embrace. “Just stupid fucking Alliance bullshit.”

“So, the usual?” Garrus smirked.

“The usual.”

“How about we get some sushi…I know it’s one of your favorites. Then we watch a movie with the little one…” Garrus bent down and let his subharmonics rumble in the way he knew would make his partner shiver against his chest. “And we put her to bed so we can have some grown up time.”

“You know, our lives are starting to become a little routine…”

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked with a flare of his mandibles, gently tickling the top of her head.

Shepard looked up at him, a true smile playing across her face this time, her bright green eyes lit up with genuine contentment.

“Not at all.”


	24. No Matter What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been rather discouraged with this lately and almost scrapped the project today. However, I have decided that would be the cowardly thing to do, so here's the update. I will be brave and weather the storm. 
> 
> Thank you to all still reading and helping me learn to be a better writer! I appreciate all the comments and feedback, both positive and negative.
> 
> <3 Kabi

He thought a walk might clear his head, and he was right.

Garrus found himself in the Presidium Commons, wandering aimlessly from vendor to vendor. Sometimes people recognized him. The stares made him extremely self-conscious and grateful that his habit was still to wear his armor everywhere that wasn’t home. Even though he had been back for nearly a year, even though he had traveled with Shepard and been famous long before his homecoming, he still wasn’t used to all the sideways glances and hushed, reverent whispers of the general populace as he passed. He was much more comfortable being a nameless turian on the Citadel than he was being Chief Advisor Garrus Vakarian, hero of the galaxy and partner to the savior of them all.

He loved being home where he was just Garrus or Papa. That was where he felt he truly belonged.

His roundabout was nearly concluded. He had reached the opposite end of the Commons and turned around, tracing his path back to where he started. The thoughts of home always made him smile and he longed to be there. But lately, he had been troubled by many things. The presence of Major Coats in his family’s affairs didn’t bother him except as it pertained to his Lizzie. He could tell something was off. She tensed at the Major’s name and avoided discussing him. In Garrus’s own camp, he was still struggling with how to broach the subject of Ezola and what had happened on the moon. He knew Lizzie had seen reports of what had happened, and the conversation he had overhead with Major Coats made Garrus realize he would rather tell Lizzie himself than have her find out from anyone else.

But what was really troubling him the most was why he didn’t want to tell her about it at all.

At first he had thought it was some odd protective instinct – that he still wanted to protect the alien girl from Shepard’s wrath if she found out what the creature did. Or that he wanted to protect her from the prying eyes and hands of scientists who would want to dissect her and study her in a lab. He had told himself that was all it was – a natural reflex to protect those who needed protection. That was what he did. That was who he was. A protector. Wasn’t he?

But Ezola didn’t need protection. Not really. She was quite capable of protecting herself.

“I don’t know what I will do without you.” Garrus heard a hushed turian voice nearby, interrupting his thoughts.

“I won’t be gone long,” replied a female turian. “You know I have to go.”

“I know. And I won’t stop you, it’s just awful timing,” said the male counterpart.

“We’re both too useful in our own rites,” the female responded.

“Why do you have to be such a damn good tech?”

“And why do you have to be such a damn good doctor?”

“I will be back as soon as all the communication is up and running fully. You know that Palaven was hit hard. I have to help. I _want_ to help.”

Now Garrus knew who the two turians were and his heart sank. He didn’t remember their names, but their separation was his doing. Now that the relay to Palaven was operational, the first few repair crews were returning to the home planet to restore what tech and communication lines they could to those who had remained to fight the battle there. Not all civilians had been evacuated and not all soldiers had retreated, preferring to stay and possibly die with their families than save themselves and escape to the Citadel. Garrus himself had been given the task of assigning tech and comm experts to the repair teams and clearly this female was on one of those teams.

The pain of their impending separation was one Garrus knew all too well.

“I know. I know. And you _should_ go. It’s just…the war is finally over and I’m still afraid I will lose you again.” Garrus dared peak around the corner to watch the encounter. He saw two young turians standing near each other, eyes intently gazing on the other’s face with a look of earnestness and sadness. “But Palaven needs you, as it did before. And I am needed here to treat those stranded on this blasted human planet. But know this –“ the male turian paused to place his hand on the female turian’s neck, caressing it gently with his fingers. “You are a part of me, and nothing – _nothing_ – that happens will ever change that.”

Garrus shook his head and stopped eavesdropping. It was wrong to intrude, but the couple’s last words were something he needed to hear. He finally realized why he was hiding Ezola from Shepard.

He was ashamed.

He didn’t want to admit to Shepard, to Tali, to Liara, to his father, to anyone who knew him, that he had been unable to protect them or himself. He was embarrassed at his inability to defend himself from the mental onslaught of a foreign mind. Garrus was supposed to be stronger than that – or so he thought. He wasn’t supposed to have weaknesses.

Wasn’t he the reason Shepard said she was who she was? How could that be if he wasn’t tough enough to save himself? Wasn’t he the hero that the savior of the galaxy had worshipped before she even knew his name?

How would Commander Elizabeth Shepard feel about him, knowing that he had been unable to survive on that moon without Ezola’s help? How would she feel if she knew about the night of terror in the cabin and Garrus’s complete inability to guard something so important – his own body, his own mind?

The turians had answered his question for him.

He was an idiot.

The skycar couldn’t fly fast enough to get him home.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Cuddling Livia and stroking her forehead worked miracles for Shepard’s sanity.

Garrus was late. Shepard was worried.

He had gone to work, promising to be home for lunch and in time to put Livy down for a nap. Garrus loved Livy’s naptime and rarely missed it, taking every opportunity to curl up with the little girl that was his daughter and simultaneously the only tie remaining to his beloved sister. Shepard loved naptime too, because it meant that her whole family was together, and she was learning to feel more and more secure in those happy moments when all was finally right.

But Livy was already snoring lightly, her model Normandy clutched in her small hand on the pillow next to her. Silently, Shepard rose and left the girl alone in her room.

Just as she turned to go down the stairs, she heard footsteps in the living room below. There he was – Garrus Vakarian, marching at a quick pace toward her office, oblivious to her standing above him on the balcony.

“Psst!” she whispered as loudly as she could. “I’m up here.”

Garrus stopped dead in his tracks and looked up. “Livy asleep?” he whispered back.

“Just put her down.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard, I…”

Shepard cocked her head slightly to the side. Garrus rarely called her Shepard anymore. Lizzie was the name he was finally comfortable using at home, even occasionally slipping in front of Anderson, Hackett, Coats or other members of the crew when they visited. But Shepard….

Something was wrong.

“We need to talk,” he finally said.

She hated those words. Butterflies invaded her stomach as she nodded and padded quietly down the stairs. Garrus had made no move to come upstairs, so it appeared that the bedroom was not where he intended to tell her…whatever it was he wanted to tell her. She followed him until the office door slid shut behind her, the light turning red after Garrus punched in a command on his omni-tool.

“Garrus?...” she said tentatively.

“Sit, please,” he said, already pacing as he used to in the Main Battery. “I…have something to say, and it’s not easy for me. So please….just sit.”

Shepard complied, her brow furrowed together deeply, her elbows resting on her knees as they so often had when she made rounds on the Normandy.

“I know that Coats has been feeding you reports,” Garrus began, still pacing hurriedly from one side of the room to the other before her, his hands animatedly accentuating his words. “And I will admit to overhearing part of your conversation with him the other night. I heard what you said – that you trust me. That you would wait for me to explain to you what happened on that moon. I can’t tell you what that means to me – that you trust me so completely.”

He finally stopped and faced her. For the first time in years, Shepard couldn’t read his expression. It was…something between pain and anxiousness. Something she didn’t understand.

“I’m ready to tell you now,” he concluded. She said nothing, simply trying to tell him with her eyes that she loved him. It seemed to work as Garrus’s face softened slightly at her gentle look.

“There was…someone else on that moon besides us,” Garrus said. “It was not a completely desolate planet.”

Now that was something Shepard did not expect. Another person on the moon? Why hadn’t anyone else known about this?

“We ran out of food, Tali and I,” Garrus continued. “EDI had found traces of dextro life in random corners of the jungle. I went to investigate – see if I could hunt something down for us to eat. One thing led to another and eventually I found a…creature. I don’t know how else to describe her. She promised to help me in exchange for my silence – and EDI’s.”

_That would explain the scrubbed ship logs_ , Shepard thought, relaxing back into her chair as Garrus resumed his earlier pacing.

“But that’s not all…” he said. Suddenly, he stopped and looked straight at her, his blue eyes unwavering as he spoke. “Lizzie…you know I love you, right? More than I even have words to explain.”

Shepard’s heart leapt in her chest. For some reason, she needed to hear those words in this moment. Something about Garrus’s look and manner worried her. She didn’t know why, but there was more to this and she knew that somehow it made Garrus extremely uncomfortable, which in turn, made her uncomfortable.

She jumped up from her chair and took three quick steps to encircle his neck with her arms.

“Always, Garrus,” she whispered. “And I love you. Do you remember what I said before running to the beam? Before –”

“Of course I do,” he rumbled, cutting her off, his mandibles flaring into the first hint of a smile that she had seen all day. “How could I forget?”

“I meant it _,_ ” she said firmly. “No matter what happens – or happened – I love you. I always will.”

He pulled her close to him then, a sigh escaping his mouth as he dipped his head into the crook of her neck, his breath warming her skin. He didn’t pull away as he continued.

“The creature had a name,” he said. “Ezola. She…loved me, Lizzie. Or at least, she thought she did. Some twisted, sick, naïve version of love.”

Shepard pulled back at that. This was a new twist. Not only had Garrus been stranded for two years on a desolate moon, but an alien creature had fallen in love with him? What did this mean? And why was he telling her?

But all her fears for herself went away when she looked in his face again. She finally knew what emotion was masked in his features.

Fear.

He was afraid. Something about this creature – and his revelation to her – _scared_ him.

And it was something she had never seen in him before.

“She was a creature of immense power,” he continued, his voice wavering slightly. “An odd race – she said her father called her the ‘apex race.’”

That struck a resonant chord with Shepard. _Where have I heard that before?_ , she thought, but Garrus’s next comment quickly stopped her thoughts from going further.

“She…tried to take advantage of me. She had an ability – similar to the asari’s ability to mindmeld, but much, much more…” Garrus took a deep breath before finishing. “She can _control_ organic beings, Lizzie. With her mind. She tried to control me. She failed in the end, but she tried to –“

Shepard knew where he was going with this. The image in her mind all too clear, and simultaneously, her understanding dawned.

She understood completely why Garrus hadn’t wanted to discuss this with her – why he had been so secretive about it.

He felt ashamed. She could hear it in his subvocals, finally feeling what he was trying to tell her, reading it in his face. He had never felt that way before and she longed to comfort him.

So she stopped him with her finger over his mouth before he went any further. Before he had to voice what had been troubling him for so many months.

“Garrus, stop,” she whispered, pulling him closer to her. “You don’t have to say anymore. I understand what you are trying to say. And need I remind you, that if anyone understands the feeling of powerlessness when someone…tries to do something like that to you, it would be me…”

Garrus’s browplates raised in sudden remembrance. He had forgotten, it seemed. He had forgotten a Lizzie Shepard from years and years ago – before he knew her name. A Lizzie Shepard caught by four thugs in an alleyway on the Citadel, frozen with fear at what might happen to her.

But she hadn’t forgotten. And she hadn’t forgotten that the person who had saved her was standing there in her arms now.

Garrus hadn’t had that – no one had saved him. He had been alone with that kind of fear and he had suffered with it for months afterwards. Shepard’s heart ached with a pain she had never felt before – the truest empathy she had ever felt for anyone.

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t there to save you like you were there for me so long ago,” she said softly, pulling his forehead down until it brushed against her own.

Shepard had never seen a turian cry. She wasn’t sure they could cry. Livia didn’t create wet tears that ran down her face, but that didn’t mean it was impossible. Shepard just hadn’t seen it happen. But if the sound that found its way from Garrus’s throat could be described, that is what she would call it. A cry.

It was short and it was quiet, and almost as soon as it happened, it was over.

She wanted nothing more than to continue to heal his wounds, so she cleared her throat and continued. “You’re still my hero, Garrus,” she said. “You have been since the first time I met you and you always will be. And I have proof.”

He opened his eyes to look at her, a quizzical expression on her face.

“I…have some things to tell you about as well,” Shepard said, releasing him and beginning her own frenzied pacing in the office. Now it was Garrus’s turn to watch as she struggled with words to explain her own ordeal.

“I’m sure they explained to you what happened to me when I made it to the beam?” she began. Garrus nodded silently in reply. “And that the Reapers had been fighting for control of my mind for years. They almost won, too. Finding out that was the case was…awful.”

Garrus said nothing, his piercing blue eyes following her as she walked from side to side.

“Did they tell you what happened after I woke up?” she asked. This time, Garrus shook his head. “The hallucinations…they didn’t stop. In fact, for a while, they grew worse. I took pills whenever they appeared and Miranda routinely had to up my dosage. I would see my father, or Ashley, or Mordin…”

She walked back to him, taking both his hands in hers, letting their arms fall loosely between them.

“But think about it, Garrus,” she whispered. “When was the last time you saw me take one of those pills?”

He studied her, unblinking, for several moments. She waited impatiently, breath heavy in her throat, heart thudding against her chest. Hoping he understood what she was trying to tell him.

“I’ve only seen you take a pill once, Lizzie,” he finally said. “The night I came home.”

“Because _you_ , Garrus Vakarian, _you_ and you alone protect me from the visions that crowd my mind in fear and doubt. Once I knew that it was really you standing in front of me, I didn’t need those pills anymore. You _are_ what keeps me safe – whether some horrible creature on a distant planet was able to control you or whatever it was she did – you make my life _real_ and whole. You make _me_ whole.”

Garrus’s mandibles slacked in realization at what she was trying to tell him. Words were not sufficient but he seemed to understand. She didn’t care what had happened on that moon. She didn’t care if Garrus was weaker than _he_ thought he was. He was still the same to her and she loved him unconditionally.

His mouth met hers in a crash and Shepard was grateful that Garrus had thought to lock the door when they came in the office. With a sweep of his arm, he reached behind her and cleared off all the items on her desk with a clatter, lifting her up and putting her on the desk surface in front of him as he fumbled with the hem of her shirt. Tossing it aside, she made quick work of the armor he had worn home from the office, the clasps falling from her fingers in rote memorization from years of removing them.

His hands and tongue searched her skin, seeking out the places that radiated her love for him. His body fell into hers and Shepard gasped when they joined. All the pain, all the anguish, all of it was worth it for moments like this – when together and alone, they were just Lizzie and Garrus.

The rest of the world and its cares could wait.

When both of them came down from the moment of passion, panting in each other’s arms, Garrus gently tucked her loose hair behind her ears and smiled.

“Thank you,” he said worshipfully.

“For what?” she smiled back as she gently traced the markings on his face.

“For loving me. No matter what.”

“Always, Garrus. Always.”


	25. Dream of Me, Never to Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I disappeared for the weekend with the hubster, and each time I checked my email, I had new comments and feedback. Thank you all for the encouragement! I cleared my head and wrote a few more chapters. One to post tonight, so here it is.
> 
> But umm....minor tissue warning? I don't want to get yelled at for not giving it...
> 
> However, the small sad part will not last forever...we are getting closer to this Palaven wedding everyone keeps talking about, accompanied by various fun shenanigans. ;)
> 
> Enjoy! And thank you for reading!

“That’s all you’re going to tell me?”

“That’s all there is to tell.” Shepard stood behind her desk in her home office, hands on her hips. The answer to the mystery of the Normandy’s scrubbed ship logs and Garrus’s miraculous discovery of food on the jungle moon apparently did not satisfy Major Coats.

“I guess…” the Major scratched the back of his neck. “It just seems so far-fetched. Who is this creature? Where did she come from? Are there more like her on that moon?”

“There are a lot of unanswered questions,” Shepard sighed. She had to agree with Coats about some of his concerns. And she had purposely left out parts of the story Garrus relayed to her – for obvious reasons. “But for now, it explains some of the anomalies of the ship and crew since their return.”

Coats stared at her for a few more seconds. His eyes bored into hers, making Shepard feel slightly uncomfortable. Their relationship had been strained since Garrus came home – clearly, Coats meant it when he said things could not be as they were before. He had been better about coming by to play with Livia, who had missed him. He was always polite and civil to Garrus, but Shepard didn’t miss the sideways looks Tavius gave the Major when he came around. It was clear that her father-in-law had said nothing to Garrus on the subject of the Major’s affections. To his credit, Coats never said or did anything that made Shepard feel pressured to be more than what she was – his superior officer and his friend…sort of.

But she could still read his expressions well enough to know what he was thinking. Coats was well aware there was more to the story than Shepard was telling him.

Just before the man opened his mouth again, the door to the office slid open and a familiar smiling figure wandered into the room.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Garrus said as he realized who was visiting. “I didn’t know you were here, Coats. Just let me know when you’re finished, Shepard, and I’ll grab Livy for –“

“No need,” Shepard responded with a shake of her head as she rounded her desk, leaning against it with her arms crossed when she reached the front. “We’re almost finished here.”

“Yes, I’ll just be leaving now,” Coats nodded at Shepard and shook Garrus’s hand on his way to the door, a polite smile on his face.

“Oh, and Coats,” Shepard said as the man reached the doorway. “For now, this is a need-to-know basis only. That means Anderson, Hackett, and my mother. Until you receive further word from me, this goes nowhere. Understood?”

“Of course, Shepard,” Coats inclined his head with a pursed smile. “Thank you for informing me of the situation. Good night, ma’am. Sir.”

And with that, the Major was gone.

“So…” Garrus drawled as he walked further into the room, taking a seat in the chair in front of Shepard. “I’m guessing you told him about…”

“Yeah,” Shepard said, rubbing her temples with closed eyes. “He can tell I left out…you know.”

“I see…”

“He doesn’t like it.”

“Well, I don’t blame him.”

“You don’t seriously think I should tell him everything?”

Shepard opened her eyes to stare at Garrus. He was sitting cross-legged in the chair, looking up at her with a strange expression. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought he was amused.

“Well, obviously not everything….” He finally answered her. After a few more moments of silence, he asked, “How much _did_ you tell him?”

“I told him how you got food,” she began. “I told him that the creature had powerful mental capabilities without going into great detail and that you kept her a secret for your safety and the safety of the crew. I didn’t go much further than that.”

“I see…”

Again the silence.

“Penny for your thoughts,” she finally said, slightly exasperated.

Garrus’s eyebrow plates raised at her and he said, “Human phrase…translate please?”

“What are you thinking right now?” she smirked.

“Ah. Got it. You’re beautiful.”

“Seriously, Garrus, I –“

“Seriously, Lizzie. You’re beautiful.”

She rolled her eyes at him, feigning annoyance, but really enjoying every bit of the look he was giving her. Garrus Vakarian was the only person in the galaxy that could undress her with his eyes and make her feel adored and not cheapened.

“Were you listening to anything I said earlier?” she teased, shifting her weight and uncrossing her arms.

“Of course. What were you saying again?”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“You love it.”

“I do, you bastard.”

She crossed the space between them then and plopped down on Garrus’s lap, relishing the pleased hum that resonated from his chest as she wrapped an arm around his neck. Garrus dropped a hand to her thigh and slowly traced circles on her leg as he looked up into her eyes. She bent down to kiss him gently on the scarred side of his face, the roughness of the scars familiar and comforting. He flicked a brief smile at her when she sat up again.

“You know, I don’t really understand why he’s so upset about all of this,” Garrus said slowly. “We’re home. We made it back alive. Isn’t that enough?”

“For me it is,” Shepard said, tracing her fingers along Garrus’s neck as she spoke. “But I can understand Coats’s feelings of frustration. If my commanding officer kept something from me that I thought was important, I would be upset, too. In fact, I was angry with Anderson once…Nihlus, too, for doing this exact same thing.”

 

_Nihlus found her first. He approached behind her as she went through her locker, deciding which weapons to take._

_“I’m sorry, Shepard,” she heard him start to say behind her. “I tried to tell you the other night. I didn’t mean for you to find out like….”_

_“Shut up. You could have told me a long time ago. So you’re here to evaluate me? Am I a good pet project? Well how do I measure up, huh? Did the sex measure up to your standards too? Am I good enough in bed to sleep my way into the spectres?” Her voice rose as she spun around to face him, but she stopped. His face looked pained._

_“I had no choice. I couldn’t tell you,” he said quietly, his subharmonics uncharacteristically low and sad._

 

Now she was in Nihlus’s position on Eden Prime so long ago – unable to give the full story to her friend in order to protect him and to protect Garrus at the same time.

Garrus seemed to sense the mood change at the mention of Nihlus’s name and wrapped his hands tighter around her waist, coaxing a smile out of her.

“It’s hard to be the one in charge,” he said. “Sometimes you have to make the tough choices to protect others – even if they don’t understand those choices. You’ve always protected other people, Lizzie. Coats understands that. He’ll get over it.”

She nodded and grinned at her turian. “Of course he will. I just hate hurting…” she paused, searching for the right word. “A friend. He was a friend when I had very few left in this place. He was a friend to Solana.”

“I know, Lizzie, I know,” Garrus said, stroking his fingers through her hair. “You don’t have to explain it to me. Just…try not to let the duties of the office…affect you too much. You’re just doing what you have to – as you have always done.”

“Speaking of things that have to be done,” Shepard said with a smile as she stood up, holding out her hands to Garrus and pulling him reluctantly out of his seat. “Are we eating in tonight or taking your father and Livy out?”

“I was thinking…” Garrus said as he pulled her close to him and nuzzled her neck. “We’d take Livy to see Liara and Javik while we go out together.”

“And just where are you taking me tonight, turian?” she smirked at him with one raised eyebrow.

“You see, I have been wracking my brain for the perfect wedding gift for my girl,” he said, placing soft kisses on her forehead as he continued to stroke her hair. “The wedding’s only a few weeks away you know…”

“How could I forget?” Shepard smiled unconsciously at the thought of the holiday they would all be taking to Palaven soon.

“Well, I think I found the perfect group to play the music.” If Garrus could smile any wider, Shepard would have thought that his mandibles were detachable. “I may have arranged for them to play at the restaurant where we are going for dinner, so you can…you know, check them out. Decide if you like them.”

“Garrus Vakarian,” Shepard said, chuckling with contentment. “I’m so glad I nabbed you before the women of the galaxy found out what a romantic you are. So, what type of band is this that you found?”

“Not a ‘band’, per se,” Garrus said, reaching down and grabbing Shepard’s hand as he led her to the door. “But I seem to remember a human woman who liked something called…oh, what was it she said…’old Earth jazz’? I just may have found a –“

“You found a jazz combo for our wedding?” Shepard gasped with excitement.

“Is that what it’s called?” Garrus winked at her.

“No…that’s not the right word for it,” she said as she looped her arm around Garrus’s waist on their way up the stairs to grab Livia. “I think the real word for it is ‘one damn sexy turian who will most definitely get laid tonight.’”

Garrus chuckled next to her. “Oh, I like that name for it.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

It was a long, lonely walk back to the apartment from the skycar. This was something Garrus had to do, and he had asked to do it alone. But it had been harder than he anticipated.

One more week. It was one week until they left for Palaven. One week until Garrus became a “husband” in human terms. Although legally, he was already Shepard’s partner under turian law, Garrus was more than happy to follow through with the human custom of marriage. Turians held ceremonies and celebrations to commemorate partnerships as well, they were just unnecessary. However, most couples did have some sort of gathering and promising rite. This wouldn’t be that different from what he was used to in turian culture

But somehow, it made things seem more real to him.

He hadn’t really had a chance to see the look on Shepard’s face when she found out about his registry request. He hadn’t been there to see her officially accept him under the law. But now he would – now they would stand face to face before their friends and family and make promises in front of witnesses that meant everything to both of them.

He would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he was excited. And nervous. But mostly excited.

But before leaving for Palaven, Tavius had reminded him there was someone who had to come home with them now that the relay to Apien Crest was open for normal traffic.

Solana.

Solana’s body had been cremated in turian fashion after her death – her ashes kept reverently in a special garden for those turians stranded on Earth while the relays were out of commission. For some reason, Garrus had been unable to attend to her remains since the Normandy’s return. It was too painful – thinking about his absence at the birth of his sister’s child and her subsequent death.

Garrus had avoided even thinking of his sister since coming home. It was just too hard.

But he had to think of her now. Tavius had offered to handle this task for him, but Garrus stopped his father, committing himself to it. He had been home for over a year. Livia was three years old. Three years since Solana had left them. Almost four years since he had last seen his sister alive. It was time for Garrus to come to terms with her passing.

So he had traveled to the remembrance garden alone.

He knew that Shepard often came to this garden. She didn’t say anything to him about it, but he knew. He even knew that she had brought Livia here once or twice. They both had decided not to tell Livia that Solana had been her mother for a few more years, waiting until the girl could understand a little better what it was they told her. But that didn’t mean she shouldn’t know who it was that gave her life.

Shepard must have been by recently, because in the vase next to the spot where Garrus knew Solana’s ashes lay was a single, red rose. Garrus could smell it as soon as he neared it. It was a lovely, sweet, soft smell and his heart softened when he thought of the love his partner had for his sister, simultaneously aching that they never had a chance to be a family together – all of them.

He spent a few moments in the quiet of the garden. Passing turians nodded at him, visiting their own family’s remains, leaving flowers, sitting quietly and whispering with those who accompanied him. It was a strange tradition – this human tradition of leaving flowers at graves – but it was one that Garrus had grown to like. He understood wanting to make the place where a person was remembered beautiful, thus allowing the grieving party to reminisce on positive thoughts of the dead. Garrus didn’t want to spend too long alone in this spot – the pain was still too great – but he allowed himself a few moments before doing what he had come to do.

 

_“You promise you will write to me, Garrus?” Solana said, kicking the side of the bed as she sat near him while he packed._

_“I don’t know, Sol. I’m going to be really busy with training,” Garrus replied, sighing at his little sister._

_“I’ll be there in a few years, too! You think we will get assigned to the same unit someday?”_

_“Spirits, I hope not,” he said without thinking, instantly regretting what he said when he saw the sad way his sister’s mandibles pulled tight against her face. She annoyed him to no end, but he hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings. Besides, he was leaving in just a few days. He would never let any of his friends know how much his little sister meant to him. They would laugh him off Palaven, but she would always be precious to him._

_“Look, Sol,” Garrus said, sitting next to his sister and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “I just meant that by the time you go to training, I will probably be already assigned and working. I would sure hope that I’m not still in a basic unit by the time you turn fifteen.”_

_Sol leaned into him and hid her face in his shoulder._

_“I wish you didn’t have to go,” she said._

_“Mom and Dad will bring you to visit me soon – in just a few weeks, actually. And I’ll be home for holidays.”_

_“Just promise me you will write me. You’re my best friend, Garrus.” It was, perhaps, the sweetest thing she had ever said to him. Garrus pulled her tighter against him. In that moment, he wished he didn’t have to go, either._

_He paused before he said softly, “You’re my best friend, too, Sol.”_

Carefully, Garrus picked up the urn that held his sister’s remains and made the trek home. His heart felt heavier than it had felt since being stranded on the moon in the Exodus Cluster. When he finally entered the apartment, most of the lights were off. It was later than he thought, realizing with a twinge of regret that he probably just missed Livia’s bedtime.

He made his way to the bedroom. Bending down carefully, he tucked the urn into the crate they had found to securely transport Solana to Palaven – to bring her home.

Just as he stood up, he heard it. Shepard’s voice, floating to him through the open bedroom door and the hallway. Turning around, he followed the sound to Livia’s room where he leaned against the doorjam with a smile, crossing his arms, his heart warming at the sight before him.

Commander Elizabeth Shepard was lying on Livia’s bed next to their sleeping daughter – Solana’s daughter. She winked at him when she saw him, but didn’t stop slowly stroking Livia’s forehead as she finished a lullaby to the little girl – a lullaby that Garrus knew quite well.

But what Garrus hadn’t expected, was to hear the song in turian.

When she finished singing, Shepard stood up slowly, bending down to place a soft kiss on Livia’s brow and turned to join him at the doorway. Garrus leaned down to allow Shepard easier access to his cheek where she placed a matching kiss. After they both took one last look at the sleeping child, they walked down the hall together, hand in hand, making their way to their own bedroom.

“I knew you remembered that song,” Garrus said when they finally shut the door behind them. “But I didn’t know you knew the words.”

Shepard smiled at him sadly. “After Solana…was gone, I asked your father to teach it to me. Really, your language is quite beautiful. I’d like to learn it someday.”

“Wish I could say the same for yours,” Garrus teased.

“Bosh’tet,” Shepard huffed. “Although…” she continued, walking toward him and cupping his cheek. “To learn the few turian words I did, I had to turn my translator off. And your father never told me what it means.”

Garrus leaned into Shepard’s touch and purred, grasping her small hand with his own. Quietly, he sang the words to her, not a little self-consciously, and let his translator run.

“ _Have no care, precious one,_

_The day is over, troubles gone,_

_Rest your head against my heart,_

_Dream of me, never to part.”_

When he finished, Shepard leaned into him, her blond head tucked just underneath his chin.

“She will always have us,” he heard Lizzie whisper against his chest. Garrus pulled her tighter to him.

“Yes, she will,” he said, stroking her hair and tilting his head to place a kiss on top of hers. “Her mother couldn’t have chosen a better person to take her place.”


	26. The Cycle of Bachelor Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some raunchy humor for your Friday evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even betas have to take a vacation, but now that Nancy's back, I have some updates to finish editing and post.
> 
> Here's the first. Thanks for reading!

“The groom-to-be has to take the first shot!”

Vega approached Garrus with a glass of…something. Garrus wasn’t sure what it was and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“You know, Jimmy,” Garrus drawled as he took the glass and leaned back against his seat in the alcove of Purgatory. “Under turian law, I’m already married, as you call it.”

“Doesn’t count!” Vega shouted over the din. “Especially since you haven’t had a chance to celebrate with all of us.”

Garrus grinned, enjoying the moment and surveying the group surrounding him. He couldn’t think of any other time in his life that he had simply cut loose with a group of guys he could truly call friends. Sure, there had been fellow soldiers and officers during his stint in the military. Of course he had gone out with colleagues in C-Sec. But his relationships with those associates didn’t even came close to the camaraderie he felt with the group of men who had dragged him to the bar tonight.

Cortez had organized their ragtag bunch of Normandy men together to celebrate his upcoming nuptials. Vega, Joker, Adams, Donnelly, Massani, Taylor, Wrex, and Grunt had all made an appearance this evening. Cortez had even managed to drag Alenko, although the Major’s presence was much more pleasant now that he had a new relationship of his own. And somehow, someone had convinced Javik to join them on this night of human ritualistic drunken debauchery. In the morning, they all left for Palaven, but tonight, they were just a group of guys celebrating the doom and gloom of what Donnelly had called “ye ole ball and chain.”

But these men were more than just his friends and teammates. They were his brothers – those who had fought and almost died with him on more than one occasion. And if there was a group of people that Garrus would choose to celebrate his marriage to Commander Elizabeth Shepard with, it would most definitely be those who were sitting with him now in their own corner of Purgatory.

“You gonna drink it, pendejo, or stare at it all night?” Vega asked. With a grimace, Garrus downed the glass in one gulp, wiping his mouth after he put the glass back on the table in front of him.

“So is that all that we do at these human things? Get drunk?” he said, after all the other men around the table had made faces while swallowing their own drinks. “What’s this called again?”

“A bachelor party!” Joker said. “You can’t make me believe that turians don’t do something similar before they tie the knot.”

“Believe it,” Garrus said. “What you call marriage is much more…political…in many cases than the human version. Not always, but much of the time.”

“Well, don’t worry, Big Guy,” Joker laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “We’ve got all the bells and whistles lined up for you tonight. Vega!” The pilot turned to face the hulking marine. “When do the strippers get here?”

“Strippers?” Garrus’s eyebrow plates rose. He wasn’t sure how Shepard would feel about him being at a party with strippers.

“Yeah, we even hired a turian one, just for you,” Donnelly quipped.

“Like hell we did!” Massani piped up. “I told them that was a bloody idiotic idea. You’re fuckin’ a human woman, Vakarian, so you get human strippers. And the rest of us get to enjoy this goddamn party.”

“Speak for yourself,” Wrex shouted over the noise. “I’m not interested in human or turian strippers.”

“And the rest of us are _really_ not interested in krogan strippers, Wrex,” Alenko said with a slightly disgusted expression.

“I am!” Grunt replied quickly. Most of the men just ignored the eager young krogan as Cortez continued, “Well, some of us aren’t interested in female strippers of any variety, but this night is about Garrus and Shepard. But mostly Garrus.”

“Here here!” Donnelly jumped up on the table and raised his own glass. “I propose a toast!”

A chorus of shouts surrounding the table rose in agreement. Ken smiled and continued as he turned to face Garrus.

“To the best turian I’ve ever known, although I haven’t known many!” The group of friends chuckled lightly while Donnelly continued. “To the best XO the Normandy has ever seen, excluding our illustrious Commander herself.”

“Hey, Miranda’s ass puts her in a close second there!” Joker said.

“Watch it,” Jacob warned, but Joker just waved him off.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Joker replied. Taylor just smiled and said, turning to the group, “Well…maybe I do.”

Another uproar broke out around the table. Even Garrus found himself huffing at the banter between the two men.

“Shut up, you half-wits!” Donnelly said sharply. “I’m trying to give a toast here!”

“Then just do it, Ken!” Vega shouted. “Either finish the toast or give us a dance if you’re gonna stand on the table.”

“I’m getting there. Impatient sons of bitches…” Ken trailed off before turning back to Garrus and smiling. “And to the man who has done what everyone with a pulse has only fantasized about – bedded the fucking savior of the galaxy!”

Just before Donnelly swung his glass to his lips, Adams smacked his forehead with his hand and groaned, “Geesh, Donnelly…’bedded’? Who says that?!”

“What would you prefer I said?” Kenneth asked. “Is it better to say that we’ve all only dreamt about fucking Commander Shepard?”

“Yes,” Zaeed answered. “It is. And I’ll drink to that.”

“You’re not serious,” Garrus laughed. “I mean, obviously I think she’s breathtaking, but all of you, uh…have…”

“Raise your glass if you’ve thought about fucking the Commander!” Joker interrupted. Adams cringed, but to Garrus’s ultimate surprise, every single person surrounding the table raised his glass. Regardless of race or sexual preference, all glasses were in the air as Joker continued, “And drink in toast to Garrus – the hero of all those with a pulse!”

Another chorus of “here heres” was heard before all the men downed their glasses and sat back with amused faces at Garrus’s astonished expression.

“Should I be rising to put you all in your place or something?” Garrus said, still dumbfounded. “I’m not sure about the protocol.”

“You shouldn’t be surprised, Vakarian,” Massani said nearby. “We’ve all got a bit of hero worship for your girl. But she is definitely yours, through and through.”

“What did I miss?” said a new voice that had entered the club. Cortez rose from his seat and grasped Major Coats by the shoulder.

“Glad you could make it, friend,” Cortez said with his usual friendly smile. “We were just toasting the groom-to-be and his conquest.”

“Conquest?” Coats asked with a smile as he took a seat next to Adams.

“Joker and Donnelly thought it would be a good idea to embarrass us all in front of the Commander’s turian fiancé,” Adams explained. “By bringing our deepest, darkest secrets to life on the eve of his journey to Palaven to marry Shepard.”

“Deepest, darkest secrets, huh?” Coats said with a sly grin. “I’m sure I’ve got some of those, but what was the secret here?”

“Here’s a glass, Coats!” Vega walked toward the Major with a freshly poured drink. “Drink if you ever wanted to fuck the Commander.”

“Shit, I’ll drink to that,” Coats said, giving Garrus an odd look over his glass as he tipped it to him before leaning back and downing the harsh beverage. The group erupted into laughter again, but as he put down his empty glass, Coats turned to Cortez and said, “Even you, Cortez? I thought…”

Cortez just smiled as he sidled up next to Alenko again. “Well, yeah, but even I can’t help a bit of admiration for a beautiful face with an attractive body attached.”

“I feel like I should stop this conversation,” Garrus said, shifting in his seat. “Is this a typical topic at a…’bachelor party’? Commenting on the attractiveness of the groom-to-be’s fiancée?”

“No topic is off limits,” Joker said.

“No topic is off limits for you at any time, Joker,” Garrus mocked. “But if that’s the case, then we can turn this around a bit.”

“What do you mean?” Jacob asked.

“I’m not the only one getting married soon,” Garrus said. “Rumor is there’s a prothean-asari bondmate ceremony not long after mine.”

“That’s right!” Joker said. “Another round!” Vega quickly jumped to his feet to pour everyone a new glass as Joker continued, “Raise your glass if you’ve thought about being in close quarters with the good asari doctor!”

Javik did not look amused when every glass was raised and every drop downed. Even Garrus raised his glass – he couldn’t deny he'd _thought_ about it.

“In my cycle, we did not have a need for such…frivolities as this,” Javik said, but there was a hint of a smile in his voice. His displeased mien was all for show.

“Well, welcome to the Cycle of Bachelor Parties, Prothy,” Joker said. “Dammit, Vega! Where are the strippers!”

Garrus just sat back and smiled as the friends surrounding him continued to laugh and joke, teasing each other about one thing or another. He did notice a few sad glances from Alenko and a couple more odd tips of a glass in his direction from Coats, but he didn’t think much of it. Alenko and Coats had both been in difficult situations – one had been in love with the Commander and one of them knew that Garrus was holding back information and that Shepard was protecting him. But tonight was not the night to worry about those old issues. Tonight was a night to relax and enjoy the friends he had earned.

None of the conversation had anything to do with Reapers, or Collectors, or Cerberus or the safety and security of the galaxy. It was… _fun_ …to be surrounded by his friends, forged in the heat of battle, and talk about nothing more than the things men talked about. It was shallow and perhaps quite stupid, but it was nice to not have a care in the world. It was what they had all fought so long and hard for – the chance to just be people without having to fight for survival.

And tomorrow, the wedding party would leave for Palaven.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“Here’s to Shepard being able to get a piece of turian dick whenever she wants!”

“Fuck, Jack, you don’t have to put it like that!” But Shepard laughed. It was relaxing to have her friends around her – all of them happy for her and celebrating the events to come. The wedding was still two weeks away, but the trip to Garrus’s home planet was scheduled for the morning. The whole family was packed and ready to go, but tonight, Garrus had been taken out by the guys and Shepard was being treated by the girls. Oddly enough, Jack had been the impetus behind this celebration for Shepard.

“A bridal shower?” Jack had said when she heard Tali and Traynor plotting a few weeks earlier within Shepard’s earshot. “Who the fuck wants to go to one of those? Let’s get shit-faced instead.”

And they had all agreed.

“But you know, Jack,” Shepard said after she drowned her drink in toast to herself. “I already _can_ get it whenever I want.”

“I do _not_ want to know all the places you and Garrus polluted on the ship,” Jack replied with a smile, sitting down next to Miranda on Liara’s couch. “Or wait…maybe I do.”

“I don’t. Thank you!” Chakwas said as she downed another glass and smiled.

“Aw, come on, doc,” Jack said. “Don’t try and tell me you weren’t a wild one in your day.”

“My day’s not over, Jack,” the older woman said with a mischievous grin.

“So, how are all the plans coming together, Shepard?” Liara said with a smile as she returned from the kitchen, clearly trying to change the subject. Since the men had claimed Purgatory as their haunt for the evening, Liara had offered her apartment as a suitable place for the matching girls’ celebration, and Shepard had loved the idea. The attention she would get at a bar with her entire female posse from the Normandy was not something she relished for this get together. Liara’s apartment suited her just fine.

“Pretty well, I think,” Shepard said with a smile. “The dress you gave me is tailored and fits beautifully. The food is ordered. The music is set. The hardest part is decorating…I have no idea what Garrus’s family estate looks like and he won’t tell me until we get there, so I’ll have to worry about that once I see it.”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Shepard,” Tali said next to her. “We’re already taking care of it.”

“You’re what?” Shepard asked.

“The last thing you need to worry about is decorations,” Sam said with a grin. “We’ve arranged all of that already for you. Call it…part of our wedding present to you.”

“Well, thanks, everyone,” Shepard smiled.

“When did you become such a pussy, Shep?” Jack said with a grunt as she rose to pour herself another drink. “Caring about decorations and shit.”

“Well, if it was up to Shepard,” Miranda grinned, “the place would be donned with model ships. She’d probably even set up that ugly husk head to scare people. We’re doing everyone a favor.”

“Yeah…you’re probably right,” Shepard laughed. “I hate that husk head, though.”

“Then why did you keep it in your cabin?” Tali asked.

Shepard just shrugged. “It seemed an appropriate trophy.”

“I have to admit, that thing scared the crap out of me,” Gabby said with a shake of her head.

“Crap?” Jack huffed. “The word is ‘shit’, Daniels.”

“Just because your kids aren’t around,” Gabby said, “Doesn’t mean you have to go overboard with the language, Jack. You don’t have to make up for years of repression.”

“Fuck yes, I do.” Everyone laughed and Shepard just leaned back, enjoying the moment. This was what life was like. Good friends. Good food. Good drinks. Absolutely pointless conversation. Garrus safe and Livia tucked in bed at home.

This was what it had all been about. This was what the fight was for.

And when this celebration was over, the best part of Life After Reapers was that she would go home and get some of that turian –

“Earth to Shep,” Jack said. “We lost you over there.”

“Sorry,” she shook her head in reply. “I was just…enjoying the moment.”

“Well, the party’s just getting started.” Shepard wasn’t sure she liked the look on Jack’s face as the tattoed woman headed to the kitchen.

“Time for cake.” Jack’s voice was low and ominous.

“Shit…I’m not going to like this, am I?” Shepard chuckled.

“I just want you to know, Shepard,” Liara said. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“You’re a bosh’tet, Liara!” Tali said. “We all approved. Don’t believe her, Shepard. She had just as much a hand in this as the rest of us.”

“I really don’t like the sound of this…”

Jack rounded the corner with a box in hand. Carefully, she placed the large container on the coffee table in front of Shepard’s seat.

“You have to open it, Shepard,” Jack said. Shepard couldn’t help but notice that all of her friends were turning on their omni-tools, ready to snap a picture. She had an idea of what was in the box in front of her, but she couldn’t believe –

“Just get it over with, Shepard,” Chakwas grinned. “It will all be over soon and we can…eat the cake.”

She took another minute to commit this moment to memory – the way it felt to be happy, content, relaxed. The way it felt to know that Garrus was safe and would be hers forever very soon. The way it felt to be surrounded by people she loved, not just because they had fought together, but because they had been willing to die together. And in the end, they had come out alive. Together.

These were her friends. These were her sisters.

But the eager looks on their faces were enough to force her out of her reverie. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed both sides of the box. Cringing as she did so, she raised the box top and tossed it to the side.

She felt herself flinch when she saw just what she had expected.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed as she took in the image of the cake in the shape of a –

“Did we get the color right? It is blue, isn’t it, Shepard?” Jack laughed as all the women surrounding her snapped a quick picture, her reaction now permanently recorded.

“Who’s gonna cut this thing?” Shepard asked, pointing at the cake as she leaned away from it.

“Why, you are, of course,” Traynor handed her a knife. “You’re the one who knows…the way to handle it.”

“Oh, that was just horrible,” Shepard chided as she gripped the knife with her hand. “You will all pay for this,” she said as she pointed the knife at each of them in turn.

“Totally worth it, Shepard,” Jack said, crossing her arms. “Totally worth it.”

And Shepard had to admit – it totally was.


	27. She Loves Me More than You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus takes Shepard home and has some alone time with the little one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff continues!

The scene was straight from a dream. Her entire life had finally come full circle.

Through the thick visor of her enviro-suit, Shepard took in the view from a spot where she had stood so many years ago. It felt like a lifetime ago now. The day she had met Nihlus Kryik on Palaven.

She remembered what it looked like to stand here in the capital city of Cipritine six years ago. She remembered overlooking the city from this exact position on her first trip to Palaven with Anderson. The city was definitely different now. The Reaper attack had not been kind, but the turians had repaired much of the capital to its former glory. It was a stunning view with the bright Palaven sun shining down on the silvery city.

And off in the distance, was Garrus’s childhood home.

All those years ago, she remembered keeping an eye out for the turian-with-no-name who had saved her on the Citadel. She chuckled to herself as she remembered being here, and if she had only known where to look, she would have seen the home where he was raised. On the edge of the visible horizon stood a house that looked like no more than a spec on the top of a hill, but Shepard knew that up close, it would be massive.

“What’s funny?” Garrus said next to her, his mandibles flaring as she looked up at him through her suit. He seemed happier than she had seen him in a long time. Her turian fiancé didn’t need an enviro-suit, and the bright shade of the Palaven sun made him appear taller, more relaxed, and…finally at home.

“Oh, nothing,” she said, turning back to the view. “Just…remembering.”

“And what might you be remembering?” he asked, gripping her gloved hand in his unprotected one, their roles oddly reversed.

“A much younger Commander Shepard,” she smiled. “Who simply didn’t know which direction to look to find you.”

Garrus hummed in amusement. “Yes, well, you found me eventually, and that’s home.” He pointed to the house that could barely be seen beyond the city.

“You sure you’re ready for me to get this peek into your privileged upbringing?” she turned and winked at him. Garrus coughed uncomfortably as he led her to the skycar in front of them.

“Not really,” he said gruffly. “Not if you put it like that.”

“Don’t worry, Vakarian,” Shepard laughed. “I’ll only tease you as much as you deserve.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

They rode in relative silence through the city. Garrus occasionally pointed out landmarks and Shepard grinned and spun to look at them in turn. For some reason, he seemed as nervous as she felt about this whole ordeal.

And when they finally pulled up in front of the place Garrus called home, she knew why. When she stepped out of the skycar, she almost had to lean back to get a full glimpse of the mansion before her.

“You didn’t tell me you were fucking royalty, Garrus,” she said breathlessly.

Garrus frowned as he took her hand, leading her to the steps that led into the massive abode.

“Not royalty, Lizzie,” he said. “It’s a meritocracy. Even with high-ranking parents, we still have to prove we earn the ranks ourselves when we come of age. My family has been…very good at maintaining their individual ranks for generations.”

“And what kind of fucking meritorious things did your family do to get all this?” she gestured at the giant balustrades and pillars that flanked the front entrance.

“Years and years of good deeds,” Garrus said through gritted teeth. She could tell he was not happy with her reaction. Even though she meant to be flattering, her turian was not taking it that way. So to reassure him, just as they entered the front doors, she turned to him and pulled him to her, ignoring the confines of the enviro-suit as she wrapped her gloved hands around his waist.

“Garrus Vakarian, I truly believe that your family earned this. You are one of the most honorable men I’ve ever known. You had to have come from a family just as honorable. Now stop feeling so self-conscious and enjoy the fact that I’m fucking impressed.”

He seemed to relax at that and reached behind her helmet to release its seals.

“You’re safe to walk around without the suit on in here,” he said, smiling down at her and briefly pressing his forehead to hers. “Let’st just say that my family is often accustomed to having visitors of other races in our home – not usually human, but still not suited to our harsh environment. That’s why the house is a perfect place for the wedding – it’s set up to shield those inside from the radiation.”

“Is there a place I can change?” Shepard asked, trying very hard not to gawk at the huge empty space and vaulted ceiling of the hall she had entered.

“Yes, just a minute,” he said while spinning his head around as if looking for something.

“Young Master Vakarian!” called a new voice from an adjoining hall. Shepard spun to see a bare-faced turian with chocolate colored plates running towards them – a little smaller in stature, but his mandibles were flared in a wide grin. “We were not expecting you quite yet. It has been such a long time. Welcome home, sir!”

“Thank you, Quintus,” Garrus replied with his own smile, taking the other turian by the hand. “It’s good to be back. This is Councilor Elizabeth Shepard, my partner and bride-to-be. Can you call Sefina and let her know to make the Councilor feel at home in the rooms I asked to be prepared for her…uh, for us?”

“Of course!” Quintus replied, turning to Shepard. “It is wonderful to meet you, Councilor. Welcome to our home. Sefina is my partner and she has been preparing for your arrival since Garrus’s father and your charming Livia arrived a few days ago. All your clothing and amenities arrived earlier and she is unpacking them for you. She should be down any minute.” Turning back to Garrus, the bare-faced turian said, “Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“Speaking of my father and daughter, can you tell me where they are?” Garrus asked. Shepard and Garrus had both had a few last minute items of business to wrap up before leaving the Citadel, so they had sent Livia along with Tavius to get situated early. Livia had been more than excited for an adventure in a starship with her grandpa and Tavius had been just as excited for the alone time with his granddaughter.

“May I just say that little Livia is a tribute to your family. She is purely a delight. She is in the nursery with Kyleen and your father is already set up in his office.”

“I expected as much. Thank you, Quintus, and it is very good to see you.”

“The same to you, sir. The staff is all very excited for your arrival and the upcoming ceremony. If you’ll excuse me.”

And with that, Quintus was gone. Shepard turned to Garrus with an amused grin.

“You even have _servants_? Talk about spoiled…” she teased.

“They’re not servants,” Garrus said, crossing his arms. “They are paid help. They receive compensation for their work. It is a _job_. They are free to come and go as they please. It takes many people to run a house this size. There are antiques and artifacts stored in a home with a family as old as mine and –“

Shepard stopped Garrus with a kiss. He sighed and leaned into her as she pulled back to look at him.

“I’m just teasing, Garrus,” she said. “You don’t have to be so nervous. Clearly, your father didn’t allow you to be spoiled even if you grew up like this…” She motioned again to the spacious room around them.

“Well, no,” Garrus said. “My father always made us work alongside the workers. I may have grown up with a beautiful home and a warm bed, but my parents always reminded Solana and me that we did not earn these on our own. Generations of my family worked hard for what we have and we owed it to our name and to our race to do the same.”

“And you have more than repaid that debt,” Shepard said. She lightly cupped his scarred cheek with her hand, but she couldn’t help getting one more taunt in. “Even if you did have a nanny.”

Garrus was about to reply, but at that moment, a female turian came running down the spiral stairs at the end of the entrance hall. Shepard had never seen a bare-faced female turian before, but this one’s tan colored mandibles broke into a smile as soon as her eyes settled on Garrus.

“Young Master Vakarian,” she exclaimed. “I’m sorry to be late. I’m a little unfamiliar with human garments and had some trouble laying them out and getting them prepared.”

Garrus turned to smile at the new addition to their company.

“Sefina,” he said warmly. “This is my partner, Councilor Elizabeth Shepard. Could you please show her where we will be staying?”

“Of course, sir. And may I tell you how wonderful it is to see you home again!” Sefina’s voice cooed warmly.

“It is wonderful to be home. And equally wonderful to find our home and both you and your partner safe after everything that happened,” Garrus replied.

“Oh, it was worrisome. No doubt about it. But when the Reapers hit, your father and sister had made very careful preparations for us. We evacuated, but packed up the house as well as we could. Luckily, I don’t think the Reapers paid it much mind since it was so far from the rest of the city. There was some minor damage to some of the exterior walls from the smoke, but the inside of the house was surprisingly untouched,” Sefina stopped rambling and turned to look at Shepard. “But I’m being rude. Welcome to our home, Councilor. It is truly an honor to have the hero of the galaxy here. Little Garrus is the luckiest turian in the galaxy, I dare say. I’ve seen you on the news vids, but you are _much_ more striking and beautiful in person.”

Shepard couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her throat at the way this elderly woman called her strong, muscular turian “little Garrus.” Garrus just huffed and rolled his eyes at her, daring her to say something in front of the woman.

“Thank you, Sefina,” Shepard finally said. “It’s an honor to be here.”

“Come along then!” Sefina said, taking Shepard by the hand and leading her to the stairs she had just come down. “We’ll get you all fixed up and then Master Garrus can show you where the ceremony will be held.”

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at Garrus who nodded to her.

“Go ahead,” he said. “I’m going to find my father and check on Livia. Sefina, when Councilor Shepard is finished with…whatever you ladies are going to do…please bring her to the garden room.”

“The garden room?” Shepard asked.

“It’s as close to an outdoor wedding as we can get here on Palaven,” Garrus explained over his shoulder as he walked toward a hallway to the right, his mind clearly already on business matters, on his way to find his father. “What with all the non-turian guests and the non-turian bride. Trust me. You’ll like it.”

Shepard followed Sefina up the stairs and down a long, wide hall.

“You will just love this room,” Sefina said. “You and little Garrus have a view of the entire city from here.”

And Shepard had to admit, the woman was right. When Sefina opened the door to the room that she and Garrus would be sharing for their stay on Palaven, the sight almost took her breath away. The bedroom was large, with a giant bed – big enough for four grown turians. But what really made her gasp was the view from the large picture window that spanned almost the full length of the opposite wall – and from it, the shining city of Cipritine shimmered and sparkled below.

“I really don’t know much about human clothing,” Sefina said, twisting her hands together nervously. “But I placed all of your things in the closet to the left of the bed.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Shepard said, shaking her head to focus on the kind lady near her. “I’m sure everything is fine. Thank you so much for your help.”

Sefina nodded as she ducked out of the room. “If you need anything, just press the button near your bed, on the table right there. My quarters are not far, and may I say again that it’s an honor to meet you and have you here, Councilor.”

“The honor is all mine,” Shepard said. “Believe me.”

When she was finally alone, she found all her clothes pristinely hung in the closet. She had packed more of an array of clothing than she usually wore, but the next few weeks were full of festivities and get-togethers – not war meetings and ground missions. She was simply glad that she could still fit into most of her more feminine outfits even after more than three years off of active mission duty.

In the end, she chose a strapless, light green summer dress – one she wasn’t even sure she had ever worn, but it drew out the color of her bright green eyes and made the pink of her cheeks positively glow. She could tell by the look on Sefina’s face when she emerged from the room that she had chosen well. Even a female turian with little human experience could tell that it was a more than flattering choice of outfit.

“Young Master Vakarian is very special to us,” Sefina explained as they descended the long, winding stairs again. “His mother…loved him very much. Their bond was something special. She would be so pleased to have you here, I just know she would.”

The elderly woman continued to babble on as she led Shepard, finally, to a large set of double doors that Shepard could only guess was somewhere near the middle of the mansion.

“I believe little Garrus wants to show you himself,” Sefina said when they reached the doors. “I will let him know you are here.”

And then she was alone again. But she didn’t have to wait long until she heard a familiar dual-toned voice behind her.

“Spirits, you are ravishing.”

Shepard spun quickly to see Garrus approaching from down the hall.

“We’re only here for an hour and you already talk like a rich person,” she quipped.

Garrus just groaned as he wrapped an arm around her and placed a brief kiss on her forehead. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

“Probably not,” she said, leaning into him. “And you know everyone else will give you shit when they arrive. Especially Wrex…”

“Don’t remind me... But on another subject…” he said as he moved toward the double doors. “I did a lot of…research…about human weddings.” Shepard chuckled at Garrus’s mention of “research” and he gave her a knowing smirk. “Laugh all you want, but it’s paid off so far.”

“Do you hear me complaining?” Shepard said.

“Good point,” Garrus nodded. “We never really talked about it, but I hear that flowers and outdoor weddings are big with humans. I know we can’t really do that on Palaven, but luckily, my home may provide a solution. Let me know what you think.”

With a strong push, he opened the double doors and let Shepard step through. What she saw took her breath away even more than the view she would have from her bedroom for the next few weeks. When Garrus called this the “garden room,” he meant it. Flowers, trees, and bushes she had never seen before surrounded her. Pebbled walkways led into the center of the room that filled with light from Palaven’s sun. She looked up to find a large dome over their heads, apparently protecting them from the harsh radiation of the atmosphere while still allowing the wide variety of flora to flourish.

She walked slowly down the walkway, taking in the scent of all the different flowers around her. The walkway eventually branched out to a larger open area and at the end of the room was a tall fountain. She closed her eyes, relishing the scents and the sound of running water that filled the air in the warm sunlight, protected from the harshness of its rays by the magnificent crystalline cut dome above her.

“So…how did I do?” Garrus said as he crept up behind her.

“This will be perfect,” she said as she spun around and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“My parents,” Garrus said, still a bit of nervousness to his tone as he pulled her close to him, “had their own partnership ceremony here. So, Councilor Shepard, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife in the human tradition in this same spot?”

Shepard grinned unabashedly as she replied, “Saying yes to any variation of that question never gets old.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“What’s the city called again, Papa?”

Garrus was grateful they had finally reached the top of the hill near the house. He had promised to take Livia out to see the sites as soon as he arrived, and he was ashamed to admit that he felt a little older as he chased after her young, energetic form on their hike.

_I’m just not used to the altitude anymore_ , he tried to convince himself as he plopped down on the ground next to his daughter, who was busy picking flowers and bouncing around him. _Oh to be young again._

“Cipritine, sweetheart,” he said, pulling her in between his propped up legs and tickling her to get her attention. She writhed and giggled in his arms and Garrus’s heart completely melted.

“Cipritey. And you grew up here? In Cipritey? This is part of Palaland, right?” she asked, eyes wide when he finally let her go and she turned to look over the city again.

“Yes, dear, this is a city on Palaven. It’s where our family comes from. Well, part of our family. Do you like it?”

Livia just nodded as she looked out over the city. “It’s shiny and pretty.”

Garrus could tell she wanted to say more, but something was stopping his tiny daughter from continuing. He was not prepared for what she said next.

“Papa, Mama’s different from us, isn’t she?”

He and Shepard had discussed how they would handle the issue of their cross-species relationship when Livia was older, but the girl had Solana’s smarts. It was only natural that she would eventually notice the differences between her father and mother and ultimately ask why Shepard looked different from everyone else in her immediate family.

But this conversation was not expected yet. Or planned. Garrus could only hope he didn’t botch whatever he said without Shepard around to help him explain.

“Yes, she is, but she loves you just as much as I do,” he finally said.

“But she’s not from Palala – Pala _ven_ , is she?”

_Spirits, Solana, why does she have to be so smart?_ He thought with a smirk.

“No, your mama is from Earth. We’ve been there lots of times. Remember?”

“It’s the planet near the Citydel, right?”

“Very good, Livy. That’s right.”

“But you love Mama? Even though she’s not from Pala – _ven_?”

“Of course I do. I love her very much. That’s why we came here – so your mama and I can make promises to each other that will keep us together as a family forever.”

“Since I look like you, will I get those things on my face when I’m older?”

“Actually, yes,” Garrus replied as his daughter spun to trace the markings on his face. “When you are older, you can have these markings. And someday, if you find someone who loves you as much as I love Mama, then you can choose to make your markings look like his or he can choose to make his markings look like yours.”

“Will Mama get markings?”

“No. The dye we use is too harsh for your mama’s skin. It’s different remember?”

“Yes. It’s a different color and it feels different from you and me.”

“That’s right. But even though she’s different, we love her just the same.”

“Mama’s pretty,” Livia said with a bright smile as she curled up in Garrus’s lap with a bundle of flowers in her hand. “And she smells nice. And she’s soft and holds me when I’m sad and when I have bad dreams. I love her, too. But I think she loves me more than you, Papa.”

Garrus threw his head back and laughed and Livy laughed along with him, not quite understanding why what she said was so funny.

“You might be right, Livia,” he replied as he stood up and gripped Livy’s hand, leading her back down the hill. “But no matter who loves the other one more, always remember that your mother and I love you very, very much, ok?”

“I know, Papa,” Livy said as she skipped next to him down the hill. “I love you, too.”


	28. Not Just a Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding! A wedding! We're going to have a wedding!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!!!!!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCEVTcL1bJ0)
> 
> Also, on further reflection, I thought I might put a mild tissue warning here. If you are a happy cryer or cry at weddings like me, you might want a tissue. Just sayin'....

He wasn’t sure why he was nervous, but for the first time in his life, Garrus understood the human phrase, “knocking knees.” He had been less nervous when Shepard led them on suicide missions than he was right now, surrounded by people who loved him in the garden room of his family’s home.

Perhaps it was the foreign nature of the celebration. The ceremony was different from a turian partnership rite, but Garrus had let Shepard plan things the way she wanted them. Once the decorations were set by her friends and the chairs were arranged in the garden room, there was nothing left to do but practice for the big day.

And today _was_ the big day.

Garrus stood near the fountain at the end of the garden room, flanked by those he trusted most.

Joker, who had worried about and cared for the Commander almost as much as Garrus did – in his own way. The two men had spent countless hours in the Normandy’s cockpit or other places on the ship, simply worrying about their leader…for different reasons.

And Wrex – his unlikely friend who had been there for the couple since the beginning, recognizing that his human commander and turian crewmate were more than just soldier and officer long before anyone else did.

He almost chuckled as he stood in front of the wedding party. If someone had told him ten years ago that he would be “marrying” a human in his family’s garden room surrounded by krogan, humans, asari, drell, quarians, and even a prothean, he would have thought they’d been into the red sand. But this was his reality as he looked over the crowd of friends and family who had gathered to share this day with them.

He didn’t have to wait long before the double doors opened. The entire room stood on their feet and spun around to see the procession. At the front of the line was his darling Livia, doing her duty with a basket of flower petals, and of course, she was skipping and singing to herself as she went. Behind her was Tali, adorned in the most formal suit she could find – appropriately blue in color – and followed by a grinning Liara. His quarian and asari friends ushered Livia to her appropriate position as they waited with baited breath for the woman they had all come to see.

The nervousness in Garrus’s stomach disappeared as soon as he saw her at the end of the walkway. Councilor Shepard, Hero of the Galaxy, accompanied by Admiral David Anderson, walked through the double doors with the brightest smile Garrus had ever seen on her face.

There were no words to describe how she looked. Garrus had no coherent thoughts when he met her eyes down the path. The dress Liara had donated for the day was absolutely stunning, matched with sparkling sapphire jewelry across her neck and in her ears. Her golden locks were curled neatly and pulled to one side.

It was a moment where he knew that even if those of other races didn’t understand what Garrus saw in this squishy human woman, they could hardly miss it now.

Anderson gave Shepard a gentle pat on her hand as he released his charge to Garrus’s grasp. Her bright green eyes shone at him and Garrus found it almost impossible to tear his gaze away from her. Ultimately, it was Hackett’s voice in front of him that broke his stare, but only briefly.

He heard the Admiral tell the audience to sit. He knew that words were said. They registered somewhere deep in his mind. He heard them with his right ear as he stared down at the human woman in front of him, the smile unwavering from her face. Garrus could feel his hands shaking as he held her hands in his own, but with a twinkle in her eye, Shepard simply gripped his hands tighter, calming him with her soft but strong touch.

It was a very good thing that they were having a video made. Garrus wanted to be able to relive this day over and over again, but he could tell that it would all be a blur in his memory very soon. He heard himself respond to the questions Hackett posed to him. He watched and listened as his Lizzie responded to her own questions, but if you asked him what was said at his wedding, Garrus couldn’t tell you. The woman in front of him drowned out all his other senses.

He understood now why humans made such a big fuss over this ceremony. The feelings in his heart were overwhelming.

The crowd finally cheered when it was all over. Then came the one part of the ceremony that _did_ register in Garrus’s ears.

“You may now kiss the bride,” Hackett said with a smile as he stepped back.

Without another word, Garrus gripped Lizzie Shepard in his arms and dipped her as he had so many times before, but this time as his turian partner and human wife.

As always, the kiss left him aching for more, but he was conscious of the crowd surrounding them, their happy cries close in his ears.

But what finally broke Garrus away from the grip of his new wife’s hands around his neck was the feeling of a tiny, three-fingered hand on the back of his leg. Livia had run from her spot next to Tali and crashed into the legs of her parents, her right arm curling around his leg and her left curling around Shepard’s.

He heard Shepard laugh at the sudden contact and released her from his grasp so she could bend down to hug her daughter. With careful positioning, so that Livia’s budding spurs didn’t catch on Shepard’s dress, Lizzie picked up the little girl in her arms and Garrus reached around to hold her between them.

“You look so pretty, Mama,” Garrus heard Livia whisper in her mother’s ear.

“Not as pretty as you, little one,” Shepard said, and Garrus thought he might burst with joy when his partner looked up at him, green eyes moist with bliss.

Hackett’s voice rang out again.

“May I present to you – the Shepard-Vakarian family!”

Garrus’s happiness could not have been greater as he strolled back down the pathway with his new bride and their daughter between them.

All the pain. All the suffering. All the anguish had led them here.

And life finally felt complete.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Yet another reason to have this party at the Vakarian mansion was the huge banquet hall.

Although Shepard had taken great pleasure in teasing Garrus mercilessly about his family’s obvious privileged place in turian society, it definitely had its perks. They hadn’t invited a mass of people, but the wedding party had turned out to be suitably large – large enough that Shepard was grateful for the enormous hall that could hold a couple dozen tables and still have room for a dance floor.

The day had been perfect. She had never seen Garrus look so handsome – or so happy. Livia had been a dancing doll of delight all day – running from one “aunt” or “uncle” to the next, handing out flowers indigenous to her newly beloved Palaven, which she now could pronounce correctly. Hannah Shepard had cried – actually cried. After all the years of Shepard’s mother telling her not to cry, apparently the hardened Rear Admiral could no longer hold it in when her daughter finally married. Anderson had walked her down the aisle and told her – for real this time and not in a hallucination – how proud he was of her. All her friends still alive were here to celebrate. Garrus had somehow managed to have chefs of all races prepare the food. And on top of everything, a jazz combo lightly played in the background as she sat and enjoyed her sushi and pizza.

 _This day is more than any human girl could ever dream_ , she thought to herself. _I could get used to being waited on like this. Fuck being a soldier or a politician…this is real life._

But no sooner had she thought it, than she heard a tinkling of glass to her right. Turning, she saw Joker on his feet, tapping a knife to the crystal he held in his hand.

“Everyone!” her pilot shouted. “If I could have everyone’s attention, please!”

The room hushed quicker than Shepard would have expected. She smiled warmly at her friend as he turned to look at Garrus and Shepard, seated near him.

“Many of you may not be familiar with human wedding customs, but it is traditional for the best man to give a toast to the groom,” Joker began. “I’m not entirely sure why Garrus chose me as his best man, but I’m honored he did and I hope I don’t fuck this up.”

The party erupted into laughter and Shepard’s raised glance at Livia disappeared when she saw the girl still happily running from table to table, completely oblivious to what was going on.

“And…I already did,” Joker laughed nervously. “So, I’m just gonna say what I want to say and sit down before I say anything worse than ‘fuck’. Shit! Dammit…”

Shepard laughed out loud and Joker threw her a grateful glance in his nervousness.

 _It’s ok, Joker_ , she said with her eyes. He nodded in relief.

“I lied a bit,” Joker finally straightened with a bit more confidence. “I _do_ have an idea why Garrus asked me to be his best man. Those of us on the Normandy have been through a lot together. I may not have been on the ground team with Shepard, but in my own way, I was. I always listened in on the comms. Trying to make sure our soldiers got back safely. Garrus and I spent a lot of hours together…waiting and hoping that…a person we both cared for very much would come back alive. Thankfully, she always did. Even if one time it took her two years to come back, she still came back.”

The room was silent as Joker spoke, and Shepard’s heart felt sad but warm at the worry her pilot and dear friend had for her.

“And when we were all stranded on that god-forsaken moon, Garrus and I had a lot in common then, too – both missing the people we loved…not sure we would ever see them again.” Joker looked down briefly, calming his emotions before continuing. He flashed a glance at EDI next to him who reassured him with a tip of her head. “But all that is behind us now! And we get to celebrate this wonderful day with our friends – alive and well! To Shepard – you’re the best Commander any of us could ever know, but my toast is to Garrus.”

Joker turned then and straightened his shoulders, raising his glass to the turian at his side.

“To Garrus – a friend to all of us. You watched not only Shepard’s six, but everyone else’s, too. You protected us and kept us going when we wanted to give up hope on that moon. You helped Shepard do what she needed to do to stop the Reapers – you’re the only one who fully understands the hell she went through, and without you at her side, Big Guy, I don’t know if any of us would have made it. To you – a turian I’m happy to call a friend after all our years together – Congratulations on your marriage and don’t share the details, because no one wants to hear about what goes on in the captain’s quarters during shore leave.”

Shepard bowed her head and laughed. She reached for her glass and raised it with everyone else, happy to drink to that fond, if not different, toast to her new husband.

She had barely put her glass down before she heard another voice to her left.

“Joker’s not the only one who has to give a toast,” Tali said to her right. “Luckily, I had some human friends who filled me in on the details of my duties as maid of honor.”

The entire room turned to look at Tali, who had stood with her own glass in hand.

“I remember the first time that Shepard confided in me her feelings for our turian C-Sec officer in the cargo hold. You might be surprised to know that it was actually years ago on the SR-1 that she told me how she felt about Garrus.”

Shepard groaned and feigned embarrassment, putting her head in her hands as Tali continued. The room had erupted into polite chuckles at Tali’s revelation. On a normal day, Shepard might truly be embarrassed, but she was quite positive that nothing could embarrass her today. This was _her_ day, and nothing would ruin it.

“Let’s just say that our Commander Shepard has loved her turian for a very long time,” Tali said. “I have never known anyone who loved someone so much as Shepard loves Garrus. After everything we’ve been through, there is no one who deserves a day of happiness like this one more than our Shepard.”

She raised her glass and Shepard watched as the room followed suit. Garrus lightly gripped her leg in his hand, and she turned with heavy-lidded eyes to look upon the turian she had loved, just as Tali said, so much and for so long.

“To Commander Shepard – our friend, our leader, our hero. Everyone gathered here today is here because we care about you and are so overjoyed that you and Garrus finally have the happiness you deserve. May you have many more happy years together!”

After everyone had downed their drinks, the room broke into cheers and applause. Finally, Garrus leaned over and caught her mouth with his. Shepard closed her eyes and sunk into his grasp, memorizing the way the moment felt.

When they broke apart, she noticed Garrus had a wicked glare in his eye. Just as he looked at her, Shepard heard the jazz combo begin to play again – a song that was embedded in her heart.

“Oh…” she gasped as she realized what was going on. Garrus stood up next to her and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“Dance with me,” he said.

“XO Vakarian, you know I can’t dance,” she protested as he pulled her out of her seat.

“But now you have the right partner. Trust me.”

“I’m not doing that tango in front of all these people,” she whispered to him as he led her to the dance floor.

“This is not a tango.”

He wrapped his right arm around her waist and Shepard responded by placing her left arm on his shoulder. When he gripped her right hand in his, however, he didn’t hold it out to the side. With a brief flick of his mandibles, he twisted her fingers around his and pulled them close to his heart, her hand resting on his chest. As if from a scene in a movie, they slowly started to sway together in time with the music, the combo’s singer crooning the words she could sing in her sleep.

_“Somewhere over the rainbow,_  
 _Way up high,_  
 _There’s a land that I heard of_  
 _Once in a lullaby.”_

She couldn’t help it. For the second time that day, tears sprung to her eyes, but she willed them back down. She simply let herself enjoy the feelings coursing through her – Garrus’s warm hand around her waist, the feeling of his strong chest beneath her open palm, the song she knew so well playing in her ears.

 _Dad_ , she thought silently, _I wish you could have been here today_.

As if in answer to her wordless thoughts, she felt a pair of eyes staring at her. She knew all eyes were on her, but these felt different. Looking up briefly from where her head rested on Garrus’s shoulder as they danced slowly, she met Anderson’s gaze nearby. The Admiral smiled at her warmly, and for the first time in her life, Shepard thought there might actually be some sort of higher power – something that made Anderson look at her just like that in that moment.

Just the way she imagined Adam Shepard would have looked at her on her wedding day.

 _So proud of you, baby girl_ , she heard in her head. _And so happy for you, too._

And she let herself imagine that it was really her father’s voice she heard and not just a memory.


	29. Someplace Tropical

She couldn’t take it anymore. He _had_ to get those clothes off.

They hadn’t told anyone where they were going. “Someplace tropical,” was all they had said. If any catastrophe happened in the galaxy or if something went wrong with Livia, they were within range of communication, but no one – not even their closest friends – knew where they were for the next week.

They didn’t even make it to the bedroom in the beachside cottage they had rented for their honeymoon. As soon as the door shut behind them, Shepard pushed Garrus against the wall, making him drop the bags he carried in his hands.

“I’m not waiting any longer,” she whispered into his neck as she fumbled with the clasps on his shirt.

“I like the sound of that,” he replied as he did the same. She felt his hands grip her, hoisting her from the ground as she looped her legs over his hips.

“Not so fast, Commander,” he said teasingly, “If you do that already, how am I supposed to get things off?”

She jumped down quickly and with two rapid movements undid his remaining clasps, letting his passion for her come free.

“Like that,” she said with a grin as she lifted herself back up, letting him catch her as she jumped. “Now where were we?”

He let out a low growl and turned them around, smacking her mostly naked back into the wall. Shepard groaned as she felt Garrus’s hard length press against the inside of her still clothed thigh. Using the wall as leverage, he released her with his hands and with practiced fingers, released the clasp on her bra, letting her breasts come free as he threw the garment to the floor. Still balancing her against the wall, Shepard tipped her head back in pleasure as her new husband gripped both breasts in his strong three-fingered hands and dipped his tongue to nip at the bud in the center of one, and then the other.

She could tell he was having as much trouble as she was holding in his excitement, his hips gently pressing against her in a rhythm that she longed to have inside of her and not just on her thigh.

“Garrus,” she managed to moan, “I need you…”

He didn’t use words, simply reached down with a free hand and felt just inside the band of her pants. She whimpered as he teased her, daring to brush over the soft folds but not finding the golden bud she longed for him to touch.

“Garrus, please…”

Apparently that was all it took. His talons were blunt and unsharpened, but his muscles were toned and strong. In one desperate movement, he ripped her pants in two, discarding them somewhere near her bra on the floor. Garrus released his own moans of pleasure as he thumbed her pearl while simultaneously pushing her underwear to the side and slipping his rock hard need inside of her.

Both of them stopped their movements for a moment, struggling to find their breath as their bodies reeled from the pleasure of their joining.

“Spirits, Lizzie,” Garrus said as he slowly began to move inside of her. “I never get tired of this. You feel so fucking amazing.”

“You better not get tired of it,” she said, running her tongue along his good mandible. “We have a lifetime to spend together now – official with both our races.”

That sentence did something to him. Shepard grinned when Garrus growled at her, low and lusty. His pace quickened as he pumped into her, his hands wandering from her breasts to her rear and gracing over the nub between her legs. With her back pressed against the wall, Shepard could do little more than roll her hips against him when he let her and listen to the regular thumping of her own skin on the wall behind her that matched the grunts and moans of her partner with each thrust.

After a few glorious moments, she could feel her climax rising. She could tell Garrus was close, too, as his pace had become fast and irregular. She gripped him with both hands and pulled his face away from her neck, staring intently into his gorgeous blue eyes as she said, “I want to watch you.”

The barrier broke.

Shepard watched as Garrus came apart in her hands, her own ecstasy reached as she felt him shiver and spill inside her, his eyes widening with a pleasure she recognized in her own release. She let her vocal chords go and her own frenzied pitch matched the uncontrolled keening of her partner’s shouts.

Finally, her breathing slowed and her feet touched the ground. Garrus refused to let her go, however, still pressing her against the wall as they ran fingers down each other’s naked bodies, tracing and exploring the feeling of each other that they already knew so well.

“I hate to ruin the moment,” Shepard said regretfully, “But after that, my legs feel like jelly.”

With a taunting huff, Garrus bent down, scooping her up in his arms as he moved back toward the door she assumed was the bedroom of their honeymoon getaway.

“Let me help you,” he rumbled in her ear, “get ready for round two.”

She sighed contentedly.

“So far, married life is amazing.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Today was the last day they could pretend that the problems of the galaxy did not exist.

They had spent the night – the week – making love to each other, over and over again. Somehow, Garrus could never tire of Shepard and she seemed to have the same insatiable appetite for him. They had never had a time together like this before - a prolonged period away from work and all their other responsibilities. A time to just be Shepard and Garrus with no one and nothing else to worry about.

Now, they lay in each other’s arms, watching the sun rise through the large window of their retreat overlooking the ocean. He felt Shepard sigh happily as she was draped over his chest while he traced lazy circles in the soft skin of her arm with his fingers.

“Part of me doesn’t ever want to leave,” Shepard said, her voice resonating in his chest. “But I miss Livy.”

“We could always just bring her with us next time,” Garrus said, placing a kiss on his wife’s forehead.

“True,” she replied, “but then we would have to restrict our sexual encounters to those behind closed doors with hushed voices. But she is the only good reason to go back…”

They were quiet together again, simply watching the hues of the sky change as the sun moved closer and closer to breaking free of the horizon.

“Did you mean it, Garrus?” Shepard broke the silence again, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Mean what?” he asked, confused.

“Years ago, just before the final attack on the beam…” Shepard propped herself up on her elbows, gazing into his eyes, her hair falling in waves around her shoulders and tickling his naked chest. “You said we could retire someplace tropic and live off the royalties from the vids. Did you mean it?”

The question felt loaded. Garrus wasn’t quite sure how to respond, trying to pick up on some subtlety in Shepard’s voice that he didn’t understand.

“Is that what you want to do?” he asked cautiously.

“Yes,” she said surprisingly quickly. “I’m ready. I want to leave it all behind. This is the life we should be able to live. We’ve earned it. I’m only in my mid-thirties, but I’m tired. Exhausted even...Aren’t you?”

“There are days I feel like that,” Garrus replied. He wasn’t as tired as Shepard seemed to be, but he understood why she felt that way. No one had shouldered the weight of the galaxy the way she had. Not him. Not Anderson. Not Hackett.

Elizabeth Shepard had been the one to carry the burden, mostly alone, until the Reapers were finally defeated. And now that the weight was gone, Garrus completely understood why she said she was tired.

“Then let’s do it,” Shepard said, sitting up straight now with a smile on her lips. “Let’s give it all up. We’ll just close up shop, take Livy and run. We can live on Palaven or wherever you want. You can still work for the Primarch if you want to – I don’t care. But I want to be finished. I’ve given enough to the galaxy. I never thought I would say that, but…I’ve died or almost died how many times? Haven't I earned a little peace?”

She paused, her eyes turning sad for a moment. But only for a moment, their smile returning when she met Garrus’s gaze. “The relays will all be repaired soon. Galactic relations have improved dramatically. I was never really meant to be a politician, and I've done what I can to make things better. I think all is finally well with the galaxy, and I’m ready to be done. I’ve fought the good fight. I’m ready to turn it over to the next person.”

Garrus never thought he would hear those words come from Shepard’s lips. In fact, he’d never even imagined them. Commander Shepard – no longer a soldier? No one could have guessed she would want that.

But in a way, it made sense. She had given up so much. She had given up her own life. Garrus had been there with her, but even he had not shouldered the guilt, the anguish, the responsibility that Shepard had.

She was tired. Deservedly so.

“If that’s what you want, love,” Garrus said with a grin, tucking Shepard’s hair behind her ears gently, “then that’s what we’ll do. But I don’t think it will be all that easy.”

“No, of course not,” she said, settling back onto his chest and Garrus turned his attention to her hair, stroking it softly. “But we can set things in motion. I’ll wait for the last relays to be repaired. That was my project – I’ll see it through. But then…let’s be done, Garrus. I just want to be a family and enjoy the life we have. It can all be so easily taken away. I don’t want to waste a minute of it.”

The sun had risen now, the sky’s colors halted on a deep shade of blue. This was contentment. This was peace. The only thing that would make this moment any better was a bouncing Livia coming through the door to see if they were awake.

He was ready, too. Or at least, he was ready for Shepard to finally get some well-earned rest and happiness. If anyone deserved it, she did. Palaven would provide a perfect solution. They could raise Livia with other turian children. They could have all the comforts of life and he could continue to serve his own people – something he had always wanted to do – by working with a Primarch he truly respected.

“There’s only one problem with this plan,” Garrus said.

Shepard looked at him with furrowed brows. “What’s that?” she asked.

“You never let the reporters make any vids,” he grinned at her. “How are we supposed to live off the royalties from them?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Shepard said, chuckling and laying back down. “I already sold a copy of the recording of our ceremony to the Alliance News Network. The royalties are coming.”

Garrus just laughed and leaned back into the pillow beneath him, sleep starting to overcome him as he heard Lizzie’s breath slowly turn more regular.

“I love you, Lizzie Shepard,” he whispered as she dozed on his chest. “Let’s go home.”


	30. There's Something About This...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we begin to tie-up loose end #1...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that I have put a cap on the chapters for this work. We are winding down to the end of this saga. I hope to be able to finish in the number of chapters I have above. Although I may have to add a chapter or two after everything is finally written. I've plotted to 40 now, but you know how things change sometimes when you get them on paper... 
> 
> And don't forget that I promised you a happy ending. Rainbows. Sparkles. Sprinkles. Turian Dick Cake...well, maybe not turian dick cake. Unless you want some turian dick cake, then I guess you can have some. But I'm not baking it. Trust me. You wouldn't want to eat it. My baking skills, like my drawing skills, are negligible and may, in fact, cause serious injury to some. Official disclaimer.
> 
> Anyway, the point is, happy ending will be in store. Just a few loose ends to tie up.
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy!

Everything always took longer than expected.

Garrus had been a married turian for two years already. Livia had started her first year of school on the Citadel. And at long last, the final relay was repaired.

Still, no one could complain too much. It was nothing short of a miracle that they were able to repair the relays at all, let alone in such good time. The repair effort had been strategic. Crews were sent to eezo rich systems in the beginning. After that, the rest was a matter of time and manpower. And finally, after six years, galactic travel was possible in the same way it was before the Crucible blast.

He and Shepard hadn’t told anyone about Shepard's retirement plans. There had been no need yet. The galaxy still had so much work to be done, and Shepard had performed her duty to the best of her ability. Garrus, likewise, had done the same for his own people, serving them as best he could through the direction of the most “fast and loose” Primarch the turian race had ever known.

They had done a large amount of good in the galaxy and with each passing day, Garrus’s love for the woman who had made it all possible grew. They had a good life, but he knew that his partner was ready to wash her hands of it all, as she had said on their honeymoon over two years ago.

Which was why the visitor in his office today was a very unwelcome sight.

He almost didn’t hear her come in. The day’s work was winding down and Garrus was getting ready to head home, his eyes resting contentedly on the latest family picture he kept on his desk as he packed up his things. He was tasked with picking Livy up from school today and he refused to be late. He almost jumped when he saw the shadow leaning against the doorjam of his Citadel office.

“Trynix,” he breathed out quickly, relaxing when he realized who it was that darkened his door. “I honestly never thought I would see you again.”

His ex-girlfriend from so many years ago smirked unpleasantly. “Believe me,” she said as she walked toward him, placing herself in the chair opposite his desk. “I don’t want to be here either. Congratulations on your fucking perfect family and your rise in the Hierarchy.”

Sarcasm dripped from her tongue as Garrus leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

“Because there’s something you should know,” Trynix sighed. “And it’s fucking pathetic if you don’t know about it already.”

“And just what is that?”

“Stop interrupting me, Vakarian,” Trynix yelled at him, standing to her full height in front of him. “I’m here to help you and the rest of this ungrateful galaxy. So shut up and listen.”

Garrus didn’t reply. He simply watched as the female turian before him paced from side to side.

“Everyone has gone soft,” she said. “No one is on their guard anymore and no one is on the lookout for trouble.”

Garrus wanted to remind her that the Reapers were defeated. There was no more trouble to be had, but he simply remained silent as Trynix walked back and forth.

“But let’s just say that some of my…connections say otherwise.” She stopped pacing and returned to her seat, lacing her fingers across her lap and meeting Garrus’s stare. He hadn’t forgotten the business Trynix had gotten herself into before the war – information brokering. And he was sure she was still very good at it.

What she didn’t know was that Garrus was close friends with the Shadow Broker. It had taken a while for Liara to work herself back into the swing of things since their return from the jungle moon. Garrus's asari friend hadn’t wanted it to be too obvious that the Shadow Broker was a member of the Normandy’s crew, slowly reestablishing her contacts and links from before the war in a way that would not tie her to the Normandy’s return.

“And what do you think you know that hasn’t been passed on to me already?” he asked. He refrained from adding _by the Shadow Broker herself_ to the end of his question. Liara always gave him any information she felt was of importance. He had no doubt that Trynix knew nothing more than what Liara passed on to him – especially since he knew Trynix was one of Liara’s agents.

“Oh, this is something very few people know about,” she said with a self-satisfied grin. “My agents died or disappeared getting the information and I haven’t passed it on to the Shadow Broker yet. I decided to come to you first.”

That made Garrus stand up a little straighter.

“And why would you come to me instead of passing the information to your boss?” Garrus asked.

“Because you and your precious human partner,” Trynix spit to the side, “are some of the only people in the galaxy that I think would take this information seriously and fucking _do_ something about it." The female turian paused for dramatic emphasis, rising out of her chair and taking a step toward Garrus, her eyes fixated on his.

"The Shadow Broker doesn’t care if people are disappearing again," she said quietly. "Just like they were before the Reapers hit.”

“People disappear all the time, Trynix,” Garrus waved his hand at her and rounded the corner of his desk, turning off his terminal in his final preparations to leave. “Pirates, raiders – we’re doing our best to crack down, but things sometimes slip through the cracks. Nothing in particular to worry about.”

“Then you _are_ just like everyone else,” Trynix said in disgust, turning to go. “I thought you were different, Garrus. You may not respect me or care for me as you once did, but I thought you weren’t a moron. You just proved me wrong.”

Garrus sighed as Trynix reached the door. “Wait,” he said, holding up his hand. “Just get to the point. Why did you bring this information about disappearances to me? What's so special about them?”

She didn’t turn around to face him, but she did stop and open her mouth to speak.

“The disappearances aren’t random, Garrus. I’ve lost some of my best agents recently,” she said, her voice low. “Whatever it is, it’s hitting research facilities mostly – places where the galaxy’s scientists are still studying the effects of the Reapers on organic life. Coincidence? I don’t think so.”

Garrus had to admit that he didn’t like the sound of that. But part of him still wanted to ignore the implications of Trynix’s report.

“That’s not all,” she continued, still not turning around. “It’s not entire settlements that are disappearing this time, Garrus. And it’s not just humans either. Whatever is taking people isn’t targeting any organic it can find. It’s taking the best, the strongest, the brightest. The reports from survivors and those left behind are…eerie...disconcerting to say the least.”

Something teased Garrus at the back of his mind, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was that bothered him so much about Trynix’s revelation. Finally, she sighed and raised her hand to exit the office.

“I’ve sent you what data I’ve been able to find,” she said in resignation as she walked through the door. “Don’t waste it.”

Garrus checked the time. He still had twenty minutes before he had to leave to pick up Livia. Begrudgingly, he turned his terminal back on and sat down at his desk. The report from Trynix was the first item that popped up in his inbox.

And Trynix was right. What he saw chilled him to the bone.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“It’s true, Shepard. We’ve gotten reports from multiple reliable sources.”

“Then why haven’t I heard anything from Liara about this?” she asked the Major, leaning back in her home office desk.

“I don’t know,” Coats replied. “Maybe her agents in those sectors disappeared as well. The fact is, we are missing ships and large numbers of select people from our settlements. And it’s not just us. The turians, krogan, and many other species with settlements in different sectors are reporting the same phenomenon.”

A tinkling laugh interrupted the meeting Shepard was having with her right hand advisor. Looking up and smiling, she saw Livia run through her office door.

“Mom!” the girl shouted. “Look what I made at school today!”

Shepard cast Coats an apologetic glance as she looked at the piece of artwork her daughter handed her.

“It’s beautiful, Livy,” she said. Her smile widened as Garrus’s form appeared, his familiar smirk gracing his turian features as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “Why don’t you go put this on the fridge and start your homework. I’m almost done with this meeting and I’ll come help you soon, ok?”

“Always in meetings…” Livy murmured on her way out the door.

“Don’t forget it’s Friday!” Shepard added, calling to the turian girl as her shape disappeared from sight. “Which means we can go to the movies. When you finish your homework, you can help your dad pick out what you want to see.”

That cheered up the six year old. “Okay, Mom!” Shepard heard her daughter holler back, the girl’s voice sounding decidedly happier. Turning back to the Major in front of her, she motioned for Garrus to come in and close the door, wanting him to hear the conversation. She didn’t miss the annoyed look she got from Coats, but she didn’t care.

“Shepard, I think we should take these reports of missing citizens seriously,” he finally said. “I don’t think these are random pirate attacks.”

“I hate to say it, Lizzie,” Garrus said as he took a seat opposite her. “But if Coats is talking about what I think he is, then I believe he’s right. I just received some similar reports today. In fact, I got this vid feed from…a trusted source.”

He punched a few commands into his omni-tool and all three of them turned to the vid screen nearby.

What Shepard saw forced a chill through her that she hadn’t felt in years.

“What is this?” she asked quietly.

“This _was_ a turian settlement,” Garrus said with furrowed browplates. “And now it’s empty of its tech experts, its biology experts, its guards and soldiers – pretty much anyone with special skills.”

The vid on the screen was haunting – there were turians walking to and fro in the colony, but their movements were methodical, their eyes unblinking. They looked more like robots than sentient beings – organic _or_ synthetic.

“Something is controlling them,” she said in a hushed voice.

“I think so, too,” Garrus nodded. He punched another command on his omni-tool and the screen changed. “This is what the settlement looks like now.”

All she could see on the screen was a small group of turians, sitting in the same common area where before there had been massive rows of turians, marching in formation to some silent drummer. This group seemed to be comprised of mainly the elderly and the very young, comforting each other with the loss of those who were in the previous clip.

“The worst part is, those left behind don’t remember a thing. And of course the vid feed is wiped during the period of time that people were abducted. I’ve already passed this information on to Adrien,” Garrus said, breaking her out of her thoughts. “We want to send a reconnaissance team and see what we can find at any of these abandoned settlements.”

Shepard looked from Garrus’s face to Coats’s and back to Garrus again. Just behind her husband’s head, she could still see the strange vid on the screen, now paused on the face of a single turian before the settlement was emptied.

Its eyes were a strange, glowing blue.

She repressed a shiver and turned back to Coats.

“We’ll send a team as well to accompany the turians,” she commanded. “And we’re sending the very best we have. Tell Spectre Alenko we’re sending him immediately. Give him whatever team and resources he wants. And make sure Lieutenant Cortez is assigned to his ship.”

Shepard clearly didn’t give a damn about fraternization rules. And after all she had been through, there was no way she was forcing Kaidan to go off on a mission without his husband by his side.

“Aye, aye,” Coats replied and with a final nod to both Shepard and Garrus, he made his exit.

They sat in silence for several more moments before Shepard finally said, “Turn off that horrid screen.” Garrus obeyed and simply waited for Shepard to say more.

“There’s something about this…” she began.

“I know,” he replied.

“It feels…off, and somehow...familiar...”

“I know.”

“We have to take care of this.”

“I know.”

“Do you have anything else to say other than ‘I know’?”

Garrus smiled at her then, motioning for her to come to him. She obliged and plopped down on his lap.

But “yes” was all he said. She punched him lightly on the arm and laughed.

“I’m glad I can still make you laugh,” he grinned.

“Me, too,” Shepard replied, leaning into his chest as she wrapped an arm around the back of his neck. “So…I guess that retirement of mine will have to wait a little longer?”

“I guess it will, but not for long, Lizzie…” Garrus nuzzled her neck reassuringly. “Not for long.”


	31. This Is Our Fight

“What the fuck do you mean, it disappeared?!?!”

She could feel herself shouting and she could see the surprised looks on the faces of Garrus and Major Coats. Shepard didn’t miss Coats flinch, clearly uncomfortable delivering this news, but doing his duty nonetheless.

“We lost contact with them yesterday. They should be within range of a comm buoy, but we haven’t been able to locate any of the crew,” the Major said quietly.

“Is the whole ship lost?” she asked, leaning against her desk for support.

“No,” Coats replied. “It’s just like the settlements – the ship was found, but it’s completely abandoned. It’s like they all just…left. The systems are still running. The vid logs and other ship logs are scrubbed. But everyone that was on the ship just…vanished.”

“The turian team is missing as well,” Garrus added, crossing his arms. “Ship in tact. Logs wiped. Crew gone.”

Silence filled the room like an unwanted guest. No one moved. Shepard closed her eyes and willed back the bile rising in her throat. Her heart ached for Kaidan and Steve and she kicked herself for sending them on this mission. But she knew Kaidan was the best they had. He was definitely one of the most experienced officers the Alliance could claim and the only other Spectre the human race could boast. He had been the right choice. But still, although Kaidan had put a strain on their relationship on Horizon, all of that had been put in the past. He had done nothing but support her since his return to Earth. The human biotic had more than made up for his former doubt.

But what was almost as troubling was that the crew had just disappeared. How could that even happen? Her mind went back to the Collectors and the suicide mission with Cerberus. It all felt too familiar, but the Collectors were gone. Who was abducting colonists now?

Without opening her eyes again, she said, “Nicholas, leave us please.”

Wordlessly, the Major left her alone in her office with Garrus. She didn’t look up. Garrus didn’t move. They simply stood opposite each other, letting the reality of the situation sink in.

Finally, Shepard looked up to meet the eyes of her turian and her heart melted. He truly was her partner in every sense of the word. He had been her partner in all things long before turian law officially made him so. She knew she didn’t even have to voice what she was thinking, because he already knew what she was going to say, but she said it anyway.

“We have to go,” she whispered, cringing at the sound of her own voice. “Kaidan was many things, but ultimately, he was our friend. And if there’s something out there still trying to control people…” She hung her head in defeat before finishing her thought. “This is _our_ fight. This is _my_ fight. There’s something about what’s going on….I _feel_ it. We have to finish this, Garrus.”

He said nothing for several moments, but eventually, she heard him walk toward her and felt his strong arms rub up and down her own. Shepard dared look up to meet his steely eyes, the same ones that had strengthened her for almost two decades now.

“One last jaunt before retirement, huh?” he said quietly with a weak smile.

“One more mission to complete,” she said, returning his grin wanly.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

“You are humanity’s leader, _Councilor_ ,” Valern said, emphasizing her title with disdain. “You can’t just pick up on a whim and chase after a ghost.”

“I can and I will,” Shepard replied while sitting at the Council table, facing all those around her. Garrus sat across from her, behind Sparatus with Victus at his side, as they listened to her explain the problem and her plan to find Alenko, her friend. Shepard had asked not only the Council to gather in this private meeting, but also all the leaders of the Council races to be present in person or through vidcomm. Behind the circular table where all the Councilors sat – which now included Tali and Wrex among their number – were the leaders of each respective Council race, whether they had been given a seat on the Council or not.

“We have many able-bodied Spectres, Shepard,” Sparatus spoke up. “There’s really no need for you to go.”

“There is every need!” Shepard stood up in frustration, her eyes sparking at all of them, fist pounding on the table surface. Although Garrus was distressed by their current situation and he knew that Shepard was equally upset, he couldn’t help but admire her as she assumed the Commander persona that he loved so well. Her voice inflection, her posture, her entire demeanor changed when she became “Commander Shepard.”

“I may not have been out in the field for a while, but I’m not dead!” she resumed her previous rant and Garrus sat back, part of him guiltily enjoying the show. She hadn’t given a heated speech for a while, and Garrus had always liked it when she did. “My mother is perfectly capable of filling my shoes as Councilor while I’m away and you all damn well know that if anyone can find what’s abducting our people again, it’s me! I’m sorry, Victus,” she turned to face Garrus and the Primarch. Even after all these years, Garrus’s heart still leapt when she looked at him with that fire in her eyes. He remember why he had followed her in the first place. Why he had abandoned his life and everything he knew to chase after her as she tracked Saren.

“I’m taking your Chief Advisor with me,” Shepard said with a grimace. "There's no fucking way I'm doing this without him."

Adrien just huffed beside him and said, “I would expect nothing less. He’s the best our race has to offer. And if I may, councilors,” Victus stood up to address the group surrounding the table. Shepard motioned to him to step forward and say what he wanted to say.

“If what we have learned from intel is true,” Victus began, assuming a military stance with hands behind his back. “This is a real security threat to our civilization. I don’t believe it is on the same scale as the Reaper invasion – at least not yet. But I think we have all learned the hard way what happens when we ignore Councilor Shepard and her warnings. I know that my voice may not count for much to this assembly, although it should count for you, Sparatus – but I support the Commander’s mission and I believe she is the best suited to go. She has the full support of the Turian Hierarchy.”

Garrus watched Shepard’s eyes flash with gratitude as the Primarch resumed his seat next to Garrus. Adrien nodded at her in response as she turned back to the councilors surrounding the table.

“Will you give me the resources I need as you once did - in my position as Spectre, which has never been removed from me?” she asked, using a commanding tone. “Or do I have to depend only on the resources of my own people to save all your collective asses… _again_.”

He wasn’t sure what he expected, but silence was not it. Garrus thought the councilors would be in an uproar again, but perhaps the combined speeches of Victus and Shepard together were enough to convince those still stuck in their old ways.

“You know you have the support of the krogan, Shepard,” Wrex said, pounding his fists together as he stood to meet her stare.

Shepard simply nodded at him in return.

“The flotilla will offer what support it can,” Tali said, “although I’m afraid it’s not much at the moment. You know that all our resources are currently working hard on Rannoch. But I believe some of the geth will be willing to assist you as well.”

“Their support will be appreciated,” Shepard said, a little softer now.

All that remained were the decisions from Valern and Tevos. Surprisingly, Valern spoke up first.

“You will have salarian support, Shepard,” the Councilor said. “We will afford you some of our best scientists to help study whatever it is that is controlling the missing citizens.”

Garrus crossed his arms and waited for Tevos, her dark eyes unreadable. When she did speak, it was not what Garrus would ever have imagined her saying.

“It’s not just the abandoning of your post as Councilor that concerns me, Shepard,” the asari said. “But you have…more personal responsibilities now. You are no longer a woman on your own. Who will look out for your daughter when both her parents are away on a top-secret and potentially dangerous mission? Is that truly what you want?”

Garrus watched Shepard’s eyes flash with anger. She gripped the table in front of her and stared over the heads of those surrounding it to meet Garrus’s own eyes. Before he realized what he was doing, he stood straight up and nodded at her, giving her the strength she needed, as he had always tried to do.

“First of all, Councilor Tevos,” Shepard said slowly, clearly trying to control her wrath. “My personal life is not of concern to you. Second, this is something my husband and I have spoken about at great length and decided it is still the best course of action. You, of all people, should understand how this is my burden to bear. It has been since you placed it on me years ago. I will _not_ turn it over to others and risk their lives as I did Alenko’s. Whatever this new threat is, I feel that it is tied to the Reapers. They may be defeated, but clearly something of them remains. If you will not support me, that is fine, but _never_ doubt me or my motives and don’t you _dare_ stand in my way!”

To Garrus’s surprise, Tevos audibly chuckled as she sat back in her seat.

“Still as stubborn and commanding as ever, Shepard,” she said. “But you win. You will have the support of my race as well. Unless there is further business to attend to, this meeting is adjourned. Please keep us apprised as much as possible of your efforts on your journey, Councilor Shepard.”

No one said anything more. Garrus rushed to Shepard’s side and together, they beat the rest of the assembly out the door.

The ride home was silent. Garrus was sure his own thoughts mirrored those in Shepard’s mind. They _had_ spoken about Livia and whether this was worth leaving her. But in the end, they had both agreed.

This was still their fight, and they would see it through.

“We are doing the right thing, aren’t we, Garrus?” Shepard asked him as they reached the Citadel apartment. For the first time all day, her voice sounded unsure. Garrus wrapped his hand around hers reassuringly.

“We are,” he said as they walked hand in hand down the hallway to the door. “Livy won’t be alone. She’ll have your mother and my father to keep her safe here. And we _will_ come back from this. Just like old times.”

She smiled at him warmly, and Garrus raised a hand to gently trace her jawline with his finger before they walked through the sliding doors of their apartment.

“Mom! Look what Grandma got me!”

Shepard’s face broke into a huge grin as her daughter bounded to her. “What did Grandma get you?” she asked as Garrus watched the exchange.

“My very own omni-tool!” Livia said. “She said I’m old enough and that you and Dad are going on a trip. But she said this would make it so I could talk to you as much as I want!”

Garrus smiled as he walked toward the kitchen. This was going to be hard – perhaps harder than anything they had done before, but he knew that both he and Shepard had their reasons for doing what they were doing and nothing was going to change their minds now.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Hannah Shepard said as she approached them from the couch. “Tavius and I will be in his office when you’re done talking to Livy.”

“No, it’s a good idea, Mom. Thanks.” Shepard bent down to her daughter’s level and continued, “Your grandma’s right, sweetheart. You can talk to us every night at bedtime and sometimes in between. And we can send messages, just like this.”

Garrus watched as he poured himself a drink. His beautiful wife and loving daughter were working together on her new “toy,” learning how to use it and how to send messages back and forth. After a few minutes, his omni-tool pinged. Putting down his drink, he read:

 

_2105 LV: I love you, Dad! Now I can be just like you!_

 

Garrus’s mandibles spread in a grin as he replied.

 

_2106 GV: I love you, too. But you can be even more like me if you follow the rules and go to bed. It’s past your bedtime._

“Aw, but Dad, you just got home!” Livia whined as she stomped toward him in the kitchen, leaving Shepard with an amused look on her face in the living room. “And I just got this. I want to play with it some more. Besides, you don’t keep the rules.”

“We can play with it together in the morning. I’ll show you all kinds of fun things you can do with it,” he passed a hand lightly over his daughter’s fringe as she leaned into his hip. “Wait…who said I don’t follow the rules?”

He heard Shepard laughing from the living room and tossed her a scolding glare. Livia’s face brightened as she smiled up at him.

“All the kids at school!” she grinned. “I used to think your stories were just silly, but the kids at school knew all about them too. I know all about you and mom. Everyone talks about you - both of you - and how you’re heroes. Cention Kravik told me that his dad said you were famous for breaking rules.”

Garrus grunted, raising his eyebrows at Shepard who shrugged at him from across the room. After taking another swig of the drink in his hand, he said, “Looks like your mom and I have some things to tell you about when we get back from this trip.”

“How long will you be gone?” Livia asked, her eyes suddenly sad and pleading. His daughter was growing up, but not so fast that he still couldn’t pick her up. She was heavy, but Garrus was relieved she was still light enough he could carry her up the stairs.

“Not long, baby girl,” he crooned as he winked at Shepard who had tossed him a sad look from her perch on the couch. “Not long at all.”

He took his time tucking in the child. She wanted to hear a story, so Garrus told her a story about one of the missions he and Shepard had been on – changing a few bits to be G-rated. She was asleep before he even finished, her light snoring filling his ears as he turned to leave her in peace. When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he found more people in his living room than when he had gone upstairs.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know,” Anderson said from a seat near Shepard. “There really _are_ others who can handle this mission.”

“No, sir,” Shepard replied, shaking her head. “I really don’t think there are. If Alenko couldn’t do it, who else would I send?”

It was silent in the room when Garrus finally entered and took a seat next to Shepard, grabbing her hand and pulling it into his lap.

“And you fully support this idea, son?” Tavius said as he looked at them on the couch.

“I do,” Garrus replied. “Look, I know that it may sound crazy to the rest of you, but this is our fight. It always has been. Really, it’s Shepard’s fight. And I was there with her from the beginning. Whatever it is that is taking people feels like it’s still part of the same conflict. We have to see this through.”

“But your family…” Hackett said from the corner, his eyes briefly glancing up the stairs.

Shepard sighed quietly and all eyes turned to her.

“I do not want to leave my daughter,” she said, face staring down in her lap. “She may not be my flesh and blood, but I love her more than I can even describe. And that’s exactly _why_ I have to do this.” She turned to look at Garrus and he gazed at her reassuringly as she continued. “I want to be able to look her in the eye and tell her she is truly safe, once and for all. That whatever this is, is vanquished. She won’t understand until she’s older, but I _need_ to do this. For myself. For us. For her.”

It was rare that a tear actually found its way down his partner’s face. Garrus quickly wiped the one that appeared away with the rough pad of his finger.

No one said anything for a few moments. In the end, it was Hannah Shepard that spoke.

“I was not a model parent,” the Rear Admiral said. “Not even close. We all know that. But I do understand wanting to make the galaxy safer for your family. We will take good care of Livy, dear. You know we will. And when you come home, then you can look her in the eye and tell her that all is finally well.”

Garrus saw a look exchanged between the two Shepard women. He didn’t completely understand it, but part of it registered with him. Of all people in the galaxy, in this moment, Shepard’s mother understood her better than all of them.

“That settles it then,” Hackett said, turning from the window and moving toward the door. “Send us your requests for your team, Shepard. I will approve them as soon as I receive them. And of course, the Normandy is yours.”

“Thank you for the support, Admiral,” Shepard said, standing and shaking his hand as he led the visitors to the door.

“No, Shepard,” Hackett replied, his voice softer than normal. “Thank you. I can only hope that when this is over, you and Vakarian can finally get the rest you deserve.”

“I hope so, too,” Garrus heard Shepard say, barely above a whisper. “Believe me, that’s all I want.”


	32. See You on the Normandy

He had been right. This was the hardest thing he had ever done.

Livia was a trooper. She didn’t whine or complain. She didn’t release plaintive cries as her parents hugged her and headed for the door. She gripped each of them tightly in turn and raised her perfect, Vakarian blue eyes silently before they left.

“We will talk every night, ok?” Garrus said as he knelt down in front of his daughter, Shepard close by with a hand on his shoulder.

“Ok,” Livia said quietly.

“Don’t have too much fun with Grandma and Grandpa all to yourself,” Shepard added.

Livia’s face brightened slightly at that. “I’m not supposed to tell,” Livy said, leaning forward and whispering to Garrus. “But Grandma said I can have a sleepover while you’re gone.”

“Oh, she did, did she?” Garrus flicked his eyes over Livy’s head to meet Hannah’s gaze behind her. The human woman just smiled at him. “Well, that sounds pretty fun. Make sure you do what Grandma and Grandpa ask and we will talk to you soon.”

Livia collapsed against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. Garrus closed his eyes, memorizing how her little body felt against his own.

“Love you, Daddy,” she whispered, but she quickly released him and turned to her mother.

“Love you, too, Mommy,” she said as Shepard bent down for a hug from the small girl. Garrus stood and straightened his shoulders as the two women he cared for most said their goodbyes. Tavius walked to him slowly and clasped him on the shoulder.

“She’ll be fine,” Tavius said softly.

“I know, Dad,” Garrus said. “We’ve been away from her before, but she’s too smart for her own good. She knows something is…different this time. But I think in the end it will be harder on her parents than Livy herself.”

“Be safe, son,” he said.

Garrus just nodded as Shepard and Livia broke their embrace, the younger Vakarian running to her Grandfather, who scooped her up in his arms and said, “Ice cream?”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

It was an easy enough distraction and Garrus placed his hand on Shepard’s back, turning her to the door as they both slipped quietly out, unnoticed by the happy turian girl being taken to the kitchen for dextro ice cream.

Neither of them spoke as the door shut behind them and they walked down the hall to where the taxi waited to take them to the docking bay. And neither of them were prepared for who they ran into as the second set of doors slid open.

“Major Coats,” Shepard said in surprise as they nearly bumped into the human man.

“Commander,” The Major saluted. Garrus had rarely seen Coats salute, but it appeared he was a man on a mission. “Commander, I’m coming with you.”

Shepard’s brows furrowed together. Garrus knew she hadn’t chosen Coats for the Normandy team, but there were obvious reasons for that. He was one of her top advisors in her position as Councilor. Hannah would need his advice and experience in the absence of her daughter. In fact, there were quite a few people Shepard had wanted but were completely unavailable. Obviously, Tali and Wrex were among that number, neither of them as able to leave their respective races as Shepard was in their new positions and the state of affairs their own empires were in. Taylor had opted to stay behind with his own family and continue the work he was doing for the Alliance. But for the most part, the old team would be together – Vega, Joker, Liara, Adams, Jack, Miranda, Javik, Grunt, Traynor, Gabby, Ken – they all had agreed to help on this mission. The absence of Kaidan and Cortez would be felt keenly, but that was also part of the reason so many of their old teammates were willing to go.

But Coats had not been on the list.

“Nicholas,” Shepard said, and Garrus was surprised to hear her use the Major’s first name. She did it very rarely. “You know why you need to stay here.”

“I know why you _think_ I need to stay here,” Coats replied, his tone more urgent. “But, with all due respect, ma’am, it’s bullshit. And I’m going.”

Garrus watched as the two humans stared each other down. There was something else going on here. Something he didn’t understand, but eventually, he lost that train of thought when Lizzie turned to face him.

“What do you think, XO Vakarian?” she said with a defeated shrug and a smirk. “Do we have room on the Normandy for one more?”

Garrus stretched to his full height and noticed the Major cringe just slightly as he did so.

“We know the Major is a good soldier and a fine strategist,” he finally said. “I suggest we add him to the roster. Your mother has plenty of help here without him.”

“All right, Coats,” Shepard said in defeat. “I hope you’re packed. We’re shipping out in two hours.”

“Already packed and aboard,” the Major said with a grin. Garrus laughed as Shepard raised her eyebrows at him.

“A little presumptuous, aren’t we?” she teased.

“That’s all part of the charm,” Coats smiled as he jogged ahead of them. “I’ll see you on the Normandy!”

“See you on the Normandy,” Shepard muttered to herself, but Garrus heard her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and picked up their pace as they grew closer to the taxi.

“Some of the best years of my life were spent on that ship,” he reminded her softly, trying to cheer her, but simultaneously attempting to lift his own spirits. Some of the worst years of his life were spent on that ship as well...years of waiting for rescue that almost didn't arrive in time.

But his painful thoughts were erased when his Lizzie smiled up at him with her bright green eyes.

“Yeah. The best.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Guilt was a feeling she knew all too well, and this moment was one where Shepard felt it strongly.

When the airlock to the Normandy hissed open and allowed her aboard, she felt for the first time in years that she had truly come home. And the guilt washed over her as she remembered that her six year old daughter was in the place she _actually_ called home. She shouldn’t feel so happy or excited to be back in command of a ship, but she was, and that was the source of her guilt.

Shepard took a certain amount of pleasure in making her first set of rounds. It was something she had always enjoyed as Commander in charge of the Normandy. She loved her crew and she loved working with them. Now so many of her friends had returned. They were all a little older and a little wiser, but that would only help them on their mission. All were still fit physically for this assignment and they were more than willing to follow her.

Her crew’s loyalty to her was something she treasured.

The elevator doors hissed open on the CIC and Shepard stepped out into the bustle of the deck she knew so well. The ship hummed in agreement with her as she found her rhythm, a rhythm inside her that she hadn’t lost, even after all these years.

“You have a new message at your private terminal, Commander,” Traynor said from her usual post near the galaxy map. Shepard smiled as she stepped forward, queuing up her inbox.

 

_Dear Mom,_

_I miss you already, but Grandma says I’m being good. We had ice cream and tomorrow I get to have friends over. Grandpa is taking me to the movies tonight. I love you! Hug Daddy! I sent him a message too!_

_Livia Vakarian_

 

Shepard quickly typed a response and hit send, the warmth in her heart from the letter shooing away some of her doubts. She had to remind herself that part of the reason she had returned to the field was for Livia – to keep her safe, and to keep all little children safe as well as their parents. To stomp out whatever new threat this was and finally put an end to the nightmare.

“Destination, Commander?” Traynor asked with a grin.

“Yes, Specialist,” Shepard said as she programmed the coordinates into the map. “We’re headed to the last known location of Alenko’s ship. We should arrive there tomorrow.”

“I’ll see what information I can pick up and pass it on to you as soon as I find anything of use.”

“Thank you, Traynor.”

“Of course, Commander.”

To her left, Shepard heard a slight shuffling. There, in the position where Pressly used to stand, was Major Coats, pouring through reports, looking for any information that might help them on this mission. She was still not entirely comfortable having him on the ship, but Garrus was right – Coats was a proven soldier and strategist. He was a strong asset to the team.

But Nicholas also knew exactly why she didn’t want him on this mission. He had put her in a tough position, especially in front of Garrus. She was sure he simply wanted to keep her safe, but there was no need. Garrus would keep her safer than any other person could.

She had hoped that Coats’s feelings for her would die down as the years passed, but it seemed that was not the case. She even had heard that certain people in their circle of friends had tried to set him up with other women, clearly clueless about his feelings for the Hero of the Galaxy. His kind personality was one that had attracted her friends to him and led to them including Coats in many of their get-togethers and celebrations, but nothing came of the "blind dates" they tortured him with. Liara told her that they had even tried to set him up with men, but that wasn’t his preference either. No one could understand how a man so handsome, intelligent, and brave was still single.

But Shepard knew exactly why he turned them all down. She felt her fists clench at the thought of the uncomfortable situation.

With a sigh, Shepard looked up over the galaxy map and felt her body relax when she saw a familiar sight. There was Garrus Vakarian, her turian partner, human husband, and Executive Officer of the Normandy, standing in the cockpit, leaning against the wall and laughing at something Joker was saying. The scene was so comfortable and Garrus looked as at home as she felt, his authoritative posture sending a shock to her heart just as it had almost twenty years ago when she first met him.

_Damn, Vakarian_ , she thought as she shook her head. _Sexy as always. What's a few years to you?_

 She understood perfectly why Joker had been the best man at her wedding. The two men, while completely different, had spent hours together, joking, talking, or simply waiting in silence. For her.

This time, she decided not to keep them waiting any longer.

She brushed past Coats swiftly and headed for the cockpit, a half-smile on her lips. She missed Livia. She loved Livia. But she also loved this – the thrill of the mission and her turian at her side.

“Did I miss something funny?” she asked as she finally assumed a position next to Garrus.

“Joker was commenting on the current state of the ship and crew,” Garrus grinned down at her. “We both agree that the Normandy has become a cruise ship.”

“What do you mean?” she asked as Garrus snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.

“We’re just carting couples all over the galaxy, letting them bunk together and fuck all they want,” Joker said as he programmed in the coordinates Shepard had set for him. “The captain and her XO. The Shadow Broker and Prothy the Prothean. Me and the resident ship’s AI. Gabby and Ken. Being on the Normandy and _not_ being in a relationship with someone on board makes you the odd man out these days.”

Shepard chuckled warmly as she met Garrus’s eyes next to her. Turning back to the display, she stared out the windows as Joker pulled the ship away from the Citadel’s arms and headed for the relay. As she watched, she was painfully aware of another set of blue eyes watching her from behind – a set  of eyes not quite as piercing as the ones she loved, but just as intense.

“You ready for this mission, Joker?” she asked, trying to rid herself of the feeling.

“Are we ever ready for one of your missions, Commander?” he replied with a laugh.

“The Normandy is in pristine running order,” EDI quipped from her co-pilot seat. “But you are right, Jeff. The Commander’s missions do tend to have…unexpected turns.”

“Whether we have unexpected turns ahead of us or not,” Shepard said. “It’s strangely good to be back.”

“You know,” Joker added. “I never thought I would say this, since we were stuck on this ship for two full years on that damn moon, but you’re right, Commander. I think we all missed the old girl a little.”

“I think we missed being a team more than the ship itself,” Garrus said, an odd tone to his voice. Shepard looked up at him. She hadn’t really thought about what it would be like for him to be back on this ship after being trapped and stranded for so long. Until Joker said something about it, the thought of the crew’s discomfort with being back on the ship, surprisingly, had not crossed her mind. Suddenly unsure of what she had done, she studied his face, in awe of what he was willing to endure for her. She could only hope that he understood how grateful she was for him and everything he did for her.

But Garrus tossed her a reassuring glance and squeezed her gently with his arm wrapped around her waist.

“I think,” she said. “We should make sure the captain’s quarters are suitable accommodations for a…couples cruise of this sort, such as it is.”

Garrus’s eyebrow plates perked up at that while Joker groaned nearby. Shepard just laughed and smacked the pilot on the shoulder. He simply threw her a wry glance before turning back to his console.

“I agree, Commander,” Garrus said as they walked, and Shepard ignored the nod from Coats as she headed arm in arm with Garrus back to the elevator. 


	33. Major Coats and Hot Chocolate

"How's it feel, Commander?" Vega asked as they stood outside the airlock, securing their helmets in place.

"How's what feel?" she asked as she locked the last seal.

"Being back in uniform. Back on the job. The _real_ job."

If the occasion wasn't so serious, she might have laughed. And if she wasn't so worried about Alenko and Cortez, she might have enjoyed the feeling more, but as it was, she couldn't find it within her to enjoy being a soldier again. So she just shrugged as the airlock opened, allowing them to board the ship Kaidan had left behind.

The emptiness of the ship made Shepard's hair stand on end. But it wasn't just the desolate feeling that got under her skin. It was the absolutely lack of any sign that the ship had ever been occupied at all. The logs were scrubbed. If someone didn't know that this vessel had housed a full crew, it could be mistaken for a brand new ship awaiting its maiden voyage.

The ship was in perfect condition, and this was the comment Shepard finally voiced aloud as Vega and Garrus followed behind her, looking for any sign of what happened to the former crew.

"It's like they were never here at all," she said, her voice echoing off the metal walls.

 _"Try the comm room,"_ Coats suggested in her ear from the Normandy. _"If anyone tried to send an outgoing distress signal before they were boarded or abducted, it might not have been wiped from the ship's logs if it wasn't completed yet."_

"It's worth a shot," Shepard said, nodding in the direction of the ship's briefing room as she looked to Garrus's face, his expression hidden by the dark visor of his helmet. He nodded in return as the three of them moved silently through the crew deck of Kaidan's empty ship.

But the trip afforded them nothing. No outgoing messages. No incoming messages. No trace that the comm room had ever been used. Shepard sighed and shrugged her shoulders in defeat as she turned to leave, but just as the doors slid open in front of her, she had a thought.

"Coats, I'm not as familiar with this frigate's tech layout," she said. "Is it set up like the Normandy?"

 _"What do you mean?"_ Coats asked.

"I mean, does the captain have his own personal channel in his quarters? Would Alenko have had a separate line there?"

Silence on the comm for a moment. Then Traynor's voice piped in.

 _"Commander, it's Sam. You're right. This frigate had the same comm set up as the Normandy_."

"Acknowledged," Shepard nodded, Vega and Garrus already moving in step behind her as they made their way to the lower deck where Kaidan's personal cabin would have been.

When they entered the room where Kaidan and Steve would have slept, Shepard's heart sank. On Kaidan's desk near the bed was a picture of the two men together - someplace tropical - just like she and Garrus enjoyed on their time off.

 _We may not have always seen eye to eye, Kaidan_ , she thought, _but I will find you - both of you - and bring you home._

She lightly thumbed the smiling faces in the picture before replacing it on the desk. Just as she did, her hopes soared when she saw something new. The light on Kaidan's private terminal was flashing, signaling an incoming message. With slightly trembling fingers, she turned on the terminal. Before she could react, an image popped up on the screen before her. She heard Garrus hiss in surprise and Vega curse under his breath as they all recognized who it was that faced them.

_"Shepard. I knew you would come."_

"Goddammit, Patsy-Bob."

It was still the Illusive Man's face that stared back at her, but what Shepard saw on the terminal screen sent the same chill up her spine she had felt when Garrus showed her the vid of the robot turians. His face was older and...warped. That was the best description she could come up with in her head as the recording played before her. His skin was clearly augmented with synthetic implants and those eyes...

They weren't just an odd shade of light blue, hinting that they were synthetic implants themselves. They _glowed_ blue. Just like the eyes of the turians Garrus had shown her back on the Citadel.

The recording continued as Shepard's thoughts raced.

 _"So you came after Alenko. Even after everything he did to you. You were always loyal and true, Shepard. Also so disgustingly moral. It was -_ is _\- your downfall."_

How could she have not seen this coming? Did they all just forget about the Illusive Man? Apparently they had. They were foolish - foolish to think that there was no threat to galactic civilization left. Foolish to imagine that just because the Reapers were gone that they were safe from those who intended the destruction of their way of life.

But what was the Illusive Man's game now?

_"I almost couldn't believe you sent him out here alone. Becoming a politician - you surprised me there, Shepard. I never would have thought you had it in you. But, as always, you excel at everything you do - saving the galaxy from the Reapers, bringing home those you love, even raising a family. I should thank you really. Your efficient job of repairing the relays has made my own plans that much easier to set in motion."_

"I swear if he touches my daughter..." she began, but the Illusive Man's recording cut her off.

_"Don't worry, Shepard. I have no intention of hurting your precious family. Quite the contrary. I want to help you. You have always been so short-sighted - destroying things we could have used to further humanity's interests. Fighting against those we could have controlled to become the ruling power in the galaxy."_

She relaxed a little as the Illusive Man said he would not harm her family, but she knew it was only temporary. Whatever this diabolical man had in store, his plans would not stay contained long. She had to find him and destroy him for good. At that thought, she felt her hands begin to shake. She willed them to stop, gripping her legs to slow the physical symptoms that accompanied the racing of her heart.

 _"In fact, I'm going to prove it to you. I've uploaded the coordinates of my base - the place where you will find not only me, but Alenko and all his precious crew. You want to see them again, don't you?_ "

There was something different about the Illusive Man in this pre-recorded message. Something beyond his synthetically altered skin and face. Something beyond his older and slightly haggard, augmented appearance. He sounded lost - almost desperate. She still wasn't sure how all the pieces of this message and the disappearances around the galaxy fit together, but she willed herself to focus.

Her body was shaking now, her muscles clenching and unclenching in anger and fear. She could only hope Vega and Garrus couldn't see how much this message was affecting her, although she was sure that Garrus could read signs of her internal conflict with his visor underneath his helmet.

_"Come and see me, Shepard. This is your last chance to join me. I will not be defeated. Not by you. Not by anyone. But you can choose to ally yourself with the powerful forces of the galaxy this time instead of fighting against them. It's up to you."_

And the terminal went dark. Shepard stood for several moments, simply staring at the emptiness of the screen amidst the vacuum of the ship itself. The lights in the cabin hummed softly as she tried to process what she had just seen.

An enemy she had truly forgotten. One she thought would simply disappear into the oblivion of time and space. Today, he had appeared out of nowhere, intent on ruining everything she had worked so hard for - just a little bit of peace.

 _"We've uploaded the coordinates encrypted in the message into the Normandy's computer systems, Commander,"_ Traynor's voice shocked her out of her reverie. Garrus must have sensed her distress, because his hand gently clasped her shoulder as she stood up straight before turning around. She couldn't see his face, still obscured by the dark visor of his helmet, but just knowing he was there and he was _real_ was enough to help her move forward.

"Thanks, Sam," she said. "Joker, set a course and we'll head that direction as soon as the ground team is back aboard the Normandy. And Coats?"

 _"Yes, Commander?"_ the Major's voice asked as Shepard led her team out of Kaidan's empty room and back toward the airlock.

"Send a message to Alliance Command. I want this ship taken in and cleaned up. Have it scanned and ripped apart for any trace of what happened before they were..."

She didn't have the heart to finish her sentence. Luckily, she didn't have to. Coats simply replied, _"Aye, aye, ma'am."_

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

The familiar red light of the Main Battery was not as comforting as Garrus had hoped it would be. What they had found on the abandoned ship had been disconcerting for all of them. No wonder he had felt a chill in his spine when Trynix gave him the report about missing citizens. All of this came back to the Illusive Man. All of this came back to control and "Patsy-Bob's" insane obsession with power.

And all of them had missed it.

They had all forgotten about their old enemy, going about life as if everything was fine. Everything was fixed. No more "big bads" to worry about. Just repairing the technology of the galaxy and moving along as if a war had never happened. As if the Reapers were the only danger to worry about and once they were vanquished, all was well.

And that would be their downfall.

Garrus knew that Lizzie was taking the news hard, but she had said she wanted some time alone. He knew better than to push her in a moment like this. He knew she had a routine. He knew she was in her cabin right now, familiar black shorts and tank top on, legs curled up underneath her as she scrolled through any data she could find on their destination.

Teukria. The small fourth planet in the Tasale system. The second planet of the Tasale system was one they all knew well - Illium. And in this period of its orbit, it was closer to the fourth planet than it came in millenia, Illium nearing a point where it would eclipse Teukria on its route around Tasale's star. Crews had been sent to repair this system's relay early on and the galaxy's economy had again begun to bustle as soon as they did. This hub of commerce was active and full of life.

And underneath all their noses, a great threat had been hiding, looming over them like some dark storm cloud, just waiting to burst.

 _Why here?_ Garrus pondered as he fired algorithms into the Normandy's Thanix, the motions on autopilot. _Why is the Illusive Man here? And what the hell is he up to?_

But a ping on his omni-tool shook him from his musings. Quickly he shut it off and turned around with a sigh. He had set an alarm for himself so that no matter what, he would stop at a certain time and check on Shepard. She was allowed to have her space to work, but he would not leave her alone for too long. The way she had reacted at seeing the Illusive Man's face on the screen in Kaidan's cabin worried him. He had watched as her pulse spiked, her body temperature falling at the same time her hands began to shake followed by slight stomach convulsions. Vega had said nothing, model soldier that he was, but it made Garrus want to do nothing more than hold Shepard close and tell her he was there, remind her she was not alone in this.

She never had been alone and she never would be.

He turned off the Thanix and moved for the door. As his eyes adjusted to the brighter light of the corridor outside the Main Battery, his face softened when it lighted upon a familiar figure sitting alone in the mess.

"Hey," Shepard said as he approached, her back straightening slowly, her hands releasing the warm mug they held in a death grip.

"Hey yourself," he said as he sat across from her, reaching for her hands. She smiled and complied, placing her small human fingers within his own and Garrus was grateful he had dispensed with wearing his gloves everywhere years ago. It made for much more contact with the woman he loved and his new habit was paying off now.

"I didn't want to bug you," she said.

"It never stopped you before," he smirked at her. She chuckled back at him.

"Yeah...I know, I just..." she didn't finish her sentence, but Garrus could feel her hands tremble slightly as she released him and gripped her mug again, taking a sip of what Garrus assumed was hot chocolate. After all these years, some things never changed. Shepard's love for a cup of hot chocolate on nights when she couldn't sleep and his adoration for her were two of those things.

"We will arrive in the morning," she finally said, her voice steadier than it had been a minute before as she turned to business matters. "There's an abandoned mining facility on Teukria. Looks like Patsy-Bob is holed up in there."

"We'll get him, Lizzie," Garrus reassured her.

"It's a trap, Garrus."

He knew that. They all knew it. But no one wanted to say it out loud. They all knew what they were walking into and yet, at the same time, they knew absolutely nothing. What would they find when they reached the small fourth planet of the Tasale system? What was the Illusive Man doing there? What did he want with them? But even with all the unanswered questions, Garrus knew it was useless to try and convince Lizzie they shouldn't go. Hell, he could hardly convince himself.

They had to stop the Illusive Man, and there was no one better to do it than Shepard.

But before they stopped him, once and for all, and they had to find out what he was up to. Garrus had a feeling that the Illusive Man had no intention of letting Shepard in on his plans. This was simply a way to draw her in and get what he wanted from her. But he also knew that Shepard had every intention of finding out what the Illusive Man was plotting, whether he wanted to tell her about it or not.

But what the Illusive Man couldn't prepare for was the sheer hatred that flashed through Shepard's eyes at the mention of his name. The Illusive Man might try and trap them, but in the end, he would never be a match for Elizabeth Shepard.

Usually Garrus would say that strong emotions interfere with a mission. All turians would say the same thing, hence the reason they allowed for sparring and fraternization - so that emotions would be gone and heads would be clear when soldiers disembarked for assignments. But this felt different. And Shepard was the best soldier of them all. Despite everything that had happened to them, he had every confidence that she would be able to do what needed to be done when it came down to it.

His arms ached to hold her in that moment as he thought about how wonderful she was. There was one part of the Illusive Man's speech that he had gotten right. Shepard _did_ excel at everything she touched. And right now, Garrus longed to touch her. When he reached for her hands again, she smiled at him and squeezed his fingers in return.

Both of them jumped as someone rounded the corner of the mess.

"Oh, so sorry," Coats said, apparently as startled as Garrus and Shepard were to find others not assigned to the night shift in the mess at this hour. "I...just came down to grab a bite to eat. Didn't expect to find anyone else here."

Shepard smiled and shook her head at the Major. "No problem, Coats. Having a little trouble sleeping myself."

"I see that," Coats smiled and motioned to the cup she had in front of her. "Your usual antidote, I suppose?"

Lizzie chuckled and said, "You know me too well." And Garrus thought there was more truth to that statement than Shepard realized. Even among her closest friends, there were certain things that only Garrus was privy to. He thought her ritual of hot chocolate was one of them...or at least that it was reserved for those very close to her. He supposed that Coats had spent a lot of time working with Shepard while Garrus was on the jungle moon - in fact, Coats had worked with Shepard very closely for over six years - but still...

"I'll just grab a ration bar and be out of your hair," Coats said, rustling in a cupboard, but Shepard stood up quickly.

"No need. Garrus and I were just leaving." Shepard jerked her head to the side, motioning for him to follow. He didn't need to be told twice, but after the brief conversation he had just witnessed with the Major, Garrus felt oddly possessive. As he stood, he pulled Shepard to his side, wrapping his arm around her. Shepard flicked a surprised but pleased glance at him. Garrus was too enraptured with her beautiful expression to notice what, if any, was the Major's reaction.

"See you in the morning, Coats," Shepard said. "You're on the ground team with us when we arrive."

Now it was Garrus's turn to look surprised. He chanced a look at the Major who looked just as surprised as he did.

"I'm honored, Commander," Coats said, not saluting, but still assuming a respectful pose. "I won't let you down."

"I know you won't," Shepard smiled. "See you at 0700."

"Until then," Coats said softly as Shepard and Garrus walked arm in arm to the elevator.

The ride to the loft was silent, but Shepard didn't release him from her grasp. Garrus leaned down and nuzzled the top of her head with his mandible. When the doors finally opened, he couldn't help but notice that Shepard's posture wasn't quite as straight as it had been since the Major appeared below. Clearly, she had put on a face of strength for the third party to their conversation and although Garrus never wanted Shepard to feel insecure or worried, just knowing that she trusted him enough to see her true feelings made him forget all about Major Coats and hot chocolate.

"Garrus," she said, just above a whisper as the cabin doors shut behind them. "I need you...to remind me this is all real."

So that's what it was. She had put on her soldier face for the Major below, but this mission was getting to her. Elizabeth Shepard might be the strongest and best that the galaxy had to offer, of any race, but she still needed her turian XO to give her strength when she was...

Afraid.

He pulled her to his chest quickly and purred as her arms wrapped around his waist, her head tucked just under his chin.

" _This_ is real," he reassured her as he stroked her hair with his fingers. "And we will win. Just like old times."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it what you expected? Did I surprise you?
> 
> Even if you expected this, perhaps you don't expect what's coming next.... To quote our favorite krogan, "Heh heh heh."
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	34. Foolishness and Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we meet the real villain....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long, but many questions will be answered. Thanks for reading!

If there was ever any doubt in his mind that this was a trap, that doubt was dispelled the second that Garrus stepped foot inside the mining facility where the Illusive Man was waiting for them. It was silent as they made their way through the corridors. So silent that he could hear Shepard's breathing near him.

They said no words as they made their way through the hallways of the facility. The Normandy had picked up life signs when it scanned the facility - mainly focused in the inner most rooms, several levels down from the entrance they had found on the planet's surface. Garrus followed as close behind Shepard as he dared, watching the light from her omni-tool swing with each step.

 _"Commander_ ," Traynor's voice came over the comm, causing all of them to jerk slightly. _"I'm not sure what to make of it exactly, but there are some weak life signs in a room somewhere to your right."_

"Got it," Shepard whispered while she motioned for Coats and Garrus to follow her. Turning down the hallway to their right, they found a locked door at a dead end. All Shepard had to do was toss him a glance and Garrus knew what she wanted. Turning on his omni-tool and blinking in the flash of new light, he worked to hack the lock, his mandibles flaring when he found success. Silently, the trio proceeded into the dark room.

And what they saw almost made Garrus keel over and rid himself of the bile that rose in his throat. All around them were power chords that reminded him of the Collector base, each one attached to a stasis pod. And each stasis pod had a person trapped inside, just as they had found on the Collector base years ago.

He willed himself to be strong as he saw Shepard swaying slightly in front of him. Reaching out, he caught her arm with his hand and noticed that Coats had done the same on Shepard's other side.

"Shepard," Garrus whispered. "You're alright. Stay with me."

"I'm not fainting, Garrus," she said, wrangling her arms out of the grasp of both her teammates. Garrus ignored the shocked glance from the Major to his right. "My head....it's humming in here, can't you hear it?"

Garrus's heart fluttered with worry. He didn't hear any humming. He heard nothing in the room at all other than the steady beating of his heart in his ears. He didn't reply. He simply looked to Coats next to him, the human Major almost imperceptibly shaking his head.

Changing the subject, Garrus said, "Let's get these people out of here. Maybe one of them is Kaidan or Cortez."

"Right," Shepard said, rolling her shoulders and cracking her neck. "Break open these pods quickly people."

Garrus ran to the nearest pod and followed Shepard's orders. There were so many of them, but even as they broke gasping crew members from Kaidan's team and the turian reconnaissance crew out of the pods, Garrus realized there weren't nearly enough pods in this room to account for all of the missing people. He bemoaned the fate of those they had not been in time to save.

"Shepard! Over here!" Coats called from the corner near the back of the room. Garrus finished breaking open the last pod in the row he had been working on and ran to Coats's position. There, kneeling on the floor on all fours was Kaidan Alenko, second human Spectre.

"Kaidan!" Shepard cried as she knelt on the floor next to him, wrapping the man in a tight hug. "You're alive!"

"Shepard..." Kaidan groaned as he realized what was happening. "But how....Where's Steve?"

With tears in her eyes, Shepard turned around to look at Garrus. "Find him. There are more pods down that row."

Garrus and Coats obeyed. To his great relief, Garrus found Cortez in another pod at the end of the row, still alive. The lieutenant was weak, but Garrus helped him walk to Shepard and Alenko's position. Cortez's expression broke into a relieved smile when he saw his husband kneeling on the floor.

"Kaidan! You're alive!" He said as he sank to the floor. The two men embraced and Garrus watched as Shepard stood to give them a moment together. Quietly, she turned to Coats and said, "Round up the other crew that we just released by the door."

"Aye, aye, Commander," Coats said as he turned to obey.

"Traynor," Shepard said into the comm.

 _"Yes, Shepard?"_ Traynor replied.

 _"_ Send the back up team to these coordinates. Liara, Javik, and Vega are standing by. I want them to pick up these crew members and escort them back to the Normandy."

_"The team is on its way, Commander."_

Shepard sighed and looked back at Kaidan and Steve who had finally released each other from their tight hold on one another. She looked up at Garrus who returned her relieved glance. Lightly squeezing his hand before she moved, she walked over to her two friends, helping them stand and face her.

"I'm really sorry to push you for answers right now," she began, "but we need to know. What the hell happened?"

Kaidan and Steve just looked at each other, confusion on the brow of each man.

"I really don't know, Shepard," Kaidan finally said. "My last memories were falling asleep in my cabin. I...don't have any recollection past that. Except that I felt....cold."

Cortez nodded as he gripped Kaidan's hand. "Dark and cold. That's all I can remember, Shepard."

Dark and cold. Garrus had heard those words before, but not from anything having to do with the Illusive Man. Or the Reapers, really. But something else. Something he had never come in direct contact with himself.

It appeared that Shepard had the same thought as she listened to the two men explain, her eyes glossing over as she looked up at him. Her expression taking her somewhere far away beyond his reach. But just before Garrus reached out to grab her hand and pull her back to reality, she shook her head.

"I'm just glad you are both safe," she smiled.

"I'm sorry, Shepard," Kaidan said, sadness in his eyes. "We failed you. We still have no idea who is responsible for -"

"I do," Shepard said, biting her cheek in frustration. "And this is something far beyond what we expected, but Sam can brief you back on the ship."

Just at that moment, Liara, Javik, and Vega burst into the room. Garrus watched as Shepard left Kaidan and Steve to give instructions to the back up team that would escort the surviving crewmembers back to the Normandy. It all seemed to happen so fast and all Garrus could think about as he watched and assisted with the effort of helping the recovered victims to their feet were two words.

Dark. Cold.

Eventually, the survivors were led out of sight by the back up team and Shepard motioned for Garrus and Coats to follow her deeper into the mining facility. The place was silent again although their hearts were a little lighter. Finding Kaidan and Cortez alive had definitely lifted Garrus's spirits and he could see that it had cheered Shepard as well.

Shepard stopped abruptly before an elevator door and put her hand to her ear.

"Is this it, Sam?"

 _"That's it, Commander,"_ Traynor responded. _"That elevator shaft leads to the main hall of the facility. We may have trouble establishing communication once you are down there."_

"Roger that, Traynor. Shepard out." Lizzie turned to face him and Coats, her eyes resting on Garrus's before she spoke again. "This is it."

Garrus nodded, conscious of Coats doing the same beside him as they followed Shepard into the elevator. It creaked and groaned as it descended lower and lower beneath the planet's surface. Garrus was extremely aware of the rise in Shepard's pulse, but he knew there was nothing he could do to help her other than what he was doing. Standing right behind her. Watching her six as they descended into...who knew what. But whatever it was, he would be right there with her through it all.

 

_"You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too?" he grinned at her. "Just like old times."_

 

 _No place I'd rather be_ , Garrus thought when the doors finally slid open and the air rushed out of his lungs as he took in the sight before them. He followed Shepard as she began to move forward. Garrus noticed her hands were shaking as she raised her weapon and pointed it at the figure who stood alone on a platform overlooking a deep mine cavity.

"Shepard. I'm surprised it took you so long."

They moved forward steadily as a unit, all weapons pointed at the Illusive Man. But as they reached the platform, Garrus's stomach plummeted at what he saw just over the edge of the platform.

Hanging just as it had deep in the Collector Base was an odd recreation of the baby human Reaper. But this version was a complete bastardization of its predecessor. It had what looked like a replica of turian fringe and a krogan carapace, but five skeleton fingers and five skeleton toes on each hanging leg.

It was even more of an abomination than the baby Reaper they had found in the Collector Base.

Garrus's eyes snapped to attention when the Illusive Man spoke again.

"What do you think of my new creation, Shepard?" he said, and for the first time, Garrus noticed the odd changes in the Illusive Man's manner. He looked older and more haggard as he had in the vid on Kaidan's ship, but there was more to it than that. His hands trembled. His head occasionally twitched to the side and he seemed unsteady on his feet. And on top of it all, his eyes were glowing that eerie, bright, unnatural blue.

"I'm assuming you found Alenko and the others already," the Illusive Man continued. "I made it very easy for you, you see. They weren't really what I needed."

"And just what did you need?" Shepard asked, her voice low with controlled anger.

"You, of course," he said. "I _wanted_ you to come here. I know what mistakes the Reapers made. I know how to correct them. And now, with the help of a power superior to the Reapers' primitive attempts at controlling the galaxy, I have perfected the technique where they failed miserably. It does nothing to collect DNA of any and all humans. What we truly need is a Reaper with the combined DNA of the best the galaxy has to offer - of all races. It's good you brought Vakarian with you. He is the finest the turians have to offer."

"You will die this time, Illusive Man," Garrus said through gritted teeth, waiting for Shepard to give him the command to shoot the bastard.

"I think not, but your courage is admirable, Vakarian," the trembling Illusive Man said with a grin. "You see, I'm not completely unarmed this time."

"You look unarmed to me," Coats spit next to him, but no sooner had the human Major said that than Garrus heard the elevator door open again behind them. Keeping his weapon trained on the Illusive Man, he turned his head to the side to see two figures exit the elevator, each of them carrying something in their arms. Something large. And round.

He had seen objects like those before. They had _used_ objects like that before. Artifacts employed by ancient creatures that lived deep beneath the sea...

And everyone had forgotten about them.

Foolishness. Foolishness and pride. Those two traits would be the downfall of the galaxy.

"It's a pity you didn't bring Eva down with you," the Illusive Man said, his body jerking in slow convulsions while he miraculously maintained his standing position. "I have...missed her so. But Desolas...that bastard will pay. I know he's on Illium. He thinks he has fooled me, but he can't fool the Leviathans. They know where the artifact is and I was right all along. Turian bastard can't hide from me. And soon, he will return Eva to me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shepard said, her head shaking in obvious confusion, but the mention of the name "Desolas" ignited something in Garrus's memory. He had heard that name before. But where? Something he had read in a file after returning home to the Citadel. Something hidden beneath red tape and lost in a sea of paperwork. Something the Hierarchy wanted forgotten.

Arterius. It finally dawned on him. Desolas Arterius. Saren's brother. Garrus's eyes widened as the realization washed through him.

The Illusive Man's identity was finally clear to him.

"I loved her so," the Illusive Man continued. "He will pay for taking her from me. But we will be together again soon. You have her reconstructed body on your ship. EDI stole it from me, but I will have her back."

"You're insane," Shepard finally said, breaking the silence.

"You see, Shepard," the Illusive Man. "The Leviathans were simply waiting for someone to rid the galaxy of the Reapers. But now that they are gone, the true apex race can resume its rightful place. And I will assume my place with them. Helping rule the galaxy at their side. The Leviathans and humanity were meant to be partners. They simply had to wait for our race to reach its peak of evolution. And you and me - we're it, Shepard."

"No," Shepard whispered near him. "The Reapers would never have shared control and the Leviathans won't share power with you either."

To Garrus's dismay, he watched as Shepard's weapon lowered, her hands trembling as if struggling with a force he couldn't see.

Then he heard it. A low buzzing in his ears. Garrus felt his own fingers release the trigger on his weapon and his knees fall to the floor in tandem with Shepard and Coats beside him.

"It's so much easier after previous exposure, Shepard," the Illusive Man explained as he walked toward them, his feet shuffling across the platform in a horrific dance. "And if anyone in this galaxy has had too much exposure to the Reapers and the Leviathans mental powers, it would be you. So easy to control you now. It took prolonged exposure for the others, but not for you."

Garrus groaned as he fought the control over his mind. The thralls from the elevator were closer now and the closer they got, the louder the humming in his ears became while a coldness crept into his heart. He struggled to turn his head to the side, watching Shepard in vain as her face contorted with her own silent struggle against control.

But just at that moment - in the moment where Garrus feared that all was lost - she turned and looked back at him. Their eyes locked and no amount of mental control could stop the glance that passed between them.

Love. Garrus loved Shepard with every fiber of his being and he saw the same expression on her face, her green eyes lighting up with life as her body began to glow with a soft blue aura.

"Never," he heard her say as she turned away from him. Garrus longed for her to keep looking at him - to keep finding strength in his eyes. But there was no need. The blue aura surrounding her grew more and more as she fought to pull her feet underneath her. Garrus watched the expression on the Illusive Man's face change from haughty to surprised to frightened, but it was too late for him and he realized that fact after Shepard had made her move.

With a shout that came from someplace deep within her, Garrus watched as his Lizzie used the strength he had given her to summon her biotic powers and throw the Illusive Man across the platform that hung over the mining cavity.

The Illusive Man had no last words. He didn't even make a sound as he fell to the depths below. The control over him was complete, his own consciousness sacrificed to the apex race that abandoned him in his hour of need. But after a few moments of silence, Garrus heard a satisfying thud somewhere in the cavern below.

Still struggling, Garrus watched Shepard turn to the thralls behind them. Shepard's display had given him strength to pull himself up and he moved to stand next to her. He raised his weapon and she raised a hand toward the two people that approached them with glowing eyes and glowing artifacts in hand.

But before Shepard released another bout of energy at the approaching dark, Garrus felt a chill pass through him. The thrall on the right began to speak.

"You have not won, Shepard," it said in a voice clearly not its own, the low timbre ringing in Garrus's ears, making him wince. "We have waited long for this opportunity and you will not take it from us."

Garrus used all the strength he could muster to cock his weapon against his shoulder and fire at the thrall that had spoken, hitting not only the person carrying the artifact, but the artifact itself. The servant of the Leviathans tumbled to the dark below.

His act had helped Lizzie find the last reserves of her own strength as together, Shepard and Vakarian fought against a force so powerful it could control the minds of masses. He watched as the blue aura focused around her, and with another shout, she threw the second thrall over the edge of the platform, shattering the artifact as she did so.

But just as Garrus felt the control of the Leviathans' artifacts leave his mind, he watched in horror as Lizzie collapsed to the ground next to him. He dropped to her side, cradling her head in his lap. Coats finally came to life then, the control of the Leviathans no longer affecting him as he stood nearby.

"Traynor! This is Garrus! Get Miranda, Jack, and Grunt down here now!"

Her heart rate was steady but her eyes were closed as Garrus brushed a stray hair out of her face.

"Stay with me, Lizzie," Garrus whispered as a single stream of blood trickled from her nose. "We're not done yet..."

 

>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< 

 

She knew she was no longer in danger when the cold finally left her. Shepard's eyes fluttered open and she found herself in the familiar dim light of the Normandy's med bay. She couldn't help the smile that passed over her face when she saw Garrus snoring lightly in a chair next to her bed. Seeing him reassured her that everything around her was real - the bad _and_ the good. The Illusive Man's return had been a nightmare and the thought of the Leviathans attempting to re-establish themselves as the ruling power of the galaxy was frightening to say the least, but with Garrus here at her side, Shepard felt like she could do anything.

Almost not wanting to wake him, she reached out and touched his hand as it rested on her bed near her. His eyes flew open and he stood with a relieved sigh when they met hers, his strong arms pulling her close to him as he sat next to her on the bed.

"Lizzie...you're awake," he said.

"Yeah, how long was I out?" she asked as he released her enough to look at him.

"About 14 hours," he said. "Chakwas said you would be fine, but there was no way I was leaving you alone."

"Did you talk to Livy?" Shepard asked, eyes sad at the thought of her daughter worrying about her.

Garrus nodded and smiled. "I did. She's fine. Enjoying her time with Grandma and Grandpa. I just told her you were really tired and would call her in the morning."

"Thanks," she sighed as she leaned her head back against the pillow. "And everyone made it back to the ship?"

"Everyone's fine. They're all worried about you."

"What happened after...after I threw that thrall?"

Garrus paused and gripped her hand tighter before he replied. "You just...collapsed. After the second artifact was destroyed, the cold left me and I could tell Coats felt the control leave as well. But as soon as it did, you fell. I called for backup and we got you back to the ship."

"And the base?"

"I hope you don't mind," Garrus's mandibles flickered in something like amusement. "I took a tip from the last time we encountered an abomination of that sort. We blew that place sky high."

Shepard laughed, a real guttural laugh, before she spoke. "Good," she said. "And the baby Reaper?"

"It wasn't operational yet," Garrus shook his head. "Luckily. It looked fancy, but that's all it was. Nothing sentient about it."

"Do you know what he was talking about? The whole Eva thing?" she asked, confused. Garrus sat leaned back slightly before answering.

"I think I do, actually," he said. "I read some reports from long before anyone had heard of the Reapers. Saren had a brother. I think that was who the Illusive Man was talking about. His name was Desolas and around the time of the Relay 314 Incident, there was a debacle involving him and some ancient artifact that Desolas had tracked down. I'm not clear on all the details, but somehow two human men and a human woman were involved. At first I couldn't put together the pieces, but as the Illusive Man went on about Eva...it sounds to me like he was one of the two men from that incident."

"Wow...really? So there were other artifacts, long before I encountered the beacon on Eden Prime?"

"That's what it sounds like," Garrus replied, mandibles tight against his face. "I just recently achieved enough clearance to have access to files like that. I only glanced at this one because it mentioned an artifact and seemed relevant to Reapers, but since they were defeated, I ignored it. I wish I hadn't now, because I believe that old file holds the key to the Illusive Man's identity. I believe he was one of the men involved with Desolas and that artifact. They had an incident on Illium. Possibly why the Illusive Man chose to come here to this system."

"So the Reapers were working on indoctrinating the Illusive Man long before any of us even came in contact with them," Shepard mused. She sat quietly for a few moments beefore asking, "Do you know his name?"

"If he is who I think he is, then he was a man named Jack. Jack Harper."

"Jack Harper." Shepard closed her eyes, playing the name over and over in her head. "It suits him, I guess. So this Eva person?"

"One of his partners."

"Sick fuck. He recreated her image in the body that EDI uses now. That's not love, that's insanity."

"That's what it looks like."

They sat in silence as Shepard mulled over what Garrus told her and replayed what had happened to them on that dwarf planet.

"It was you, you know," she finally said, not hiding the grin on her face as she realized how cliché it all was.

"What was me?" he asked, his browplates raised.

"I saw you looking at me," she began, trying to explain. "The cold and the dark were almost overpowering. It was all I could do to keep from giving in, but then I saw you." She reached up and cupped his face in her hand. "I could fight back because of you. You have always been my strength, Garrus. Thank you for that."

His mandibles fluttered beneath her touch, but he stayed silent. Eventually, she released him and laid back again.

"So...the Illusive Man was only part of the problem," she sighed. "How lax and stupid we all have been...Not only did I forget about Patsy-Bob, I completely forgot about the Leviathans. I should have known better than to trust them. I bargained with the devil in enlisting their assistance, and I lost the bet."

Garrus stopped her as he bent down to press his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the contact before he pulled back to speak again.

"There was no way you could have known what they would do," he said. "And we needed their help. They were a great asset during the war."

"And just like so many other 'assets', they have turned against us now."

They were both quiet, fingers playing over the skin of each other's hands, contemplating all that had occurred in one day.

"How do we fight them, Garrus?" Shepard finally asked, worry creasing her brow. "How can we fight something like the Leviathans? They can control our very minds. How do we fight against something like that? Knowing that you were there...that you loved me...that helped me fight off weak and puny human thralls. But that won't work against the Leviathans themselves if they are truly intent on ruling the galaxy again."

Garrus didn't look at her for several moments, his fingers still tracing lines into the back of her hand. Shepard could tell there was something he wanted to say. Or perhaps there was something he _didn't_ want to say. Either way, she waited patiently for him to decide.

Finally, he raised his eyes and looked at her. There was a sadness in those piercing blue eyes. And something akin to fear. She didn't like it, but his voice reassured her,  his subvocals still comforting even though the look on his face didn't match his tone.

"I think I have an idea," he said softly. "But for now, you should rest some more. I will stay here with you and explain in the morning."

She didn't argue with him. She could tell this was something he wanted time to explain and she had to agree that she could use the rest.

She scooted over on the bed and patted the space she made beside her. Shepard felt relief wash over her as Garrus's mandibles flared in a grin when he crawled into the bed next to her. But it was Garrus whose breathing became regular first as Shepard stared up at the ceiling of the medbay, wide awake, her arms wrapped around the sleeping turian next to her.

 

_"We have waited long for this opportunity and you will not take it from us."_

 

"Just wait," she said to the empty room. "You have underestimated me. You have underestimated _us._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't explain all the details of the Desolas/Jack Harper/Eva Core story here because it's really not the main purpose of this story. However, there's plenty of information on the wiki and in Mass Effect: Evolution to fill in the blanks I left if you are curious.
> 
> Cheers!


	35. To Keep You Safe

She absolutely hated the plan, but if what Garrus had told her was true, this might be Shepard's only chance to confront the Leviathans and finally protect the galaxy, once and for all allowing people to make choices for themselves, free of control from any outside force or influence. She had offered to explain the situation and the plan to the crew, the Council and the Admirals herself, but Garrus declined her offer.

"This is my plan," he said. "And it's my responsibility. I will tell them."

The argument didn't go any farther than that. He had proposed his plan to the Alliance Admirals first. Though they were wary of it, they agreed that there didn't seem to be another course of action that could account for all the variables involved. Surprisingly, the Council had been more receptive and eager to the plan than the Admirals were, but Shepard wasn't surprised. The Council had always been more willing to sacrifice lives that were not their own - with the exception of Tali and Wrex, of course.

Tali had put up a bit of a fight and Shepard had not interfered when her quarian friend wanted to have a word with Garrus alone on vidcomm, no doubt confronting him about his long held silence. If anything could be gleaned from the tone of Tali's voice in the bits of conversation Shepard picked up from outside the door, she was more hurt than upset that Garrus had kept information from her. But in the end, everyone understood why Garrus and Shepard had kept the matter quiet.

Garrus had wanted to protect the Normandy crew and Shepard had wanted to protect Garrus. But the secret could be hidden no longer.

Ezola was a powerful force and not one to be treated lightly. Enlisting her help would be a delicate and risky matter.

"So, you're telling me that there was some creepy alien chick watching us the whole time?" Vega said. "Spying on us? _Reading our minds!?!?"_

"That's what I'm telling you," Garrus replied quietly, leaning forward with both hands on the conference table and studying some spot on the table with feigned interest.

"It finally makes sense," Javik said, crossing his arms over his chest as he took in what Garrus had said. "I knew we were being watched, but I could also tell that something was hiding her from us. It is...intriguing...to say the least, to know that she has mental powers of such strength. But it would also explain the strange timbre of the echoes I could not read in the objects she touched. Even her name makes sense."

"What do you mean by that?" Shepard asked.

"Ezola," Liara explained. "It is prothean for 'island.' And crashing on that moon was very much like being stranded on an island, but instead of an ocean surrounding it, the moon was surrounded by an empty sector of space. She must have felt very alone - stranded as she was on the moon, the only one of her kind in existence."

Shepard was surprised she had never picked up on that bit herself, since she was able to understand prothean. But perhaps she was able to understand it only when interfacing with an artifact or prothean technology, not the language in general.

"I should very much like to meet this creature," Javik said, his inflection rising with interest. "In a way, she is the only being we know of that is a remnant of my own people. And her research must contain fascinating data. Things I had thought were lost..."

Shepard didn't miss the look of annoyance that Liara tossed her prothean bondmate, but Javik was completely oblivious. She knew a look of jealousy when she saw one, but Shepard was sure that Liara had nothing to fear, since she herself was party to the looks of complete adoration for Liara that Javik donned when he thought no one was looking.

Garrus's voice beside her broke Shepard from her musings.

"There were many fascinating experiments on her ship," he said, his voice still reserved. "It was because of her experiments that I was able to keep Tali and myself alive for so long. Ezola may be many things, but she gave us food that kept us going."

The room was silent, everyone lost in their own thoughts on the matter. Finally, it was Jack who spoke up.

"Fuck this," she said, throwing her arms out in a gesture of frustration. "We're going to bet our lives and the safety of the galaxy on some crazy alien bitch on a jungle moon because we _think_ she can shield us from the Leviathans? Because we _think_ she can protect our minds from their control? This is absolutely fucking crazy!"

"Do you have a better plan, Jack?" Shepard asked with gritted teeth.

"Yeah, I do," Jack replied. "Let's just blow the fucking planet to bits!"

"First of all," Garrus said. "We don't exactly have the firepower to 'blow the fucking planet to bits,' as you so aptly described. Second, even if we did, look at the havoc the Leviathans' defense system worked on the shuttle we took down to the planet's surface and to all the other ships that were unlucky enough to be caught in its grasp. Do you really think the Leviathans are stupid enough to let down their defenses for us to get missiles that close to them?"

That silenced Jack and everyone else again for a little while.

"I, for one, think it's a good plan," Coats piped up in surprising support. Shepard had been sure he would not like the plan, but his blue eyes met hers from across the room, his head nodding in her direction. "I trust Shepard and Vakarian. We have no other possible means of defense against creatures as powerful as the Leviathans. We need a force equally as powerful to protect our own minds, let us get close enough to them, and destroy them if need be. I can see no other immediate way around this."

"What about 'embracing eternity'?" James said, crossing his arms and adding to the conversation. "Doesn't that shit count for something? Can't you do something like that Doc? We don't really need to pick up this creepy creature, do we?"

Liara just shook her head. "My mental powers are nothing like what Garrus described Ezola as having. I can join minds with a willing partner, but I cannot force control of another's mind, nor can I shield my presence from others. However, the unique mix of prothean DNA and whatever this native species is on that jungle moon is extremely interesting and warrants further study."

"Shit...we better watch out for whatever you and Javik pop out some day," Jack said, waving a disgusted arm at the prothean-asari couple. "We'll have more mind-control midgets running around the galaxy once that happens."

Shepard almost laughed at the look that crossed Javik's face as he realized the implications of what Jack suggested. His surprised four eyes met with Liara's who smiled back at him, but Shepard stifled her chuckle, still painfully aware of the emotional turmoil her turian was going through at her side.

"I also find the plan to be a decent one," Miranda said, her silence finally broken as she stepped up next to Coats, meeting the human Major's eyes with a flicker of her eyelashes before looking back at Shepard. _Interesting development_ , Shepard thought briefly before turning her attention back to Miranda's words.

"We know that this Ezola person shielded not only herself, but her mother's entire village from the entire Normandy crew for two years," Miranda continued. "That is no small feat. That in itself is a testament to her powers. And I don't see any other plan that can do what we need to do and on the time schedule we have. It is clear that the Leviathans are not going to give us time to prepare to fight them. We need to act now. This at least gives us a chance."

"It's settled then," Shepard finally said. "We set course for the moon in the Exodus Cluster in the morning. Get a good night's rest. It's only a matter of hours from the Exodus relay - as I'm sure most of you are painfully aware."

"I really don't want to go back there, Shepard," Joker said quickly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Shepard's heart ached as she looked at his lowered head, her face then turning to each member of the crew that had been stranded on the jungle moon while waiting for rescue.

None of them could meet her gaze. Even Garrus was staring down at his own arms folded across his chest.

"I know this is a lot to ask of you," she said, her voice soft, almost reverent. Full of respect for those who were about to confront a nightmare they all thought in the past. "But I don't see another way out of this. We need something powerful enough to combat the Leviathans' strength. We don't have weapons or skills strong enough to fight them on our own. We need something they won't expect us to have. We need a power that can compete with theirs or we have no hope of finishing what we started almost ten years ago."

She straightened her shoulders and let her hands fall to her side, her posture straight, her green eyes looking at each of her friends in turn.

"We _have_ to finish this. And each of you deserves this final victory. We have fought so long and so hard for this. Let's make all our sacrifices worth it and see this through to the end."

"Always with the damn speeches, Commander," Jack said, but she smiled as she started walking to the door. The rest of the crew followed, and eventually, only Garrus remained with her in the conference room.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Garrus?" she asked, her voice laden with hesitation.

He flicked a weak grin at her.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

"You don't have to do this alone," Shepard had told him before he left the ship.

But he _did_ have to do this alone. Garrus knew that there was no way Ezola would let Shepard get near her ship and there was no way that Garrus would let Ezola hurt Shepard if he could help it. No, this was his task and his alone.

That didn't mean he wasn't wary of what would happen when he reached the familiar rendezvous spot. He wasn't stupid. He had no intention of going to see Ezola again _completely_ alone.

EDI brought a strange amount of comfort to Garrus as the pair made their way through the jungle, back to the place near the mound where Ezola lived.

 

_EDI had stood still while Ezola circled EDI, much as a predator stalks her prey. Garrus could not resist the urge to distance himself from the two women, the look in Ezola’s eyes one he had not seen before and one that definitely made him uncomfortable._

_Eventually, Ezola crouched slightly, bending her knees. EDI cocked her head to the side with a curious expression as the alien woman with the yellow-green eyes lunged at her._

_Garrus cried out and began to run back toward EDI to help her, but he quickly saw there was no need. EDI had easily deflected the lunge with an arm and now Ezola lay on the ground, her pride apparently wounded more than her body._

_When Garrus reached EDI, she looked to him in confusion and said, “Why did she attack me?”_

_Garrus looked down at Ezola who was curled up in a ball beneath him, unsure how to respond to the inquiry. Fortunately, he didn’t have to as the alien stood up, brushing herself off and straightening her shoulders._

_“I was angry with you,” Ezola said, looking down and dusting off the last of the dirt from her clothes of skins. “I am unable to read or control you.”_

 

EDI was his saving grace today. If Ezola decided to control him or hurt him in any way, he knew that EDI could either attempt to defend or protect him if she felt it possible, or she could go back to the Normandy and warn the crew. That, at least, would protect Shepard should Ezola turn on him. While he did not want anything to happen to himself at Ezola's hand, he could never live with himself if the prothean- _mouna_ girl ever hurt his Lizzie.

It seemed as if they waited for hours, but it was really only a few minutes before Garrus heard a voice that made his skin crawl.

"So you came back," he heard from within the tunnel behind him. "I never thought I would see you again."

Garrus knew she could read his thoughts, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking the first thing that raced through his mind.

 _I never thought I would be back here_. _I_ hoped _never to be back here..._

He heard her soft footfalls as she approached the vines that separated the outside world from the tunnel that led to the door of her relic ship. Garrus felt his limbs freeze as his eyes met the sharp yellow-green ones he had hoped to never see again.

But something was different in Ezola's expression. The years had done something to her - changed her somehow. Garrus wasn't sure how yet, and that made him even more wary than before.

"Come," she said softly and turned toward the path that led up the hill. Garrus remembered the walk he had taken with Ezola years before - before she had shown her true power. Before this small woman had attempted to do the unspeakable to him.

But he followed her. EDI accompanied them in silence. Eventually, the party ended up at the top of the mound that overlooked the jungle.

"Nothing has changed here since you left," Ezola said as they reached the end of their hike. Again, Garrus caught a note of something in the alien girl's voice. Something different. Something that spoke of....pain or sadness. He wasn't sure which.

"And yet everything has changed."

Garrus turned to look at Ezola then, her eyes trained on him sharply but with a heaviness he had not noticed before.

"Why do you not speak, Garrus Vakarian? You have come all this way to see me. You abandoned me without even saying goodbye. You left me here to be alone. So why have you come back?"

"Don't you already know?" Garrus asked, a sharpness to his tone that he did not consciously intend. "You can read my thoughts. There's no need for you to pretend otherwise."

Ezola huffed and looked down at the ground, her bare feet scuffing in the dirt.

"I am not so insensitive and unfeeling as you think, Garrus." Her voice soft. "I learned much about what it means to be...a person...from my time with you. I have not invaded your mind since I sensed your return to my home."

"So you _have_ read my mind," Garrus replied with a smirk. "Otherwise, how would you have known I was here."

"No," Ezola protested, her eyes darting up to look at him. "I have not. I sensed you were here. Nothing more. There is a difference."

Garrus didn't know what to say to that. She _did_ sound different. She looked different. She was definitely acting different. But he was not ready to trust her quite yet. Luckily, EDI spoke up, dispelling some of the awkwardness of the situation.

"I believe that you have changed, Ezola," the AI said. Ezola smiled and nodded at EDI.

"Thank you, EDI," she said. "I have tried to learn how to … improve myself."

"We have come for a reason," EDI added.

"I'm sure you have," Ezola replied. "But I would like Garrus to tell me, if that's alright."

EDI spun and looked at Garrus. Ezola avoided his gaze, looking out over the jungle, the familiar sun setting in the horizon.

"You should tell me soon, Garrus," she said. "Or you will break your rule."

"We need your help," he said in a rush. It was best to get this over with.

Ezola's eyebrows raised in surprise, creasing her gray-green forehead with a single wrinkle.

"Oh?" she said. "And what can I help you with."

"You know about the Reapers and our victory against them," he said. "You knew it the last time we were here. You gleaned that from my mind. But there is another, more formidable enemy still out there. It can control our minds, much as you can control our minds. And we cannot approach it because its planet is equipped with powerful defenses. But you have powers that can allow us to get close enough to confront these creatures and possibly destroy them if we have to."

He found the courage to meet her eyes. She stared at him with interest and something akin to concern. They stood that way for several moments. Garrus felt his heart racing, waiting for her response. Her answer could decide the fate of the galaxy.

"I will help you," she said. "If I can protect you, Garrus Vakarian, I will do all in my power to help. This deal will not be so one-sided as you might think. I never stopped caring for you and I was hurt more than I could have imagined when you left without saying goodbye. I will not attempt to hide that. But I will do whatever I can to keep you safe, Garrus, and I will get something in return for my help. After meeting you, my desire to see the galaxy was stronger than ever before. You will provide me with the opportunity to leave this planet's surface and see what life is like beyond my own world."

"Thank you," Garrus replied. He had expected resistance and was surprised that Ezola's help was so easy to enlist. But he wasn't naïve. He had to lay down the ground rules before he would even consider bringing Ezola back to the Normandy. "But I need you to promise me one thing."

"What is that?" Ezola asked.

"Your powers...they are only to be used against our enemy," Garrus said tentatively, hoping that Ezola understood this part of the bargain. "If you so much as attempt to use them on any member of the crew, EDI is prepared to take...drastic measures."

Garrus prepared for Ezola's wrath. He was sure she would not like ultimatums of this sort, but yet again, she surprised him today.

"I told you before, I have changed," she said, her head drooping as she looked at the ground again, almost as if she were ashamed. "I learned what it means to have compassion and care for others from your example. Please have a little more faith in me than that. I would like to prove myself to you. And to your crew. Your friends."

He studied her closely as she raised her head to look at him. She seemed sincere, her eyes pleading with him to accept her words as truth. He knew he had no other choice but to nod and hope that she was not deceiving him.

"I believe Ezola means what she says," EDI interjected, breaking Garrus out of his thoughts. "Besides, we need to get back to the ship."

Garrus sighed and said, "Very true. Do you need any supplies, Ezola?"

She smiled as she began to walk down the hill.

"Just a few small things to take care of before we leave." For the first time since the conversation began, Garrus saw a strange look pass over Ezola's face. He wasn't sure what it was - concern? Worry? Fear?

"I have one question for you, however, before we return to your Normandy," Ezola said over her shoulder as he followed behind.

"What's that?" Garrus replied.

"Is...your Elizabeth Shepard here with you?"

Ezola had stopped her trek mid-step to turn and look at him as she asked him her question. Garrus wasted no time with his answer.

"Yes. She is here. She is the leader of this mission."

"She is the leader? Not you?"

"She was always the leader. I was only in charge while she was gone."

"So I will have to answer to her?"

"Yes. You will have to follow her orders."

"I see." Ezola looked away before speaking again. "But if I help you....that will make you happy?"

"Yes," Garrus said warily. "It will make me happy if you help us."

She said nothing more, simply nodded as she resumed her walk down the hill.

And Garrus knew that his worries were only just beginning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Ezola's true purpose finally comes to light. We will see more of how I intend to use her soon enough, but I hope this answers questions or concerns that several readers had that Ezola's role was just to create conflict. 
> 
> A bit of insight into this writer's planning of this fic - One of the main things I wanted to do with this piece was clean up the loose end of the Leviathans. I knew I needed a power strong enough to combat their mental abilities since they were the only entity Shepard encountered that she truly had no way to stand against. So I created Ezola. This was always her role since I introduced her, but I didn't want to say anything about it early on to assuage readers who disliked Ezola, because I wanted the Leviathans to be a surprise. 
> 
> I am still learning many things as a writer, and perhaps my preparation process was flawed, but I hope things are starting to make sense and come together for those who were concerned. And I hope you enjoy the last few chapters as we clean up the last loose end in this piece and conclude. 
> 
> With rainbow sprinkles. :)


	36. You Love Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of plot. A little bit of angst. A little bit of smut. And a little bit of fluff.
> 
> Hopefully, a little bit of something for everyone. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for mournfulbliss. I know it's not exactly what you wanted, but hopefully the little bit for you is enjoyable. :)

The crew wanted to gawk at their new arrival, but Garrus had made it clear that would not be allowed. If Ezola wanted to speak and meet with the crew individually, she could do so once they were settled aboard - with EDI as her permanent escort, of course. Surprisingly, Ezola did not argue with him about EDI being her bodyguard. Joker put up more of a fuss than Ezola did, bemoaning his lack of private time with EDI for the duration of the voyage, but he understood the reasons why Ezola had to be kept under close watch and eventually kept quiet.

But the first meeting in the conference room was definitely not what Garrus had expected.

"Welcome aboard, Ezola," Shepard said as the select crew members filed into the room to meet their new teammate. "I am Commander Shepard and we are extremely grateful you are willing to help us on this mission."

Garrus noticed a change in Ezola's demeanor when she set eyes on his Lizzie. As he assumed his place at Shepard's side, Ezola's gaze flitted up and down the Commander's body, studying her with an intense eye. He could tell that this was as uncomfortable for Ezola as it was for Shepard, but both of the women kept their composure as Ezola accepted Shepard's hand and shook it in the human gesture.

"I am glad to help if it will keep Ga - people safe," Ezola said, but her gaze fell on Garrus again who shifted uncomfortably. "I also look forward to seeing a bit of the galaxy while we are on this mission."

"Well, you are in luck then," Shepard said, a weak smile playing across her face. Garrus stood to the side as Shepard assumed her Commander pose, arms crossed as she began to explain the mission. "We are not heading straight for the Leviathans' planet yet. We have to prepare as much as possible. I have already discussed our plan with Hackett and the Council in great detail. They are working on the gear we need to accomplish this."

"What kind of gear do you anticipate will be necessary, Shepard?" Coats asked, leaning forward against the conference room table. To his surprise, Garrus noticed a change in Ezola's facial features, her head cocking to the side as she studied the Major. But what worried him was the small smile that played on her lips.

"Triton Mechs," Shepard concluded. "We need some in better working condition than the ones we found on 2181 Despoina and we need them equipped with better shielding and weapons. Teams on the Citadel are already outfitting the Triton Mechs with M-920 Cain capabilities as well as shielding that can protect the person inside from a relatively close blast. We're not going down to face these creatures unarmed. When I...met them, if that's what you can call it, I saw three of them, but truthfully, I don't know how many of them are hiding down there."

"How long will this outfitting take?" Liara asked.

"Tali assures me it can be done in a matter of days," Shepard said. "But we will be heading back to the Citadel for a brief leave while they work on getting the mechs ready. So, Ezola, you will get to see much more of the galaxy than you might have thought."

"I look forward to it, Commander," Ezola nodded respectfully, but Garrus still saw the strange smile on her face.

 _What is she up to?_ he thought, but he didn't have to wait long to find out.

"All right, then. Everyone is dismissed. Joker, set course for the Citadel."

The crew dispersed, several of Garrus's friends stopping to shake hands or salute Ezola in turn, introducing themselves politely. Ezola greeted each of them non-threateningly, smiling at everyone and being the epitome of good manners.

But when Coats walked past them on his way out the door, Ezola stopped him.

"He doesn't know, does he?" she said to the Major. The amused smile on her lips returning. Something about it made Garrus extremely uncomfortable.

"Pardon me?" Coats said, brows raised as he turned back to face her.

"Garrus. He doesn't know, does he?"

A brief panic flashed in Coats's eyes, but he quickly replaced it with a stoic expression.

"I don't know what you are talking a-" he tried to say, but Ezola interrupted him.

"That you love her," the alien voice to Garrus's right said.

There was no hiding the unconscious reaction on Coats's face then. Garrus watched as the human Major's features softened, his gaze unwittingly falling on Shepard to his left. He could feel Lizzie shuffling next to him, but Garrus's eyes were on Coats. He watched the Major for several moments before turning to Ezola. There was so much racing through his mind, but one thing in particular worried him, and Garrus's first concern was protecting Lizzie and the crew.

"You promised you would not use your powers against the crew," he said to her. Ezola looked up to him with hurt in her eyes.

"I have not used any powers," she said. "I promised you I would not. But there are some emotions that are so strong, no amount of self-control on my part would hide them from me."

Garrus turned to look at the Major again. The human man looked as if he wanted to melt into the floor, shame and pain clearly evident in his face.

"I assure you, Officer Vakarian," Coats said, assuming as respectful a tone as he could. "Shepard has never done anything to return my...feelings for her. I may not be able to hide them anymore, now that Ezola has called me out, but Commander Shepard was true to you the whole time you were separated."

"It's the truth, Garrus," Shepard finally spoke up next to him, but her words were not much consolation.

"You knew?" he asked, incredulous. "You knew he felt this way about you and you said nothing?"

"I didn't feel it was important enough to tell you. As he said, nothing ever happened." Shepard turned to Coats and added, "Leave us, please." And then to EDI and Ezola, she said, "EDI, please show Ezola her quarters. I need to speak with Garrus alone."

No one protested, although it was clear Ezola wanted to, but she kept her comments to herself as EDI led her out of the briefing room.

"Garrus, I -"

"Shepard," Garrus began, using her last name on purpose. "We've been through so much together. You didn't think it was important for me to know that your right hand man - the person who you work with hours upon hours alone and in private - was in _love_ with you?"

"No, I didn't," she replied. "As you just said, we've been through so much together, I thought you knew you never had anything to worry about. My heart has always been yours, and his feelings meant nothing to me. He was kind and a good friend when I needed one. When _Sol_ needed one, if you remember, but nothing more."

"That's why you didn't want him on this mission, isn't it?" Garrus asked, staring down at her. Shepard simply stared back, her green eyes pained and pleading.

"Yes," she finally said. "I didn't want his emotions to interfere with the mission. They don't interfere with his work for me on the Citadel, but he was untested on our crew."

That really made Garrus's blood boil.

"So you took an untested member of our crew on a ground mission that was perhaps one of the most delicate and important missions we have ever had?!?" his voice rose. "What were you thinking taking him to the Illusive Man's base, Shepard?"

But Garrus regretted his words when he saw the look in Shepard's eyes. He had seen her angry before, but usually that anger was not directed at him. He prepared for the onslaught of words to come.

"Executive Officer Vakarian," she began, her voice low, which Garrus found almost more worrisome than if she were to yell at him. "I have commanded this ship and this crew for a very long time. I know their strengths and weaknesses. You are my husband, my partner, my equal in all things except when it comes to commanding this ship. Here, _I_ am ultimately in charge and _I_ am  ultimately responsible for what happens to the crew and to our fucking galaxy. Your job is to advise me on different courses of action. You do an excellent job of that. Coats is a fine soldier and I felt he would be an asset to our mission on Teukria. Did he fail in any respect?"

"No, he did not," Garrus replied, assuming a soldier-like stance.

"Did he disobey an order? Or put us in any extra danger?"

"Not from what I can tell."

"Then you will do well to remember that here," Shepard pointed to the conference table, slamming the tip of her finger into its surface for emphasis. "I am still the commander of this vessel. You are allowed to make suggestions and advise me on what to do, but when a decision is made, do _not_ question my judgment after the fact. Especially not in front of others. I would have thought you knew that already. Are we clear, soldier?"

It took all the resolve Garrus had not to flinch when Shepard finished her speech. He knew she was right, but her words still stung. He believed her. He believed that nothing happened with Coats. He could see it in her eyes. But he was still hurt - a hurt that came from being kept in the dark.

"We're clear, Commander."

She didn't say anything else to him. Garrus noticed her eyes brim with tears, but she straightened her shoulders and sniffed them back. Spinning on her heel, she left him alone in the briefing room. And when the doors hissed shut behind her, Garrus felt all the air leave his lungs, his heart a confused muddle of hurt and frustration.

Even when she wasn't using her powers, Ezola still managed to exert control over his life. After several minutes of stewing, Garrus gritted his teeth and headed for the elevator.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Warm water pelted Shepard's face as she washed away the stench of the day. And it _was_ a stench. Ezola. Coats. Garrus. Her speech that shamed the person she loved more than life itself.

And she was ashamed she had lectured him in that way. He was not a child. But his reaction to Coats's feelings for her had felt childish. Petty jealousy. It was sad that such petty jealousy - when in truth there was nothing to be jealous of - would cause them to fight.

Should she have told him? Should she have exposed the Major's secret feelings for her? Would it have made a difference?

No. It had not been a problem. Coats was a professional and so was she. He was extremely capable and the best at his job. He had told her of his feelings, but that was the extent of it. He should not be penalized for the way he felt.

But she had still hurt Garrus. She had never meant to. She hadn't even thought of it as a secret that she kept from him. Coats's feelings were not returned. Respect. Admiration. Friendship. That was all she felt for the Major. Garrus was the person she loved.

But he doubted her and it made her heart ache.

She was so lost in thought that she almost didn't hear the bathroom door slide open. She smiled as she heard the tell-tale clack of talons on the metal floor behind her.

Without opening her eyes, she said, "So, I guess you -"

But she didn't finish her sentence. A powerful force shoved her up against the wall, her back facing the door, face slammed against the metal in front of her.

"Garrus, what the -"

"Don't speak," he said behind her,  his voice gruff and uncontrolled. He grabbed her hands then and pulled them over her head, splaying them against the wall on either side of her face. Water smacked into her eyes, so she turned her head to the left, avoiding the spray as she listened to it beat against her soft human skin and Garrus's leathery plates.

She obeyed Garrus's request and kept herself pressed against the wall. It wasn't long before she knew what he was about. His blunted talons raked over her naked skin. Not enough to draw blood, but deep enough to leave red welts. She felt his hot breath on her neck as he leaned down and nipped up and down her shoulder, his tongue tasting her as he went.

She moaned softly in his grasp, but again, Garrus gripped her by the waist and said, "I said, don't speak."

He reached around her and cupped her breasts in his hands. Shepard felt her pulse race as he plucked and pinched her nipples, already hard in the center. She bit her lip, tasting blood in her mouth at the effort it took to contain the groans threatening to escape her throat.

Then she felt his length on the curve of her hip, pressing hard against her back side. Garrus's hands dropped down between her legs, but instead of teasing the folds there, he simply spread her legs wide. Without further ado, he leaned her forward and pushed into her roughly.

Shepard bit harder to stop from crying out. When her hands fell slightly from their perch on the wall, she heard Garrus growl and grip her wrists tightly.

"Don't move," he said, and she did her best to comply. He began to move inside her and dammit, if it didn't feel amazing. Garrus had taken charge before - plenty of times, but he had never been this rough with her. He slammed into her with wild abandon, hilting himself each time. She had begun to be aroused, but his thick member had stretched her without warning, causing her to shudder with pain the first few times he entered.

But the clear need he felt for her was such a turn on. And it only grew as Garrus's pace quickened, his talons gripping her hips as he crashed into her from behind, over and over again. The water from the showerhead falling in rhythm with his thrusts, creating a regular beat that increased in speed with each passing second.

She felt her gut clenching in anticipation. He pumped harder, clearly feeling her tighten around him. The angle was awkward, turian plates and human flesh not fitting well together without the assistance of a pool of water to soften the edges and the angles, but Shepard felt Garrus lean down over her, his mouth as close to her ear as he could manage.

And with each thrust, he spoke in a low voice that made her toes curl as she came.

"He...will...never...have...you..."

"Never," she whispered back as she felt the first wave wash over her. Garrus roared in response, gripping her even tighter - tighter than Shepard had felt possible - as he pressed himself deep inside her, her face smashed against the wall, her nails scraping the metal, struggling to find an impossible hold in its smooth surface. She felt him spill inside her as his fluids mixed with the water running over her body and down her legs.

And as abruptly as he had come into the shower, he left, the door hissing shut behind him.

Shepard fell to the floor, gasping for breath. The water continued to pelt down over her face, its temperature turning cold, but she didn't care. She couldn't move. She knew what had made Garrus become so possessive, and part of her felt extremely guilty. That had been some of the best sex she had ever had. And it was born of jealousy, guilt, and pain.

When she caught her breath, she pulled herself up from the floor and quickly turned off the water. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body, drying off half-way and exiting the bathroom.

What she saw when she walked down the steps to the bedroom section of her cabin made her heart sink.

Garrus was sitting in a chair, still naked and dripping wet, his elbows on his knees and head in his hands.

He didn't look up at her when she walked around him, her hand passing over his bare shoulders as she assumed the seat opposite him. He didn't speak. He didn't even open his eyes. Shepard didn't push him, she simply sat down with the towel wrapped around her body, hair dripping fresh streams of water over her shoulders and back.

Finally, he spoke without looking up.

"I'm sorry, Lizzie," he said, his voice so sad it made Shepard long to hold him. "I don't know what came over me...I..." suddenly he looked up with concern. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Shepard smiled to reassure him. "Only in the good way."

"Don't tease me right now."

"I'm not, Garrus. I -"

"I'm trying to apologize," he interrupted. "I would never want to hurt you, but something about Coats. Something about this whole mission..." He sighed, finally sitting up and looking at her. "I went a little mad, I guess. The thought of him pining away after you for so long...even if it was completely unrequited....and me - completely unaware of it all. It awoke something...primal in me. Something I've never felt before. I needed to know that you were mine - all mine."

Shepard took the opportunity to stand and move to his seat now that he had released his head from his hands. She placed her legs between his and dropped down onto his lap, resting her arm on the familiar perch of his cowl as he hummed and pulled her close to his chest.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Garrus, it's ok," she whispered, placing a kiss on his mandible that fluttered against her skin in relief at the touch. "I really didn't think it was important enough to tell you about Coats. He really is nothing more to me than a friend, Garrus. I promise you that. But I guess I should have told you anyway. And for that...I'm sorry too."

Neither of them spoke for several minutes. Shepard brought her legs up to cross Garrus's other leg and he rubbed his arm up and down her uncovered one over and over again.

There was something about Garrus in this moment. Something that made him seem so vulnerable. He was always so strong - so brave. It was odd to see him completely uncontrolled and while the sex was amazing, she didn't want him to feel so insecure.

This mission was going to be one of the hardest things they had ever done. There were so many emotions wrapped up in what they were doing. Ezola on board. Leviathans lurking in the ocean of an obscure planet. Coats's feelings exposed. Everything was finally coming to a head.

But in this moment, all Shepard wanted was to comfort her partner and let him know she loved him, no matter what.

She bent down and kissed his mandible again, relishing the purr that escaped his throat as she did so. Shifting slightly, she raised her arms and slowly massaged the skin beneath Garrus's fringe. His eyes closed then as he moaned and leaned his head back, enjoying the feeling of her fingers on his sensitive places.

"Know this, Garrus Vakarian," she whispered before running her tongue along his neck and drawing another groan from him as his grip tightened on her waist. "I have loved you for almost twenty years. You are everything I need. With each passing day, I love you more. So please, don't worry about some human Major with a schoolboy crush. He's nothing compared to you."

Garrus growled at that - a pleased growl and one laced with returning arousal. His eyes flashed open and his head snapped back up. Shepard grinned at his reaction as he lifted her from his lap and carried her to the bed. He was about to drop her down on the soft mattress and crawl over her, but Shepard stopped him, pushing him onto his back as soon as her feet touched the ground.

"I think it's my turn to take charge," she said with a wicked grin and Garrus's mandibles flared with excitement as she crawled over him, throwing the towel to the side. She stifled a moan as he reached up to grip her tightly as she straddled him.

"And I hear that make-up sex is so much better than angry sex."


	37. What a Real Family Should Be Like

The noise from the mess blasted her ears as soon as Shepard exited the elevator. She had traveled down from her cabin to get Garrus for lunch. She had not expected him to be busy all morning, so when EDI told her that the turian XO was in the forward batteries, Shepard decided to make her way there and find what was keeping him.

As she rounded the corner by the med bay and the mess came into view, what she saw truly shocked her. A large portion of the crew, including some of the turian reconnaissance team they had rescued from Teukria, was in a circle with loud music blaring from the speakers in the ceiling. Shepard heard whoops and hollers coming from those on the outside of the circle and as she approached she saw why.

In the middle of the circle were Jack, Liara, and Ezola, dancing with a great amount of vibrant energy in time to the music. Strangely enough, Javik and Cortez were in the circle as well, letting loose to the rhythm. Shepard had no idea that Javik and Steve could dance, but there was no hiding it now. And Ezola...

Ezola was clearly the life of the party. Her body moved in ways that not even Liara or Jack could bend. Shepard felt oddly self-conscious as she watched. She knew Garrus loved her no matter what, but in a way, she was surprised he had not succumbed to the advances of this creature. Ezola had a certain beauty of her own, despite her strange and alien features. And she definitely knew how to move them. And that was one thing Shepard did not know how to do, unless, of course, she was carrying a weapon and in full body armor. _Then_ she knew how to move.

Ezola had obviously been accepted by the crew she had met so far and seemed to be enjoying herself very much. Shepard's eyes flashed to EDI on the outskirts of the crowd, Ezola's permanent escort nodding to her that all was well. The crew was just having a good time.

"Aw, shit, it's the Commander."

Shepard heard someone, she wasn't sure who, say. Without another word, the music stopped and the circle widened, allowing Shepard to pass through.

"Shepard, we, uh..." Liara was wringing her hands as Shepard approached. "Ezola mentioned that dancing was something she knew about from her father, but she had never experienced it for herself. I thought we could...all let loose a little bit. Goddess, it all sounds foolish now."

Shepard smiled at her friend and waved her hand dismissively.

"It's all right, Liara," she said and then turned to the rest of the room. "It's all right everyone. There's no reason to be so scared of what I'm going to do to all of you. There's no brig on this ship. Just an airlock. The punishment is quick and relatively painless."

No one moved. Shepard sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Spirits, it was a joke!" she cried. She heard one nervous laugh to her left and then the rest of the group finally felt comfortable enough to give her a polite chuckle.

"Really, carry on," she said as she resumed her path to the forward batteries. "Just...take this to the cargo hold instead of the mess? That's all I ask."

"No problem, Shepard," Cortez piped up with a smile.

"Good to see you feeling better so soon, Steve," she replied.

"Like Kaidan said, ma'am, we really don't remember much. A little tired once we woke up, but otherwise unharmed."

"Still, I'm relieved to have you back."

"Me, too, Shepard. Me, too."

The crowd began to move to the elevator, cramming the first load in to take the "party" down to the cargo hold. But then she heard a voice that set her teeth on edge.

"Commander Shepard," Ezola said from behind her. "Liara took the blame, but this was really my fault. I apologize for causing such a disruption."

Taking a deep breath, Shepard spun around to face the alien woman. The _girl_ who claimed to love Garrus but yet had hurt him more than anyone ever had before. But when she saw Ezola's expression, she couldn't remain angry for too long. She understood exactly why Garrus had no desire to hurt or punish this creature.

She was so very sad. So very lonely. So very naïve and awkward.

"Like I said," Shepard began. "It's really all right. Go enjoy your time with the crew. It's good for you to meet people, I think. These are the people we are trying to save. These people. Their families. Their races. An entire galaxy of normal, hard-working people who cannot help themselves when others attempt to control them. Like the Leviathans."

Shepard added the last bit so Ezola would not feel singled out, but she also meant for the girl to ponder what she said. She was trying to explain to Ezola, in a small way, why it was wrong to control people.

"I know," Ezola said, eyes wide and nodding in agreement. "I want to help. I'm _glad_ I can help. If it can in any way make up for..."

She stopped then and met Shepard's gaze, her eyes pleading and wet.

"I'm so sorry, Commander Shepard," she whispered. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope that if I can help that perhaps you might think well of me instead of what I'm sure you think of me now. For what it's worth, Garrus rejected me because he loved you so very much. I knew that from the moment I first felt his presence. His love for you is stronger than anything I have ever sensed in anyone. I don't believe I will ever have the chance to know what it feels like to be loved as he loves you. You are a very lucky woman."

Luckily, Shepard didn't have to say anything more. Ezola spun quickly around and caught the last group of crew members on their way down to the cargo hold. Sighing deeply, Shepard finally took the last few steps to the main battery. She smiled at the familiar sight of Garrus in his full armor standing at the console.

She said nothing, simply moving to the side and sitting on the crate that was now in the place where his cot used to be. Garrus didn't look up or turn around, his eyes intent on whatever he was programming into the Thanix. Eventually, without stopping what he was doing, he spoke.

"Are they finished then?" he asked.

"Yes," Shepard replied.

"They actually asked for my permission before turning on the music. I really didn't think you would mind. I hope that's all right." Garrus's hands stopped their feverish movements over the console as he turned to lean against it. "I just didn't want any part of it. I still can't face -"

"Shhh." Shepard said, standing up and wrapping her hands around the back of his neck. "You don't have to explain it to me. And you're right. It's fine. They can let loose a little bit. We'll reach the Citadel this evening and they can continue their little party on leave."

"Are we doing the right thing here, Lizzie?" Garrus asked, his browplates furrowed. "I mean...what if it's no use and Ezola is overcome by the Leviathans? What if -"

"Garrus," Shepard stopped him with a finger to his mouth. "There are so many what ifs. We can't think like that. This is the best chance we have right now and we have to have confidence in our plan."

He didn't respond. He simply pulled her close to him and pressed his forehead against hers.

"What about the practical things then?" he asked after several moments. "For instance, where is she going to stay for the few days we are home?"

Shepard's stomach fluttered nervously. She had considered this exact problem and she wasn't sure Garrus would like her solution.

"I...thought she could stay with us. Of course, EDI will be there. We can move Livia into our room while we are home for a few days and let Ezola have her room. EDI can make sure nothing happens."

"I...I'm not sure how I feel about that, Shepard," Garrus said, releasing her and turning back to the console, his hands gripping the edge tightly.

"Where else could she stay?" Shepard asked. "I'm not putting her up in a random hotel with gawking citizens or barracks with gawking soldiers. She's way too dangerous to release into the general population."

"We could put her in a C-Sec holding cell."

"Garrus...you don't mean that."

"Part of me does."

"She's not our prisoner. We have _asked_ for her help. She is willing to give it. I'm not about to alienate her by offending her and throwing her in a cell before we require her powers to save us from the Leviathans. I have a feeling that would backfire - horribly."

Garrus hung his head in defeat. Shepard knew that he would agree this was the best option. Ezola would have to stay with someone they trusted to watch out for her. And while Shepard herself was not entirely comfortable with the idea of their new alien acquaintance in her home, she felt even less comfortable pushing that responsibility off on one of her friends.

Moments passed in silence before Garrus sighed and turned to face her again. Shepard was surprised to see him grinning.

"Joker's not going to like this," he chuckled.

"I've, uh...already asked him to come stay with us for the duration. He was...not happy, but he understands the situation."

"Of course he does. He's always been a good friend. To both of us."

Quiet hung over their heads again. Shepard absent-mindedly fiddled with the buttons on her jacket, waiting for Garrus to say something. Anything.

"So...a few hours until we reach the Citadel, you said?" he asked with an amused tone.

"Yeah. I called Livy. She's excited for us to be home."

"Well, let's not get too excited quite yet." Garrus said, leaning down to kiss her. "We have a few hours of uninterrupted peace - just you and me Lizzie. I say we use it."

"Agreed."

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Garrus was surprised at how well the first few hours back on the Citadel had gone.

The crew had been dismissed for leave and Shepard and Garrus had made a quick beeline for home. The only hindrance to their excitement was the three passengers in their taxi - EDI, Joker, and Ezola - who were all coming home with them for a few days. Garrus was still nervous about having Ezola in their home, but he agreed with Shepard that the responsibility of watching her was theirs. He would not place that assignment on someone else.

"It's all so bright and exciting!" was the first thing Ezola said as she stepped foot off the Normandy.

"Yeah," Joker said. "And this is just the docking bay."

The ride home took much longer than he wanted, but the taxi couldn't take them any faster. Garrus felt as if his legs would buckle beneath him with excitement at seeing Livia again. They had talked to her every night, but holding his little girl in his arms was a feeling he couldn't describe.

And it was everything he hoped when he and Shepard walked through the apartment door, their guests in tow.

"Daddy! Daddy! Grandma! Grandpa! Mommy and Daddy are home!"

Livia crashed into his arms as Garrus dropped his small bag and picked her up for a tight hug. Shepard laughed next to him as she leaned over to kiss the girl.

"Spirits, Livy, you grew while we were gone!" he said, not letting her go.

"Yep. I did. I'm almost as big as you now," Livia's mandibles flared in a huge smile.

"Almost," Shepard laughed. But then Livy's eyes widened when she saw who was following them.

"Uncle Joker! Aunt EDI!" Livy crashed into EDI's hard legs and squeezed. Joker laughed and scratched the top of Livy's head.

But even while she hugged EDI tight, Livy would not stop staring at the third person following them.

"Who are you?" Livia asked. Garrus bent down and picked Livy up again, the small girl still refusing to take her eyes off Ezola.

"This is our friend, Ezola. Can you say her name?" he asked.

"Ezola?" Livia said.

"That's right," Garrus explained. "She's going to be staying with us for a few days before we have to finish the job we were doing on our trip. In fact, you get to stay in Mommy and Daddy's room and Ezola's going to sleep in your room. Is that ok?"

"I guess..." Livy didn't seem too excited about the idea, but she clearly didn't want to upset her dad.

"Garrus. Elizabeth," Garrus heard his father's voice from the hallway. "It's good to see you home. Joker, EDI, and..."

"This is Ezola," Shepard explained.

"Ah yes. Welcome to our home, Ezola," Tavius said warily, extending his hand to the strange alien creature. He flicked his eyes toward Garrus who nodded at him to confirm it was safe. "I am Garrus's father. And it seems you met our Livia."

For the first time since entering the residence, Ezola spoke.

"Thank you," she said, inclining her head slightly. "This child...she is your daughter?"

"Yes," Garrus answered with a proud grin.

"She is..." Ezola paused, searching for the right word. She shook her head, seemingly unable to find it, and instead responding, "Her eyes are just like yours."

"They tend to run in the family," Tavius said with a smile.

"Put me down, Daddy," Livia whispered in his ear and Garrus complied, not sure what Livy had in mind. As soon as her feet hit the ground she took a few careful steps toward Ezola and stopped just in front of the alien girl. Garrus's eyes flashed toward EDI who nodded at him that she was ready should something happen.

"Do you like starships?" Livia asked Ezola.

"Yes," Ezola said. "I like them very much. In fact, I just took my first journey on your parents' ship."

Livy giggled. "You talk funny, but if you like starships, then I like you. Come on!" The turian girl apparently had no more concerns as she grabbed Ezola's hand and dragged her toward the toy chest in the living room. "We can play with my starships together."

Ezola cast a tentative glance at Garrus and Shepard. Garrus saw Shepard nod that it was ok, but he also saw her meet EDI's confirming gaze as well.

"I will stay with them, Shepard," EDI said.

"Very well," Shepard said. "But after your dad and I get the bedrooms all set up, it will be time for bed."

"Aww, really, Mom?"

"Yes, really."

"Come on, Ezoli. I'll show you all my ships. I have a turian dreadnat, an asari fricket, but my _favorite_ is the Normandy! It's my Mommy and Daddy's ship. It's the ship they fly in on _all_ their adventures. And someday, they will take _me_ on adventures, and we'll have ice cream every night and..."

Garrus couldn't help but smile a little at the image of Livy talking Ezola's ear off about her toy ship collection. And with EDI following them, he felt relatively safe. He would feel much better when this mission was over and Ezola was gone from their lives forever, but this was what they had for now and it would all be over soon. He hoped.

They left doors open as they moved beds around and prepared for their house guests. Garrus could hear Livy's laughter traveling up the stairs and occasionally, he heard what he thought was a laugh from Ezola as well. Occasionally, he peeked over the railing of the balcony and saw the two girls, one of them only six years old and the other over one hundred, but both of them enjoying the novelty of starships and the imaginary adventures that could be had with them. In a way, he felt very sad for Ezola - her lonely life stranded on an isolated planet had kept her from seeing so many things and perhaps kept her from leading a much more normal life.

Would it have been possible for Ezola to have led a normal life? A being with her powers would never quite fit in, but if she had been taught from the beginning how to appropriately use and control them, would he be so afraid of her now?

Garrus sighed and shook his head. They would never know.

Finally, all the preparations were ready and Garrus felt overwhelmingly tired.

"All right, time for bed!" he called as he reached the bottom of the stairs with Shepard close behind him.

"Daddy, how long is Ezoli staying with us?" Livy asked as she dragged herself away from the toy ships she treasured and jumped into his arms.

"Just a few days, sweetheart," he whispered. Garrus took his time tucking Livia into bed as Shepard stayed downstairs to greet her mother and check in with Tavius as well as explain the house rules to Ezola. He told his daughter a short story and wrapped her up in the covers before he stood to leave.

"Daddy? I like Ezoli. She's my new best friend."

Garrus wasn't sure how to respond to that. The best he could come up with was, "You can play with her tomorrow."

"I love you, Daddy. I'm glad you're home."

"I love you too, baby girl."

As he rounded the corner downstairs, he found Ezola sitting in a chair by herself, with Joker, EDI and Shepard on the couch. Tavius was standing nearby and Hannah had made it home, now sitting in another chair opposite Ezola.

"Oh, welcome home, Garrus," Hannah Shepard said as she got up and walked toward him to give him a hug. "I'm so glad you are safe and back with us for a few days. Please, have a seat. I just came by to say hello, but I am completely worn out and headed to my own apartment for sleep. Diplomacy and politics are for the young. I will be glad when you are both home for good and I can retire from being the human Councilor."

Garrus chuckled and hugged his mother-in-law in the human gesture.

"It's good to be home. I wish we didn't have to take off so soon -" he began, but was cut off by Ezola.

"Me, too," she said quietly and all eyes turned to her. Everyone was silent at the alien woman's sudden interjection and they waited to see what it was she had to say.

"Your daughter is...delightful. I never had any other children to play with. I was very much alone. But she treated me as if she had known me forever. I am grateful for her kindness, although she is young," Ezola continued quietly. Still no one spoke, the strange tones of Ezola's foreign voice filling the room.

"I know you are all afraid of me. I don't blame you for that," she said, looking down at her lap. "I am happy to comply with EDI as my guard, because I do not want you to be afraid, but know this, Garrus Vakarian."

She stood up then and looked at him, her yellow-green eyes piercing through to his soul.

"I will _never_ do anything to hurt you or your family. Livia is...very precious. I see that. I can see what a real family _should_ be like. It is something I never had...never will have. And I will do everything in my power to protect yours and keep it whole."

Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn't tear away from his gaze. Garrus's heart softened as he watched her. He believed she was sincere and yet again, he marveled at the wisdom of his six year old daughter - the small turian girl who had managed to bridge a racial barrier that no one else had.

"I am very tired," Ezola said. "May I retire for the night?"

"I will show you to your room," Shepard said, standing up and moving for the stairs. Garrus watched as Shepard turned around in her path to look at Ezola, family and friends still within hearing range. "And Ezola," Shepard continued, "Thank you. Thank you for being willing to help us."

"I only hope I am as capable as you think I am," Ezola said and the two women headed up the stairs. Garrus's eyes followed them and just before they rounded the corner to Ezola's bedroom for their stay on the Citadel, she looked down at him from the balcony, a genuine smile on her lips.

But all he could do was nod at her with gratitude for her willingness to help them. He only hoped that all of this was worth it.


	38. I Will Not Leave You Alone

It was one of those rare moments where Garrus found himself alone in the mess at an odd hour of the night. Ezola was the last person he expected to see. Garrus nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw her round the corner with EDI close behind.

"Spirits, Ezola, you startled me!" he said, resuming his seat and gripping the mug in front of him tightly.

"I am sorry," she said. "I couldn't sleep. EDI suggested a cup of something warm to drink. That it might calm my nerves and help me rest."

Garrus huffed as EDI helped Ezola find a packet of tea in the cupboard. When he stood to leave, Ezola spun around, her eyes sad.

"Please don't leave," she said. "I have been wanting to speak to you."

"I don't want to be rude, Ezola," Garrus said, treading carefully. "But I don't really want to speak to you."

"I understand that," she said. "But, Garrus, I'm..." Ezola paused, her lower lip trembling before she continued.

"I'm frightened. I've never been frightened before. I don't know how to deal with this new feeling."

Garrus sighed and returned to his seat. He could understand why Ezola was frightened. They had left the Citadel this morning after several surprisingly delightful days at home. Livia absolutely adored Ezola and Ezola had adopted Livy like a little sister. Nothing untoward had happened and Garrus was almost feeling comfortable with the arrangement, although not comfortable enough to dismiss EDI. Joker, to his credit, had only complained once the whole time. Garrus knew he owed the human for his patience in loaning EDI to them.

But once the Triton Mechs were ready to go, Shepard had summoned the crew and they had shipped out the next morning. Now they were en route to 2181 Despoina - the home of the Leviathans - where their fate and the fate of the galaxy would finally be decided, once and for all.

And tonight, neither Garrus nor Shepard could sleep. Shepard was still pouring over reports in their cabin. Garrus had opted for his own mug of turian tea and it appeared Ezola, the person on whom the entire mission depended, was also nervous.

No, Garrus couldn't blame her at all for her nerves.

"Have a seat then," he said with a sigh. "Although I'm not sure I can help."

"Just...company...would be nice," Ezola said as she sat down across from him with EDI showing her how to make tea. Garrus watched as Ezola took her first sip, her eyebrows raising at the strange, new taste. It almost made him chuckle to watch her expressions with each new piece of civilization she experienced. Again, he found himself wondering what she might have been like if she had been raised around other people and not isolated on that moon for her entire life.

"Do you want to talk about the mission?" Garrus asked.

"No, actually," Ezola said, taking another sip. "I'd rather not talk or think about it at all."

"Then what do  you want to talk about?" he said.

"Did I make things difficult for you and Shepard?" Ezola asked. "When I told you about Major Coats?"

Garrus grimaced at mention of that topic. Why did Ezola persist in bringing up the most awkward or painful thoughts possible?

"It was a tense situation for a bit," he replied. "But Shepard and I always work things out. That's what love is all about - being willing to communicate and make changes when necessary to keep a relationship working. And Shepard and I have been through too many things to give up now."

"I am sorry for that," Ezola said. "I was...foolish. I had not seen the two of you together. I did not think she deserved you, but after meeting her and working with her, I realize I was very wrong. I realize now it might have been best to keep that information to myself."

"It's all in the past now," Garrus said, taking a sip of his own drink uncomfortably. There were several moments of silence as the two of them sipped from their drinks under EDI's watchful eye.

But of course, Ezola had the most interesting choice of topics for conversation.

"Would you like me to hurt him?" she asked.

"What? Hurt who?" Garrus said, his browplates raised in surprise.

"Coats."

"Of course not. Why would I want you to hurt him?"

"Because he loves Shepard and it upsets you."

Garrus sighed and let go of his mug. Clearly, Ezola still had not learned to understand certain boundaries.

"No, Ezola. I don't want you to hurt Major Coats. He is a good soldier and he has been a good friend to my family. People cannot always help the way they feel and Coats is a man just like the rest of us - with feelings and emotions."

"I...think I understand," Ezola concluded with a nod. After a few more seconds of awkward silence, Garrus slapped his thighs and stood to leave.

"Well, I think I'm going to try and get some rest now. You should do the same," he said.

"I shall try," Ezola said. "But Garrus?"

"Yes?"

"You will be going down there with me, won't you? You won't leave me alone?"

Garrus wanted to say that the only reason he would be going down into the depths of the ocean to meet the Leviathans was because there was no way in hell that he was letting Shepard leave his sight on this mission. And for the first time in their entire military career together, Shepard had agreed. The lesson they had learned from the Reaper War and the final battle at the beam and everything that had happened to them since was that Shepard and Vakarian should always be together.

"I will not leave you alone."

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

Her heart was racing faster than she remembered it racing at almost any other time in her life. The only other event that had put her this much on edge was when she ran for the beam before reaching the Crucible, and that was because she didn't know what to expect when she got to the beam.

Today was completely different. She knew exactly what to expect when they reached the proper ocean depth. All she could do was hope that she and Ezola had the strength to do what was necessary.

The Kodiak had landed without incident at the same location it did the last time they were on 2181 Despoina. Either Ezola's abilities had already passed their first test or the Leviathans let them land. Whichever was the truth didn't matter. They had taken the first step to securing the safety of the galaxy.

The Triton Mechs had been dropped in a separate shuttle, too many of them and too large to fit in the Kodiak. But again, that had been done without incident as well. Now Shepard, EDI, Ezola, and Garrus stood before the four Triton Mechs, fully equipped with Cains and reinforced shields to protect them from a blast within a relatively close range.

Everyone was silent as they performed the ritual they had all practiced ahead of time. Ezola fit into her Mech as if she had always known how to use one. Garrus, EDI, and Shepard similarly strapped themselves in and prepared for the dive.

"Everyone ready?" she said when she had situated herself properly.

"Ready as we'll ever be, Shepard," Garrus replied. She smiled at him weakly, thankful for the strength he gave her and that he would be accompanying them on this mission. They had discussed who would take the final trip down beneath the ocean surface and Garrus had made it painfully clear he was not letting her go without him. This time, Shepard had not put up a fight.

There was no Shepard without Vakarian. And whatever their fate might be today, she would not do this without Garrus by her side.

"Ready Ezola?" she said, turning slowly to look at the alien's silhouette in her Mech.

"I am ready, Commander," she said. "I can feel their presence. They are quite deep beneath the water's surface and very strong, but they have not sensed us yet. I do not know how well I can maintain complete cover for us when we get closer to them, but for now, they are unaware of us."

"Excellent. Let's do this," she said, leading the team of Mechs to the edge and jumping down into the water.

The dive seemed to take forever. Shepard watched as her depth meter slowly dropped. She remembered how it had felt the first time she did this and she noticed familiar ocean landmarks as the four Triton Mechs dropped further and further beneath the surface.

After what felt like hours, but was really only a matter of minutes, they reached a familiar plateau. Shepard turned to make sure all of her teammates were close behind her. Nodding silently to them within her cockpit, she slowly began the walk to the edge of the plateau.

She could feel a slight buzzing in her head as she reached the edge. She knew what Ezola was going to say before she said it.

"They know we are here," Ezola's voice said over the comm. "They are coming to meet us."

Shepard already knew this. She could feel it.

But as the familiar figures of the three Leviathans she had met before rose from the depths below them, their gigantic forms blocking everything in view, Shepard realized that she still had her wits about her. She was not darting in and out of consciousness or visions. She was still herself. She saw the Leviathans before her with her own eyes.

No one's voice was in her head.

She turned to look at Garrus who matched her gaze, giving her a reassuring nod. He was still himself, too.

But then she turned to look at Ezola, and although the alien girl was not her favorite person, Shepard's heart ached to help her. This creature, so dangerous, but yet so willing to help them, was clearly struggling with the mental onslaught from the three Leviathans in front of them.

"Ezola..." Shepard began, but Ezola didn't look at her. The girl's eyes were riveted forward, locked on the middle figure in front of them. A single bead of sweat trickled down her face as she spoke.

"Commander," she finally said, her internal struggle evident in her voice. "They know why you are here. They wish to speak with you before you destroy them."

"Are you able to speak for them Ezola?" Shepard asked. "And know that you do not have to. You do not have to put yourself through this."

"I will do it, Shepard," Ezola gritted her teeth. "Every person deserves a voice - a chance to explain themselves. I will give these beings that chance."

Shepard didn't miss the underlying message that Ezola was transmitting with her agreement to be the voice for the Leviathans, since now the giants could not communicate with her by invading her mind. Ezola had wanted a chance to be heard - a chance to redeem herself to Garrus and to Shepard. Now she desired to be the conduit of the voice for others. Giving them a chance to redeem themselves as well, if redemption could be found.

"What do they wish to say to me?" Shepard asked.

"They are...very impressed with you and your resolve," Ezola said. "They are also impressed with your resourcefulness and they wish to tell you that without the forethought to bring me here, they would have destroyed you immediately had you tried to land or attack them."

"I have no response to any of that," Shepard said impatiently. "Except to ask them what they want."

Shepard waited with baited breath to hear what demands these creatures had, if any. She wasn't sure that a peaceful resolution could be had, but she would listen if the Leviathans had a proposal. Destroying such an ancient, unique, and intelligent form of life would be regrettable to say the least.

"They had planned to return to their former state of power in the galaxy now that you have destroyed the Reapers," Ezola finally said over the comm. "But your resourcefulness in tracking down the Illusive Man and overcoming their attempt to control you in his base has forced them to re-examine their plan and goals. They would like to know how you were able to resist them without my assistance."

The Illusive Man's mining base on Teukria was still a fresh and painful memory, but all Shepard had to do was turn to the side and catch Garrus's eye for the answer to the question.

"Tell them the answer is love," she said, noticing a slight twitch in Ezola's face at her response. "One thing the Reapers and the Leviathans themselves underestimated or failed to figure into their equation was the power of emotion and, in particular, love. No matter what they did or tried to do, they could not sever the bond of my heart tied to another. Truly loving and being loved by someone else is a force stronger than any physical or mental power in the galaxy."

Shepard waited as Ezola relayed her message to the creatures before her, her heart racing as it had on the planet's surface until the girl's voice resonated in her earpiece again.

"They agree this is something they should have considered in the equation," she said. "They -"

But then Ezola paused, a curious expression gracing her face.

"Ezola?" Shepard asked hurriedly. "Ezola? Can you hear me?"

"Yes, Shepard," Ezola replied, still maintaining her rigid stare at the Leviathans. "I was just surprised at the message they relayed. They wish me to tell you that they...surrender. They believed they were the apex race of the galaxy. They can see that is no longer the case and they are willing to give up a quest they now believe fruitless in the face of a new power in the galaxy. They would like to avoid being destroyed if you will allow them to stay here in peace and isolation."

That was not what Shepard would ever have expected. She turned to Garrus to see if she could read his expression. He looked just as stunned as she did.

"They will surrender to me because they believe I am the new apex race?" Shepard asked, turning back to Ezola.

The girl was silent for a minute, still not breaking her concentration on the creatures in front of them. But finally, her mouth moved, slowly and deliberately.

"No. They believe I am."

What should she do? Should she let these monstrous creatures disappear into the depths of the ocean on 2181 Despoina? Would they keep their word and disappear into isolation, never to resurface again and threaten another generation of intelligent life? Was it worth the risk of letting them live?

Or would it be best to destroy them now? Was wiping out an entire species of life what it would take to keep the galaxy safe? Could she really kill the last living beings of a former great and glorious race?

But before she made a decision, a low groan shocked her from her thoughts. The groan made ripples in the water in front of her, washing over the Mech and pushing her backward. She fought against the deep water waves that threatened to topple the Mech from its perch at the edge of the plateau to the depths below.

And then the sound changed. It wasn't a groan, it was a cry. And it was clearly coming from the Leviathans in front of her. Shepard would never have used the words piercing and deep in the same sentence before, but as she struggled to identify the sound, that was the best she could come up with.

The Leviathans were screaming and their screams rocked the ocean floor.

Their forms writhed and shook, their cries gaining volume with each passing second. Even though she knew it would do not good, she raised her hands inside the Mech to cover her ears. She looked to the side to see Garrus doing the same. EDI's expression was unreadable, but as Shepard turned to her other side to look at Ezola, she noticed that the poor creature looked to be in almost as much pain as the Leviathans, a single trickle of blood finding its way down her face from her nostril.

It was still hard for Shepard to think of Ezola as a friend, but in that moment, she longed to reach out and protect the girl. Ezola was still so childlike in many ways. So innocent and naïve. It was one of the most difficult things Shepard had ever done to watch the girl suffer in that way.

But as suddenly as it began, the noise stopped. The Leviathans' forms were silent and the rumbling of the water and the ocean floor stopped. Shepard dared to release her ears and watched as life left the glowing orbs of the creatures before her, their now limp shapes turning and toppling slowly, falling further and further into the ocean's depths.

"They....could not...be trusted..." Ezola gasped into the comm at Shepard's side. Shepard turned abruptly, concerned for the alien girl's well-being as she was clearly struggling with the mental exertion it took to do...whatever it was she did.

"What did you do?" Shepard asked quietly.

"I...stopped...their hearts...as I have...with others," Ezola was struggling harder and harder to breathe with each word while Shepard recalled what Garrus had told her about Ezola's dramatic entry into his life - her impeccable timing in saving him from a jungle cat by stopping its very heart. She snapped back to attention when Ezola spoke again, her words punctuated with gasping breaths.

"They...would not...have kept...their promise...They were liars...They had...to be destroyed...for Garrus's sake...for you...for Livia..."

That was all Shepard needed to hear.

"EDI, can you override Ezola's controls and get her to the surface?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, Shepard, I believe I can hack her controls from here," EDI replied.

"Do it," Shepard nodded. "Everyone, get back to the surface. We need to get Ezola out of that Mech."

Shepard waited until she saw Ezola's Mech start to move upward. Quickly, she followed with her own Mech, staying as close to the girl's as she could. Until this moment, she had not felt any amount of true affection for this alien creature who had attempted to control Garrus in her absence.

But now...as she watched Ezola flit between consciousness and oblivion, the surface of the ocean above could not come fast enough.

"Hold on, Ezola," Shepard cried into the comm, a hint of frenzy to her voice. "Hold on!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a horrible cliffhanger. I'm sorry for that, but the next chapter should be up tomorrow evening. Hopefully not too long to wait. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	39. What It Means to Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The saga is finally coming to an end. I'm going to post the last two chapters together tonight. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well as the rainbow fluff sprinkles in the next!

The ocean air filled her lungs as the lid of Shepard's Mech lifted open. As quickly as she could, she jumped out and ran to Ezola's Mech as it toppled to the deck surface next to her.

"Garrus, get over here quick!"

But she didn't have to say anything. He was already working himself out of his Mech and running to Ezola's side. The girl had passed out inside her Mech, and Shepard ordered EDI to open the lid. Together, Garrus and Shepard fought to lift the petite creature out of the restraints that held her in place.

When they finally succeeded, Shepard's arms nearly collapsed as they carefully laid the girl on the deck. The single trickle of blood from Ezola's nostril was no longer a single trickle. The poor girl was losing much more blood than Shepard thought safe.

"EDI, tell the Normandy to drop Dr. Chakwas immediately," Shepard ordered. "I don't want to wait a minute longer than we have to to get Ezola some help."

Turning back to the girl next to her, she whispered, "Come on, Ezola," while cradling the girl's head in her lap as she knelt next to her. "Wake up."

As if on command, the yellow-green eyes opened and flitted at the face above her. After several seconds of confusion, Shepard watched recognition flood the half-prothean's face.

"Commander Shepard," the girl gasped, barely above a whisper. "Did it work? Are you safe?"

"Yes, Ezola," Shepard said softly, her voice surprisingly tender. "Whatever you did worked. The Leviathans are gone. They will no longer threaten us, thanks to you."

Ezola smiled weakly and sighed, closing her eyes again for a few moments. Shepard was afraid that she had lost the girl to unconsciousness again, but then her eyes flew open.

"Where is Garrus Vakarian?" she asked.

"I'm right here, Ezola," he said, squatting down on the ground next to Shepard, placing himself in Ezola's field of vision.

"You will be safe now," Ezola said with a smile.

"Yes. You were very brave," Garrus replied.

"I don't think I have much longer." The prothean girl's expression changed then, a look of sadness gracing the strange features as  her yellow-green eyes flooded with a familiar wetness.

"Don't talk like that," Garrus said. "You're going to be fine."

Shepard looked up at Garrus's face next to her. His expression echoed the feelings she saw etched in her turian's face. Ezola had many flaws and had made many mistakes, but her heart had been in the right place at the end.

Although Ezola's love for Garrus was unrequited, it had been pure and true. Ultimately, it was because of Ezola that Garrus and Tali had been able to survive. Not only did Shepard owe Ezola for Garrus's life, the entire galaxy owed a debt it could never repay to the strange creature Shepard held in her arms. And while Ezola had been a frightening creature with immensely powerful abilities, when she had learned the appropriate way to use them, she had done everything within her power to protect the people she had learned to care about. To protect the ones she loved.

They were not so different after all.

The strange mix of emotions brought tears to Shepard's eyes. She stared back down at the dying girl in her arms. The mental exertion Ezola had brought on herself must have caused a hemorrhage of some sort. The blood flow from the girl's nostrils was now added to by her ears. Dr. Chakwas was not going to arrive in time.

The realization must have hit Garrus in the same moment. He left his squatting position and knelt down awkwardly, avoiding his spurs, and added his hand to Shepard's to support the girl's head as she stared up at him - pure adoration still in her face.

"There is something you can do for me," she whispered as it started to rain. Shepard leaned forward, trying to shield Ezola's face from the intruding water droplets as her own eyes spilled over.

"Name it, Ezola," Garrus said. "And we will do whatever we can for you."

"I was...so lonely after you left," she replied, shaking her head weakly. "I...studied my father's data and experiments. I studied my own DNA...I do not know if it is acceptable in your culture, but I did not care. I did not think I would ever see you again...so I..." The girl paused and an apprehensive look crossed her face.

"It's ok, Ezola," Garrus urged. "Just tell us."

Ezola smiled weakly as she continued.

"I made myself a sister. A friend. Someone to keep me company."

Shepard's eyes widened in shock. Was she understanding this properly? Ezola had cloned herself?

"Why would you do that?" Garrus asked, his own amazement laced in his undertones. "You had family. Your mother, her kin..."

"They were not the same as me. They could not share in my work...my father's work. But my sister...she can."

Garrus and Shepard were silent, staring at each other briefly before turning their eyes back to the girl whose breath became more and more labored by the second.

"Will you protect her? Teach her to be...a person? Teach her to be kind and teach her to be good? Not like me..."

"Ezola," Garrus stopped the girl with a shake of his head. "You are good. You proved yourself by helping us. By saving us."

"Thank you for saying that," Ezola smiled weakly. "I am happy that you will think well of me. Teach my sister what it means...to love the right way?"

Shepard was grateful for the rain that hid her tears.

A clone of the new apex race. Shepard's experience with her own clone had been negative - extremely negative. And Garrus's first exposure to Ezola had been frightening and dangerous, but this scenario was not unheard of. Miranda and her clone sister had gotten along quite well once they had a chance to actually _be_ sisters.

And what if Ezola had been raised by those who could have taught her to love? To live life in a way that helped and served and protected others? Clearly she was capable of love and service. And she had created a way to continue a legacy that was new and powerful, but also had great potential for compassion and goodness.

Shepard didn't have to say a word. She simply met Garrus's eyes, her tears still mingling with the salty rainwater on her face when she saw his own wordless reply in his expression.

"We will teach her, Ezola. We will raise her as our own," he said softly when he looked back at the gasping girl.

"Thank you," she said. "And Garrus...when you think of me...please remember me well. Not for -"

"Shhhh, Ezola," Garrus said, his voice heavy with sadness. "Don't worry about that. You are a hero and you will be remembered for what you did today."

Shepard thought that was the end of it. Ezola's eyes rolled back suddenly and her head became heavier in Shepard's hands, but just before life left her face, her mouth opened one more time.

"Thank you...I have learned...what it means to love."

The rain on 2181 Despoina was cold as it pelted the unblinking eyes of Ezola's face. Shepard finally let a sob escape her as she reached with one hand to close the yellow-green eyes from exposure to the elements, giving the strange girl who had saved them the last bit of respect and peace that she could. Slowly, she bent down and brushed a gentle kiss on Ezola's unfeeling forehead. Garrus followed suit by leaning down and pressing his forehead in the same spot that Shepard had softly placed her lips.

Suddenly, the shuttle with Dr. Chakwas arrived.

"I'm too late, aren't I?" Karin asked as she walked up to Shepard and Garrus, still cradling the lifeless body of Ezola in their hands.

Shepard couldn't even respond. She had no words to describe how she felt. This strange creature was perhaps the bravest being Shepard had ever known. Despite her dangerous and powerful entrance into their lives, in the end, Ezola had been willing to give up everything to save them all.

She had truly learned what it meant to love.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

There was never a dull moment on the Normandy. Garrus was finishing his final check with Dr. Chakwas after returning to the Normandy. He cast a sad glance at the AI Core, the place where they were storing Ezola's body to return to her home, before jumping off the bed and heading out the door.

The hour was late and Garrus turned right to pick up a few things he had left in the forward batteries before making his way to the loft to sleep next to his love and forget about the pain of the day.

"Garrus," a voice said from the mess as he passed. Garrus turned to see Miranda chasing after him. "Do you have a moment?"

"Of course, Miranda. Can you walk with me?"

Miranda nodded and followed wordlessly as he led her to the forward batteries. It was clear that whatever Miranda wanted to say was private as she said nothing until the doors shut behind them.

"I want to go with you," she said.

"Go with me where?" Garrus asked.

"To Ezola's ship. Before you...do whatever you are doing with her body. I want to see her ship. I have already secured an escort to spend some time alone there. Major Coats has agreed to accompany me and I will -"

"Major Coats, hmm?" Garrus said with interest. Shepard had mentioned off-handedly that Miranda had demonstrated interest in the Major, but now Garrus was seeing it first hand. "Well, you certainly have always had initiative, Lawson. Finding your own team for this venture before you even have permission."

"The science...can you imagine what we will find there?"

"I can," Garrus replied with a nod. "I've been there before, if you recall."

"I do, and I'm sorry, Garrus, but I can't let this opportunity pass by."

"You won't have to," Garrus said with a smile, bending down to pick up the few supplies he had come to the battery to pick up. "Request granted, pending approval from Shepard of course, but I will recommend that we give you some time to explore the relic. You know that you can return there whenever you like as well."

"I know. And I intend to do so, but I simply couldn't wait to come back. I want to see what I can study this first time around."

"And you also know that we are bringing home a clone Ezola made of herself?"

Miranda's eyebrows rose in shock. "You're kidding, right?"

"Does it sound like I'm kidding?" Garrus replied.

"What...I mean...how..."

Garrus shrugged, stopping Miranda's confused muddle of words. "Apparently she was lonely after I left and decided to make herself a friend. A sister, she called her. We don't know what state this clone is in, but Shepard and I promised to take care of her."

"I see..." Miranda drawled slowly, uncertainty lacing her voice.

"I'm sure we could use your help in understanding her and her needs as we bring her home with us."

"What will you call her?"

That was an interesting question. The situation was all so new. Truthfully, Garrus had not had a chance to discuss that with Shepard. He had no idea, so he simply shrugged again.

"I don't know," he said. "As I mentioned, we don't know how old this being will be. Perhaps Ezola had already given her a name."

Miranda could take a hint. Garrus no longer wanted to continue this conversation.

"Well, thank you, Garrus. I'm sure I can help you with...whatever scientific project you undertake."

The woman turned to go, but Garrus stopped her before the doors opened.

"Miranda...you should know about Coats..." he began, but Miranda smiled weakly and shoved him off.

"I know, Garrus," she said sadly. "Am I that obvious?"

Garrus didn't reply. He grinned at her weakly and clasped her lightly on the shoulder.

"I swear I'm the only female among our friends with eyes and a brain," she continued. "I've known from the minute he initiated the search party for Shepard on the Citadel. It's one of the reasons I refused to ever let the girls set me up with him. I knew it was pointless and I...just couldn't risk getting hurt like that. I know where his affections lie, but a girl can dream, right? Perhaps someday he will realize that there is someone who has loved him as long as he has loved Shepard...right under his nose."

Miranda avoided his gaze while she spoke. Garrus said nothing, simply nodding as he released Miranda's shoulder and let her go. Letting out a sigh, he followed Miranda to the elevator and pushed the button for his cabin. The weight in his chest lifted as soon as he heard a familiar voice coming from inside.

"Mommy! You are coming home!"

Garrus laughed from doorway of the cabin as he heard Livia's voice over the speaker from Shepard's terminal.

"That's right, baby girl," Shepard smiled at the screen. "We're all done with our mission here and we will be home in a few days."

"A few days?" Garrus could hear Livy's disappointment even though he could not see her from where he stood. Moving around the corner, his mandibles flared with happiness when he saw his daughter's face.

"That's right, Livy," he added from behind Shepard's shoulder. "We have a couple of things to wrap up and then we will be home. How has school been?"

"School's fine," Livy said, but clearly she could not be dissuaded from the subject of her parents' return. "How many sleeps? How many sleeps until you are home?"

Garrus heard Shepard chuckle as she replied, "Five. Five sleeps and we will be back home with you."

"And we can go to the movies? And have ice cream?"

"Yes, sweetheart, we can go to the movies and have ice cream."

Garrus laughed at the small things his daughter was excited to do with them when they got home, but his laughter stopped when she asked her next question.

"And Ezola will be with you? And we can play with all my toy ships?"

He couldn't see Shepard's face, but he watched her shoulders droop slightly and he knew she was struggling to maintain her composure.

"Ezola...can't make it, baby girl. But I will play with you and your ships all you want."

Garrus could tell that Livia wanted to say more, her facial features contorted with a mixture of confusion and disappointment, but she could tell there was something  in her mother's voice that said that was all the explanation she would get.

"I guess that's ok," the child finally said. "I just can't wait for you to come home!"

"We can't wait, either, sweetheart," Shepard's voice was smiling.

"Just five more sleeps, remember," Garrus added as he dropped a hand on Shepard's shoulder.

"Right! Five more sleeps! I love you!"

"We love you, too. Be good for Grandma and Grandpa and go to bed, ok?" Garrus concluded.

"Ok. Good night!"

And then the bouncing girl was gone, the screen dark. Garrus could hear the air leave Shepard's lungs as she let herself relax again, no longer having to shield her emotions to protect the young sensitivities of their daughter.

"Five more sleeps," Shepard smiled at him weakly as she spun around in her chair. Garrus grabbed her hands and pulled her up. Shepard obliged and wrapped her arms around him, trying to smile at him.

"Five more sleeps and we'll have a new adventure to begin," he rumbled, forcing himself to grin and give his partner the strength she needed.

"Are we crazy to even be thinking about doing this?" Shepard asked.

"Yes," Garrus replied with a light chuckle. "But that's no different than any other day."

Shepard rewarded him with a soft laugh, but apparently she was not convinced yet. So he tried again.

"We have been through more than any couple in the galaxy, I'm almost sure of it," Garrus said. "And we've always managed to pull through. I know that Ezola was...strange and not a  little frightening, but in the end, she proved herself. She _wanted_ to be good. We owe it to her to satisfy her last request."

"I know, Garrus, I just..." Shepard sighed in his arms and Garrus pulled her closer. "I wish it didn't have to be this way at all. I wish we could have saved her..."

"We can wish for that all we want," he said. "It won't bring her back, but we can honor her memory and her sacrifice."

He searched Shepard's eyes for her feelings as they stared at one another for several moments. They had been through so much together. They had conquered every enemy they had ever faced. And Ezola was not the first friend they had lost.

"Well, Garrus Vakarian," Shepard finally said, rolling her shoulders back, her usual confident persona returned. "Are you ready for another adventure?"

"As long as we are together," Garrus said, pressing his forehead to hers and feeling her warmth course through him. "I'm ready for anything."


	40. If She Had Known

"She wasn't with us long, but she made an impact on each of us."

He stood before the Memorial Wall, a new plaque in hand with Ezola's name on it. When he had first met the alien girl on the jungle moon, Garrus would never have imagined that he would be adding her name to the list of those who had died in service to the galaxy. And after the way she had almost violated him, he would never have _dreamed_ he would be the one making remarks for her at this make-shift memorial service the Normandy crew was holding before taking Ezola's remains back to her home. But here he was, doing just those things.

And he did them whole-heartedly, with true affection and gratitude for the unique and strange alien creature who had abruptly entered their lives and saved them all.

Shepard met his gaze as he looked up from the nameplate in his hands and back at the crew. Nearly twenty years they had been together. Twenty years of love, loss, confusion, and _life_. With many more to come. And still, after twenty years, she took his breath away with her quirky half-smile and bright green eyes - eyes that gave him strength to carry on because he loved the person behind them, and she loved him in return.

"Her name may not be known throughout the galaxy, but she will be known to us," Garrus continued. "Ezola, we wish we had had more time to find out who you truly were, and we thank you for your service."

He turned slowly and faced the Memorial Wall behind him, adding Ezola's name carefully to the list of those they all held in reverence.

The crew stood in silence for several minutes. Garrus couldn't find it within himself to turn around quite yet, but he knew they had limited time. Besides, if nothing else, Miranda was certainly itching to journey to Ezola's ship.

"For those who would like to join us, we will be taking Ezola's body to a place I know she loved," Garrus finally said as he turned around. "Any and all are welcome to follow."

Still no one spoke. Shepard smiled at him weakly as he walked toward the med bay with Javik, Liara, Cortez, and EDI in tow. The party made its way to the AI Core and together, they lifted the crate that held the body of the half-prothean girl they could now call a friend. They didn't have a way to cremate her remains without returning to the Citadel beforehand, so Garrus had suggested that they simply bury her in the older tradition of many races. Shepard had agreed the plan was appropriate.

The crate was light, especially with six of them carrying it, Shepard and Garrus at the head. But it was Garrus who led the way. He took a moment to turn and look behind to see who had decided to accompany them. To his surprise, it seemed to him that the entire crew was with them. His heart warmed at the thought and he was only sad that Ezola did not live long enough to see the friends she had made in the end.

They reached the familiar mound that was their destination and Garrus turned with heavy heart to lead the procession up the hill. Each step seemed to be more difficult than the last, but finally, they reached the top.

A crew had been sent earlier to dig a deep enough grave to house the crate and the tiny body inside it. Garrus said no more words. He simply motioned to his fellow carriers and in one smooth movement, they placed the crate as carefully as they could inside the hole. It took another thirty minutes with the combined help of most of the Normandy's ground team, but eventually, they covered the grave with the soft dirt.

Nothing could be heard but the chirping of the native birds in the area. But eventually, after what felt like hours to Garrus, the crew began to disperse. The sun was starting to be hot on Garrus's leathery plates, and he turned to find that the only crewmembers who remained were those he had served with on so many missions. They had all stayed, paying their respects to the newest member of the Normandy crew - but also the most short-lived member.

Finally, Garrus broke the silence.

"Well, would you like to see the inside?"

Still, no one said a word, but the entire crew followed him to the tunnel. Garrus wasn't sure exactly how this would work. Ezola had never told him that he could come here without him, but somehow she had expected him to be able to access her ship - to find her sister.

To his surprise, the door to Ezola's strange relic ship opened for him when he stepped in front of it. She must have set it to give him access, afraid she might not return. Garrus heard the gasps and saw the wide eyes of thoes who spilled into the ship behind him. He remembered that he had hoped never to come back here again, the memories too painful. But now, as he looked at the empty and deserted ship, his heart was heavy that he would never again see the girl who had made it possible for him to remain living.

But his spirits somewhat lightened when he felt a familiar hand grip his own.

"Hey," Shepard said, her familiar, strong smile causing his own mandibles to flutter in return.

"Hey yourself," he said.

"Let's find what we came here for. Have any idea where she might have put it?"

"I have an idea..."

Garrus led Shepard, Miranda, and the rest of the crew through the ship. He ignored the awed whispers when they reached the room where Ezola had kept most of her father's work - _her_ scientific work. The legacy of the galaxy's newest apex race.

"I think it will be somewhere in here," he said. "Everyone, I know this room is fascinating and you are welcome to look, however, you all know what we are looking for. Keep an eye out."

Several of the crew nodded and everyone took off in their own direction.

"It seems that Ezola put everything in stasis before she left with us," EDI said, walking up to Garrus and Shepard.

"It appears so," Shepard nodded. Garrus had noticed it too. The free-standing cages where creatures had been before were now encased in stasis pods and the animals were sleeping. Garrus was sure he would find the same thing in the section where Ezola grew rare plants, including the plants that had kept him and Tali alive for almost two years.

"I would surmise that she put her 'sister' in stasis, too," EDI added, passing Garrus and continuing her search for what they were looking for.

"Probably. Just find her," Garrus said, starting to become a little frustrated. "I'm ready to get back to the Normandy. We're all ready to go home, I think."

EDI just nodded and Shepard gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. His wife didn't leave his side as they began to move further and further into the giant cargo hold full of stasis pods. What a legacy Ezola had left - not only did she help them save the galaxy, but this research would advance xenobiology for generations.

He felt it almost before he saw it. He and Shepard had reached the back corner, nearing the end of a row of stasis pods that held tiny creatures, but there was one pod that was slightly bigger than the rest. Garrus felt his heart pounding in his chest as they drew closer, Shepard's hand gripping his tighter as they both saw what they had come here to find.

"It's her," he heard Shepard say as they stood in front of the stasis pod that held Ezola's sister.

"Miranda, Chakwas," Garrus said into his comm, not wanting to alert the whole crew of their findings right away. "Come to our nav point."

Lawson and the doctor were the picture of discretion. They almost made no sound when they crept up next to Garrus and Shepard and stared into the pod. But it was Shepard who spoke first once they all were gathered.

"She's just a baby," his Lizzie said, a tender note in her voice.

"She seems to be very healthy," Chakwas said, using her omni-tool to scan the readings and sensors on the outside of the pod. "I will want to do a full medical diagnostic back on the ship, but you should be able to open the pod and take her out."

"She's beautiful," Miranda said in awe, lightly touching the transparent exterior of the pod.

"Yes, she is," whispered another voice behind Miranda. Garrus turned slightly to see Major Coats standing behind the dark-haired woman, but his gaze was not resting on the pod. Or Shepard, for that matter. Garrus smiled, hoping that perhaps Miranda would have her wish after so many years of waiting. Perhaps this mission had been good for more than the safety of the galaxy.

Perhaps it had helped all of them put behind the feelings of pain, anguish, and longing the Reaper War had caused for so many.

Garrus also stared past the clear material of the pod at the tiny figure before him. This was definitely Ezola's sister - gray-green skin, cartilage crest in three swooping sections, three fingers and three toes.

He wondered if the tiny creature's eyes were as piercing yellow-green as Ezola's had been.

And he wondered if he and Shepard could truly live up to the task that Ezola had left them - to teach her sister how to love. The right way. From the beginning.

But as he looked to his right, Shepard met his gaze again with her warm smile. And he knew that they could do it.

Shepard and Vakarian - together - could do anything.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

 

The screen flickered as Shepard sighed and leaned back in her office chair. It had been a good day. A busy day, but a good one. And now the work was over and she could get back to what she truly loved.

Her family.

She heard them outside, laughing and playing together. Technically, they were on vacation. She had wanted to show Garrus and her daughters Lake Michigan in the summer time. Garrus had even taken a couple of weeks off from his duties as Chief Advisor for this vacation. The sun was warm, the air was clear, and Shepard was happy.

Truly happy.

Twenty years ago, she had been eighteen. Young. Naïve. Full of hope for life and full of ignorance of what that meant.

But now she understood. Life was surrounding yourself with people who mattered.

Life was love.

She stretched as she stood, cracking the bones in her neck and hands as she walked toward the back door of the lake house she and Garrus had bought since returning from their last mission with Ezola.

Ezola. She would never be forgotten. She had definitely changed their lives forever. She had saved them. She had given her life so they could be a family - so all people everywhere could make choices for themselves free of control from others.

"Finally put the work away, I see," Garrus said as Shepard stood on the back porch, taking in the view of the lake. He walked up to her with a grin and pulled her to his side with one arm. "How come this retirement gig isn't exactly working out to be a retirement?"

Shepard just laughed at him and replied, "Do you really think Commander Fucking Shepard could stay in retirement for long?"

"No. I never imagined you could, really. But I also didn't imagine you would take all these free-lance consulting jobs while we are supposed to be on vacation."

But there was a teasing note to his voice as he nuzzled her neck. Shepard leaned into the contact and closed her eyes, but only briefly as Livia's voice broke the moment between husband and wife.

"Mom! Look what Ashley learned to do!"

Shepard looked down the steps of the lake house porch to watch her daughters - neither of them a part of her race, but both of them a part of her heart. Her teeth flashed white as she watched Livia hold her half-prothean sister's hands, leading her baby sister in taking her first steps.

"Did you teacher her that, Livy?" Garrus chuckled to Shepard's right.

"Yep. That's what big sisters are for." Livy beamed up at both her parents, but in that moment, little Ashley lost concentration and toppled over, her yellow-green eyes brimming with tears as she hit the ground.

Shepard huffed and quickly walked down the steps to the yard, scooping up the baby girl in her arms. Ashley stopped crying as soon as she felt Shepard's arms around her and Shepard felt a soft, quiet presence touch her mind. It was still young and wordless, but it was sweet. And it loved her.

Shepard kissed the baby girl lightly on the cheek.

"Oh, Ashley Ezola," Shepard said as she nuzzled the little girl's nose. "You are growing up so fast. Learning to walk. And your big sister helped you?"

Ashley couldn't speak yet, but she could understand. She looked down at Livia and giggled with joy.

"Can we go down to the water, Mom?" Livia asked, bouncing on her toes. "And can I help Ashley walk some more?"

"Sure, honey," Shepard said, putting the baby down and letting Livia lead her by the hand. "Just be careful and don't get too far in the water. Just enough to touch Ashley's toes when the waves roll in."

"I know, Mom!" Livy called over her shoulder as she walked carefully while carrying tiny Ashley down the beach.

Shepard heard Garrus's warm, pleased hum next to her as he wrapped an arm around her again.

"Now I _know_ she's your daughter," he said softly with a smile.

"Which one are you talking about?" Shepard asked, wrapping her own hand around Garrus's waist in response.

"Well, both of them really, but it was Livia I was specifically talking about."

"And what makes you say that?"

"Turians don't swim, Shepard," Garrus chuckled. "But Livia loves the water."

Shepard laughed out loud, leaning her head on Garrus's shoulder as they watched the two girls splash each other lightly in the rolling waves. The tiny half-prothean girl had been a strange addition to their family, but after a year of calling Ashley her daughter, she could not imagine their lives in any other way. Garrus had particularly developed a special affection for the girl. In some ways, Shepard felt like they were both getting to give Ezola another chance - the chance she had wanted but been so cruelly denied. A chance to love and be loved in return.

She lifted her head and wiped the brief tears that had snuck down her face as she thought of Ezola and her sacrifice.

"Hey," Garrus said, not missing a thing. "What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing," Shepard replied and smiled up at him. She meant it. There was nothing wrong with their lives. This was the long overdue reward she had waited a lifetime for and earned several times over. Two beautiful daughters. A galaxy at piece and free of the threat of those who would control them and take away their agency. A mother and father-in-law who loved her. Most of her friends alive and well and starting families of their own.

And after twenty years, Elizabeth Shepard could finally have some peace with the turian she loved at her side.

Briefly she recalled the fateful night she met Garrus Vakarian, young C-Sec Officer, on the Citadel. If she had known how that day would shape the rest of her life, she would have paid more attention to the details. How the water had felt on her face when she turned on the shower. How breakfast had sunk into the pit of her stomach and seemed to sit there, as if her body was unsure what to do with the barely digestible mush she had shoved down in two minutes. How the stars had looked, bright and distant, as she looked out the observation windows on approach to the Citadel.

But she hadn't known, so she hadn’t paid that much attention.

One detail would always stand out in her mind and it was now a detail she no  longer had to relive only in memory.

A set of perfect, Vakarian blue eyes staring back at her, their piercing depths seeing something in her she would never have known existed if she hadn't found them in a dark alley of the Citadel.

And now, the eyes loved her.

_Two_ sets of those eyes loved her. And one more set of yellow-green eyes that could not yet say her name, but that could communicate in flashes of light, color, and warmth to her mind that they loved her too.

Smiling, she brought up her omni-tool interface and aimed at the two girls playing in the water. The girls were completely oblivious, and while Shepard had failed to provide Livia with the baby brother she wanted, the turian girl loved her half-prothean sister with an indescribable affection. Shepard snapped the picture and turned to Garrus next to her.

"Shall we join them?" he asked with a grin.

"I thought you hated the water," Shepard teased.

"Oh, I do, Lizzie. I do," he said, but sighed as he watched the two girls several yards in front of them. "But the things we do for our children..."

Shepard just laughed and returned her head to Garrus's shoulder for a brief moment. But her thoughts would not stop racing with the idea that had been playing in her head for months now.

Their life was almost complete. Almost.

"We should head down there," she said, standing up straight again. "But...there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. Something I think would make Livia very happy. And me..."

"Hmm?" Garrus looked at her sideways with a single raised browplate.

"Livy always wanted a little brother," Shepard began, her hands twitching nervously. "We could probably handle one more, don't you think? I mean, adopt one more, that is. I was thinking...maybe a boy? A human boy?"

Garrus's face was stoic for a moment and Shepard's heart dropped. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. Maybe she had upset him.

After all these years, she still hadn't learned. Sometimes silence was best.

But she should have known better. After only a few seconds, Garrus's face broke into a huge smile.

"A human boy, hmm?" He pulled her to him tightly, wrapping his arms around her as they both looked to the water, watching Livia and Ashley playing together. "What will we call him?"

"I thought maybe...Adam?"

"After your dad?"

"Yeah."

Garrus was quiet again, but Shepard could feel the pleased subvocals coursing through his chest. And his answer was so typical of not only him, but their entire life together. She didn't have to look at him to see the smile in his voice when he spoke.

"One more addition to the family. A human boy named Adam... "

He paused, pulling away slightly to tilt Shepard's head to look at him. The blue eyes she loved shone back at her with so much love, respect, and adoration, she knew her life was finally what she wanted it to be.

_She_ was finally who _she_ wanted to be.

Garrus broke the silence and concluded, "Now _that_ would be an adventure."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few thank you's as I conclude this novella that I have written...
> 
> First - thanks to BioWare for their encouragement of fan fiction and the support they give those of us who like to imagine between the lines of their creations.
> 
> Second - NancyK, this could not have happened without you. NancyK is a friend of mine who is not a member of AO3, but she is a fellow lover of the Mass Effect series and a fantastic writer herself. When I told her I wanted to do this project, she offered to read through each chapter before I posted. I don't think she knew what she was getting into when she agreed to do that, but she stuck with me, keeping up with my grueling schedule of posting frequently and helping me finish this project. Neither of us had planned a part 4, so that was also a surprise, and Nancy saw me through to the end. Thanks Nanc!
> 
> Next - to all of you who have read my series, left kudos, comments, or emailed me, thank you so much! Your feedback was helpful and I have learned so much from this project. It was stressful at times, but overall, it was a great and fun endeavor. So many of you were kind and encouraging in your words and support. I cannot express my gratitude for the compliments and constructive criticism I have received from so many of you. Thank you thank you!
> 
> In particular, thank you to those of you who left me feedback on almost every chapter (you know who you are *wink*). You have no idea what it meant to me to know that you still read my story and that you were willing to help me throughout its progression. While I had a sketch of the plot line, many of the chapters, scenes, and even entire plot twists were the result of comments left by you. There are not enough internet hugs or cupcakes to go around to each of you for the help you gave me.
> 
> This concludes the saga of Elizabeth Shepard. Some of you hated it. Some of you loved it. But if you're reading this, you probably at least read it and for that, I thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read all the way through. I can't believe the amount of people who have at least glanced at my first attempt at fan fiction. I am truly humbled by you all and now on to the next project, right? ;)
> 
> *hugs to all*
> 
> ~fin~


End file.
